NOTE

sorry.... Inspirational is taking a while... //curse you writer's block aka lose of inspiration >~< man that's ironic aint it? LMFAO
 

anways 

here's some banglo fluff fluff o w o 

Junhong finds himself walking slowly towards his destination.

            1:05 PM

            “I’m late.” He says monotonously. Feet not hurrying themselves to the coffee shop just around the corner. It was too late to back out now right?

            It was too late?

            He gnaws at his bottom lip in contemplation forcing his body to move faster forward. “Forward motion” he whispers quietly. It was a phrase Yongnam had frequently said. Junhong couldn’t suppress the burst of happiness that exploded within his chest. It was just like Yongnam. Perfectly and completely optimistic.

            You have to move on you know, forward motion, it’s what life is all about

            The bluenette nods quietly before pushing the door to the coffee shop open. The loud ding representing his arrival, he takes a moment to scan the shop for that all too familiar face.

            “Zelo! Ah, I was afraid you weren’t going to show” A large, gummy smile greets the searching boy in a matter of seconds.

            “Sorry, I was at the salon” Junhong flashes a quick smile. Maybe Yongguk’s smile was contagious or something, considering how difficult it is to make Junhong smile.

            “Wow, you look great, the color suits you so much” Junhong couldn’t help but to stare at the sight before him. The way Yongguk’s eyes crinkled with happiness, the way his gums showed a little bit too much, and finally, the coarse chuckle that left his throat engraved themselves into the younger male’s mind. It was almost breath taking. It was almost more captivating than Yongnam’s.

            Almost.

            Almost.

            The thought hits Junhong in the face like a big yellow school bus and carves scars into his heart. Was this why he was here? To compare the man before him to the man he loved and still loves. What kind of a sick er was he-

            “You know, if you compare me to that person, I don’t mind”

            Junhong looks wide-eye at the older male before him, flabbergasted by both the fact that Yongguk seemed to read his mind perfectly as well as his words.

            Yongguk chuckles lightly at the boy before him. With his mouth hanging open slightly and his huge doe eyes looking straight back at him, it was really an absolutely adorable sight. Leaning into the standing male, he whispers, “All that means is that I have work extra hard to show you that we aren’t the same. And that, I’m much much better.” He adds a quick wink at the end before moving his hand to grab the hand of the still stunned male in his own. Shoving an iced coffee into the boy’s free hand, he guides Junhong out of the shop. “I got a fun day plan Zeloah”

            Junhong gives a quick nod, eyes still glued to the older male’s hands around his own. It’s been far too long before he’s been held in any affectionate manner. It’s been far too long since he felt the warmth of another. Yongguk made him feel warm, loved, wanted even, despite the fact that he was just a stranger- a stranger that too much resembled his deceased intended.

            “Just relax” Yongguk says tenderly before giving Junhong’s hand a gentle, reassuring squeeze. “I promise it’ll be fun”

            Yongguk turns to flash another one of his signature gummy smiles. And Junhong swears his heart is melting at the sight. “I’m trying.” He whispers quietly, wondering if Yongguk even picked up on his words.

            “Can I even ask for more?” Junhong flashes a small awkward smile as the older male lace their fingers together. To be honest, Junhong paid no attention to the direction they were heading in, or the fact that they had gotten on a 30 minute train ride. It was when they stepped out, and came face to face with a large amusement park did Junhong take note of their location.

            He immediately felt his body freezing on the stop, coming to a halt and even pulling Yongguk back a little. Instead of being greeted by a look of surprise or hurt, Junhong finds himself staring back at a look of, sympathy. He furrows his brows in confusion as a trillion things raced through his head, paying little attention to Yongguk’s unexpected reaction.

            It was the same amusement park that Yongnam had taken him on their very first date.

             Was this even considered irony?

            Or was it sheer coincidence?

            Junhong lets out a bitter chuckle as he shakes his head in utter disbelief.

            Fate was really too cruel sometimes.

            “Are you alright?” Yongguk asks. “Is there something wrong with his place?”

            Of course there is

            It was the common thought, yet it remains unspoken. Neither of them wanting to bring up the details that they thought the other didn’t know.

            “No, it’s just that I’ve been here before…”

            “Ah, with that other person” Yongguk concludes, voice still laced with concern. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea… Before his mind could come up with a good enough alternative, the older male finds the newly turned bluenette pulling them towards the entrance.

            “It’s okay”

            “Let’s make new memories,” Yongguk says, forcing a smile onto his face.

            “Yeah let’s,” it comes out less enthusiastic than both of them had wished it would.

            But Yongguk decides that it wouldn’t matter, this task left by his late brother was meant to be difficult, and he was always up for a challenge.

            They walk hand in hand to into the single, largest, fastest rollercoaster available. The idea of literally shaking the negative thoughts out of their minds seemed to be shared.

