Ji Hyo was awake but she kept her eyes close. She was unwilling to face and deal with the reality and people yet. Sadly, she could not shut her ears like how she had closed her eyes. She had heard enough from the fragments of speech around her to know that her baby was gone. In fact, she could already feel her loss without even hearing the sounded words. Each sound of a word was like a nail striking into her heart, pinning the cruel truth on her.

Two lone tears escaped from the corners of her sealed eyes and slid their ways down her face. It pained Jong Kook to see her cried even in her sleep. He felt like a bastard. He wasn’t even aware that she was pregnant until she miscarried. He was angry with himself for not paying enough attention to her. Her diet changes, her behaviour changes, her fear and uneasiness were due to his baby and he didn’t realise it earlier. This woman before him had given him so much and too much. He vowed silently to cherish and protect her with his life. His thumb brushed the tears from her face gently and he caressed her face with his hand.

She felt his touch on her face and its lack of warmth froze her heart. She felt his lips rested softly on her forehead and his moist breathing against it. He had intertwined his fingers with hers like how they had been doing for the past weeks. She willed herself to fall into another slumber.

When they reached her apartment, she retreated to her room and huddled herself against the headboard of her bed. She willed herself to lift the corners of up by a tiny little bit but she just could not do it. Sorrow, of being barren, had fallen upon her like a heavy leaded cloak which she could not shake off. Agony, of losing her child, had clenched her heart till it bled. The tears that she had been holding back came cascading down her face like waterfall. The silence which she had been keeping had turned into wails. He was shocked by her breakdown and he rushed to her side and held her tightly against him. He wished he could absorb all pain away from her. They stayed in that position until her wails turned into soft whimpers.

He loosened his hold over her slowly and changed their position. He cradled her in his arms and rocked her softly. He her head, arm and back soothingly. He cooed gently to hush each whimper that escaped from her. When he was certain that she had fallen asleep, he laid her down on the bed. He bended over and kissed the remaining tears on her tear-streaked face. He laid himself beside her and cuddled her protectively against him. “I’m sorry that I brought this on you,” he whispered in his heart to her.   

He was surprised to see her when she entered into the kitchen. He was cooking some porridge for her. She turned off the stove and asked, “Can we go for a walk?” He looked at her searchingly but he still said “Sure” to her. Upon his reply, she turned around and walked away before his reached-out hand could touch hers.

She led the way to his parked car. He opened the door for her and she stepped in and buckled herself. “Where do you want to go?” he asked carefully. He had a sense of foreboding. “Bring me to the park along Han River,” she answered while looking ahead. He could see that she was in deep thoughts and he felt uneasy about it.

The silence between them bothered him. He the car radio. A new song was playing and a lady was singing it. He recognised it to be Yoon Mi Rae. He was astonished when Ji Hyo hummed along the catchy tune as if she already knew the song. Then the voice of Gil came on, followed by Gary’s rapping. It was a song from LeeSSang’s new album. He caught the slight upturn of her lips as she listened to Gary’s voice.

She smiled because she had caught these lines in Gary’s song.

If in pain we are together, in peace we should part.
We have come to our joining place to go our separate ways.
Our parting will be the healing to our hearts.

When he stopped his car at their destination, she climbed out of it by herself. He quickly got out and walked beside her. He could not hold her hands because she had folded her arms against her chest. She found an empty bench and sat down. She gazed at the sky which was beautifully blue but a patch of clouds had obscured the sun.

The place was windy. He took off his jacket and draped it over her shoulders. When his hands lingered on her shoulders, she shifted herself away from him and moved towards the end of the bench. He caught her hint and removed his hands from her. He crossed his fingers and held his hands together in front of himself. He began to fear what might be coming.

She gazed at the Han River and the park. The water flowed in its course with disregard for all else that was happening around it. The park was bright and filled with people. Some elderly men were fishing along the river side. Some elderly ladies were chatting under the shade of the gazeboes that dotted in the park. There were children running and playing in the park. “The children whom I could not have,” she thought bitterly to herself. “The children whom I would be denying him,” she thought sadly and guilty to herself. When she saw a woman carrying an infant in her arms, she felt a pang of pain rising in her again.

“The day looks very different from the night.” She said to Jong Kook, without looking at him. Jong Kook didn’t know how to answer and he didn’t want to. He was afraid of where this conversation would lead to.

“I can’t give you the children that you’ve always wanted. I can’t give your parents the grandson that they hope to beget from you.” She finally raised the topic.

“We can always try again when you recover,” he tried to encourage her. As he extended his hand towards her, her cold snicker halted him.

"Don't you understand? This is worse than me being infertile. I am able to conceive our child but I can't keep him. I can't deliver her," she said bitterly while looking ahead.

"We can always try. The doctor said that there is still a possibility that you could keep the child," he tried to console her. His hand reached for her again and this time he placed it on hers.

