I sipped slowly the warm tea from a cup i hold before put it back on its plate.

“It’s nice to see you regain your memories back, Eric-ah,” i took a look at woman who sat in front of me. I gave a little smile. My finger was busy lingering the cup’s ring. I didn’t know what to say besides saying sorry to Hyesung’s mom, “But your broken arm, it hasn’t fully recovered?”

I shook my head, “It still needs 1-2 months as the doctor said.”

I saw she nodded without left her very-known smile for me.

“Auntie, look, I didn’t know how to say but, i really want to say sorry for-“

“Stop it, Eric. It wasn’t your fault at all,” now the smile was gone.

“But, if i wasn’t a reckless driver, he wouldn’t-“

“Stop it,” she raised her tone, “Listen, Eric-ah, i don’t want to say this but, you must be the one who feel so much hurt right now.”

I took a look at her hand soothing mine. There weren’t any fault at all at her sentence.

“Eric-ah, after 5 years, you were the one who could bring Hyesung’s smile back to his face. Instead of forgiving you, i should be feeling grateful toward you,” carefully I lifted my head, but regretted it immediately. Hyesung’s mom’s eyes only reminded me of his and brought me back to my painful feel.

I remembered it clearly like it just happened yesterday. The day when i first met him, 7 years ago. I met him at his brother’s death 5^th anniversary, not a good moment though. And i saw him; sitting alone at the corner, bowing to everyone who came. His brother was a CEO of very well-known assurance company, no wonder every year his house would fully packed with important people who want to show their grief.

He plastered a cold face with no smile at all. I wondered if you knew how to smile. I only saw him from far away, but it brought butterfly. Time flew fast, slowly but sure, he could painted his beautiful smile that i searched since the first i saw him. It was too beautiful, too perfect for me to remember it again this time.

My brain was screaming; searching for tears that i thought could relieve a weight on my chest. But nothing’s out. Even the unstoppable tears from the 50’s woman in front of me didn’t bring any effect to my eyes. It was painful so much. Hyesung-ah, its hurt.

“Follow me, dear,” Hyesung’s mom stood up and offered her hand. I grabbed it and hold it softly; she smiled between her tears, “Six months ago, Hyesung had prepared something for you. You have to see his face when he prepared a welcoming party for you.”

I inhaled deeply, slowly and put a smile although my mind didn’t want it.

We stopped our steps in front of a door that i knew a most. The room that i visited most every time i came here, as his friend.

“It inside Hyesungie’s room. Just go,” i looked at her hesitantly, but she nodded assuring me.

I turned the handle’s door when Hyesung’s mom walked back to the living room. I closed my eyes inhaled again to calm down my wild heartbeat. A familiar scent that lingered on my mind was welcoming me when the door opened.

This sweet vanilla scent mixed with fresh aroma from lemon that i missed a most. The scent i could always breathe every time he near; every time he snuggled on my chest; every time i put my chin above his head; every time he smiled; even every time he ran towards me brightfully.

I opened my eyes and saw a big box on his table. I walked slowly and sat on the chair. The box was wrapped neatly and still on its good condition, like just had been wrapped an hour ago. I pulled the orange ribbon slowly and opened it. I widened my eyes.

“Hyesung-ah, this scarf is so pretty. I want to use it for this year winter,” i held and soothed a blue with white stripped scarf. For my surprised, Hyesung slapped my hand from it, “Why? What?”

He pouted and looked so pissed off, “It isn’t pretty at all!”

I gasped and peeked at a girl clerk who stood up not far from us at this department store; she glared to Hyesung. I pulled Hyesung’s hand and walked away from the clerk, “Hyesung-ah…”

“Don’t you dare to buy that scarf or I will kill you with my own hand,” he pointed his thin pointed fingers to my nose. I chuckled in disbelief. His pouted face looked so damn cute.

“Why i can’t buy it? I will buy it with my own money, don’t worry,” he sulked more at my words.

“Eric! Just, don’t buy it!” i chuckled again and crossed my arms over my chest.

