Where was it?

He knew he’d left the notes on the bed.

Where did they go?!

Onew shoved his hand between the bed and the wall, but came up empty. He moved to the desk, shoving papers and whatnot around; still nothing. He raked his hands through his long hair in frustration.

He’d already been through the entire house.

It wasn’t like the papers could just get up and walk away.

So where did they go?

His eyes fell to the bedside table. It was the only place he hadn’t looked yet. He knew for a fact that he hadn’t put them there.

But hey…

Might as well say that he looked everywhere.

Onew shifted the stuff on top around and, as expected, didn’t find what he was looking for. He opened the drawer. His fingers brushed a wire spine, and he frowned.

What in the world?

He reached a little more and pulled out a spiral notebook, extra pages stuffed inside. A couple of them fell on the floor. Onew went to pick them up, but paused as he caught sight of his group’s previous tour dates with the Seoul ones circled. He flipped the page and found her hand-writing.

Pages and pages of her writing…

Some of it was just day to day stuff, but he noticed that his name or SHINee in general was mentioned at least once on each one. There were several where it seemed to just be about them. He wasn’t sure if he should feel flattered… or creeped out.

A journal... Her diary.

Class was so boring today... The professor gave us PAGES, PAGES of homework that are due in two days. How am I even supposed to do this?? I'm screwed. >< Another concert of SHINee's missed. Thanks so much, Prof.

Valentine's Day is so overrated. It should be called VALONEtine's Day, because guess who's alone AGAIN this year? Yours truly. Yay me! (obvious sarcasm is obvious) ...Oh well. I've got Onew-oppa, even though he doesn't know I exist. Ha!

So who are EXO, and why are there so many of them? I feel like this is going to be the group that's going to get stalked and stuff... I don't even know them all and I feel so sorry for them. I remember when SHINee had a lot of obsessed fans like that, and that was so scary.. Now they don't really talk to fans anymore, and that makes me so sad. Chance to ever talk to Onew-oppa = ZERO. Thanks, sasaengs. Thank you so much.

His curiosity got the better of him and he flipped the pages further. Page after page filled, some dedicated completely to SHINee or him. Fangirl spazzing mixed seamlessly with deep thought over a music video concept or a comment one of them had said in an interview.

He looked around the room cautiously. This weird feeling had crept over him as he’d read what she’d written. He didn’t know if it was an odd form of guilt for going though something so personal or something else entirely.

He WAS reading a diary, after all... Diaries are meant to be stuffed away and only seen by the eyes of the author...

Eh…

Whatever…

He flipped through another couple of pages, skimming as he went.

‘Why so Serious’ came out today. It was so weird to not see Jonghyun oppa. It really was unfortunate about his nose injury. I hope he gets better soon so SHINee can be complete again. Jonghyun... Why u no get better fast enough?? *insert throwing hands up in protest*

No. You know what... I'm gonna draw this.

Onew's eyes were drawn to the picture below, and instantly he let out a laugh.

It was a popular meme, the "Y U NO" meme, and he smiled widely at it, before continuing to read what was below the picture.

...Yeah, I didn't need sleep anyways. Like, what's wrong with the eyes?

Onew grinned and shook his head. "You're silly," he said aloud, before he flipped the page and continued reading. The pages ahead were mostly dedicated to SHINee.

SHINee is playing today. I’m so bummed that I can’t go… again. Sigh. Well I suppose it’s for the better anyway since I’ve been sick for a couple of days… wouldn’t want to risk them catching it.

"Aww," Onew said aloud. He had never thought of a fan worrying that they would give SHINee a cold; in fact, he didn't think they WOULD worry about that. His eyes softened, before they widened at the next entry.

Oh man, I just read the raunchiest JongKey on Asianfanfics. Hnng, it was so amazing and so intense--- I CAN'T. Jonghyun and Key were in a hotel room in Tokyo, and Key was the bottom >//< Jonghyun spanked him and had pink fuzzy handcuffs that he tied Key to the bed with and he put his long AND HUGE--

"Oh my god, NO." Onew breathed, quickly flipping the page and feeling his face turn red. Of course he knew what "" was; when KPOP stars said they didn't, they were most definitely lying. Onew remembered a time when a sasaeng fan left a at their door, and Onew still shivered at the content. One time, a fan gave Onew a story involving him and chicken... It almost made him never want to eat chicken again.

was gross; SHINee never did those things...

But fluff. Fluff was adorable, Onew had to admit. He liked to browse Asianfanfics and look through the fluff tag. It was cute and sweet, even if it was a pairing. Nearly all of SHINee like to read them, and would be up until the early hours "aww"ing and teasing one another about the scenarios.

