Foolish right from the start. Why did you? Haven't I told you so? I love you

The biggest mistake in my life was to have loved you.

Highschool is where you're reaching the prime of your life. The transition into teenage hood, showing more interest into becoming an adult. Girls talking about how they have a crush on this charming basketball captain and swooning over him. Boys arguing over who's going to get the y female dancer and giving catcalls to her. Every single day there will be chatters of students about everything under the sun. Obviously everyone is at the stage of being curious and trying out new things together. 

Highschool, is also where you will usually find the bestest friends and even the bestest enemies to last you for a lifetime. Spending most of your time in school, it is always the same face you'll see, same people you'll meet. Some of whom you'll like and some whom you'll cringe in disgust just by their mere existence. At the same time, no matter how undeniable you try to be, you'll definitely be curious about being in a relationship. How good is it actually to be in love? What does love feels like? How does it feel to be in someone's embrace? How does it feel to love, and to be loved?

Donghae is just one of the ordinary student in this highschool phenomenon. With such a pleasant disposition and excels in his studies, he never lacks of people who want to befriend him.  Although he is an approachable and friendly guy, he is quite reserved and only have a handful of friends whom he usually hangs out with. Out of the handful, only Eunhyuk deserves to be called a bestfriend. From the very first day he entered the school, being his sitting partner Eunhyuk was never selfish in lending a helping hand. Eunhyuk himself is a very eccentric guy. Almost emotionless but turns into a different person when he approves of something. To Donghae, Eunhyuk is someone with a very interesting character. No matter what happen, that man never falters and keep his cool.

Some of the topics they always share about is their respective boyfriends. Although Eunhyuk had recently ended his relationship with Brandon, the class's most good-looking guy, they still remained as good friends. Due to the experiences he had, Eunhyuk would provide useful advices for Donghae to follow just so he don't end up in the same fate with his beloved boyfriend, Gabriel. 

Another point to note is that despite being likeable in general, Donghae has his share of haters too. Oblivious to where these haters come from, he's aware that they're just butthurt students who don't approve of his relationship with Gabriel. Donghae is seen as perfect. Apart from himself and his own achievements, being the partner of a volleyball captain makes him perfect. Although in the same school and banded class, Donghae and Gabriel never made it too obvious that they are indeed together. Reason being not risking their reputation further within the school premises and Donghae also do not fancy the idea of showing affection publicly.

They say first love is always the most unforgettable. Donghae wanted to make every single moment with his partner blissful and memorable. Gabriel is his first love. The first one who proved that he matter more than anyone else. Whenever Donghae pondered upon his parent's divorce, Gabriel would always be there to lend him his shoulder. Seeking for affection from his father who moved far away to London, Gabriel would be the replacement. On days when his mother would be on a business trip, Gabriel will definitely drop by to accompany. Gradually, Donghae grew even more attached to Gabriel and they seemed inseparable. Donghae was convinced that he will be spending the rest of his life with Gabriel. Although they're still young and have the whole world ahead of them, Donghae was determined not to proceed further if it's not with Gabriel who means the world to him.

Until that fateful day.

--

School bell has rang and students rushed out of their classroom, ready for the long weekend. Donghae remained and fished for the cellphone from his pocket. He dialed for someone and sighed when his call was unanswered. He began packing his bag and picked up his phone again to send a text message. He stared at it in the longest time and beamed the moment it vibrated.

"Donghae! Are you in class?? I'll be coming over to keep my books in your locker!"

"Yeah.." his facial expression turned glum. "Anyway Eunhyuk-ah.... is Gabriel still in class..?"

"Urm..... nope. I guess he ran out as soon as the bell rang like what's new?"

"Ah.. I tried contacting him but he's not replying.."

"He must be at the basketball court as usual.. forget about him for once! I'm reaching!"

As soon as he hung up the call, Eunhyuk struts into the classroom with a pile of books in his hands. He went straight to the locker to keep his books and went to sit beside Donghae who was caught in deep thoughts. He jolted on his seat when his phone vibrated again.

Stop daydreaming.

He looked at the sender of the text message and turned to Eunhyuk, "Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously. Come on it's the weekends! Stop thinking over stupid things!"