            Yongguk learns, after numerous rides on the most stomach churning, brain scrambling and gut flipping rollercoaster he has ever experienced, that Junhong is total thrill seeker. He also learns that he really can’t turn down that boy’s ‘hyung’ and those doe eyes of his. And there Yongguk stands, on line for the seventh time that day, hand intertwined with the bouncing brunette’s. It’s pretty heartwarming to see that a few rollercoaster rides brought such a huge smile onto Junhong’s visage.

            Junhong

            Choi Junhong

            Lover of his late brother

            The last person on Earth he should fall in love with

            But people can’t really control who they fall for can they?

            No.

            Because if it was ever up to Yongguk’s choosing, he would’ve never fallen for the boy.

            “Hyung! We’re almost there” the younger boy gives a gentle tug on Yongguk’s hand, urging him closer and closer to the station.

            “Yea… we are” Yongguk chuckles awkwardly, not exactly excited for another tortuous ride on that monster of a rollercoaster.

            “Come on hyung~ This is last time I promise! It’s just no fun to ride these things alone” Junhong pouts, jutting his bottom lip out excessively.

            “Aish, what are you doing to me” Yongguk halfheartedly pulls away in feigned annoyance.

            “We don’t have to… if you really don’t want to” Junhong kicks at the concrete ground in worry, fiddling with his thumbs awkwardly.

            “Of course I want to, I like making you happy” Yongguk smiles gently.Junhong finds himself flushing with embarrassment at the older male’s words. He continues to avert Yongguk’s seeking gaze, focusing on the floor beneath him as Yongguk pulled him along. “If you don’t stop looking at that awfully interesting ground, I’m not going”

            Junhong sends Yongguk one of his death glares before mumbling some useless insults. Yongguk couldn’t help but to chuckle, apparently, even the boy’s death glare was absolutely adorable.

            “Happy now old man?”

            Junhong smiles at the sight. The smug smile immediately changing into am amusing frown.

            “Yah!”

            “Oh look hyung, it’s time to go on the ride.” Junhong practically jumps into the seat, still giggling away at Yongguk’s reactions.

            Letting out a large sigh, Yongguk reluctantly straps himself in. He clutches onto the metal handles tightly as the rollercoaster began to move out of the station. He lets out a shaky breath as the ride starts to pick up.

            Junhong on the other hand was giggling away, not one bit bothered by the height of the coaster, the many twists and turns coming their way. Sneaking a glance at the rather nervous older male besides him, his expression softens considerably. Reaching out, he touches on of Yongguk’s hands gently. He watches as the color returns to the older male’s hand as his grip loosens. Taking the opportunity to lace his hands into Yongguk’s slightly calloused ones. He gives an encouraging smile just as the coaster reaches its highest heights.

            A loud scream rips from Yongguk’s throat as they dive head first into the group, he grips onto the younger’s hand in almost a painful manner as the ride takes their bodies into experiencing multiple G-forces. Junhong couldn’t help but to laugh away at the older male’s childish behavior. Not like he could really blame him, rollercoasters aren’t everyone’s thing. It warmed his heart to know that Yongguk had put up with it for his sake.

            “I’ll let you pick what to ride next” Junhong says quietly as the ride came to a stop and the death grip on his hand loosened. “That is if you don’t break my hand”

            Yongguk immediately lets go of the younger’s hand, body still a bit shocked from the rollercoaster, before he could mutter words of apology, Junhong is already out of the seat and walking away. “Hurry up old man” Junhong shouts, waving at the still seated brunette.

            “Che.” Yongguk scoffs lightly, before hurrying to the bluenette’s side. He immediately offers a hand to the younger male, to which Junhong stared at before ignoring it playfully. “Yah!”

            “I don’t want to” Junhong sticks out his tongue lightheartedly and skipped away to their next destination, not yet known.

            “I thought you said I could pick” Yongguk groans while following the younger boy’s footsteps.

            Junhong ignores the older male’s calls and finds his way to the cotton candy booth. He knows this place by heart. Actually, he had frequented this amusement park with Yongnam back in the good old days. Turning around, he searches for the familiar male, whom he had presumed to be following. When Yongguk was nowhere to be found, Junhong gives himself a bitter smile. Had he expected too much?

            Was it so wrong to want to relive the memories just for a little while?

            Slowly he drags his feet toward the large Ferris wheel in the middle of the park.

            “Funny how you go to the one ride that I wanted to go on” a voice interrupts his sulking.b Junhong gazes as the older male pops up in front of him with a blue cotton candy in hand. He stands absolutely frozen in spot; Yongguk has somehow managed to return with his favorite colored treat in hand. “Hey are you gonna cry?” Junhong his lips in response, eyes still fixated on the brunette before him. It’s all too much; he blinks away a tear that had overflowed from his watery orbs. “Hey…” Yongguk whispers quietly, his free hand raising itself to caress the younger male’s cheek. “This is suppose to be a happy day…” Honestly, Junhong’s tears were like a slap of reality for Yongguk. He realized that it may be impossible to honor his late brother’s wishes. Here he was, doing everything in his power to take Yongnam’s place, and Junhong’s heart couldn’t even handle that.

