“Why?” 

 

Tears started to swell on the corner of my eyes. My hands were trembling as they found its way to my face. As I shed my first tears, I buried my face deep into my palms. It was such a heartbreaking night for me. I wanted to scream so badly. I wanted to run, to escape from this reality. But no. I shook my head slowly. My body was terribly shaky from the outburst. This wasn’t real. This couldn’t be real.

 

“Sica, she’s gone.” I felt a weigh on my shoulder, a light pat, and then a gentle squeeze.

 

“No! How can you say that, Hyo! She’s your own cousin!”

 

The sound felt distant and unfamiliar. It was like someone else talking. However I knew it was my own voice, wobbled by the crying and hiccups and whimpers.

 

“But she’s—she’s dead.”

 

I turned to look at her—Hyoyeon, her reddened eyes shimmering with agony and pain, reflecting mine. I bit my lower lip, trying to restrain the growing sobbing. I threw my gaze away as I felt tears leaked. I closed my eyes shut. A pair of hands embraced me from the side, tender and welcoming hands, holding me close. The hand wiped the tears and with her long sleeved shirt, and then she my golden silken hair, coaxing me.

 

Suddenly, the door swung open. Someone barged in into the dull white painted emergency room where me and Hyoyeon were fallen into grief.

 

“Taeyeon!”

 

The voice sounded hoarse. It was none other than her, Tiffany. Her eyes widened in horror and shock. She ran toward the bed, where Taeyeon was laying still. Her hands were shaking her body, screaming the words wake up for several times. Hot tears freely streaming down her cheeks.

 

“Isn’t that…” Hyoyeon trailed off. Her hands around me loosened. Her eyes went across a pair of eyes of anguish and anger, of wounded heart of Tiffany. Hyoyeon glanced at me, concerning the weak state where I was in.

 

Tiffany approached us, and Hyoyeon could easily indicate that Tiffany was fuming, terribly mad. I had expected her to be like this. In fact she was rightfully deserved to be mad, very mad. Only, I didn’t expect her to do the next thing she did.

 

A hand raised and swung almost immediately, and Hyoyeon was too slow to react. Everything happened so quickly. 

 

Eyes wide open, mouth agape, I touched my cheek where it burned. Tiffany just slapped me. There was an utter silence. No word passed, just us exchanging glare.

 

When I tore my eyes from Tiffany and met with Hyoyeon’s, I could see the dazed Hyoyeon. Her eyes were too focused to a visibly red mark on my pale skin—she was unable to even mutter a word.

 

“See what you’ve done to her? She’s dead because of you!”

 

“Tiffany, how dare-“

 

“Shut up, Hyoyeon! Don’t you try to defend her! Your own cousin is dead because of her!”

 

“It wasn’t her fault and would you please calm down? Geez, we’re in a freaking hospital now!”

 

“I don’t care! I don’t care anything anymore! Taeyeon is—she’s dead now.”

 

Tiffany’s knees weakened, she plummeted on the tiled floor. Her tears leaked like a broken faucet. Her shoulders drooping, her soft groan was muffled with her own hands around .

 

And then I involuntarily bent down, my hands reaching out to Tiffany, pulling the dark haired girl into a hug. Tiffany was too weak to even refuse. I made a circle on her back to ease the girl. A lone tear escaped my eye unnoticed.

 

“Sorry. You’re right. Taeyeon, she…”

 

“Shhh, there, there. It’s not your fault, Jessica. And Tiffany, I understand you, but you’re not the only one mourning here.”

 

Hyoyeon, also on her knees, held us altogether. She our hair and kissed it. Poor girls, she must’ve thought, she knew how miserable and fragile the two girls in her arms right now, all wailing and crying and whimpering quietly.

 

We all shouldn’t be here tonight. We should be at the graduation party now, celebrating our graduation. The party took place at Sunny’s house, and Sunny was probably on her way to the hospital now after hearing the horrible news. Car crash, drunk driver, one casualty, a teenager. And that teenager happened to be Taeyeon.

 

The door of the room creaked open, two girls who was contrary to each other walking in. One possessed a tall and slender body, where the other girl was shorter, but with exceptionally proportional body.

 

“Taeyeon…”

 

“Sunny. Sooyoung.”

 

“…No way,” Sunny mumbled, shaking her head in disbelief. She was on the verge of crying. She leaned to Sooyoung beside her which the girl welcomed with both arms.

