Baby steps...

He got me bad... He got me really bad...

I only have three questions, why, how, when....

Why is probably because he's been there for me... He was my way out from the dark... He was like blood that was running through my vains...

He comforted me... He whispered sweet words to calm me down when I was scared or when I cried...

Many people thought that it looked gay, but for me It was pure friendship...

He would carry me up when I fell down...

I wanted to do the same, but I was to weak to do so....

That was all I needed...

I didn't need food or water...

I think I'm in love with Kim Jo

*RIING!*

I looked down from my computer and looked at my phone...

New text message:

Zitao~ ^_^:

''Kyungsoo gege, l-''

I smiled at the preview of the message and picked up my phone and unlocked it, I clicked on the message I got from Tao...

''Kyungsoo gege, look out of your window!''

My eyebrows furrowed and I went to my window and looked out, only to be greeted by Zitao outside waving at me with his thin hands, his face looking paler then ever.

I smiled weakly at him and put my Indexfinger up to sign for him to wait, then I walked slowly towards my closet so I wouldn't wake Jongin up, and picked out a simple white T-shirt and a light blue jeans and change in the bathroom.

I went out of the dorm quietly to not wake everyone up, (except for Suho who was drinking his morning coffie and looking at the newpaper with reading glasses on like a grandpa.)

I walked out of the bulding and got greeted by a heavily crying panda, ''Kyungsoo gege!'', Tao yelled and ran upp to me and hugged me tight, all I could do was to wrap my arms around him and coe soothing words in his ear, like It's okay, you'll endure it, it's his fault, don't cry...

After a while of crying, Tao finally let go of me and looked at me with his bloated, red eyes, ''gege...'', he started but I qiuickly cut him off, ''come here, let's sit down...'', I said and brought him to a playground close to our dorm, and sat with him under my favorite slide.

I sat leaning on the slides back and Tao infront of me, ''Kyungsoo gege... He-he...'', Tao started mumbling while looking at his hands.

I nodded and tired to understand what the little panda was trying to say, I leaned closer and he looked up at me, ''I feel like you're the only one I can talk to... You're a good gege... please help me...'', Tao murmured.

I looked at him with a sad smile, everyone from exo comes to me when they need someone to listen...

~~But no one has time to listen to me and my feelings...~~

Tao looked back at me with a sad smile, ''can I start, gege?'', he said and I nodded and looked down at my hands, ''start...'', I whispered...

''Kris said to me that I'm the only one for him and that I change him as a person and that he thinks that he has build big feelings for me, but just yesterday I saw him flirting with a girl at the buoquet shop...''

''flower shop...'', I corrected him.

He looked at me, ''Bouquet shop, flower shop, same thing...''

I looked up at him and gave him a nod and a smile, ''continue...'', I whispered to him.

He gave me a weak smile back and started again, ''So he was flirting with this girl and he was smiling widely, and they were laughing and having a good time, b-but what shocked the most was that he went out with a card on his hands and I assume that it is the girls number...'', Tao finished and looked at me with a pleading look, ''what should I do,ge-... hyung?''

I looked at him with a sad smile, I already knew what was going on, Kris had told me not to tell Tao...

But Tao was looking at me with a pale face that showed that he has been crying the whole night and eyes that were red with tears threatening to fall.

I shook my head, No! I must not tell what's going on!, I looked at him again and bought him into a warm hug, ''Tao.. There comes a time when you need to trust your partner...''

Yes, Tao and Kris were together and they were the only ones that were gay in exo, no need to worry...

''You'r partner sometimes needs some air and get to know new people, and if he takes that time to meet someone else and hurt you, he's not the right person for you...''

I could feel Tao shaking and I held him tighter, ''But if you'r partner uses that time wisely and good, then you should be expecting something... And you need to give Kris that space so you can see wether he will use it wisely or.... Dumbly? Yeah! Dumbly...'', I continued.

