“Why did they end it like that?!”

Onew stared at the distraught girl as she marched from the couch to the kitchen behind them. They had returned to Ara’s apartment. Jihyun had quickly made herself at home; she was very familiar with this place, and Onew was right about her being one of Ara’s closest friends.

 “You did say that it was a tragic love story,” he said tentatively.

“Yeah, but… AH!” she squealed in frustration. “That just wasn’t right!”

Onew shook his head, willing himself not to laugh at her. “Jihyun-ah!”

Yes, he had figured out her name through what he considered to be a brilliant bit of sleuthing, but was actually just him eavesdropping on her phone conversation before they started the movie. Whomever she’d been talking to was rather annoying… Almost worse than Kibum when he was on one of his ‘must-nag-everyone-to-death’ days. It made Onew wince, simply thinking about it.

Jihyun turned around to face him, her hair sashaying with the turn dramatically. “Whaaaaat?” she whined.

“Should we go shopping? To get your mind off it?” Onew suggested, going with the textbook stress-reliever for girls. He knew with his own experience, as well as his fellow members that shopping was a girl’s gateway to ecstasy, which meant forgetting about whatever problem was bothering said girl for a couple of hours and trading it for new shoes and designer bags. Onew looked at the other girl, wary of her reaction.

Jihyun immediately perked up, the lightbulb going off in her head, and Onew inwardly siging in relief.

However, the next thing Onew knew, he was being escorted out of the apartment, out the front door of the building, and onto the street. They started down the sidewalk and walked, rather quickly, for several minutes. Jihyun was talking incessantly about things Onew knew absolutely nothing about, so he kept quiet and listened to her drone on. It was both funny and yet annoying.

And concerning…

For what if he said something Ara wouldn’t say? He knew that at least one of the million sentences that seemed to fly out of Jihyun’s mouth would be a question, which would need an answer or a response. If Onew didn’t reply like Ara would, he would be screwed, or at least in a predicament where he would be asked what in the world was wrong with him (depending on how Un-Ara his reponse was), and he would have to worm his way out of a mess.

But he couldn’t keep quiet forever. There was no way; judging by how Jihyun was, and how Jihyun described a few of Ara’s other friends, Ara was just like these girls at least to some extent: hyperactive, bubbly…

Typical of a young woman…

…But not for Lee Jinki. Especially with the way he felt.

“Yah, are you even listening?” Jihyun’s slightly aggravated voice snapped Onew out of his thoughts and he whipped his head in her direction. He was silent for a moment, his eyes darting around, trying to scavenge up a quirky reply.

“Uh, obviously,” Onew scoffed, grinning. “Your voice is so loud, how can I get distracted from it?”

Dear lord, how offensive could he be? He mentally cursed himself with the informality and expected the other girl to either slap him or ditch him.

However, much to his surprise, Jihyun stuck her tongue out and gently shoved him.

“Why do you always say that? My voice isn’t loud, is it?” At this, Onew’s jaw dropped.

This is what Ara would say… Meaning this was what she sounded like?

Teasing and informal? He couldn’t believe it.

They entered one store, with Jihyun going about some guy she’d just met. Thankfully, she didn’t seem to expect Ara to know about him. Onew breathed a sigh of relief to himself about that.

Of course, now he had a different problem.

Shopping like Ara…

What had he been thinking when he suggested this?

“Yah! Ara-yah!”

“Huh?” Onew looked at the other girl once again.

“You spaced out again! Come on! Focus! We have racks and racks to go through!” Jihyun took off, leaving Onew to catch up. Flustered, Onew followed.

She was already up to her neck in blouses by the time he caught up,and he stood gawking at the friend with surprise. He felt a little dizzy by all the stuff she’d managed to accumulate in that time.

“Omo,” he breathed. “Isn’t that—Ah!”

“Here! These three are totally you!” Three hangers with shirts were practically thrown at him, and Onew barely managed to catch them.

He eyed the shirts with some interest. They all looked similar to the ones back in Ara’s closet, so at least now he had something physical to help him pick stuff out on his own. Once again, he was hit with a thought.

He was going to have to pay for this.

Did Ara even have the money for this? He tried to remember how much was left in Ara’s wallet.

“Yah!”