 

“I came here as fast as I could with Sunny after hearing the news.” A weak smile cracked on Sooyoung’s face. Grimace was evident on her face.

 

“Thank you guys for coming,” Hyoyeon said, her eyes looking up to them. She brought back her attention to the two people in her embrace had their cry subsided into hiccups. Hyoyeon then helped us to get up.

 

Me and Tiffany were busy wiping our swollen eyes as we stood up. The room fell into an eerie silent. Huge loss for all of us. The grief was starting to sink in as my eyes casted on Taeyeon.

 

My heart wrung, painfully aching. I couldn’t bring myself to stop crying. My cheeks were wet, now nobody would caress it anymore. I my lips, tasting the sour of my tears.

 

I didn’t think I could survive tonight if it wasn’t for Hyoyeon holding my hand the whole night. And Sunny and Sooyoung who gave us a ride back home, afraid if one of us drove it would only get worse. And Tiffany, who had so much hatred in the way she stared at me every time our eyes met yet that eyes told me what’s her feeling, and I knew we shared the same pain, loss and grief, in our heart that would take long to heal and surely leave a deep wound in it.

 

 

Everything felt surreal.

 

 

Tonight was a nightmare. A bad dream that ironically was real.

 

 

***

 

 

It was a cloudy afternoon when Taeyeon’s car pulled over. I ignored her most of the trip from her house back to my house.  I hopped off the car and slammed the door shut. I did my best to reach the front door by walking as fast as my feet could, but it was no use. Taeyeon caught my wrist and held it firmly like her life depended on it. She spun me around and wrapped me in her embrace. She planted feathery kisses on my revealing shoulder. Soon we pulled away, hands still connected. 

 

I could see her dark brown eyes tenderly staring back at me. I studied her face, caressing every outline with my fingertip. I could see her fairly white skin, slightly paler than mine, glowing when the sun shone through a tiny gap between the grayish clouds. Taeyeon looked so beautiful with her hair pulled neatly, her puppy ears peeking out cutely. I tucked strand of hair behind her ear, and then I cupped her face. A cute pout played on her lips.

 

“Are you mad at me?”

 

“No. Not at the slightest.”

 

“Then why are you running from me?”

 

“I..am..not.”

 

“Tell me.”

 

Taeyeon knew me best, maybe better than myself. I heard a long sigh coming from her.

 

“Is it us?”

 

“What? No.”

 

“Her?”

 

Bingo.

 

“Don’t worry about her. She’ll understand.”

 

“It’s just- she’s my friend too, Taeyeon.” I huffed.

 

“Why you keep frowning? I hate seeing you frown. It makes me wanna kiss you.” 

 

“Yah!”

 

“See? Now you’re smiling. There. Better.”

 

“But, Taeyeon, I think you should reconsider-“

 

Taeyeon brought her hand to my mouth, placing her index finger on it.

 

“I choose you. I did and I will always choose you.”

 

Taeyeon pressed her lips on my cheek. Her hand caressed it tenderly. With a smile tugging on the corner of her lips, she drew closer to me and pecked my lips.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I love you?”

 

“No, why did you kiss me?”

 

“Huh? So I cannot kiss you?”

 

“Not that, silly. You know if you kiss me, we’ll never stop.”

 

I pulled Taeyeon by the neck and let the my lips crush with her delicate, plump lips. My head tilted to the side as Taeyeon tried to insert her tongue into my mouth. I moaned when I felt Taeyeon  exploring the walls of my mouth. Taeyeon tucked herself closer and ended up pinning me against the front door of my house. Desperately needing some air, our lips parted and tried to catch some breathe. I hissed as Taeyeon started to nip and bite on my neck. I whimpered as Taeyeon’s hand sneakily went under my shirt while she continued leaving hot trail kisses all over my revealed skin.

 

My eyes fluttered open only to find two of my neighbors staring or more likely drooling over us. I gulped and shoved Taeyeon away. Confused, Taeyeon grunted in exasperation. But then she sent my neighbors daggers as she led me inside my house.

 

 

***

 

 

I breathed in the smell of Taeyeon, cherishing every moment of her body being so close to me, our skin sticky from the tension of our love earlier. Lying next to a wonderful being named Taeyeon felt...wonderful. It was so warm, amazingly warm. Recalling moments where she would whimper and moan at the slightest touch only left me smiling like an idiot. She was so precious, and delicious. 

