Onew went up to the rooftop to clear his head. He didn’t expect to find their maknae there either. What surprised his more was what was between Taemins pointer and middle finger. There lay a single cigarette half-finished and he saw Taemin bring it up to his lips and take a drag from it before holding the smoke in his lungs for a bit before releasing it.  Onew walked up behind him and instead of being angry and taking the cigarette out of his hand he took out his own pack and lit a cigarette himself.  He knew Taemin was growing up and the pressures of the entertainment industry might have gotten to him and this was his stress reliever much like himself.

“Hyung?”

“Yes, Taemin?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be angry that I’m smoking?”

“It’s your choice just like it’s mine. I can tell you it’s bad for you but that would just make me a hypocrite since I smoke too. You can do what you like just make sure key doesn’t find out. He’ll kill us both.”

“Oh.”

“Why? Do you want me to tell you to stop?”

“No, I was kind of surprised that you didn’t freak out.”

                Onew propped himself up on the ledge with his legs dangling dangerously over the edge. He stared up at the night sky as he brought his cigarette up to his lips and inhaled the dangerous fumes into his lungs. He knew it was bad for him and his voice but he didn’t care; not anymore. The company always gave more parts to Jonghyun and they claimed him lead vocals so he stopped caring after a while. He didn’t always smoke; he only did it when he was really stressed. He couldn’t do it out in the open because of his image. s’, aside from Taemin, didn’t know of his little habit.  They never smelled it in his clothes or in his breathe. He was always careful, he would do it outside so that the scent would go away with the wind and he’d always carry gum with him so they’d never smell it on his breath.

                Out of the corner of his eye he saw Taemin drop the remains of his cigarette and put it out with his shoe. He reached into his pocket and got out another and brought it up to his lips. He held it there for a moment before getting his lighter and lighting it. He took a long drag and let the smoke escape through his nostrils. He too climbed up onto the ledge of the building and sat with one leg dangling in the open air while the other dangling on the side of the rooftop.   He brought his arms and raised them up to the sky feeling as the wind picked up and his hair began to get tussled with the wind.  Onew saw a smile of content. He saw that Taemin wasn’t completely happy, none of them were. But in that small moment he saw a small gleam of hope for him to be happy.

“Hyung?”

“Hmm.”

“Why’d you start?”

“At first it was just a stress reliever, but I worried about my voice so I stopped for a while. Then I realized that I was never going to get as many parts as Jonghyun and that his position of lead singer wouldn’t move over to me. So, I stopped caring. I stopped caring about everything. I look back at pictures and interviews and I feel proud that no one noticed how I was feeling. No one saw that really I just didn’t care anymore. “

“How about now? Do you care now?”

“Sometimes. But most of the time I just wish I weren’t even here. I’m not that significant to the group. Jonghyun has his vocals, Key and Minho have their rapping, and you have your dancing. What do I have? I’m not main anything. I’m just here to entertain people with my looks, nothing else. And even that, everyone else is more handsome than me.”

“But, you’re our leader. We can’t go without you.”

“I just tell you what the manager tells me. You could do without me just fine. All I do is encourage all of you. And the fans can do that on their own. You don’t need me to do that.”

“What if I told you that I needed you?”

“What could you possibly need me for?”

“To talk to you like this. I can’t really talk to the other members like this. Not in my comfort zone. Like you said if Key finds out about us smoking he’d kill us both. Minho would lecture about it being bad for our health and that we should play a sport to relieve our stress. Jonghyun would say the same. You don’t judge me for what I do. You let me be me without me feeling babied.  You set restrictions but they’re not unbearable and most of the time reasonable. “

“You could talk to others. I’m not the only one here. Here I am supposed to be setting an example for you and I’m just sitting here telling you it’s okay to ruin your health by smoking.  I’m not the best person in the world but I don’t want to be either. I have faults and I accept them. I know my voice will never be as good as Jonghyun’s and my dancing will never be as good as yours and Key’s, and I’ll never be a rapper. So what do have to offer? Mediocre talent. Maybe not even that.”

“But your voice is as good as Jonghyun’s and your dancing is still really good. Sure you’re not a rapper but that’s okay. “

                They sat there just staring up at the sky.  As their cigarettes faded away from the drags they took and just burning on their own. When Onew set his cigarette out on the concrete next to him he got up and stood up on the ledge looking over, if he jumped how many people would see. He looked down to Taemin and saw him looking straight at him. He extended his hand to bring Taemin to a standing position. They heard the door leading to the roof top open. They looked to see who it was and found Minho standing at the door way looking at them. He walked over to them and told them to go back down that dinner was ready. They both nodded and Minho turned around to go back first. When he reached the door he opened it but instead of just walking back to the dorm he turned and faced them and yelled out to them, ”I won’t tell Key this time, but if I catch you two smoking again I’ll tell him for sure.” He then retreated back through the door and disappeared. Taemin faced Onew and a small smile escaped his lips. He knew Minho didn’t mean it. He wouldn’t tell Key about their secret when Taemin knew so much that Minho hadn’t told the others.

“Let’s go.”

“You’re just going to leave?”

“Yea. Why?”

“Key’s gonna smell it on your breath and it’ll look weird if you go straight to the bathroom to brush your teeth before dinner.”

“Well what do I do then?”

“I swear it seems like it’s the first time you’ve done this. Here have some gum. It won’t completely take the smell away but it doesn’t seem as suspicious.”

“You really do this a lot, don’t you hyung?”

“You have no idea.”

                They jumped off the ledge and landed on the gravel that was placed on the rooftop. They walked back to the dorm as if nothing happened.  They ate dinner that night and went to bed after washing up. When they woke up in the morning they got ready for their schedules and left the dorm. Once come night fall once again Taemin was up on the roof with a cigarette between his fingers and right next to him on the ledge was Onew smoking right alongside the team’s maknae. They sort of had a mutual agreement now. They’d smoke without really talking and then leave after they felt they could go back to being their image. Even when they were in the dorm they still acted as different people. When they were on the rooftop that was the only time they got to be who they really were. For those thirty or so minutes a day did they get to be themselves and not who their company made them out to be. 

So like this just came out. i don't know from where but i suddenly got the idea and thought it was pretty good. this is probably one of my shortest fics ever since this is only 1,443 words long. i dont even know if you can consider this a oneshot or a long drabble. either way i hope you enjoyed this.

in no way am i promoting smoking. i'm also not bashing it. personally i feel like it's your choice to smoke or not.