❝let your heart speak;
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                                                                                                                  DON'T KEEP IT ALL INSIDE.

 

 

 

"I'm just gonna check on Jonghyun-hyung, first." Taemin waved the others off, disappearing into their dorm's corridor. Usually, Jonghyun would still be asleep in the afternoon, when the rest arrived home from their schedule. The vocalist's body clock was just as messed up as his mind.

 

Taemin knocked on Jonghyun's door, his ear pressed against its fine wooden texture. There was no response. He twisted the door knob slowly, figuring out that it was unlocked, unlike the usual.

 

That's odd. He must be awake then. Or at least, not watching his adult shows this afternoon. Taemin smirked as he gently swung the door open.

 

The room was silent and poorly lit, making it seem like it was already night time, when in fact, the sun was setting. Taemin squinted adjusting to the sudden change of brightness, compared to the brilliantly illuminated corridor outside. His eyes scanned the room and stopped at the sight of Jonghyun's silhouette, seated on the bed with his face in his palms. The seated figure's breathing was slow and quite peculiar, shaky even.

 

"Hyung, are you alright?" Taemin's voice rang across the room, the tone of anxiety heavy in his words. The older boy stayed silent, not responding, but Taemin didn't leave. He didn't want to leave. Not yet. Not after seeing Jonghyun's breathing hitch.

 

"I know you're awake, hyung." Taemin blunted, now leaning on the door frame, the corridor's lights shining behind him and outlining his slouched form. He knew Jonghyun's breathing never hitched while sleeping. He had watched the elder sleep often enough to know that it never did.

 

Silence. Silence filled the room for quite some time.

 

"What is it that you want?" Jonghyun finally spoke, his figure unmoving and his voice low and raspy.

 

Taemin closed the door and walked over to Jonghyun. He left a few feet of distance between the two of them. "Are you alright?" He repeated the same question. His feet shuffled, deciding whether he should go nearer or not. He knew that Jonghyun wasn't feeling alright, but it was better to risk it and ask.

 

Was he alright? Was he, Kim Jonghyun alright?

 

Well, no. Jonghyun thought as he snorted, his hands still covering his face for the younger not to see.

 

"Speak, hyung. You know you can tell me everything." Taemin said softly, after he lessened the distance between them and placed his hand on Jonghyun's left broad shoulder.

 

Everything? Are you sure? Or would you just run off again and tell the others everything? You can't lie to them, right? Jonghyun felt his chest constrict at the thought.

 

I can't speak, Taemin. Not when it's you who I'm talking to.

 

"Hyung. Please. Talk to me." Taemin sat beside Jonghyun, lightly shaking the other's hands and trying to pry it off from his face.

 

Just stay away. Don't ing mind me anymore. Go to Key, or Minho, or even Onew. I don't care. Just leave me alone. Jonghyun tightened his already shut eyes.

 

"Hyung?" Taemin's voice as persistent as ever. His eyes traveled down Jonghyun's shaking figure. He knew something was off.

 

"Please?" He risked it and begged once more, but little did he know that his persistence would be the cause of Jonghyun's violent emotional release.

 

"ing go away, will you? I don't want to talk about anything! There's nothing I could tell you!" Jonghyun finally let go of his face and exasperatedly faced Taemin.

 

I want to tell you everything, but I can't. Jonghyun's thoughts weren't going the same course as his words. His heart wanted to let go of the pain, the burden it had been keeping inside.

 

Taemin's eyes widened at what he was seeing. Jonghyun's eyes were blood-shot, his cheeks still stained with tears and lips plump red with a bit of blood from the biting and gritting he had been doing since earlier. It was an unbearable sight; truly unbearable for someone as delicate as Taemin to see.

 

Though Jonghyun's eyes showed fury, with his brows raised and knit together, the younger still saw a tinge of pain in them. He knew he had to take that pain away. He needed to soothe the other's heart; let it speak and release the agony it kept to itself.

 

"H-hyung!" Taemin suddenly leapt towards the more vulnerable boy, not knowing that he was already doing so. He put his clammy hands on Jonghyun's warm cheeks, messily wiping the tears, but ending up scattering them all over his face.

 

"Don't touch me!" Jonghyun harshly removed Taemin's hands from his face, regretting his action as soon as the cool touch dispersed in the warmth of his blood rushing back up to his cheeks. He longed for that touch. He longed for Taemin's comfort.

 

Shock streaked Taemin's face and he instantly held his hands together, fiddling with his fingers in nervousness and astonishment. His eyes alarmingly stayed on Jonghyun, not leaving his body even for a second.

 

"Don't you ing get it? I can't tell you anything, okay?" Jonghyun harshly tugged on his blonde-dyed hair.

 

"Why? Is it because I'm too young? Huh? Well, hyung. Newsflash. I'm already twenty! You have no ing excuse to--"

 

"It's not because you're too young or about your age or such, alright? It's because you're Lee Taemin! You're Taemin and I don't want you to know how messed up I am or how useless and worthless I am! I don't want you to be burdened by me!" Jonghyun's eyes were fire ablaze, and his hands formed fists, tight enough to make his knuckles turn white.