She wanted to accept the security and protection of his hands again, but she was reminded of the look on his face last night. When he thought she was asleep, she caught him staring at the scan photo of their lost child with glassy eyes and trembling hands. She knew that he was hurting too but he had been putting up a strong front for her sake. She was angry with how cruel fate was on her and on him.

She pulled her hands forcefully away from under his and said bitterly, “Try? Try? How can you tell me to try again? My heart is hurting so badly. Do you know part of me have died with our child? Your devastation is written all over you and I'm the one who craved them on you."

She turned to face him and he saw the hurt and anger in her eyes. She swallowed hard and continued, "Look at you. Look at us. How many times do you think we can go through these heartbreaks? No matter how strong our love is, one day you will see only our unborn child when you look at me and you won't be able to stand the sight of me then."

He pulled her into his arms to comfort her. As a gust of strong breeze hit their faces with a biting chill, he wished at that moment that the coldness could crystallised their pains and the wind would blow them away. "Ji Hyo, it's okay that we don't have children," he assured her.

She shook her head slowly and looked sadly up at him. Her eyes were red and puffy from her past crying. "What about your dream of having four children? You love children. You would be a great father. You don't deserve to be childless."

“I can give up that dream for you,” he said earnestly to her.

She gave another cold laugh that caused his heart to shiver. “You would give up that dream for me? Will you wake up one day and blamed me for your unfulfilled dream? What about your parents? Won’t they want the grandson that they hope to beget from you?”

“These do not matter to me. Only you do.” He pleaded with her.

She looked at him and shook her head. “One day when you are old and you see your friends with their children and grandchildren, it will all matter.”

“Please trust me when I say it doesn’t matter.” He held the sides of her head to stop it shaking and pleaded with her.

She wanted to believe him and she did. But she still thought that he deserved better. She pulled his hands away from her head and let go of them. “I trust that you mean it today. But how can you be so sure that it won’t matter in future? Having your own children is not something you can’t have; you just can’t have them with me.”

“I don’t want children if they are not ours.” He quickly replied her and he really meant it. He could not see himself having children with anyone else beside her.

“So you will want me to try again so that we can have our own children?” She asked him, pushing his limits, to make him face the cruel reality and leave her.

“No, we don’t have to try anymore. I don’t want children anymore. I want only you.” He said desperately to her.

She shook her head at him again. “We are deeply in love now so you would say that you want only me. But when our love turned cold, you would resent me.”

“Why do you have so little faith in me?” He asked her in despair. He didn’t know how to convince her anymore. "If it's Gary who said this to you, you would have believed him, wouldn't you? Do you have more faith in him than in me?" He didn’t know what exactly made him mumbled that but he regretted it the very moment the words left his mouth. However words spoken were like water spilled; you can't take it back.

Perhaps he had always been uneasy about the closeness that Ji Hyo and Gary shared. Perhaps he was jealous that Gary always knew how to cheer Ji Hyo up. Still, he knew that both of them would never betray him. He hated himself for saying those words.

His words got her full attention. "This is our problem. Why must you drag Gary into this? How could you drag an innocent man into this? Did you always mistrust us?" She wanted to question him back but to spite him and to make him give up on her, she said to him, “Perhaps I would believe Gary oppa more. Perhaps he is indeed more suitable for me than you do.” In her heart, she apologised to Gary for making use of him. 

“Perhaps we are indeed not suitable for each other. It would be better that we go our separate ways. Let’s break up.” She had delivered the final blow.

She stood up and walked away from him. He chased after her and grabbed her hand. She continued to walk away with faster and longer strides and he was still pulling her hand. He was afraid to hurt her wrist. He rushed to stand before her and he pulled her into a tight embrace. She neither returned his embrace nor struggled against him. She just stood there. He kissed her fully on her lips but she did not return his kiss. When she felt his kiss had weakened, she slowly pushed him away and stepped aside. She continued to walk away from him.

He ran after her again. He stood before her and blocked her way. He held her by her shoulders and said, “I’m sorry to mention about Gary. I know that you love me. We can get over this pain together. Let’s not break-up. Don't walk out on us.” She put her right hand on his left arm momentarily then she attempted to drag it down. But he held firm. He pulled her into another embrace. With her chin resting on his shoulder, she said closely to his ear in a voice that made him unable to deny her request, “Don’t make this any harder for us. For our good, please let me go.” He finally let go of her and she walked away.

This time he did not run after her anymore. His world seemed to have crumbled down in that instant.   

She repeated to herself as she continued walking away from him, “Don’t look back. Be brave. Keep walking. He deserved someone better.”

When she got into the taxi, her heart said these last words to him, “We are not married yet. You can still find someone who can bear your children. Being pregnant is the most beautiful thing a woman can do for the man she loved. But I can’t be that woman to you. I’m sorry.”