This cannot be happening...
No matter what: You have me!
How did it happen? How could it have come to this? This couldn't be true! It could not be true! I stared at the page on one of the fanpages. It read with so big letters that there was no way that you could miss what it said. Lee Donghae sick in cancer?! What kind of bull was it that I was reading?! I closed the computer furiously and got up from the chair. I walked out to the kitchen to get a glass of water which I needed from the shock of reading such a lie. If it had been true then Donghae would've told me long ago. Besides, IT WASN'T TRUE!!! I refused to believe that! He was not sick in cancer! I slammed the glass in the sink so that a part of the glass shattered. It cut my palm and I shrieked in pain for a second. Then I hurried to the bathroom to wrap my hand in bandages. When I was done I went back to the kitchen to pick up the glass. After that I just sat down on the couch. The shock was still upon me. How could ELF, their own fanclub say things like that?! I was his girlfriend and I was not going to lose him!
"Jagiya~" I heard Donghae coo from the hallway. I instantly smiled and went to him. He smiled back at me and pulled me to him, as close as he could.
"Hey" I said before he pressed his lips on my own. I kissed him back without hesitation and let him win the little battle between our tongues. After a while he pulled back to look at me.
"Hey, how was your day?" he asked while taking off his jacket and putting his bag on his normal spot, next to mine.
"Fine... I've missed you, as always" I replied, observing him happily. He took off his shoes and looked back up at me, still smiling.
"I've missed you too my love. All day and all night" he said and pecked my lips. "It was quite hectic today actually" he continued, taking my hand to lead me into the kitchen. He probably hadn't eaten in a couple of hours. I sat down by the kitchen island and he started taking forth food that I'd left for him.
"What did you do? Work on the drama?" I asked, leaning my head in my palm.
"Yeah... That thing is a bit mental to be honest" he said, chuckling. "It's not every day you get to see Eunhyuk and Shindong wrestling and then suddenly be really close and almost kissing" we both laughed. Super Junior was working on a show right now, called Saturday Night Live. It was a comedi show that had very much well... Interesting humour... Donghae got his food ready and sat down in front of me.
"By the way..." I started, slightly hesitant. "I read something kind of disturbing today..."
"Yeah? What was that?" he wondered, without looking up at me. I took a little breath before I could continue.
"It said on a fanpage that you have...cancer..." I told him. He became completely still. Then he swallowed his food to lastly meet my eyes.
"Where did you read that?" he asked.
"Your fanpage. The official one. Why? It's not true right? I mean you would've told me if that was true! But it isn't" I said confident. He bent down his head and put his food away. I felt my heart speed up in beat when seeing his reaction. "Jagiya? You aren't s-sick" my voice trembled now. He still said nothing, as if he was hiding something... After a rather long silence I yelled: "Donghae! Answer me!" And seconds after that... He broke out in tears. An endless rain of tears flooded down his cheeks. I sat there, silent, shocked, scared and in total denial. It couldn't possibly be true... Not him, not my Donghae. It had to be someone else! I must've read on the wrong site! It must've been the wrong person that sat in front of me crying! It was a burglar, a murderer! Someone that wanted me dead! That had to be it! I was going to die, not him! It could not be him! I sudeenly felt the watery taste mixed with salt in my mouth and realised that I had started crying. I was still staring at him, there were no words for what I could utter in this situation. My very own love, Lee Donghae, was dying... I tried to stand up but crumbled under the weight of my own body and fell to the floor. He was quickly by my side, hugging me as tight as he could. It hurt to be perfectly honest but what did that matter if it might be the last hug I get from him? I carefully wrapped my arms around his neck and he, still crying, picked me up to carry me to our bedroom where he put me down on the bed and then placed himself next to me. However I could lie down. It felt like dying when I did so I sat up. He covered his face with his hands and curled up into a ball, like a little child. We didn't say a word for two full hours. Neither of us knew how to start. Both of us still cried silently, without a single sound or sob. Finally I spoke.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I whispered.
"I couldn't... I'm sorry" he whispered back. I cried even more. He sat up and back hugged me, placing his head on my shoulder. "I love you so much... I couldn't bare telling you" he told me with a devastating crack in his voice.
"You can't die... You just can't" I cried and leant back on him. He lay both of us down with me on his chest, hugging me tightly.
"I don't want to die... I'm so scared my love, you have no idea... I don't want to die in the same disease as my father..." he burst out in tears again and buried his face in my hair. I hated this. I had no power in me to be strong when he most needed me to. I moved up and took him in my arms, trying to comfort him. It was of course impossible. How did you comfort someone when you were broken yourself and when it is about comforting the person you love the most and he thinks he's going to die? I hugged him as tight as I could as if I was scared he'd disappear if I let to even for a milisecond. I only had one thing to say and I didn't believe it was going to help at all but I had to do something! I gently the back of his head and kissed his forehead.