Onew zoned back in and found Jihyun a couple racks over, still stuck on fast-forward.

“Get your head on!” she held up a skirt, to which Onew’s breath hitched. “What do you think of this?”

“For me or you?” He walked over. Jihyun gave him a look.

“Uh, yeah, because I can totally see you wearing something this short,” she sassed.

He could practically hear the eyes rolling.

“Sorry; okay, then yeah… looks fine.” He made a face to himself.

Jihyun scrunched up her nose and looked at the skirt. “Hmm… I don’t know…”

Onew studied her face, before he felt a smile tug at his features. He decided to test his luck as he looked down at the rack he was standing in front of. Shopping was all about experimenting with clothes that you don’t have to buy, but can dress up in and see how you look in them, whether you look ridiculous or not. Onew knew that, even when he shopped with the members of SHINee, or other idols. However, they hardly ever were able to do it, but since he was a normal girl…

If he was going to live normally, he was going to have to take risks. KPOP Stars didn’t take risks.

“Onew” didn’t take risks. “Onew” didn’t have as much fun as he should.

You are a normal person now. Try to have fun with this girl. You would, even if you were Onew. The only difference is that you’re not surrounded by fans. He felt the smile stretch a bit farther.

“How about this?” Onew pulled out a mid-length skirt with a leopard print.

Jihyun looked at him like he was crazy. “You’re kidding me right?”

Onew smirked and put it back before pulling off the one next to it. “Or this?”

She looked at the aqua-blue mini with a thin black belt accent and lunged at it. “OOH! I love it!” Onew giggled and surrendered the hanger before his fingers were ripped off. “Okay! I’m going to go try these on.”

She dashed away, leaving Onew alone. He felt a little lost standing in the middle of the girl’s section, among the skirts and strapless dresses, but as his eyes began to wander, he began to walk and scan the clothes. He walked slowly, eyeing each piece, snatching up a few as he went. They varied in style and color, with a few chosen at random and a few which had caught his eye. He began to laugh as he looked at the hangers that were now weighing his arm down, studying the clothes he had picked: a leather jacket, a neon-pink blouse, a denim dress, a pastel polka-dot dress, and a pair of skin-tight jeans.

“Yah!”

He turned toward the voice, before laughing once again. He had forgotten that Jihyun was there.

“What are you doing? You need to tell me how these look!” Jihyun had come back and grabbed Onew’s hand, pulling him toward the dressing rooms. Once they arrived there, she let him go, only to gasp and eye the hangers draped on Onew’s arm.

“Oh. My. God,” she gaped, before looking at Ara. “Are you trying those on?!”

“Yeah, why not?” Onew asked, grinning mischievously. Jihyun’s jaw went slack, before it formed into a smile.

“Oh ho ho! You’re brave, you cutie-pie! Let me try this on while you put one of these on. We can compare!” She turned away from Onew and began to walk toward one of the dressing rooms, before turning and eyeing Onew. “Although… That’s new of you. You’d never be caught dead wearing this stuff!”

Onew froze, his eyes widening slightly and he held his breath. Oops.

Jihyun shrugged. “I like it though. Like I said before, Miss “Confident-in-Her-Style,” change is good.” She winked, before walking into the room and closing the door.

Change is good… Onew looked at the closed door, before turning and walking into an empty room of his own, shutting the door behind him. Yes, yes it is.

“I cannot believe how good you looked in that jacket!”

Jihyun and Onew exited the store an hour later, their arms full of bags. In Jihyun’s was the aqua-blue skirt, a yellow and black blouse, a sundress, and a strapless black dress. She had also bought a pink tank-top, as well as two white blouses. In Onew’s was the leather jacket and the skin-tight jeans, as well as the polka-dot dress. Onew had the other three shirts that Jihyun had recommended for him as well.

Onew laughed, looking at the pavement they walked on. “Really?”

Jihyun nodded vigorously. “Absolutely! Girl, we’re going to have to change your whole wardrobe now! Forget the ‘Cute Ara’ look; you’re the ‘Punk-Rock Ara’ now.”

Onew laughed and shook his head. Jihyun giggled and hip-bumped him.

“We’ll have to do this again very soon! It was so cool to see you in a new style! You looked hot!”

Onew chuckled bashfully, feeling blood begin to rush to his face. “Yah,” he started. Jihyun only giggled.