Again, he smiled to himself, before he continued reading, albeit more cautiously.

SHINee was on Music Bank today! ‘Dream Girl’ was flawless and they all looked fabulous, especially Onew oppa. It must have been amazing for the fans to see them up close while I’m here sitting on my couch.

Onew caught himself smiling at some of it, even felt his heart flutter at the endearing mention of his name. True, some of it was the ramblings of a Shawol, a hardcore one at that, but there were bits where he could tell she honestly cared for them. She wasn’t the type to jump them if given them the chance.

He knew that from experience. His eyes softened as he read what she wrote again.

Onew sat back against the bed, that last thought bringing back to memory the first and last time he’d met her.

How he’d managed to lose his phone… and in the Juliette costumes too, was beyond him. However, it had led to one of the nicest fan meets he’d ever had. The thought of meeting her sent happiness coursing through him. She hadn’t jumped on him, screamed his name, or really anything. It was probably due to shock, but still. The fact that he could walk around without getting forcibly shoved into something or having a fan or fans try to have their way with him was nice. Even when he’d caught her after she’d tripped on that cord, she hadn’t tried anything. In fact, if anything, he was the one who’d tried something though unintentionally.

She was... Nice. She was normal, treated him like he was slightly normal... Like a friend, almost.

He flipped through the diary pages, until he found the last page that she had written, and as he scanned it over he realized that it was written the day they had met.

I'm finally going to my first concert ever! However, it's not just any concert...

It's a SHINee concert! My lovely Diary, do you know how huge this is?!

You've heard me drabble on and on about how much I love SHINee, including their music, their videos, their interviews; everything. I'm such a hardcore Shawol; I've been with these boys since their debut back in 2008.

I'm captured under their spell. Their voices literally sing me to sleep every night. They help calm me down when I'm stressed, and energize me when I need a pick-me-up. Their songs make me cry, make me laugh, make me smile and understand myself a little more.

Again, Onew felt his heart swell. He reread the lines, and he stared off into the distance.

They had helped her. He helped her, and that made him feel special.

But it also made him feel guilty. He helped her through so much, according to the journal... This was how he paid her back. His heart shriveled and his smile faltered.

He continued reading to find that she wrote about him more.

Onew-oppa is so sweet and kind, and not to mention extremely lovable. His voice is like honey, so soothing and warm, and smooth. It makes my heart beat so quickly; no, HE makes my heart beat quickly, all of him, from his brown eyes to his sweet voice to his silly personality...

And most everyone I know who is a Shawol like me would have Taemin-ssi or Jonghyun-oppa for a bias. I guess I stand out, huh? I've heard that about me a lot... Which is why I'm hoping it will give me an advantage tonight.

Onew was quiet, before he gasped. He remembered that night, when Jonghyun pointed her out before they had to go on stage... How he saw her and thought she was cute.

...How they made eye contact and it sent a shock through his spine. A tiny smirk made its way to his face.

To know that he was her favorite made his heart sing.

Then, as he read the fianl entry, he felt his heart stop.

I wonder what it's like being a KPOP star.

...

I wonder what it's like being a KPOP star.

No. No way. Onew scrutinized the sentence.

She wished it too? No, she wondered about it... Onew frowned.

Was that enough?

He pulled her phone from his pocket and flipped it over. His signature stared up at him from the white backing. It looked like the many other signatures he’d done over the years, done almost robotically. He flipped it back over, the screen reflecting the ceiling light.

That brought back the odd flashing lights in the dressing room. It had been so strange, frightening even. He’d felt the overwhelming urge to protect her, even though he’d only just met her. Then that weird shock… he couldn’t figure that one out.

He wondered if it had anything to do with their current predicament. It was all so odd, so coincidental... Almost as if fate had actually done this.

But then… so what if it did?

It wasn’t like they could make it happen again.

That was one of those ‘once in a lifetime’ events… right?

He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, wondering why his chest had this odd pang coursing through it. A pang identical to what he felt earlier in the week at the photoshoot, but it was mixed with something else.

There were so many feelings rushing through him, of all kinds. It had been a while since he had felt this much.

A pang for SHINee.

A pang for Ara.

A pang for it all.

~*~Author's Note~*~

Howdy do, everyone!

This was NOT the short update I was talking about in my last chapter; in fact, this one is a really long one XD But I personally think that this one covered a LOT of points.

So the short one may be up in... Two chapters? We'll see.

Hopefully you guys are doing well. We'll see you soon. ^o^