"Hey, Kyungsoo. Guess what? ...I like Kai." Lay whispered to Kyungsoo during lunch, his eyes carefully watching Kai eat at his table and tracking his every move. "But don't tell anyone!!"

Kyungsoo grinned. It was nice being told secrets. "I won't, of course!"

***

It was Valentines Week, also known as Singles Awareness Day (SAD), and Kyungsoo was pranking Lay as revenge for Lay pranking Kris earlier. He got a blank candygram and wrote on it: "To Kai. From Lay. You are my teddy bear!"

Lay found out and chased him around, but Kyungsoo managed to get it turned in.

***

Kyungsoo secretly hated Valentines Day.

***

Kyungsoo watched Kai's head bob up and down as he made his way to his chair and took out his clarinet. It was a surprise seeing him here at CM Testing, but it was a small world, after all. Kai didn't practice for long, and soon stood up to get to his test. On his way out, Kyungsoo murmured a "good luck" as he passed. Kai nodded and thanked him quietly.

After CM, Kyungsoo started to notice Kai a lot. Finally, he forced himself to admit he liked Kai too. But he could never tell anyone, because of Lay.

***

Kyungsoo was on a band trip to San Francisco, and he was so happy Kai was going too. He felt guilty about Lay, but couldn't help enjoying the trip. Maybe it was just his imagination, but Kai seemed to notice him a lot more too after the incident at CM.

***

When they got back to school, Kyungsoo watched Kai at lunch, and saw that Kai watched him too.

***

One day, Kyungsoo decided to tell someone about his secret love. He picked Luhan, another clarinet, who was slightly close to Kai. Luhan smiled when Kyungsoo told him. Through Luhan, Kyungsoo figured out that a lot of people liked Kai. Luhan would chat with Kai on Facebook and send Kyungsoo some small screenshots, which Kyungsoo was grateful for. When Luhan's birthday came, he invited both Kai and Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo was so happy to be getting closer to Kai. He suspected Luhan liked Kai too, but Luhan vehemently shook his head whenever he asked. Kyungsoo should have known better, but he left it alone.

***

On the annual band trip to Knott's Berry Farm, Kyungsoo made sure Kai noticed him and hung out with Kai and Luhan for a bit. That day he went home happy and full of love. At school, he and Kai continued to carefully watch each other. Kyungsoo was sure now that they liked each other. However, he took care to hide it from Lay, who still liked Kai too.

***

At the end of the year concert, Kai, first chair clarinet, won Most Outstanding. Kyungsoo smiled secretly, hidden in daydreams that it was his vote that had made the difference.

***

One day, Luhan showed Kyungsoo that someone had hacked his Gmail account and left the message: From Kai. I think I like you.

It was put down to Luhan forgetting to log out of his account, and soon forgotten. Kyungsoo was confident in the love he and Kai shared through hidden stares, fleeting peeks, quick glances.

***

The next day, that was when it happened. Luhan told Kyungsoo that Kai had told him who he liked. He then waited for Kyungsoo to ask who, although he knew Kyungsoo liked him too. Hating himself for being so weak, Kyungsoo asked who.

"Me," was the reply. "He likes me, and I like him too." And this was said casually, as if it was something to be discussed over the dinner table. Kyungsoo smiled outwardly and told Luhan he was happy for him.

But his world was broken now. During class, Kyungsoo drew dark swirling designs on his hand, of Sharpie. He couldn't concentrate during his finals. Why did Luhan say it so casually and bluntly? Didn't Luhan know that he, Kyungsoo, was in love with Kai? And why, oh why, couldn't Luhan have just told him that he liked Kai too? Kyungsoo wouldn't have been upset. And now he knew: those little screenshots and tidbits of information Luhan had shared with him. They weren't to help him get closer to Kai at all. They had always been for his own benefit.

And Kyungsoo had been so sure, that he and Kai shared something special. Kai had started liking his posts on Facebook, each notification of which had sent little shock waves of pleasure riding down his spine. And what was it all? Just a fantasy, spun from the ravings of a delusional mind.

And what was Luhan? Someone who thought Kyungsoo less than a person, for what friend would do such cruel things? Kyungsoo appreciated Luhan telling him, but wished he had been so much more gentle in delivering the news.

Granted, of all who liked Kai, Luhan had deserved it the most. He had actually made an effort to get close to Kai, to be his friend, whilst Kyungsoo had simply stood at a distance and watched and assumed. But Kyungsoo just wished with all his heart that Luhan had handled the situation better with him. He was deeply hurt and wounded. He thought he had found his special someone, and thought Kai had liked him back too. With Kai and Luhan now. Kyungsoo didn't know who to trust. He relied so heavily on his intuition and perception, which had gotten him through everything. Now he knew it could not be trusted, so what was to trust? He couldn't even trust his own feelings anymore. He was no one, he was a speck of dust blowing through the universe.

And Kyungsoo cried that day. He cried in band when everyone saw, when Kai and Luhan were talking quietly. He cried when Kai asked Luhan out. But he didn't cry when Luhan said yes to Kai. Because his feelings were dry and he was numb and crushed and bruised and bloody and his heart was broken and black, like the Sharpie on his hand.

Betrayed by a friend, betrayed by himself. Betrayed by everyone.

Betrayed.