It was worryingly late, but she had screamed a reply at him, he yelled one back, and she burst into tears, whilst he simply shook his head and continued to yell his profanities, raising his voice whilst he was at it. She looked around the room, it was obvious she didn’t know what to do anymore. Grabbing her bag and jacket, she fled from their shared home.

                He stared at the door, shocked and now it was him who was clueless. He heard her car engine, and paced their living room after a few moments, and felt their happy photos boring into his back. Mocking him, telling him, and showing him all the reasons she might have left, he didn’t deserve her, wasn’t worth her time any longer. For the first time in months, he worried as to where his girlfriend had gone.

                Before he knew it, the hours passed. He was still waiting for her to come home. But that was okay, right? She would come home to him in the morning and he would seek for her forgiveness immediately, and if she was forgiving he was sure he would spoil to her for the whole day. He would take her out to the cinema to watch that one horror movie she has been dying to watch. He would take her to her favourite café and they would buy her favourite drink, and cakes - Dunkin Donuts, French vanilla iced coffee, and red velvet munchkin. He would take her to her favourite shops and buy her anything she wanted to, and maybe he could even try suggesting things in hope that she liked it. He would send her to a private spa, and tell her to have some time to relax, before asking her to dress up and they would go eat dinner together in her favourite restaurant, and once they were finished and at home, he would refuse to let her walk by herself, and carry her into the house, because she had one wine too many (when she really hadn’t). He would sing her favourite ballad to send her to sleep and he would tuck her in and fall asleep beside her.

                He let a soft smile sit on his lips as he promised himself the list of things to do as he went to bed. He promised to never hurt her again.

                The morning came, streaming through the blinds and there was a soft knock at the door. He opened his door, excited, in hope his girlfriend was home. He noticed that she didn’t bring her keys with her.

                There was an unfamiliar face and he realised that he was wrong. He was so awfully wrong.

                “I’m sorry, sir. I need you to identify the body of Kang Su Hwa. She was involved in a road accident at oh-two-hundred hours this morning. Please, come with us.” A uniformed male stood tall by the door and the former male was close to throwing his shoe at the man. Su Hwa wasn’t dead! She- she drove carefully. She wouldn’t have ever been involved in any accident. Su Hwa was Su Hwa. That just didn’t happen to her.

                “You-you must be wrong.” His voice almost cracked as he opened his mouth to speak.

                The man tapped his foot impatiently, “Are you by any chance, Lee Chan Hee, the late Miss Su Hwa’s boyfriend?” the police officer had the audacity to a heavy brow, as if he disliked the idea of two people in love living with each other. Chan Hee fought the urge to punch the man.

                “Yes, yes I am - but Su Hwa would have never let that happen! You must be wrong.” Chan Hee almost yelled at the cretin in front of him. The said person simply shook his head.

                “Please do come with us to identify the body found, sir.” The policeman persisted, and Chan Hee sighed loudly. It was obvious at this rate that he hadn’t a choice, and so he followed, slipping into trainers and pulling on his jacket. The jacket that, coincidentally Su Hwa had bought for him, not too long ago. He could hear Su Hwa’s pleasant voice chiding him to wear the jacket, she didn’t want him sick. It was cold outside.

                She was too alive in his thoughts to be dead.

                He followed the man, seated in the back of the police car, who led him to the hospital. The gleaming white, shiny surfaces almost blinded him, the strong stench of detergents, and the eerie feeling of the hospital was suffocating. He felt like he was close to fainting. He was clearly worried, wringing his hands as he followed the police officers to a room. It was chilly in the room in comparison to the rest of the hospital that he toured.

                The doctors in the room were bustling, shifting out of the way for Chan Hee to see. He glanced up from his feet for the first time, and randomly wondered where on earth Su Hwa’s parents were. He ignored the thought, and didn’t say anything. He couldn’t; not with that lump in his throat. He was scared, terrified of the outcome.

                If it was Su Hwa, then it would be his fault wouldn’t it? It would be his fault that her body was on a cold metal slab, dead.

                 A doctor faced him and called to him, it was difficult for him to see his expression with the face mask, but his eyes were blank and empty of any sympathy. He stared at the body on the table. The frail body was just covered by a matching thin white sheet. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat, so he could speak. If this body on the table was really Su Hwa, how was she so skinny? Was she always like this? He was sure that at every meal, she was given plenty and enough to eat; he had made sure of it too. Nothing was right! Su Hwa was different, she was healthy; why did she look so frail and… underweight?

