The phone vibrated next to Daehyun on the bed, but he dreaded picking it up. It would just be another text. Another depressing comeback about how life was terrible. Another text he would have to refute. Another cycle of the same message just masked with different words.

Sighing, he finally picks up his phone.

From Jae: I hate myself. It’s pointless to get up in the morning and I wish I was never born.

Rolling his eyes tiredly, he types back on his keyboard.

To Jae: You just need to try to find something to look forward to is all, I’ll help you! :)

Pressing the send button, he looks back at the book he had been reading.

His friend, Youngjae, had been texting back and forth with him for nearly an hour. At first it was just the usual ‘what are you up to?’ ‘not much’ conversation, but then Youngjae had turned down depression alley, once again.

Daehyun was glad that his best friend could confide in him about being depressed and other really personal things about himself, and he did the best that he could to tell Youngjae how important he was. Every day they talked and every conversation they had ended the same way, with Youngjae texting that one thing that would make Daehyun feel awkward enough to not respond.

They had only been friends for a few months, but they had a lot of the same interests and when Jae switched into Daehyun’s fifth period class everything seemed great.

One weekend after they had separated from hanging out, the topic of crushes somehow had come up. Daehyun personally hadn’t been interested in anybody recently, and the conversation turned to who Youngjae liked. After nearly two hours of convincing, an awkward confession was sent to Daehyun. The two didn’t talk anymore that evening, Daehyun out of shock and Youngjae out of embarrassment.

It’s not that Daehyun didn’t like homoual people, he just wasn’t one himself. The explanation to Jae was beyond awkward. He still wanted to remain friends with the boy, but couldn’t share the same feelings. For some reason, the other didn’t seem to want to give up though.

Repeated ‘I miss you,’ ‘you looked good today,’ and ‘I like you’ kept coming from Youngjae and no matter how much he tried, Daehyun somehow always ended up adding to the other’s love of him.

Breaking him from his thoughts, the phone once again vibrates.

From Jae: Don’t worry about it, it doesn’t matter.

This always came from the other boy and after a crap day Daehyun couldn’t take it anymore.

To Jae: Well okay, if you don’t want me to care then I guess I won’t…

Not even a minute after sending it, Youngjae’s speedy reply already comes back.

From Jae: That’s not what I meant but alright.

Frustrated, Daehyun texts the other boy back quickly.

To Jae: Well no it’s just that whenever I try to talk you’re just always negative and I wish you tried to be happier.

As soon as he sent it, he regretted it. The wording sounded terrible and Daehyun knew that Youngjae wouldn’t take it the way that he had truly intended it. Sure enough, the angry reply quickly follows.

From Jae: I do try, how would you even know?

He wanted to text back that he doesn’t since they never really talked aside from texting, but instead decided to play it safe.

To Jae: I’m sorry if I offended you.

Getting up from his bed, Daehyun travels to the empty downstairs for a glass of water. Reaching into the cupboard, his phone vibrates in his pocket and as he fills up the glass he nearly drops it into the sink. Anger and shock cover his face.

From Jae: You think I don’t try to be happy but I don’t think you even try to understand.

He hurries to text back to the other.

To Jae: I try as well Youngjae! I try to understand so hard but it’s difficult when you never actually talk to me!

Daehyun could feel his blood begin to boil at his friend’s accusation. He attempted daily to understand how his friend felt, no matter when he always made time to talk to Youngjae, but the other never talked to him. He hid behind his phone and that was the only way they talked about anything serious.

He understood that Youngjae was EXTREMELY shy and that he felt uncomfortable around large groups and what not, but not even attempting to make conversation when the two were together was getting ridiculous and somewhat annoying.

The phone buzzes again.

From Jae: Maybe if I thought that you wouldn’t just tell me to stop in the middle of me talking then I would actually talk.

Rolling his eyes, he types angrily.

To Jae: First of all, the reason I tell you to stop is because it hurts. Second, we don’t talk, we text each other everything.

Before he can even set his phone down, Youngjae had already replied.

From Jae: Why would it even hurt you?!? When am I supposed to talk to you when you are always busy with something or someone else?

To Jae: It hurts to see people I care about depressed and unhappy. And when am I busy with other people? In class you never talk to me about anything other than the crap we work on!

Stomping back to his bedroom, he flops onto the mattress and glares at his ceiling until Youngjae texts him back.

From Jae: How am I supposed to talk to you in class when the teacher is busy talking or you are busy with Jongup?

Daehyun scoffs at the logic before replying.

To Jae: Jongup is my friend and the teacher doesn’t talk the entire class period every day. Besides even when I sit right next to you, you don’t say more than you’re stupid ‘you ’ joke or like ten other words, so I really don’t see how it’s my fault I wanted someone to talk to!

A speedy reply comes once again.

From Jae: Because I’m upset so of course I don’t want to talk to you!

Heaving a sigh, Daehyun thinks that he feels like he is being suffocated. Was he wrong? Was he right?

To Jae: That’s when you’re supposed to talk to people so they can make you feel better, but you bottle everything up because that’s easy for you. Then you just tell me stuff later or not at all about how much you hate yourself!

Another text comes at inhumane speed.

From Jae: I try telling you how I feel, and then you just deny me and make me feel worse.

Daehyun stopped and waited a minute before replying. He never meant to hurt Youngjae and he never knew he made it worse, that’s for sure. The denying was not how it was meant to me taken either. Daehyun just wanted his friend to realize that there was more to life than seeing everything in black and white, that there were things to be happy about. True he would tell Jae not to think negatively, but it was always meant as a positive comeback, never to “deny” the other’s feelings.

The shock from his friend’s text made him crazy with anger as he furiously typed away.

To Jae: Well I’m sorry. I’m sorry for making you feel worse, for not trying, and for anything else you can think of. Maybe it would have been best if I didn’t try and be social to people.

Nearly five minutes of silence follow the message.

From Jae: Guess I’m the bad guy now. Haha…

Sighing miserably he tries to mend the situation.

To Jae: I never said that.

From Jae: Sorry for being annoying, sorry for being clingy, sorry for actually trying to be happy, sorry for even being born. I’m just a burden to you so I won’t bother you anymore.

Daehyun screams in anger. The situation really couldn’t get any worse…

To Jae: I have NEVER thought any of those things Youngjae.

It takes nearly ten minutes for Youngjae to finally respond. When he does, Daehyun’s face drains of colour and the world feels like it’s crumbling around him.

From Jae: I really should just kill myself…

He wouldn’t though, would he? Youngjae had promised that even if he felt that life was pointless he would never ever take his own life.

Daehyun quickly replies.

To Jae: Youngjae, I’m sorry I upset you that was never my intention.

A good ten minutes pass before Daehyun texts Youngjae again.

To Jae: I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for being such a terrible friend to you and that I hope you can forgive me one day.

Half an hour passes and there was still no response. Daehyun began to pace around his room. He didn’t know where Youngjae lived because of the fact that he never wanted Daehyun to meet his family, he felt they were too crazy, so he couldn’t just go over and talk to him. He was at a loss of what to do and he kicked the wall in anger.

Grabbing his phone from his bed he tries one last time in desperation.

To Jae: Youngjae?

Still no response…