 

Staring to the ceiling, my mind wandered far to the future, where Taeyeon would open a spectacle shop in a stranded island near Jeju. She would come home every evening to a beautiful wife with their baby in her womb. And that beautiful wife would be me. I had talked about having children and Taeyeon agreed right away, saying she couldn’t wait to piggy back ride our son. Yes, a son, she insisted. My grin grew wider just by thinking about it.

 

I felt Taeyeon stirred beside me. She smiled dreamily at me and began to nip my shoulder.

 

“Baby, stop it. It tickles.”

 

She dug deeper into my flesh around my neck instead. I was sure it would leave mark.

 

“Ouw! That hurts, Taeyeon!”

 

“It’s to let everyone know you belong to me.”

 

That sounded sweet. She leaned in, sealing our lips together. The kiss was lingering and sloppy.

 

Taeyeon rose from the bed and headed to the bathroom. “Gonna freshen up. You remember that we have party at Sunny’s house, right?”

 

“Of course,” I got up to retrieve my clothes scattered on the floor. “How can I forget our grad party?” I struggled wearing my bra. It was the gift Taeyeon gave me on Christmas. Victoria Secret’s, cause we both love them models.

 

“Thought you’d forget everything after our amazing… you know.” Taeyeon helped me clasping the hook of my bra and kissed my neck. She blew out hot air on my ear and her giggle echoed in my head. “You should look yourself when you tense under my touch, sweetie.”

 

I rolled my eyes. “Just go to the bathroom before I kick you!”

 

“Or you want to join me? To save some water and time.”

 

“Taeyeon!!”

 

 

**

 

 

I knocked on the door twice. I heard her voice faintly from behind the door, saying wait a moment, Sica. I tried to deal with the chill air outside her house, but the gushing wind decided to mock me. I cursed under my breath. I forgot to bring my coat when I rushed to meet her.

 

“Come in, Sica,” Hyoyeon ushered me to sit. “What happened?”

 

“She- I met her at the cafe earlier.”

 

“Who?”

 

“Tiffany.”

 

“She’s so stubborn.”

 

“And I’m not surprised. After all, she loves Taeyeon with all her might. And what she does is only to get her love back.”

 

“Yeah, but Taeyeon only loves you.”

 

Perhaps Hyoyeon caught my eyes when I dropped my gaze to the floor.

 

“Do you doubt Taeyeon?”

 

“No. No. Never, Hyo. It’s just…”

 

“Sica, listen to me,” Hyoyeon paused when her phone on the table rang. She grabbed her phone and searched for my permission as she sent me an apologetic look. I nodded and reclined on the sofa.

 

“Who was it?” I asked her when I saw her came back with anxious look.

 

She didn’t answer and questioned me instead, “Sica, you didn’t tell Taeyeon where you’re going?”

 

“She didn’t know,” my words trailed off as I realized it was probably Taeyeon calling, super worried about me.

 

“Sunny called, she said Taeyeon had come over her house to look after you!”

 

“Really?”

 

“Do I look like joking?”

 

“Now where she is?”

 

“Sooyoung said Taeyeon is going to my house. Tiffany was there too.”

 

“Tiffany?” My ears perked when Hyoyeon mentioned her name.

 

“They said she insisted to come with Taeyeon, but Taeyeon didn’t want Tiffany to miss the party. So now she’s heading here, alone.”

 

More like she didn’t want to miss Taeyeon.

 

Me and Hyoyeon had nothing to do other than to wait for Taeyeon to come. There was this nagging feeling inside me, telling how stupid I was to leave without letting Taeyeon know. At least I should’ve told her I was going to Hyoyeon's house so she wouldn’t be too worried. I mentally slapped my face. Seeing me debating with my inner thought, Hyoyeon decided to make us coffee. She said she’d come back with monopoly too, just in case.

 

“Hello?” I answered my ringing phone without really seeing the ID, nervous starting to build inside me. The voice from the other end talked a bit too quickly for me to understand, but the last sentence was somehow clear I almost couldn’t believe of what I’ve heard.

 

“What?”

 

“Yes, Ma’am. Her body is in the hospital now.”

 

The police officer hung up the phone. I blinked my eyes with my jaw dropped low. Hyoyeon dashed to my side when she saw me dropping my phone on the floor. She almost threw the tray on her hands to the air. She shook my body, but to no avail I didn’t respond. I remained still like a statue, still trying to register the officer’s words in my head.

 

 

“Taeyeon, she…”

 

I finally spoke. Hyoyeon watched me carefully. “What?”

 

“She’s dead.”

 

 

 

 

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