"I'm not.."

"Dare you to tell me that.. Gabriel must be the only thing in your mind right now.."

"He's behaving weird lately.. When I ask him if there's anything wrong, he just said it's problem at home.. I really want to know what's happening.. I know there's something wrong.." Donghae sighed.

Eunhyuk helped him pack his belongings before zipping his bag, "He'll tell you if he wants you to know okay? Stop worrying! It may not even be an issue afterall!"

The cellphone vibrated and Donghae read the message before showing it to Eunhyuk.

I've got something urgent to attend to at home. I'll text you again tonight.

"There. He's just going back home and will text you tonight.."

Still not convinced, Donghae dialed for his partner to no avail.

"You're so unbelievable at times! Give him a break! You should give yourself a break too! I'm gonna go get bubble tea.. you can stay here until school reopens if you're not following.."

"I want you to treat me!" Donghae exclaimed as he grabbed his bag and joined Eunhyuk at the doorway.

***

Walking down the dimly-lit street, Donghae had a run for his thoughts. He has been feeling uneasy the whole day and thinks that Gabriel is in some kind of trouble that he doesn't wish for Donghae to know. Not only for a few days but for weeks, Gabriel have been showing indifference to him. He tends to lose his temper over the littlest stuff and shuts himself off whenever Donghae probed for answers. 

Donghae assumed that Gabriel do not wish to burden him but it seems ridiculous. They're together and all along, Gabriel stayed true by Donghae's side whenever the latter confides in his problem. Now is the time for Donghae to do the same thing as well. He wants to know and has the right to know what is happening. No matter how severe the issue is, Donghae was prepared to go through it together with Gabriel. That was what they have promised each other from the moment Gabriel confessed his feelings to him. It is absolutely unfair that Gabriel has to go through this phase alone. Donghae knows that the man needs him. He wants to prove to Gabriel that he can be the one lending his shoulder as well. He was sure that Gabriel needs him.

Which is why he's currently on his way to Gabriel's house to get his answer.

--

"You go back first.." 

"Who was that?? Gabriel who was that?!" Donghae raised his voice while pointing to the stranger who had scooted off after being instructed by Gabriel.

He leaned against the wall and looked away, "Nobody. Why did you come all the way here?"

"Answer my question! Who the was that?! Still got the cheek to tell me 'Nobody' when I caught the both of you smooching right at the doorstep of your house?!"

"None of your business!" Gabriel snarled as he went back into his house, Donghae followed suit.

"Of course it is my business! Don't you know how worried have I been for you?? I came all the way to provide comfort you might need! I thought you're in a trouble at home especially when I know that your parents won't be returning from Japan so soon! I'm doing all this for you only to witness with my own eyes that my own boyfriend was kissing with someone else?! Does this sound right to you?!"

Gabriel held Donghae's shoulder and tried to shove him out of the house. "Let's talk some other time. Go home."

"Why are you chasing me out of your house?? Just what are you hiding?! Did the two of you had ?!" Donghae pushed Gabriel away when he barged into the room which he have known so well.

"Lee Donghae stop it!" Gabriel harshly pulled Donghae's shoulder and blocked his way. "If I could do it with you, I can also do it with anyone else! What's the big deal?!"

Donghae threw punches on Gabriel's chest before screaming at the top of his lungs, "It is a big deal because you're my boyfriend! You're exclusively mine!!"

"Don't be naive. I'm JUST your boyfriend.."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Look at yourself.. always feeling so insecure and all.. it's really suffocating do you know that?! You expect me to be by your side all the time! Spamming me with texts and calls every single day.. I'm really tired of it!"

"You could have just told me off! Tell me in my face whatever I did wrong and I will change for you!--"

"I don't want to hurt you!"

"Then how is this not hurting me?! It's all excuses! Tell me straight if you have someone else and that you want to break up with me!"

"Fine then let's break up."

Donghae took a step back, wide-eyed, "You... How.. How dare you.. after all that we have been through.."

"We just had ."