"We'll get through this too my love. I won't ever leave you. And you won't leave me. We'll fight, just like the last time death came to knock our lives over" I said to him. I felt him nod and soon he closes his eyes, clearly exhausted he fell asleep. I closed my eyes as well and soon fell asleep too, thinking about that one time when death almost slit us apart...
-Flashback-
"You have to live on Donghae" the man said, patting Donghae's shoulder coldly. I protectively pulled Donghae a little closer to me, hugging his arm. Donghae was staring down in the ground. He knew this man, it was a friend of his father and he valued his words, unlike me. I hated this man for saying such a cold, careless thing to the son of the man whose funeral this was.
"I know" Donghae mumbled in response. "I just can't believe he's gone..." he added quietly. The man sighed, a sad one but not genuinely caring.
"You'll have to be strong then" he said before walking away. I glared after him until he vanished into a black car with his wife. I turned to Donghae who had started walking toward the gravestone. He stopped right in front of it and blankly stared at it. Donghwa had been so busy, taking care of the guests and fixing everything to have the perfect funeral. He had stayed with Donghae and I for a long while before he had to get their mom home. Then that man had came. Only to talk to Donghae and "encourage" him into being happy. How could one be happy when your father, best friend and role model have died? Anyone with a heart would be crying and feel sympathy for the family. I watched as Donghae continued to cry and over and over again read the text that stood on his father's grave. Without warning it started to rain, though none of us really noticed. The heavy raindrops smashed against the ground and we both got soaked down to the skin.
"We should go" Donghae mumbled and stood up. I nodded and took his hand tightly in my own.
"Yes" I confirmed. We walked back to the car and drove to his mother's house. Well there he fell asleep in my arms. From that moment I had been by his side and I was going to stay there.
-End of Flashback-
"You'll be okay my love" I assured him, his forehead lovingly. He lay on the bed and had just stopped crying. He held my hand tightly in his.
"You'll be here right?" he asked, tightening his grip.
"Yes, I promise. And it'll go fine! You'll be alright my love" I said again. The door opened and I turned to see the doctor come in. He was smiling. How could he smile? He was about to perform a surgery and he smiled?! He went up to us, looking down in his papers and then at Donghae.
"We are ready now, Mr Lee" he said. I felt my heart drop. Donghae nodded and let go of my hand. How could he be more ready than me? I stood up to let some men roll him out of the room, leaving me behind.
"I love you" I managed to whisper before the door closed. Tiredly I sat down on the chair to have the two hours of intense wait. The doctor had at least said two hours... Time felt like it was crawling forward to me, or perhaps it just stood still? My heart was painfully trying to pump out blood throughout my body. I breathed lightly, not fully getting the air to go all the way down in my lungs. I constantly glanced at the watch that tick tacked stressfully without actually moving. I wanted to throw it out the window. At the same time I couldn't move at all.
Six hours later I was sitting in the exact same position on the chair, waiting. Suddenly the door opened and the doctor came in. I stood up abruptly. He wasn't smiling anymore. People say you have to prepare for the worst but that was not an option for me. You cannot prepare for the love of your life to die, you just can't. The tears burnt already, it was only a matter whether they'd be tears of sorrow or relief.
"Miss, Mr Lee is in the recovering department. Everything went well and he'll be perfectly fine" the doctor said. I took a deep breath in relief, holding my heart that beat in an abnormal speed. I bowed deeply and thanked him more than once before rushing to the recovering department. It didn't take long for me to find him, my love, lying on the bed with a bandage around his stomach and chest. I took a chair and sat down next to him, taking his hand tightly in mine.
"I love you" I whispered, his forehead down to his cheek. Out of the blue I felt a small, hardly noticeable squeeze around my hand, I watched it carefully and squeezed back a bit.
"I love you too" I suddenly heard him mumbled tiredly. I looked at him and saw his eyelids going up to reveal his beautiful dark brown eyes. He smiled at me lovingly, relieved over the fact that I was there like I'd promised I'd be.
"I'm so happy you're okay" I said, bursting out in tears from the happiness that welled into my whole body.
"I'm happy too" he replied and let out a tiny chuckle. "Don't cry" he then added, wiping my tears gently. With the little strength he had he then pulled me closer and made my lips meet his. I smiled both through tears and smiles, replying the kiss more than willingly. Afterwards I lay down by his side and fell asleep from the exhaustion that the waiting had caused. He sang one of my favourite songs to help me sleep quicker and held me tightly in his arms, which made me confident that right there and then was my place to be. That's where I belonged, that's where I would stay.
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