It is my time to give a eulogy. It is my time to stand in front & talk about my life for the past 17 years, 11 months and 10 days with my dad.

        I stood up & solemnly walked to the podium in front inside the small chapel of our neighborhood. As people look & listen to me, they will have daddy’s coffin as my backdrop.

        I cleared my throat & looked at the people who went to give their respects & last goodbyes. My mother & two brothers with their own families at the front aisle, clan on my father’s side, my mom’s relatives who were close to my dad, my friends who have the heart to comfort me & my dad’s co-workers back then. People who I know dad will be glad to see if only this is a happy party.

       Some had misty eyes while others have their head hung low. No one smiled.

        I tried to find my voice but only croaked when I said I. “Once, my father told me he wanted me to give a eulogy when he died,” I almost whispered to the mic. “I was only 15 back then.”

        The memory played in my head as if a disc was inserted to a DVD player.

        I could remember it vividly. It was a Sunday morning. Mommy was cooking some pancakes & I just sat at the kitchen counter to eat with daddy.

        “Good morning, honey.” Dad put down his newspaper to the table & kissed my right cheek. I greeted back.

        “You know what honey, when I die, I want you to have my eulogy,” he said in a laughing tone.

        “Dad,” I whined but then put more pancakes to my plate.

        “That would be sweet. You’ll make other people cry because of me,” he laughed.

        “What’s sweet?” Mommy asked as she placed a plate of bacons at the kitchen top.

        “Oh, nothing,” Daddy grinningly shrugged then he turned & whispered to me.”That’s a good public speech practice you know.”

        “Dad!” We both laughed.

        I smiled at the memory. It was as if it only happened this morning. I looked at the people around me & cleared my throat again.

        “Last night, I made a letter to God,” I quietly said. I saw a tissue box being passed around and continued.

Dear God,

        Good day!

        I’m sorry if it sounds so informal Lord but I really wish you a good day. I always picture heaven, your abode, as a place where night does not occur, where light is dispersed all over and where people, or I must say spirits, are smiling always.

       You see Lord, my father had just passed died last Saturday to meet you. No, I’m not questioning why you took him suddenly. He prepared me for the inevitable. I just want to ask if he’s already with you. Please give me a sign. My heart will be at peace if I know he already met you. Aside from my happiness and that of our family, his most & only fervent wish is to see you & be with you.

        I remember when I was with him at the hospital during his last days, aside from reading bible together, we’ll imagine what you would look like. Now that I brought this up, curiosity came over me. Will you really look like an old man with blue eyes and warm smile? Is heaven really filled with wonderful gardens? The thought of my dad seeing it all elates me somehow from this sad hole I am at now.

        I know daddy will live with you there in heaven. I am confident Lord. He is a very good man. Good people go there, right? I remember one night when I was stuck in school because of a storm, he still fetched me even if people told him otherwise. He braved the floods, the dangers & the thunderstorm just to bring me home. I know any man could do that. But the thought that it was my father with all his efforts and bravery touched me forever. I didn’t know security could be felt but I did. A great amount of it took over me when I saw him running towards me through the rain. I know he wants me to be safe always and I am so thankful you give me someone like him to be my dad.

        He’s very patient too. I remember when he taught me how to play piano. I was terrible at first and I always give up. But then he always insisted and was very serene. He told me always that I can do it then he’ll sit in front of the piano and spend the entire afternoon with me trying to get what C major sound like. If not for him, I wouldn’t be the pianist most people only dreamt of.

        Mommy will always be lucky to have him as a husband. A perfect gentleman. I never saw him deal with her violently. They’ll fight but he’ll always be the calm one and the first to say sorry. He pampers her like a queen and was a very responsible provider. As early as now, I pray to have someone like him as my soulmate too and forever companion. Life is worth spending with a man like daddy, Lord.

        Lord, do I look like a daddy’s girl too much? Maybe I really am. I just love my dad with all my heart and soul. I am his flesh and I love him to bits. He’s my idol. My inspiration. My foundation. My security blanket. My cheerleader. My teacher. My best friend. My confidante. My spazzmate. My chauffeur. My financer. My tutor. My bodyguard. My consultant. My critic. Daddy is my everything.

        Even if he wouldn’t come up with me at the stage when I graduate or walk me down the aisle when I get married or celebrate my child’s 1^st birthday physically now, I know he’ll be there all the time because I know he’ll watch and guide me always.

        I sincerely thank You Lord for giving him to me. For being part of his life. For being a daughter of someone who’s so noble. For being the apple of his eyes. For being his string of joy. For being the center of his life one way or another. I know he has a fair share of sins but please do forgive him. In return, I will live my life for greater good and for the better as I do always. I will live a life both of You will be proud of. Thank you for giving him as a quintessence of who You really are. I thank You Lord and I love You always. Please bless my daddy’s soul for a part of me is with him always.

Sincerely,

Yanna

        I looked up. My mother was sobbing. People were tearing up. I wiped my tears and said, “Because I know God understands. I’m sure, Dad taught me.” I smiled.