escape
Description
english is obviously not my language and yes, this is my first time writing and posting here. honestly it's the very second time in my life that I write in this language and ... nothing. not a genius neither the descendant of shakepeare but, you know, just trying ...
( myungyeol / one-shot / more like a trip in the visual mind )
Foreword
at first it's easy to like someone, you just see him, he seems nice and with a sweet smile, you simply hope to know him a little and that's the end, you don't believe you'll finish to get with him, be his lover, confident, very closer person —
it's always like this, I like people only from far away, I don't appreciate closeness, to think about their feelings and be pushed by their opinions, to be burdened with what they would feel or if they get hurt by what I say, what I want to do. I want to do what I want to do without thinking about any other thing, to hell everything and everyone if they don't agree.
I have my walls, my flaws, my no-days, my ty personality and it's fun like that, it's ing fun not to care, not to be bossed around also involuntary by a too much closer living creature near me ( ... )
well, I don't hate everybody, I'm not an asocial or a sociopath, an alien, a breathing wc, a special type of cyberthing with a beating heart ... I'm so young, so scared of hurting others and broke, I'm so me and I'm not ready to accept someone, to be ALWAYS with someone, to deal with something I don't like and to be judged if I don't love that person next to me like he deserved to be loved.
and yet I like him, I don't know why, he's just there, he looks at me and I want to kiss him, to touch him, to get him under me but why if I simply want a physical feeling?
I feel like a bastard, a freakin' but I don't want anything else, I just desire to feel, to be caressed by those hands and nothing, no love, no glances of adoring and no ing constrictions ...
because I know me. I know that in case, in case people pass the limit, my limit, I'll end up hate them. no matter who they are, if before I loved them and treasured them, I'll still hate them. I start to feel suffocated, like I want to shove the world away, throw up, desperately want to be alone and close myself in a bell of glass.
it's true, in my brief life I've had many delusions, but that's not an excuse, I'm tired of being sorry if I don't fit in everyone's ideals of me, of their expectations, I'm so ing tired of living respecting rules that aren't mine, I need more and more freedom —
not everybody accepts me. I acknowledge my not-so-loveable attitude but that's the way I am.
I have friends, yes. an ocean of faces have walked in my heart and soul and have been carried away with years and changes. I changed a lot. but my problem remains. it gets worse. I don't know how to solve it and it scares me, to not be able to love totally, to be so small and defenseless against my complex, I'm capable of kick people the out of my life without any kind of regret but I'm a loser in keeping who I want —
and yet he's still there.
I'm scared to death.
I won't hurt him.
so I won't let him get closer.
going to school isn't that bad, I've always been that type of person good in almost everything ( well, I'm that freak who likes math and what in' problem do people have with math? seriously, guys, don't give me that look ) but hey, there are days when I would want to spit in every couple of retarted octopus eyes I see - you know, I'm that much of a selective psycho and if you aren't in my graces you'll experience the worstcoldicyfreezingacidevil glares from me ... forever.
but you must talk with people even if you don't want and you can't avoid him for your entire existence myungsoo, don't pretend you don't give a , damn blank face you have dude, don't try to act like you are an emotionless brat, —
" hello "
and those puppy caramel eyes will be my ruin and saviours.
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