I could feel Tao's head nod and I started rocking him back and forth, ''As I see it, Kris wouldn't leave someone as beautifully nice as you Tao, remember that...''

Tao started rocking with me, back and forth and then I started humming:

Jidoneun pillyo eobseo nae mami neol garikyeo

Gal giri heomnanhaedo ijjeumeseo geureoken motanda

Han sido tteoreojyeo ijeobon jeogi eomneunde

Jeo meolli supyeongseon kkeute neoui moseubeul bol su itdamyeon

-Exo-k ''Black Pearl''

Tao looked up at me, ''Black pearl...'', he smiled, I smiled back, ''It fits in my situation directly, Tao'', I said and Tao furrowed his eyebrows and backed away to see my face, ''H-Hyung? You like someone?'', he then said with a creepy-ish smile.

I looked at him and smiled, ''No...'', I answered and tragged him back in a hug so he couldn't see that my face was burning up.

We sat there and I hummed songs from our new album ''XOXO''.

The rest...

I don't remember...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Baby steps~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suho soon came and found us sleeping there, I thank Tao for that because earlier I couldn't sleep, but how do I know that Suho found us lying there?

Well, Suho is a kinda big tatteltale, so it got around pretty fast.

He woke us up and draged us both back to our dorms and layed us on our beds, but not befor checking our temperature so he could make sure we were not sick.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Baby steps~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later I felt the bed tilt abit and a warm hand touched my forehead, It's him..., my breath suddently stopped and my heart beat faster and faster, I'm gonna die...

''Kyungie... Are you okay?'', I heard the soothing, warm voice call out.

My heart beat even faster, I heard the door open, ''is he ok?''

''ssshhh! He's sleeping..''

That voice... Caring about me....

I heard the door close and I felt the bed get lighter so I hastily held on to his hand and opened my eyes,

''Jonginne~'', I moaned.

I got greeted by a warm smile, ''Honestly... I wa-''

''You weren't asleep...'', he sat down on the bed again, ''I know...'', he smiled,

omo! What a smile! It get's me everytime!

''are you ok?'', he asked with a worried tone.

I smiled and sat up on the bed, ''I'm fine, bro. Tao just wanted to talk, you know...'', I reccured him.

''Isn't it hard, kyungie?'', he then asked furrowing his eyebrows.

''What is?'', I answered also furrowing my eyebrows.

''Listening to everyone...'', he said and looked down.

''No... It actually makes me get to know them a bit better...'', I answered with a smile,

~~I lied... It's hard...~~

''Why? You have a problem?'', I said with a smile, teasing the younger and poking his stomache were he is ticklish.

''HAHAHA! Kyungie stop that! hahaha....'', Jongin smiled and held my hands.

My breath started going faster, I pulled my hands away hastily and smiled at him, ''So? What's the matter, dong?''

(Dong= Abbreviation for dongsaeng)

He smiled at me, ''Well...''

Here we go... He's gonna start talking about some girl he likes and yadiyadiyada!

I sighted.

He blushed.

''There is this one person I like...'', he started and scratched his neck and looked up with a blush.

He kept on looking at me with a blush while biting his lowerlip, I couldn't take it.

''Malhae! Sekia!'', I got frustrated, I'm so tired of this.

(Malhae! Sekia!= Talk! (you) Brat!)

Jongin looked up at me with wide eyes, ''K-Kyungie...'', he said and backed away (with his ) and continued looking at me with a horror expression.

I sighted and massaged my head in frustration, He doesn't know... I can listen to all of the exo members love problem a thousand times! But I can't when It comes to Jongin... Why? My mind just breaks whenever he tells me that, 'this girl is so beautiful', 'i love her' etc.

I looked up at his sad and scared face, ''Jonginnie... I'm sorry, I'm just really tired...'', said with a sad smile.

~~Another lie~~

He looked at me with a worried face, ''Are you really, hyung?

I looked up at him, ''How beautiful is she this time?''

His eyebrows furrowed, ''h-hyung... What's wrong? Am I irritating you?''