"JUST?! Everything about our relationship seems to be a joke isn't it?! You're JUST my boyfriend?! We JUST had ?! So are we JUST in love then?! Where were your promises to me?! About not leaving me and not letting me go?! About loving me for eternity?! About taking care of me and protecting me against any harm?!"

"Stop living like the olden days. Everybody says that whenever they make love. Also stop using as your wild card on me. I never forced you that night--"

"It was my first time and I entrusted everything to you because I love you!! Why are you saying all this things to me?! You were never so mean!"

"This is exactly your problem. It is always about you. About how I should take care of your feelings and stuff. I was never so mean? That's because you never took the time to know me.. You're simply living in your own world of confettis where means happily ever after. Grow up."

Rushing to the man again, Donghae slapped his face and cried out, "I trusted you so much and this is what you do to me!! If I didn't come here, I wouldn't have found out that you've been cheating on me behind my back!! Our relationship means everything to me!! You're everything that I ever had! I love you so much! But you!! ing jerk--"

"Then stop all your drama and by all means, LEAVE!" Gabriel grabbed Donghae's wrist and pushed him out of the house before slamming the door in his face.

"!!!" Donghae pounded on the door when he slumped to the ground and cried his heart out.

Eunhyuk slammed his hand on the table as he stood up when Donghae immediately grabbed his arm.

"Don't stop me! I'm going to beat the hell up of that and kick his ing balls!" 

"Please don't! Eunhyuk.. if you care about me.. don't do it.."

"It's because I care about you that I'm gonna teach him a lesson for doing this to you!!" Eunhyuk was about to leave when Donghae broke down.

Pulling his bestfriend into a hug, Eunhyuk comforted, "Stop crying anymore.. Don't waste your tears on that useless jerk.. You deserve better, Donghae.. I hate seeing you cry.. Stop.."

"Please don't even approach him about this.. Eunhyuk.. Please.. I'm embarrassed.." he weeped.

"Why should you be embarrassed?? He ought to be the one for making you suffer!"

"I.. I don't want this to be a big issue.. If not.. everyone will know.. that.. that we.. we actually did it.."

Dumbfounded, Eunhyuk shifted himself to face Donghae, "What do you mean... 'we did it'..?"

"I.. I'm not anymore--"

"Donghae!" Eunhyuk almost screamed when he hushed down and shuffled closer, "This is not a joking matter! Tell me you're kidding!"

"Why should I be when I'm already like this?!" Donghae sobbed even harder while pulling the hem of Eunhyuk's shirt at the same time. 

"This is absurd!"

Tugging Eunhyuk's arm, Donghae pleaded, "Don't do anything for me.. I.. I'll get over this.."

"Are you just going to let him off?! I'm not allowing this!"

"Then what should I do?! We're both underage.. Even if he's convicted, not as if he will be put behind bars! If I report this, then the whole world will know! My parents.. they will know too! My mother.. I'll be so ashamed to even face her!! I'm already beginning to accept the fact that I'm the problem.. I was too naive.."

"You're not! Whatever he has said to you, he was merely shifting all the blame on you! You trusted him too much, Donghae.. and this is the price you have to pay for! What are you planning to do next..?"

"Nothing.. I'll just try to get over it.."

"Nothing?!"

"There's nothing I can do.. I won't get him back.."

***

Eunhyuk waited when the door opened and he was welcomed by the warm smile of the house's helper. "Is Donghae asleep..?"

"He should be awake by now.. You can see him in his room.."

"Thank you,"

Making his way into the house, Eunhyuk went up the stairs and proceeded to the nearest room. He knocked lightly before turning the doorknob and entered.

"Donghae...?"

"Oh, Eunhyuk.. you've arrived," Donghae's faint voice could be heard as he was seen getting up from the bed.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't visit you the past two days.. you know, with our extra classes and my curriculum activities which ended late..."

"It's alright.. I understand.."

Placing the back of his hand on Donghae's forehead, Eunhyuk asked, "How are you feeling..? It feels weird having the top student in the class missing out for three days.. You still look very pale though.."

Donghae could only smile when he flinched the moment Eunhyuk came in contact with his arm.

"What's wrong?"