                He felt his heart jump into his mouth as the doctor cast him a gaze, asking if he was ready to see the corpse. He wasn’t really, but his stupid body had said yes. He felt his head in a nod, and he was sure that he wouldn’t mind shooting himself in the head at that current moment. He held his breath, and felt like everything had strangely fallen into slow motion.

The doctor took forever to pull the sheet from the face. He wanted to scream at the doctor and tell him to hurry up so he could overcome the fear that had him shaking.

                When the expanse of white fell from her face, Chan Hee was close to shrieking, he wanted to bawl. Luckily, for once, his body obeyed him and he remained frozen, as the doctors told the story that had explained why he was staring at the face of his girlfriend. He was trying to take in the face with beautiful soft skin, blotched with purpling bruises and scratches, her closed lids and long lashes hid hear dazzling hazel eyes, her silky black hair lay limp and unkempt.

He moved backwards, closing his eyes and squeezing it shut, he willed the body to be of another girl; a different Kang Su Hwa. But when he opened his eyes again, she lay there, pale and lifeless. Standing still, he swore he heard his heart shatter. It was thrown onto the ground, beaten and stomped on, by a dead girl.

“Sir, please identify the body.” A voice called to him sternly, and he was momentarily furious. His heart had just been the worst fight and loss in its life and he had the nerve to-

“It is Kang Su Hwa.” He managed to whisper instead of throw himself on the obnoxious male.

Thank you, Sir.” And with that, he was hustled out of the room and into the corridors filled with the many doctors and many nurses and with the many patients and the many onlookers. Chan Hee had never felt so self-conscious in his life. He felt the stare from every onlooker, who he felt were examining his every movement, as if wondering why a healthy person was in the hospital with such a tragic expression written on his face.

He muttered to himself that they should all stop rubbernecking, it was rude, and they were going to find out anyway, weren’t they?

His eyes fell to the floor, and he forced himself to step out of the hospital, slowly. He was accompanied by the irritating policeman from earlier in the morning. Chan Hee was offered a lift home and he did not decline.

Upon reach his abode, shutting the door and taking off his outerwear, Chan Hee screamed, finally. He screamed angrily, sobbed vehement tears. It was all, his fault.

If they didn’t get into that pointless argument, then she wouldn’t have left him, she wouldn’t have run out. If it wasn’t for him getting upset so easily then she wouldn’t have cried. She wouldn’t have driven away if they didn’t start fighting.

It was all Lee Chan Hee’s fault. It was him to blame.

He couldn’t bear to touch the pictures decorating the home, couldn’t bear to look at the clothes in the closet, and especially couldn’t bear to step into the kitchen just in case he saw an imaginary Su Hwa cooking breakfast for the two of them like she usually did.

Everything in the house whispered. Whispered sharp words of blame, pointing out who exactly he had lost, Kang Su Hwa, the woman of his dreams, the woman he was planning on proposing to. The one he was sure to be spending his twilight years with.

He was wrong, of course. So he mourned, shedding guilt-filled tears, he was curled onto the floor, soaking his shirt. He didn’t realise he was falling into the pit of blackness, until he woke up the next morning, and feeling even worse than he did before.

He was too wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn’t notice the bell ringing until it infuriated him. He pulled open the door, his eyes swollen and puffy, it didn’t take too long for anyone to realise he was heartbroken and unwilling towards human contact.

“Hyung! Let’s hang out today!” his young friend, Chang Hyun chirped, even though his eyes said that he knew full well that Chan Hee was not in the mood. “Please Hyung, let’s watch a movie…”

“Do you know what happened?” Chan Hee asked, bitterly. He knew it wasn’t Chang Hyun’s fault, but he was the first to dare make contact, and it was inevitable that he was going to suffer the blow hardest. ”Do you know that I woke up at seven yesterday morning, to find out that after we argued, my girlfriend had been involved and lost her life in a car accident? That the roads were icy and it really wasn’t her fault? Did you know this Chang Hyun?”

“No, I’m sorry, Hyung,” Chang Hyun hung his head low, and Chan Hee felt slightly bed for doing this to him. “I’ll tell the others. I know... how she meant to you, Hyung. I’m sorry.” Chang Hyun pursed his lips and backed away from the door quietly. Everyone who was close to Chan Hee knew how sensitive he could be. Chan Hee watched as the younger male left his line of sight swiftly.

He shut his door with a loud sigh, and felt the fresh salty tears trickle down his cheeks. He needed to be out of this house, albeit alone. He splashed some water on his face, grabbed fresh clothes and his outerwear and made sure to shut the door to his home as he left.

It didn’t really matter, though. If people stole the pictures of Su HWa, surely it would be easier to forget, right?

