June 16, 2013

I don’t think I can sleep tonight.

I don’t know how I slept last night.

Blood.

So much blood.

Sungyeol, it’s over. No need to panic anymore.

But… Argh… He’s not making this easy. 

So his ribs are broken, or fractured at the very least from what it felt like last night. No big deal, right? That’s what he thinks at least. 

I came back from the local pharmacy (the owner now knows me by name, which is sort of sad) where they told me that broken ribs need professional medical attention, in case the bone punctured something important. I found him sitting on my bed, like his face wasn’t bruised up, and his ribs weren’t broken, and he wasn’t lying bloody on the floor only last night. I set the bag of supplies down on the foot of the bed, silently meeting his calm gaze. My eyes traced the purple patches on his face, throat, and to the ones undoubtedly on his chest and stomach, hidden now by one of my favorite t-shirts. I don’t even know what made me grab that one over one of my older ones. Chalk it up to my panicked mindset.

“You need medical attention,” I said as firmly as I could, since I had a feeling he would protest.

“No,” he stated without hesitation, staring straight back with a stubborn look in his eyes. 

“Your ribs are broken.” 

“They’ll heal.”

“What if you’re bleeding out, what if one of your organs was punctured? Then what would you do?” I thought I finally got him when he didn’t answer right away, but then he shrugged and that stupid action only had anger rising in me. I grabbed the bag and threw it at him, a little relieved that my aim was off and it landed at his side. I threw my arms up in surrender. “Fine, see if I care anymore. See if I come to your rescue again,” I said, turning away. It would have had much more force behind it, if I didn’t let out a sniffle, and brought a single hand up to quickly wipe away the wetness gathering in my eyes.

“Sungyeol?” I heard him ask, and I shook my head, not wanting to speak. Everything was such a mess and I had no idea what I was doing, and Myungsoo was lying there hurt, and I didn’t do anything about it sooner. “Sungyeol?”

“I’m worried, all right?” I said, still not able to face him. “I’m really worried, and I just can’t handle it very well, ok? Are you happy now?” I sniffled again.

“Are you crying?”

I choked on the lump in my throat, and shook my head. “No,” I said, clearing my throat. “When I get stressed or upset, salty water flows from my eyes. It should stop in a few minutes, I think.” Finally, I strode to the door, but hearing my name from him stopped me. 

“Come here,” he said, not sounding tired, or frustrated, but actually curious. I took a deep breath and turned around, keeping my head down in hopes that my hair would hide my face. After a few steps toward the bed, he patted the spot next to him, and I hesitated before sitting down. Within moments, his arms wrapped around my shoulders and pulled me close to him. My heart skipped a beat, probably from the shock, and I heard him swiftly inhale, and I knew it had have been from pain. I tried to gently push him away, but pained gasp held me in place.

“Myungsoo, doesn’t this hurt?” I asked, not specifying what this was.

“Like hell,” he whispered, and then in a more hesitant, uncertain voice he asked, “but it makes you feel better, right?” Until he asked, I didn’t notice that my tears had stopped, and that a warm fuzzy feeling had slowly seeped inside, drowning out the stress, the uncertainty, the pain, the heartache, the… ok the list can go on. The point is it felt really good to be in his arms, and even better when I nuzzled my face into his shoulder, and carefully wrapped my arms around his waist. 

“Was I interrupting something?” A voice from behind me asked, and I tilted to see Daeyeol giving us a very suspicious look. The warm arms slid away, but slowly, and I was forced to let go and face my brother.

“Interrupting something?” I asked, trying to think of a good excuse. “I was just… measuring how big Myungsoo is around. With my arms. Yeah…” I spread my arms out, and looked from one side to the other. “Yep, forty inches exactly.” I dropped my arms and jumped off the bed, with my cheek heating up at chuckles from both sides. 

“If you say so,” Daeyeol said, obviously not believing me. Granted, who would? I’m lame. Really lame. Woohyun might be right – my abnormality might need to be wiped off the face of the planet. “Anyways, Sungyeol, I’m hungry.” 

“Dude, you have two hands, two legs. Make yourself some lunch.” 

“But I don’t want to.” I rolled my eyes. 

Ten minutes later, I had a decent sandwich set out in front of Daeyeol, Myungsoo and myself. I refuse to admit I submitted to my brother, but he must have some sort of mind control powers! There could be no other explanation as to why I always seem to give in to him. 

Anyways, after lunch, we went up back to my room, where I was supposedly sick, giving Daeyeol the warning to keep our parents out at all costs, but like I said, he has mind control abilities. I doubted it could have been any sort of a challenge. Somehow, Myungsoo and I got into a conversation, about a somewhat safer topic: school. Probably since I just then noticed the end of the quarter was in a few days. 

“You’re parents are paying for classes?”

I nodded. “As long as we choose a stable career, and help them out when they get up in years, my parents agreed to pay for every bit of schooling for me and Daeyeol. What about you, how are you paying for everything?”

“I’m not. Sunggyu is.” To say I was shocked would have been an understatement, of the grandest of proportions. I knew Sunggyu had money to spare, but I didn’t think that those two were close enough for Sunggyu to spend it on him. “He believes that if I get some lame degree, that I could get away from my parents. Really, I think he just wants to keep me close so he could keep an eye on me. He thinks I’ll do something stupid if he turns his back on me for two seconds.”

“He’s just worried,” I said, and an awkward silence settled upon us. Again this concept of being worried was brought up, and I almost cursed myself for being so stupid. 

“I guess.” Myungsoo didn’t really talk much after that, and I went on to do that homework I needed to complete for tomorrow.

Even now, a few hours later, I can’t concentrate a single second on anything, save for maybe writing things down here.

I still can’t get over the all the blood that seemed like it was everywhere, staining my hands and clothes.

Nor could I forget the feeling of his arms around me. 

Whatever that feeling is, I don’t want it to go away.