"Uh.. nothing." Donghae replied nonchalantly and got up from the bed when Eunhyuk grabbed the left arm which he has been hiding behind his back.

"Lee Donghae.." Eunhyuk called out while staring at the scars across the man's arm, "Have you been cutting yourself?!"

Knowing that being in denial would be a really wrong move, Donghae lowered his head as tears fell.

"You told me that you'll get over it! This is not what you should be doing to yourself! What's with all these pointless torture?! Is it worth it?!"

"I'm already worthless in the first place! There's nothing to my name anymore! I've lost it all! You don't understand because you're not me! I've lost everything, Eunhyuk! Everything!!"

Eunhyuk grabbed Donghae's neck and forced the latter to face him, "Look at me now.. You only failed in a relationship! It's not the end! You can always start over! You have so many people caring about you don't you realize?! What are you trying to prove here by killing yourself?!"

"If I kill myself.. at least he will feel guilty..for doing this to me.. that's the only way.." Donghae muttered in his breath when Eunhyuk striked a slap across his face.

"You idiot! Wake up! That's not the only way! You think he will feel guilty once you're dead?! Hell no he'll be enjoying himself even more because you're good riddance! If you want to make him feel guilty, this is not the way! Pick yourself up and start over! When you finally succeed and able to stand proud on your own.. is when he will really feel guilty! You have to be fearless from now on you get me?! Suicide isn't even an option!"

Donghae buried his face in his hands and cried over his pathetic state. "I.. really have nobody else.. I don't have the strength anymore.."

"Who says so?!"

Donghae finally returned to school on the following week however he doesn't show any signs of getting better. He was dazed in class throughout the day and would suddenly seek for permission to the toilet just to cry his heart out. During recess time, he spotted Gabriel at the canteen however the man ignored despite exchanging eye-contact. This doesn't help Donghae at all as he got himself even more depressed. He really felt like leaving everyone and everything. There's no use to stay any longer.

At the same time, he has been searching for Eunhyuk too. He remembered seeing his bestfriend during morning assembly however was nowhere in sight at the canteen. They will usually queue up at the stall together but Eunhyuk couldn't be seen anywhere. Again, Donghae brood over being left alone although there were still some friends who were with him. He lost his boyfriend, and now he lost his bestfriend. Both of them must have had enough of him.

--

Extra class has finally ended as the other students began chattering among themselves again while packing their bags. Donghae watched them chatting and giggling among themselves, feeling envy of the joyous atmosphere he can never experience himself anymore. It didn't took long for everyone else to leave the classroom and Donghae was all alone once again.

He slowly shoved the textbooks into his bag when Eunhyuk entered the classroom. Donghae stared at the man who was approaching and wearing a glum expression, along with a clothed wristband which he don't usually wear in school. Without saying anything, Eunhyuk dragged a chair and sat himself opposite Donghae.

"Eunhyuk...." Donghae watched as Eunhyuk removed the wristband and hissed in process, showing the scars he had inflicted on himself. Fresh cuts.

"Eunhyuk!! What have you done?!" Donghae stood up and stared in horror at the multiple cuts which were oozing out blood.

"There.. I have four cuts on my arm.. Same as you.. For every cut you inflict on yourself, I'll do the same.. You can cut yourself as many times as you want.. I'll still do the same.."

Donghae grabbed the edge of the table while trying to get a hold of himself. He looked at the cuts again and cried out, "Why must you do this?! You don't have to do this! You don't have to hurt yourself because of me!"

"It's not just because of you! It's because I don't want to lose you! If you're determined to die, then let's die together! I don't see any point in living when I can't even get someone so dear to me appreciating his life!"

"I.. I am not worth it.."

"You're worth everything.." Eunhyuk grasped Donghae's hand and gazed into his eyes. "At least to me. You worth everything to me."

Wiping the tears off the man's face, Eunhyuk planted a kiss on Donghae's cheek before hugging him tightly, "If it hurts you to see me like this, it hurts me more to see you cry.. You'll start over again.. This time round, with me.. I love you."

 -----THE END-----

Took me really long to tell this story. Although it may not mean anything much to anyone else, it means alot to me.. and Kat. Here's our story. My story.

-Mich-