He sat alone in the library. It was silent, except for mostly the turning of books and the light sounding footsteps that echoed the library. It was peaceful, if not for Chan Hee’s thoughts evading him and making him hit his head off the table with a resounding thunk. He felt the librarian’s intense glare, before she gave up and returned to her own duties.

Chan Hee glanced around the library, feeling another pair of eyes on him, he was curious as to know why people were staring. Although, he knew that his permanent frown was clearly not going to help him receive any form of interaction. Personally, Chan Hee was more than happy with that, but deep down, he felt even worse than before. He felt abandoned.

Ditching the silent library, he went for the park. The playground was filled with smiling children, reminding him of his own sweet childhood. He spent his childhood with her too. Every little thing he had done, she was there – from neighbours to high school sweet hearts.

He did this for days. These days were countless, all passing in the blink of an eye.

Chan Hee was walking in the town centre, again. He was passing all of Su Hwa’s favourite stores, her favourite cafes, her favourite everything really.

From the corner of his eye, he caught sight of familiar black hair. Su Hwa? He asked himself, swiftly smacking his forehead, knowing that Su Hwa wasn’t even alive anymore. He had attended her funeral even. He had that lump in his throat then, his eyes were cast to the ground. He couldn’t look at anyone there. It hurt him, and he was too guilt-ridden.

No, it couldn’t be her.

But even so, he found himself tapping the girl on the shoulder like he used to with Su Hwa. The girl reacted in the same manner Su Hwa always did. She turned and smiled at Chan Hee as if they had known each other for years, just like how he had with Su Hwa.

He caught the now surprised gaze that fell from the girl’s alluring, deep hazel eyes. Her skin looked soft and was flawless, much like Su Hwa’s.

“Sorry, wrong person.” He muttered, gruffly to the girl. She stared at him, surprised. He marched away from the girl, who had surprisingly chased after him.

“Hey, it’s okay.” What’s your name?” the girl even had a similar voice, lilting and sweet. Her voice was enchanting, and Chan He had already fallen into her spell.

“Lee Chan Hee. What’s yours?” he asked in return, simply to be polite.

“Yang Yoo Hwa.” She smiled at him sweetly. The moment he looked up to see her expression, he saw Su Hwa blinding him with her radiant smile. It was impossible for him to not think of Su Hwa when the girl he was talking to even had a similar, rhyming name. “Are you okay? You look… down.” The girl – Yoo Hwa – chose her words carefully; pursing her lips slightly, in the same way Chan Hee remembered Su Hwa doing when she was deep in thought.

He discreetly checked her clothing, no. That wasn’t similar. Su Hwa disliked skirts, although maybe this was a one off you this Yoo Hwa. Su Hwa was obsessed with matching shorts and blazers, she liked to be neat too. He glanced at Yoo Hwa agaian, sadly. This girl was mismatched, she looked disorganised and the only think that was kempt was her hair and her makeup. He had to give her that, he supposed.

Maybe, just maybe he could turn her into Su Hwa. Maybe, he could tidy her up a bit. From the distance he could smell her perfume, and it was different to what Su Hwa would use, so maybe he could try switch that round too. But, the way she spoke had his heart reeling in recognition, he could only hear Su Hwa asking him if he was alright, and why he was so sad.

“It’s just… been tough recently,” Chan Hee said, after a long moment of thought. He thought that the girl would have left him, but she stayed and offered to listen, so he continued, “Someone very dear to me…”

“Oh…” the girl said quietly, and he nodded softly. “It’s okay. I can always listen, if you want me to.” She offered.

“Would you?” he asked, and she nodded. He let the corners of his mouth twitch slightly, “Can I… get your number then?”

“Sure. You seem safe.” Yoo Hwa laughed, holding her hand out as she waited for Chan Hee to hand her his phone. Cautiously, he did, watching as she tapped the screen effortlessly, and called her number so she could save his. She didn’t look much organised, but she proved that appearances can be misleading. Chan Hee smiled inside because she was closer to Su Hwa like that, really.

He wondered if he made her just like Su Hwa… Would Chan Hee be able to forget her?

The weeks passed by, as did the months. He knew that she wasn’t Su Hwa and each time he remembered, he would be overcome with guilt. Now, Chan Hee sought for Su Hwa in the other girl, with the rhyming name. He detested how he did it, but truthfully, he couldn’t help it.

In reality, he now had Yoo Hwa, he wouldn’t need Su Hwa anymore. He didn’t want Su Hwa anymore, but love changed again and again. It confused him. He wasn’t sure for now. All he knew was that it wasn’t the time yet. He felt strange that it might even take years to love Yoo Hwa the same way he loved Su Hwa. He had met Su Hwa as a child, and they ended up loving each other, more and more as they grew older.