            So much for hoping that Junhong would fall for him for himself

            Yongguk’s mind chuckles bitterly at the thought, but looking at the sight before him, Yongguk knows he would give anything and everything to end his suffering. Even if it meant sacrificing himself for whom he really is.

            Was this unconditional love?

            Or was this sheer selfishness?

            It doesn’t matter.

            “Don’t cry anymore, Zelo, just…” He pulls the whimpering boy into a heartfelt hug, whispering soothing words against his blue locks.

            It’s not like Junhong wanted to cry. It’s not like he chose those scenes to replay in his mind. They just did. Things just happen.

            It wasn’t intentional.

            It just hurt.

            It hurt to know… “Why are you even here?”

            Yongguk blinks in surprise. “Remember? I told you that I’d help you to move on…”

            “But I can’t move on”

            The words stabbed Yongguk dead in heart. He pulls back slightly, before leaning in to gaze Junhong directly in the eye. His free hand finding its way onto the boy’s cheek, “I told you to compare me to whoever you loved. And I told you that I’d do everything I can to surpass whatever expectations you hold for me”   

            “But you can’t”

            More stabs.

            “Won’t you at least let me try?”

            “…” Junhong contemplates, gnawing at his inner cheek nervously.

            “Just let me try…”

            “…” When Junhong doesn’t respond, Yongguk only pulls his lip body towards the large Ferris wheel. Once seated in the cart, he shoves the cotton candy into Junhong’s open hands.

            Yongguk can’t really remember when he felt the infatuation with the boy. He thinks it’s the first time, he saw the boy’s photo on his brother’s phone, but he can’t say for sure. He just remembers the boy’s doe eyes, puffy cheeks and the seemingly perfect skin. At first he thought it was photoshop or some photo editing program that tweeked a human being to perfection.

            He thought.

            He perfectly remembers the first time he saw Junhong. He had already heard tons of boosting comments oozing from Yongnam’s pores. But the sleeping angel before him proved his suspicions. It wasn’t photoshop or some editing filters. It was the work of God. Obviously, he had put some extra effort when creating Junhong.

            Yongguk would’ve loved to stay longer on that day. But he was quickly ushered out of the room by Yongnam. At first he bombarded the younger with questions of why? Why won’t you let me meet him? Eventually, Yongguk puts Yongnam’s behavior on fear of losing Junhong.

            It made enough sense.

            If it were him, he would be scare of losing such an angel too.

            But he couldn’t help but to feel hate, jealousy, so much envy for his younger brother.

But eventually he takes it in, that Junhong was Yongnam’s and Yongnam was Junhong’s. For too long, he kept his distance, never having it in his heart to take away the love of Yongnam’s life. He avoided Junhong at all costs, fearing that seeing more of the boy would result in him falling deeper and deeper.

            Honestly, he never thought, hell, he never even dreamed of the chance to actually meet Junhong. And when that faithful day Yongnam returns news of his stage IV brain cancer, he didn’t know what to think. He stood by as his brother admitted that he had known for a long time. He watched as his sibling confessed that he had never meant to date or even fall for Junhong because he had already known he was terminally ill. Yongguk could relate. It wasn’t like he intended to fall for Junhong, it just sort of happened. He remembers yelling profusely at Yongnam for refusing chemotherapy.

            “I don’t want him to worry; I don’t want him to see that something was wrong”

            And Yongguk thinks that he will never ever forgot those words. Yongnam had refused chemotherapy, he had put up with absolutely excruciating pain for what? For Junhong?

Did he even have the right to love Junhong?

The straight answer was no.

But who could control who they love?

            “I know you love him. I see the way you look at him. And I’m sorry that it’s happening this way. But I need you to promise me something. The entire reason I never let you meet him, that I never mentioned you to him was that I knew this day would come.”

            “Yongguk, promise me this, promise me that you will take care of Junhong, protect him, heal him”
            “I know this isn’t fair for you. But I’m begging you right now. Please”

            Did he even have a right to refuse?

            No.

            Of course not.

            He watches as Yongnam pulls away months before his predicted death, faking his death in a freak car accident. He spends the last of his days with his heart absolutely shattered.

            Life wasn’t fair to him.

            Unfair

            And Yongguk was doing the best he could trying to make it fairer for Yongnam, assuming that he was watching over the both of them as they speak.

            He draws in a deep breath, pushing away the influx of memories. Stay strong for him. Stay strong, for sake of the both of them.

            Yongguk forces on a smile as he slowly opens his eyes. Greeted with a fairly happy Junhong nibbling on his cotton candy, he shifts closer to the slightly tense male. “Thank you” the bluenette mumbles under his breath, cheeks still a bit flushed. “I’m Junhong by the way, Choi Junhong”

            The grin on Yongguk’s face was gummier than any Junhong had seen yet. And he himself couldn’t suppress the wide smile that made its way on his visage. Slowly, he relaxes into the older male’s embrace, leaning into the arm that was draped across his shoulders.