“Why? Give me one reason, then,” i challenged him. And Bingo! As i thought, he started to be nervous for nothing. He rubbed his back neck and his lips. One, two minutes passed with no respond from him only him mumbled something i don’t know what. I turned my back to him, “Okay then. I’m gonna buy it.”

He grabbed my hand immediately as I`m dying to hold my laughter, “Because I`m making one for you!”

I raised my eyebrows and looked at him. He sighed and lifted his hand; showed his fingers which full of bandage, “See, this shows how hard i try to knit a scarf for you.”

I opened my mouth widely and grabbed his shoulder, “Really? Really? Really? Really, Hyesung-ah?”

He hissed and shoved my arms, “Aish, we are on public, Eric!”

But, i didn’t care. It was his fault to make me this so much happy. He turned his back and started to walk fast. I ran with a big grin plastered on my face and grabbed his left arm still sang to his ear, “For real, Sung-ah? Really? You didn’t lie, right? When you will give it to me? Sung-ah, answer me…”

He hissed and ignored me while i was still whining at his side.

I lifted the red scarf and grabbed it tightly. It felt so soft against my rough hand. A warm sunlight came through his room’s window and made the scarf shone brightly. I closed my eyes and inhaled the scarf’s scent deeply. It had Hyesungie’s sweet scent. I inhaled it again; afraid if air would bring the scent away from me through the wind.

I opened my eyes and looked at my thumb which rubbed the scarf slowly when a drop of water fell. I raised my head and water dropped again at my cheek. After it was held for hours, finally my tears fell down. Without i tried hard, the tears started to fall down profusely. I sniffed my nose and smiled.

At the end, it was always only you, Hyesung-ah. The one who could bring smile, laugh, and tears to me; it was only you.

I saw the outside through the window and saw how the world still continue to turn without considering me who fell down and break apart inside. Everything seemed like a lie. It was like a dream which i wished so much to disappear when i opened my eyes.

The cold wind from the twilight blew again and like a habit, i closed my eyes. I put the scarf and held my chest with my only functioned hand. I held my heart that i couldn’t pour out, still lingered around him and wandered again.

It was you again, Sung-ah. The one who could bring my memories back. Should i blame you for the broken memories which scattered in just one moment?

“How could you do this to me, Hyesung-ah?” i whispered to myself. I had no choice but to hold all the emotions inside my heart, alone. There was no way i could erase those all when those just came back to me. I silently looked back at the days that i couldn’t go back, that couldn’t ever come again. The days when i could shower him with all the emotions i had.

My happiness.

My sadness.

My anger.

And now, with whom i could heal the pain i got?

Endlessly, the tears keep dropped. Should i brushed them off and stood up? But, then i looked up at the scarf once again and told myself not to be stupid. Although in my deepest heart there was me comforted my own self by saying, “No, you never wanted this.” I`m perfectly sure he wanted me to stand and lift my chin like i usually did, but it was a stupid things as my mind yelled.

There was no way i could be like i was before when i keep getting filled with him. No, i didn’t think i could go on without him by my side.

And once again, i grabbed the scarf and shouted in my heart, “Just let me be, Hyesung-ah.” Please, just let me go insane with thoughts of you. Let me remembered all the memories we had. Pain, happiness, just let it scattered inside my head.

The moon already shone bright outside. It was beautiful as usual. For how many full moon again do i have to pass observe it alone until i can do it with you, Sung-ah? Until that day, until the day we can meet again, let’s remembering and treasuring our best memories with our own way. I smiled and closed my eyes again with the red scarf on my chest.

End.

A.N:

Here it is, my own challenge to write an angst story with lack of confidence.

I'm bad at writing others feelings, so yeah, this is the best as i could do.

And wow, i got yelled from my lovely readers, i'm sorry gals, but this feel was attacking me. :p

Again, i want to say thanks to

Monwinzz

for her lovely upvote. <3

Until the next story, please do comment, subscribe, and maybe upvote too. <3