“Hey, do you mind walking me home? Since I don’t live very far, and I got a text from my umma that said she wants me home around now,” Jihyun added.

“No problem,” Onew replied.

They walked to Jihyun’s apartment, which was simply around the block. As the two of them parted ways, Onew turned and walked home, the smile on his face remaining…

Much to his surprise.

Onew gasped. This was the first time he had smiled, truly smiled in a very long time. His smile came freely, although his plastic one did as well, but this one was genuine and was unleashed without hesitance. Strangely enough, he had fun with this girl, in an activity he never imagined he’d be doing:

Shopping for girl clothes. Never in his dreams.

As he trekked back to Ara’s apartment, whose location he very surprisingly remembered, he realized why his smile came so freely.

He was able to let go. Be someone he wasn’t and let loose, even if it was just a little bit.

Even though I’m not myself, physically… I am someone who doesn’t have to deal with the pressure I had back there when I was in my own body… I didn’t realize how much I was under… How over my head I was.

He entered the apartment building, and climbed the stairs one by one.

No one to follow him. No one to nag him.

Nowhere to go but home. The key unlocked the door, and Onew opened it and walked inside.

I was able to do something I usually couldn’t, with someone who knows how to have fun and let loose, also. Onew dumped the contents of the bags onto Ara’s bed, looking at them. Key can’t even let US go,let alone himself. Jonghyun is so uptight that he has to get frequent massages to get rid of the tension knots in his body. He began to sort through them, removing tags and putting them away in Ara’s closet.

Taemin keeps to himself and doesn’t open up to anyone. Minho is gone too much to even be ASKED if he’s doing alright. As Onew folded the now empty bags and walked to the kitchen, he frowned.

What do I do to relieve stress? He put the bags in between the wall and the refrigerator, shoving them neatly out of sight. He straightened up, putting his hands on his hips and stretching his back.

I do what everyone expects me to, he thought. I smile. I keep quiet, as do the others. We keep to ourselves and only ourselves. If fans knew how we felt, they’d be just as miserable as us, if not more. They look up to us; we’re their source of happiness, sometimes their only source. If something happens to us… Onew walked over to the couch and laid down. He reached for the remote which was on the coffee table in front of the couch, and the T.V.

We’d ruin them. We’d destroy our image as the “shining boys,” because what kind of darkness shines?

He flipped through the channels, before settling on a drama he’d never gotten a chance to see before. He pulled a blanket down from the headrest of the couch, and made himself comfortable with it.

Ara… You and your friends sure know how to have fun. You must be happy like her… Happy and free.  He felt his eyes begin to droop, as sleep began to overtake him. As he began to drift into sleep, he felt a strange, euphoric feeling take him over. It was the most pleasant thing he’d felt in a long time, and he’d later compare it to the feeling of accomplishing a big task, watching snow falling, a warm cup of tea, a mile run and a long hug.

Relief.

~*~Author Note~*~

Wow.

This is the first time in a while where I’ve found myself crying over what I’ve written. I literally put myself in a place where it seems like the world is caving in (in our case, it’s Onew’s world), and I burst into tears… But I’ve kinda been in his place lately: under a lot of stress.

Maybe I’m just a bit emotional tonight; it’s late, I’m stressed, etc… But there is a point that I want to convey:

We’re all under some kind of pressure, and if we aren’t careful, that pressure and that stress will build up and tear us apart from the inside out. I just want to say to you guys that if you ever feel like you’re going to break, talk to someone. Write it down. Sing a song. Draw a picture. Take a walk, SOMETHING that will help relieve that stress and get you away from your own personal (or public) hell. Never hold stress in. It won’t be fixed, and it’ll only get bigger. I want you guys to know that you’re not alone, and that there is someone who will listen to what you have to say, even if it’s jumbled up or if you’re at a loss for words. Just get it out. That way you won’t be alone, and the problem won’t be as big anymore.

I think I’ve spilled enough feels out of the Feels Jar today. I’m gonna bounce. Love you guys, and thank you so much for your support so far.

-ArtisticSeoul

Revisited on January 19, 2014: Oh. Lawdy, lawd >< What happened here. XD Uh, don't mind that previous A/N up above, kinda. Awksies.