He sat in a corner, pulling at his hair, an almost manic expression on his face. His entire frame was shaking as he struggled to hold on to the last semblance of his humanity.

He wasn't sure if he was himself.

He didn't know if he was Lee Chanhee or some other monster that had surfaced from his subconscious. The only thing he knew was that he wasn't normal, but then again, he had known that for a long time.

A wave of pain assaulted his head, causing him to grip his head once more. He clawed at his temples, doing anything to stem the pain.

He regretted everything. He regretted not telling someone. He regretted not telling Byunghun. Now he was paying for it.

Slowly, he stood on his trembling legs, nausea rising up in him and bile gathering in the back of his throat. Random parts of his body twitched, jerking uncontrollably in different directions. He felt an odd compulsion. He had never properly apologized to Byunghun, but then again, he wasn't in his right mind when it happened. Now, he had to create his belated apology, even if he was the only one who would ever witness it. Even if Byunghun is no longer there.

He sat at a desk and pulled a paper and pen towards himself. Just as he's about to begin, another torrent of pain rushed through his head. It was almost as if his brain was being split in half. He clenched his hands, doing anything in his willpower to fight through it.

It was agonizing. It didn’t hurt because it was physical. It hurt because it sliced through his very psyche and targeted everything that kept him human.

They grew more powerful and more frequent. Every time he feels that it can’t get worse, it does. He doesn’t know how to stop it. Therefore, he has to be as quick as possible.

The moment the pain subsided, He pressed the tip of the pen on the paper and began to write. He refused to let anything stop him now. He must follow through with this or else he will not gain closure.

To my dearly beloved Byunghun,

I’m not sure where I even begin. Do I start at the beginning? Do I start from the end? Wait, no. That doesn’t make sense. I’m sure you have many questions, but I don’t know if I have all the answers. Nothing make sense to me. However, I suppose that I have to start somewhere.

Do you remember? The day we met? It was so overcast and gloomy, but you were still disgusting radiant that day. Even from the beginning, you managed to taint grab my heart. Your shy and gentle demeanor made you absolutely revolting beautiful. From that moment on, I instantly knew that whatever we had would be a ing piece of one of a kind.

Do you remember? The day we finally exchanged those damned beautiful words? The way your precious lips formed them was so... ugly perfect. I hate you I love you. You have no idea how much I really don’t care about you love you. I know you do too. The way you always smiled at me made me want to stab your face impossibly happy. Even by simply holding hands, I felt that everything was perfect. You were perfect. We were a lie perfect. We would have been together forever.

Do you remember? The day we parted? I regret everything that happened that day. I’m so ing happy sorry. I hated it. I'm so ashamed that I had to cut you to pieces from head to toe all ties with you. There are not enough words in the world to describe how much you deserved it I hate myself. You didn’t deserve it. I wanted to protect you from myself, but it ended up with your blood spilling onto the floor backfiring on me. Please understand. I hate love you. I never did always have. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you. I was almost scared of myself, especially when you shouted for help cried and tried to hide from me hugged me. It was adorable. But now, I don’t care can never take it back.

I’m so sorry, Byunghun. You deserve nothing so much more. I don’t regret our moments together. I regret the time when we exited each other’s lives. It was the best stupidest decision I made. I know you’ll never read this. You’re buried six feet underground moving on. You have already decided to live without me. With that, I hope you’re doing well now, in hell wherever you are.

With all the indifference love in my heart,

Lee Chanhee

With a sigh, he put down the pen. Even in the letter, it was obvious his sanity was slipping. He didn’t know why. It had never happened to him before.

He curled up, resting his head on his knees. He couldn’t say he was scared. That word was far too light. He would rather say that he was terrified. He could practically feel his mind degrading, morphing into something that was not his own. To him, the most terrifying part was that he was facing this alone. There was no one else in the world he could possibly turn to. There was one, but he was long gone.

Then, he felt something break. It was subtle. If he had not been wrapped up worrying about his mental state, he would have missed it. The tremors stopped. The violent twitching ceased. He waited, and the pain didn’t return. He felt, dare he say, at peace. There was nothing tying him down. There was no sense of consequence.

A burst of muffled giggling came through the paper thin walls from the apartment next door. Chanhee vaguely remembered the neighbor borrowing sugar and never returning it. Now he couldn’t, let that go unpunished, could he?

He grabbed the cleaver, still resting on the desk, still covered in crimson from previous use. He exited his apartment. He didn’t care anymore. He was focused solely on this one goal. No longer was his mind consumed with Byunghun.

He knocked on the door, his stomach almost fluttering with excitement and anticipation when it opened.

Her look of fear and shock at his blood-drenched form was the best thing he’d seen all week.