But, the relationship with Su Hwa hadn’t a heart anymore. Without his other half, there was the body, but there wasn’t the heart. It was pointless and empty. Much like an empty cracker.

But Yang Yoo Hwa, she was Kang Su Hwa. There was something that was different, which was why Chan Hee wanted to make Yoo Hwa so much like her. He wanted her to be like Su Hwa. He missed Su Hwa so much, and so he tried hard to make that resemblance even more than before.

He prayed that one night; he would find Su Hwa in the other girl. Just one night, he asked for.

It was morning again. Chan Hee woke up sluggishly, much like any normal person. But today, he couldn’t slack he had to meet with Su- he meant, Yoo Hwa. He had an important question to ask her.

“Morning, Chan Hee. How are you?” she beamed, radiance all around and in her. He answered his usual, with a soft smile sitting on his lips. He seated himself across from her in the café as usual. He felt horrible for doing this, but he really missed Su Hwa again, and he went to see Yoo Hwa to help a bit and just seeing, she made him feel a bit better. He felt like Su Hwa was still alive then.

He knew this was selfish, but he still missed her so much.

When he missed the scent of Kang Su Hwa, he would pout and receive a hug from Yang Yoo Hwa instead. It was similar, and he knew he was being even more selfish as he went along. He was picking off a helpless, oblivious girl. It wasn’t the same, but it was close, and he found himself still thinking of her, not Yang Yoo Hwa but of the other girl.

He didn’t know what to do. He was finding it increasingly more difficult to be alone. His time without his Su Hwa was killing him, day by day.

She wasn’t her. That was why he wanted to change Yoo Hwa more. He was still missing Su Hwa, so he wanted to have another one.

He felt iffy. He felt wrong for wanting to do this, but he could always explain later, right? He could always tell Su Hwa later, explain it to her, so she wouldn’t be too upset.

“I-I wanted to ask you… if you would be my girlfriend,” Chan Hee asked, his voice barely heard in the loud noon crowd. He noticed a blush settle on Yoo Hwa’s face and he was happy. Not overjoyed like how he was with Su Hwa, but he was happy nonetheless. “Will you?”

“Yes,” she whispered, looking down at her feet shyly and Chan Hee had to stop himself from pinching her cheeks, she was so like her when she did that.

He resulted into cheery laughter, pecking her cheek softly. It was the first sign of affection he was willing to show her, for now. He was truly going to spoil her for the day, he promised himself with a wide grin.

He was seated on the grass, it was summer – mid- July actually. He stared at the grave stone, and a sad smile made its way to his lips, as he placed the small bouquet of white chrysanthemums in front of the stone. He would still miss her. He still did.

“Kang Su Hwa,” he said loudly, there was no one else at the grave yard. It was just him, and the dead. Strangely enough, at that point, he felt a feeling of warmth flush over him like a duvet, it was a comforting warmth and he welcomed it. He was happily pretending it was Su Hwa embracing him once more. “Yah, Kang Su Hwa. I know what I’ve done.”

“I was a jerk to you, the night before you… left. You must remember that vividly, I’m sure, because I was so cranky that week, right? I’m sorry about that Su Hwa. I hope you can forgive me.

“But, Su Hwa, I’m not here for that reason alone. I’m sure you know this too. I’ve met a girl Su Hwa. She is like you, well, almost like you. I’m using her because almost everything about her remind me of you. Funny, huh? Well, anyway, I… well you know, right? I asked her out. I did this because I miss you and she reminds me of you. But she isn’t you, and I found myself trying to mould her into you. I miss you, and I hope that one night, I might just find you, in her.

“I don’t think you know this, yet, but you have my whole body. The only thing you can’t have is all my heart, you know. It’s like our song, Lucky. There isn’t a soul there anymore because I’ve left it, and its gone cold. It’s too cold now. Please understand me. I’m the one who can’t touch you and tell you how sorry I am and how much I love you, still.

“I’m going to tell you this, you aren’t coming back anyway, but you can hear me full well, right? Even if she did replace you, even if anyone could replace you… that someone isn’t you. I’ll still be in pain because they aren’t you, and I might even make the person like you, more. I’m so sorry, Su Hwa. I’m so sorry and I love you so much.

“I just hope she can replace you.”

And the feeling of warmth rushed over him again, and he knew… he just knew, Su Hwa still loved him.

Oh wow, I wrote it. It was late uploading because I hadn't actually finished when I posted this. I got home from school today and started frantically typing, my poor laptop is worn out.

Thank you for reading! Comments, subs and upvotes are most welcome!

HudaCheesecake xxx

P.S. Please, do tell me how you thought of this...