I looked down because tears were threatening to fall from my big eyes, ''N-No... J-Just start talking...'', I started, ''I'm listening...'', I then breathed in.

Jongin's hands found their way to my shoulders and squeezed them, ''look at me, hyung...'',

That soft voice... I can do nothing but obey...

I took a deep breath and looked at him.

His eyes widened.

''Hyung! Why are you crying?'', He said with a worried tone and pulled me in for a hug.

I didn't hug him back.

He pulled away to look at me.

''hyung... What's troubling you?'', he said and tried to make eyecontact with me but I refused.

''nothing...'', I whispered.

He took a firm hold on my shoulders and made me make eyecontact with him, ''Look, hyung! Today, I'll be listening to you!... So spill it out! All your emotions, I want them here now!'', He said with a worried look on his face but still playfully angry.

I thought that the one who would be the first one to listen to me would be Luhan or Suho, Not Kai...

I looked at him and forced a smile and held on to his shoulders, ''I'm ok... Just tired...'',

Just tired...?

~~Another lie...~~

''Are you sure?'', he asked a little unconvinced.

I smiled again, ''I'm ok...''

He looked at me, ''If you ever want to talk, your bestfriend is here for you'', he said and winked at me and then stood up and lend his hand.

~~Yeah, my bestfriend... That's what he is....~~

''Let's go eat, kyungie...'', he said while reaching his hand closer to my face, ''We have schedule soon, let's go!'', he said with a playful smile on his plump lips.

I smiled at him and nodded, ''Let's go...'', I said and reched for his hand and held it.

We went out to the kitchen and made some cup ramyun and ate it together, we laughed and told eachother about what crazy fans have done to us and stuff like that.

We got picket up by our manager and went to preform somewhere.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Baby steps~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When we got back to the dorms, I wasn't tired like every other day.

Everyone thanked eachother for their hard work and went to sleep.

I just made some tea and re-watched my favorite of alltime Tv-drama, May queen.

I just sat there and watched til' about 9 pm, then ofcourse Jongin has to come.

''Hyung... Aren't you tired?'', Jongin asked with a curious-while-cute expression.

The fanboy inside of me just jumped and sqealed and I looked up at him and smiled, ''No, dong. Come and sit down next to me...''

Ok, It's now or never!

Jongin sat next to me and gave me a suspicious look, ''What is it, hyung?'', he then said.

I looked at him and smiled, ''You want tea too?''

He looked at me annoyed, ''No, now tell me, what is it? Are you hurt?''

I looked at him and laughed, ''No... You said that you would listen too me when I have problems, right?'', I started and bit my lip.

He looked at me with a conserned look, ''Do you have a problem?'', he said cutely.

I nodded, ''Yes... Are you willing to listen?'', I asked and bit my lower lip ever harder.

His gaze moved from my eyes to my lips.

I blushed, ''hm?'', I hummed to get his attention.

He looked at me, ''Y-Yeah! O-Ofcourse!'', he said with a smile.

I smiled and then grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the dorm towards the little park next to the dorm and ´we sat on a bench.

He then looked at me while panting, ''What was that for?''

I looked at him while panting, ''I want privacy...'', I smiled at him.

He smiled back at me.

My heart then ofcourse decided to take a turn to beat crazily!

''Now, tell me... What's troubleing my hyung?'', Jongin said concerned.

I gave him a reccuring smile and started, ''Well... There is one person who can make my heart beat....''

Jongin gave me a mischevious smile.

I looked forward,

''I have known this person for a long time, but he still makes my heart beat as fast as the first time.

This person is nice, and kind, but is blind to see what's infront of him. I tried to give hints, but that person has no clue.

We are very close, so I don't want to ruin our friendship, that's why I haven't said anything.

This person is the air I'm breathing now, I can't live without this person.

This person has made me to what I am today and I will always be thankful for that.

His smile..

His blush...

