October 11, 2005

Sunhi looked over at the boisterous table just a few steps away from her own. She narrowed her eyes, spotting the familiar profile of her brother. He was laughing at one of his friends as the latter's face was a deep crimson. The others at the table were guffawing like buffoons having not a single care in the world. Her brother seemed to have noticed someone staring and caught her eyes. He raised an eyebrow, gesturing a finger for her to turn away. Sunhi scoffed and stuck her tongue out at him before getting up, throwing her trash away, and walking out of the cafeteria. Like I wanted to observe you and your rowdy bunch of friends she inwardly seethed.

Walking to her locker, she couldn’t help but to look back at her brother.

Sunggyu was clearly enjoying the company of his friends. His eyes had disappeared, something that happened when he laughed, regardless of how funny it was. She watched as he told them something, making all of them burst into another round of laughter (with the exception of the red-faced guy). He seemed to be at such ease, warmth in his eyes as he playfully high-fived the boy sitting next to him. This Kim Sunggyu was happy.

Although she would never admit it out loud, Sunhi envied her brother’s friends. She envied them for their ability to put a smile on his face. A bright, genuine smile that never failed to reach his eyes. A smile she would never be able to see at home.

The Kim Sunggyu she saw at home was the complete opposite of the Kim Sunggyu she saw at school. The walls he let down were put back up once he reached the entrance of their house. Hard eyes, stiff movements, minimal conversation, this icy persona of Sunggyu was a drastic difference from the warm Sunggyu at school. Sunhi never once saw him smile much less joke around. He always locked himself in his room, only going out to eat or use the bathroom. He was cold and unapproachable.

Stuck in a bittersweet spring, a place in between summer and winter, Sunhi wondered when her big brother became a stranger to her.