:..Three..:
Comfortable
I only have myself to blame for all this. I saw it coming, but I didn’t do anything to stop it. Why did I have to choose her, why did she say yes when we knew what the two of us were getting into? Worse, why did Kass and I have to be roommates? Knowing I have to go home to her, after meeting up with Fuu, the guilt kills me inside. It’s not as though we have done anything scandalous. I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore.
“Taecyeon?”
“Hm?” I look up and Fuu gives me a look, urging me to say something, anything.
“Oh…umm…took Khun long enough.” I end with my signature toothy grin. She just chuckles and shakes her head.
Comfort.
That’s why I levitate towards this female seated beside me so much. It was a feeling I had felt the first time I bumped into her when she moved into the dorms. I didn’t know what it was and I still don’t to this day but there is always going to be something about Huang Fuu Mi that I find myself going back to for more. Kind of like chocolate. A little is good for you but if you keep going back for more…wait, have I really resorted to comparing Fuu to chocolate?
It’s an unhealthy relationship Taecyeon, Junsu had once said to me. What does he know?! He’s in some love-hate abusive relationship with this girl in his recording studio. He’s one to talk about ‘unhealthy relationships’. Though…as much as I hate to admit, Junsu did have a point.
“What are you thinking about?” Again Fuu’s voice drags me out of my thoughts.
I look at her and take a breath before replying, “Nothing,” and turning my attention up at the night sky. If I were to hold her gaze any longer, I’d catch the look she would give me, telling me that she knew I was lying and that never leads to anything good. It’s good to keep secrets…sometimes.
“You know he was really awkward,” Fuu begins suddenly. I keep my attention on the sky.
“Who?”
“Khun.”
Really? I never saw Khun as the awkward guy.
“His timing was completely off and his choice of words was even worse. It was kinda hilarious,” she chuckles a little, “and they call him the ‘Thai Prince’.”
I have to nod in agreement.
“Anyways, he eventually said he liked me, well more like blurted them out in a series of ‘um’s and ‘ah’s, which was entertaining in itself and well, we went for dinner and yeah.”
Throughout the course of the conversation, I snuck glances at Fuu and noticed how happy she was. As soon as she said his name, the smile never left her face. That’s a good sign, a very good sign. She’s happy, finally she’s happy and not having her heart broken. No more one-sided romances or possible love affairs.
“I’m glad,” I finally manage to say, “you and Khun,” I stand up and she follows, “it’s good, for all of us.”
With that, I give Fuu one last hug and smile. We say goodbye and I give her a tight squeeze on her shoulder before exiting the park and crossing the road to the shop lot across us.
No more late nights at the park.
:::
‘Hurt’ seems to be an understatement in such circumstances. I can’t even bring myself to leave because of how numb I feel. Watching them is like rubbing salt in an already opened wound. I just want them to leave and let me drink myself into oblivion.
“Junho-yah, you squeeze that bottle any harder and we’ll have to take you to the hospital.”
Jay’s voice brings me out of my thoughts but I don’t let go of the glass bottle. Instead I down the rest of the liquid in one go, slamming the bottle down and walking towards the fridge to grab another.
When I reach the counter, Mrs Lee gives me a look. In response, I slam down a five thousand won bill and turn around, only to be stopped by her hand. I send her a glare but she holds it with her one of her own, her grip tightening on my wrist. It shakes me a little, freezing me in my place.
After a minute or two, I regain the function to move and harshly pull my hand out of hers. I grab the bottle and stride back towards the table. Jay and Noona are still being all mushy with one another. The sight fills my mouth with a bitter taste. My hand slowly creeps its way towards the neck of the green bottle. If I don’t calm down now, I’ll turn Mrs Lee’s shop into a bloody mess.
“Oh Junho-yah, you’re back.” I give Noona that eye-smile of mine and my grip loosens slightly.
“And just when I thought you left, Junho.” Jay butts in. The urge to strike him with my fist has never been more – Easy Junho. Easy, just calm down.
“Hyung, if you want me to leave, I’ll be more than happy to,” I say through gritted teeth.
A soft hand lands on my shoulder and its Noona giving me a warm smile. “Junho-yah, you don’t have to do that. You were the one that invited me here,”
Is she saying that Jay should leave? Even if she is, she won’t actually tell him to leave. No. She’s just being nice, just being Noona and doing what she always does. I sigh inwardly.
The best thing for me right now, I think, is to go. Watching them, I’m just digging myself in deeper and it’s not gonna help anyone. Whether I stay or not won’t make a difference. Just look at them, the whispering, the snuggling, the giggles, I’m no one’s third wheel.
Just as I finally decide to leave, someone reaches the front of Mrs Lee’s shop and his gaze meets mine. I try and force a smile but he’s already seen the two lovebirds at my table. He gives me a knowing nod and mouths a “let’s go, Junho-yah” and motioning that I follow.