But this person makes me mad some times, and makes me want to burst into flames and just kill someone.

This person is the only person that can make me feel all those emotions.

Happy..

Sad..

Angry...

erted...

And anxious...

This person is speciall to me, and we can say that this person to me is like a bright light in a veeeery dark room, Jongin...''

Jongin looked at me, ''The problem?'', he said with a questioning look.

I gave him a weak smile, ''This person sees me as just a really close friend, and I don't want to loose this person because of my stupid feelings...

That's why it hurts me sometimes to hear this person talk about how much they like another person...

I feel like I'm being torn apart...

I'm selfish, I know but In my heart I would hit enyone who would approach this person in a flirty way but in reality I can only smile and then cry myslef to sleep...''

Jongin looked at me, ''Is it someone I know?'', he said nervously.

He looked at me concerned and is it a shade of angry I see?

I could only nodd, ''Yes...''

''WHO?!'', he suddently yelled.

I looked at him in surprice.

But he kept his firm stare at me and glared, ''who? Who makes you feel this way?''

I looked at him and dragged him in for a hug, ''I can't tell you...''

''WAE!!??'', he yelled and held on to my shoulders hard.

''Cuz' it'll ruin our friendship...'', I whispered and a tear fell down my cheeks.

This is it... I said it!

Jongin relaxed and released his hold on me, ''Wh-Why?'', he stuttered.

I took a deep breath, Pabo..., ''C-Cu'z it's you...''

I pulled away and looked at him in the eyes, my eyes were full of tears so I only saw him blurry.

''YOU'R THE ONE I LIKE! NO! I LOVE YOU KIM JONGIN!'', I yelled from the bottom of my lungs and looked down.

''Mianeh...'', I continued and started sobbing.

Scilence filled the park...

I could hear him breath...

Oh god, what have I done?

I then felt a pair of hands wrap around me and I looked up, ''w-what are you doing, Kai?''

Kai... That name... Only people who doesn't know him personally call him that...

''Call me Jonginne...'', he whispered huskily into my ear.

His breath sent shivers down my spine.

I breathed in and out, ''Jonginne... What are you doing?'', I asked and hugged him back.

''Kyungie, hyung... You remember when I told you that I liked someone and you flipped?''

I blushed, ''yeah?''

''Was this why you flipped?'', He then asked.

I nodded, ''Yes, dong, it was...''

''Pabo!'', he then pulled away.

My eyes widened.

''I was gonna confess then!'', he said.

My heart stopped, ''W-What?''

''Yeah! I was gonna say that I have feelings for you and you can't believe how nervous I was!'', He said while pouting.

I took a little time to get everything he said into my mind and then I looked up at him only to be greeted by a widely grin.

I smiled back and he pulled me against him and he then pecked my lips once, ''This is for me...''

Another peck, ''This is for you...''

And then he kissed me...

Those lips that I've been dreaming of, finally on mine...

I felt him smile into the sensuall kiss, and he pulled away, ''That one was for us, babe...'', he said with a smile and hugged me, with my head on his chest.

Aaaahh, finally... My dream has come true...

''But Jonginne.... You'r not gay...'', I asked a bit concerned.

''For as long as I've known you, You've only had girlfriends...'', I continued.

He looked down at me, ''I can become anything for you, kyungie...''

I blushed.

''But you'r the same right?'', Jongin asked.

I nodded, the shade of pink never leaving my cheeks.

''Then we both need to take baby steps in this relationships...'', he said and smiled at me.

I smiled back and leaned on his chest.

Baby steps... Let's take baby steps into this new world...

Cuz' I'm happier then I ever thought I'd be... =)

I got a massage from Tao that night,

Kyungsoo gege! Kris is not cheating on me! =) He actually made a party for our anniversary and he ordered 99 roses and one fake and told me that he would love me till the last one died xD

soo cheesy right? xD And he said that he took her number and she took his so that she could text or call him when his delivery came! No need to worry hyung ;) I'm ok =)