 

"I don't want you to pretend in front of the others. I don't want you to act out with me, trying to look fine when I truly feel like stupid crap. I don't want to burden you, Taemin." Jonghyun continued, his tone softer but still rigid.

 

Well, I've already noticed it since before, hyung. Believe it or not, you've already burdened me long before. Since your accident, I've sensed it that you were hiding how you truly felt and I've been waiting for you to let it out. Taemin thought as he recovered from the shock caused by Jonghyun's sudden outburst.

 

Taemin had noticed how distant Jonghyun had become and how unrealistic his smiles were if he were to flash them whenever he catches the elder awake late at night. The glint of exuberance in his eyes were also gone, hidden in the clouds of weariness. It worried him. It worried him so ing much.

 

"I don't like feeling helpless, Taemin. I think you of all people should know that," Jonghyun's eyes stared into Taemin's, the pain more prominent in it now.

 

"Can't you see how ruined I and most especially, my voice is right now? I'm ing worthless!  I don't like how people ask me to come back, when I can't do anything about my condition!"

 

"Is it because of what Key-hyung said in the interview?" Taemin's thoughts carelessly slipped into his words.

 

"That it was an advantage that you were gone? That he had more share in the money? Because I'm pretty sure he didn't mean to. You know how rash hyung is sometimes. And believe me, hyung, the con's of you gone is more than the pro's. You--"

 

"That's not exactly the reason, but maybe yeah, it's actually good that I'm gone. More money for you guys, right? I'm worthless crap, anyways." Jonghyun cut off Taemin and looked out the window. The sun was now gone. It was just sunset a while ago... Had he been keeping Taemin waiting for that long?

 

You worthless piece of , Kim Jonghyun.

 

Why do you have to be so stupid and not listen to your mother when she told you to stay for the night, instead of driving half-awake? Why did you have to ing drive that car? Jonghyun remembered that midnight leading to the first day of April. The night that had caused everything.

 

"You're not worthless, hyung." Taemin soft-spokenly said.

 

Jonghyun was now calmed down, but the pain in his heart was still there. He suddenly turned to face Taemin, catching the other flinch out of surprise, but he had mistaken it as fear.

 

"Yes, I am. And look at what I've done. I've probably even scared the out of you because of my goddamn outburst." Jonghyun heavily sighed. He felt like he was the worst disappointment that could've happened in Taemin's life.

 

ing worthless. Jonghyun mumbled into his thoughts. He lowered his head and stared at his feet. His fingers intertwined just like how his brows were.

 

"Look at me, hyung." Taemin's delicate and long fingers edged down Jonghyun's jaw. He gently turned the other's head to face him.

 

"You're not worthless, hyung. Isn't it enough that I told you that? You're far from being a piece of insignificant . In fact, you're one of the most amazing people I've ever met. You inspire me. You pushed me further. You made me who I am now," Taemin's eyes glistened under the moonlight.

 

Jonghyun's heart momentarily stopped beating, his breathing paused as he saw the beauty that faced him that night. He had been treating Taemin like a gem. Taemin was a treasure that nothing could amount to. He already knew that Taemin's splendour was one of a kind, but still, it made him speechless.

 

"What do I have to do to make you believe that? You don't have to worry, okay? We'll be waiting for you. I'll be waiting for you. All I want is for you to recover and I don't think putting yourself down would help you," Taemin continued.

 

"Isn't it enough that I told you that, hmn?" Taemin asked once more. He lightly grazed his thumb across Jonghyun's chin, his eyes softer than before.

 

"And hyung, I'll never be scared of you. I'll never be, because I trust you. And because I do, I hope you'd depend on me, too. Don't be afraid to tell me everything. Even if it's as little as being scared of spiders or as big as a financial crisis, speak up. You can trust me with your secrets. You can trust me with your emotions, with your opinions," Jonghyun opened his mouth in attempt to respond, but Taemin cut him off immediately.

 

"You can trust me with your heart." It was all the younger boy had said before he closed the distance between them, placing his lips on the others. It was a very brave move for Taemin to take, but he felt like it was the right thing to do. He ignored the metallic taste of the very small amount of blood on Jonghyun's lips, immersing himself in the fast rhythm his heart was beating and the soft grazing between their lips. Taemin's eyes shut close, whilst Jonghyun's opened wildly in shock, but later on Jonghyun himself gave into the kiss which didn't feel forced at all.

 

Their hearts beat together, the comforting silence enveloping their now huddled bodies. There was no more need to speak, for their hearts spoke for them.

 

 

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✉(A/N).

This fic was written for a friend of mine (patsie; go follow her on tumblr, she's awesome, I swear! | yeujin |) Hmn. My first ever JongTae angst. I hope it's fine. ㅋㅋㅋ. Please vote, comment and subscribe! ^^ Thank you!

 

 

( h a r l e q u i n. )