I hesitate at first, contemplating whether to say goodbye or just leave. In the end I decide to just leave as there really is no point trying to talk to them when they’re together. It’s like Jay and Noona are in their own world when they’re together. I think that’s what I hate the most.
Getting up, I take one last look at the two before making my way out of the shop. Taecyeon places an arm around my shoulder and pats me on the back. He doesn’t say anything even though I know he wants to. Instead he just walks with me down the empty street towards the intersection. I don’t ask about what he and Fuu were doing across the road and he doesn’t ask or mention Noona.
It’s for the best I say in my head over and over again as I walk to the end of the street. Taecyeon gives me one last pat before walking in the other direction. I sigh aloud after he leaves.
I think I’ll stick to going to Mrs Lee’s shop solo from now on.
:::
She closes her eyes as my face is inches from hers…until I feel a force push me away and back down on my seat. A brief wave of shock crosses her face before she returns to her calm demeanour. My heart is still beating like crazy and I can’t seem to relax in my chair. Maybe it’s the ice cream.
“I’m only here for two weeks,” Mai suddenly says, “so I don’t think-”
“Let’s just forget that happened,” I quickly cut her off. I can’t afford any more embarrassing moments around this female.
If she didn’t push me away, would I have kissed her? Did she want me to kiss her? Did I? All these questions flood my brain and all I have to answer them is “I don’t know” because honestly, I don’t.
Again I am reminded of the saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. I was never one for believing in such sayings but right now, that seems like the only way I can describe this situation. What was the definition of that again? Oh yes, the lack of something increases the desire of it. Well, I am truly screwed then aren’t I?
Okay, so it’s not like I desire her or anything. That’s a bit much. I think it is knowing what could have happened that gets to me. Yeah alright, I guess it is my fault for not pursuing something with Mai before it was too late
“I know I should’ve called,” she says with her gaze on the table.
I am caught off guard by that comment but I answer automatically, “Could’ve, would’ve, should’ve, but didn’t.”
It is times like these where I wish I could just keep my mouth shut. Maybe I am like Junho in more ways than one…Now isn’t the time to let your mind wander, Jang Wooyoung.
“If it’s any consolation, I haven’t seen anyone since I landed, with the exception of Renn but that’s only ‘cause I bumped into her briefly,”
I am slightly surprised that she hasn’t met with anyone. I would’ve thought she would’ve at least seen Junho since they have been friends…well longer than she and I have.
“I wanted to come find you first,” that sentence makes me heart stop.
“Why?” I voice out my exact thoughts. It doesn’t matter whether I filter what I say anymore, it’s not like Mai is here to stay anyway.
Mai looks up from the table and takes a deep breath. Her eyes meet with mine and I feel something catch in the back of my throat. “Why else, Wooyoung?”
Why? She’s asking me why when I don’t even know myself. She makes it sound as if she wants me to make the first move, to do something, anything. I wish I could but I can’t bring myself to do anything as of this moment. It’s as if though my body doesn’t want to anymore. Am I giving up? What’s there to give up on when there is nothing to begin with?
“You tell me, Mai, because right now, I don’t know what you are asking of me,” my voice begins to rise. “So please, enlighten me.”
“Wooyoung--”
“No, I can’t handle you talking your way in circles anymore,” I don’t even realising I am standing up now, hands on the table and Mai jumping back in her seat.
“I--”
“Maybe that’s why I didn’t want to pursue anything with you,”
“Wooyoung, please!” her voice cracks and I stop myself. I look down at her to see her eyes wet with tears threatening to fall. I take a deep breath and sit back down. She blinks away the tears and sits back up.
Just as she is about to say something, I start, “I just wanna know one thing,”
Mai nods slowly, as if she is afraid I might explode on her again.
“Why are you really here?” Before she can reply, I clarify what I mean. “Like here, at this ice-cream parlour,”
She breathes slowly before saying, “I saw you walk in and I thought I would try my luck. It looks like it was a mistake for coming here though,”
Mai stands up and pulls her black handbag over her shoulder. “Here,” she places a glossy white business card in front of me, “I go back to the States tomorrow,” she walks towards me and places a hand on my shoulder. A sudden heat radiates from her palm and I hate how comfortable it feels. It looks like she is about to say something but instead, she leans in and I feel her soft lips on my cheek. It lingers for a moment longer than I know she intended.
Pulling away, she bows and makes her way out the parlour. The bell sounds as she exits and it echoes throughout the room. I look down at the card she left me. It has her occupational title and her contact details. I flip it over to the other side and in her writing, that one sentence holds more than anything that had just happened.
I’m Sorry.
A/N: And that's it.
Was it too much angst? haha. I realise that our theme seems to be the angsty stuff. I really need to write something fluffy next xD Anyways hoped you enjoyed this short 3-shot type thing <33 I may consider writing a fluffy-side to this, we'll see haha.
Comments always loved hehe
Oh, and the TaecWooHo pictures don't relate but they lighten the mood lol
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