January
It’s the beginning of the new year. A new start. No more mistakes, no more regrets.
“This is our year Namsoonah,” Heungsoo slurred to his best friend after the clock struck midnight. The two friends were sat in Namsoon’s living room around the table counting down the seconds until the new year. Namsoon took another sip of his beer and smiled. Not his fake half assed smile but the full on works, gums showing and all. And that was the first time Heungsoo’s heart flipped.

February
It was cold. Really cold. But Heungsoo didn’t mind it. After all it was winter when him and Namsoon had reconciled their friendship. Winter is now his favourite season.
“Yaa! Where’s your coat?” Heungsoo shouted to his best friend five minutes into the familiar walk to school as he finally realised his friend was shivering.
“I don’t have one,” Namsoon replied nonchalantly.
“Idiot” Heungsoo scoffed whilst unwrapping his thick red scarf from around his neck and wrapping it around Namsoons. “Can’t you do anything?”.
Namsoon smirked and nudged Heungsoo in the shoulder making Heungsoo stumble slightly. “We are going to be late” He said tightening his scarf around his neck and quickening his pace.

March
School was dull and Heungsoo still had no idea what he wanted to do in the future. With a sigh he put down his pen and glanced over to his left at Nam Soon. Like always Nam Soon had his eyes closed face leaning on his arms, his mouth was slightly open. Heungsoo smiled to himself. He felt his heartbeat quicken because of something he couldn’t quite pinpoint. I bet that bastard has no clue either, Heungsoo thought facing the front again looking at the clock. Class was almost over thank god. After 5 more mind numbingly boring minutes Heungsoo’s phone vibrated in his pocket.
Ramyun after? His text read.
Heungsoo looked over at Nam Soon who was grinning (why is that bastard always grinning?) and was finally sat upright in his chair.
Aishh why is it always ramyun.. he replied feigning an exasperated roll of his eyes.
Maybe in the future he should open up a ramyun shop with Namsoon. That bastard does make the best ramyun after all.

April
“Hyung nim! You’re so handsome. Why don’t you have a girl friend yet?” Byun Ki Duk asked Heungsoo loudly one day in class. The room fell silent. All interested in why the handsome Heungsoo didn’t have a girlfriend. Nam soon lifted his head from his arms and flicked his eyes over to Heungsoo.
“I er…. I just don’t” he mumbled. Before Byun Ki Duk could offer a retort Heungsoo shot him one of his famous glares. The class slowly went back to their meaningless chatter. Nam Soon turned to stare out the window. The warm spring sun light shone on Namsoon’s flawless skin bathing him in gold. His hair shone under the sun making it look shiny and soft and Heungsoo had the overwhelming urge just to grab Namsoon and run his fingers through his beautiful hair. Wait.. what? And then the light bulb goes on.

May
“Why do you stay here every night? Don’t you have any place else to go?” Namsoon asked Heungsoo with a knowing smirk one night whilst they were both lying on the blanket on the floor.
“Loyalty bastard, this is what you call loyalty” Heungsoo replied with the ever so familiar sentence. “Now sleep”. Heungsoo rolled over and tried to sleep with no avail. His mind was distracted today. Too many dangerous thoughts. I cant carry on like this. Namsoon’s faint snores could be heard and Heungsoo turned back around to face Namsoon. Namsoon really was beautiful, Heungsoo thought to himself. So pretty just like a porcelain doll. Heungsoo absentmindedly began tracing his finger down Namsoon’s face ever so gently starting at his high cheek bones down to his chin. So soft.
Heungsoo brushed his fingers lightly against Namsoon’s long eye lashes and down the arch of his nose careful not to wake Namsoon, until he finally came to his lips. Heungsoo hesitantly lifted his finger to feel the softness of those perfect plump cherry lips. He paused, finger held a millimetre away and Heungsoo swallowed all his yearning and forced himself to turn back around. It was becoming harder and harder to be around Namsoon all the time, so hyper aware of what his mere presence does to him. With the familiar sound of Namsoon’s breathing Heungsoo eventually allowed himself to drift of to sleep.

June
Heungsoo watched on as Namsoon and Ha Kyung laughed loudly in the corridor, his chest tightening in jealousy. What could possibly be so funny to laugh so loud? Heungsoo turned away and walked back into the class room. He angrily pulled out his chair making a loud scraping noise against the wooden floor and sat down. Even after three years Heungsoo hated sharing Namsoon. He hated knowing that someone else could make him smile and laugh like that. It’s not that he didn’t want Namsoon to be happy because that is all he ever wanted, he just wanted to be the one to bring him that happiness. I’m so selfish he thought grudgingly, rubbing between his eyebrows.
Just as he let out another loud sigh the classroom door opened. “There you are. Aren’t you coming to lunch?” Namsoon asked standing in the doorway leaning against the frame.
“I wouldn’t want to intervene,” Heungsoo interjected bitterly.
“What? Intervene what?” Namsoon said after a few awkward seconds, face tilting to the side in confusion.
“You and Ha Kyung” Heungsoo spat out, finally looking up at Namsoon. Namsoon obviously surprised with Heungsoo’s tone, searched Heungsoo’s eyes trying to figure out what had made him so angry.
“Did I do something?” Namsoon asked sincerely.
“Never mind,” Heungsoo mumbled standing up and grabbing his bag. He knew he was being stupid but he couldn’t help his persistent pessimism. “I’ll see you afterwards yeah?” He said brushing past Namsoon in the doorway.

July
“Aishh it’s too hot!” Namsoon complained loudly whilst shifting his position on the blanket trying to get more comfortable. It was a warm humid night and Namsoon’s AC decided it was the perfect time to stop working. Namsoon finally sat up and pulled of his t-shirt leaving his chest bare.
“Ahhh that’s better” he said as he lay back down with a satisfied smile. Heungsoo froze in his place. Nam Soon just didn’t.. he just..
“What?” Nam Soon asked turning to his friend. Heungsoo stared at Namsoon’s lean body. Heungsoo felt his mouth go dry at the way Namsoon’s hipbones arched out pulling his jogging bottoms up rising over his lean tummy. He was so pale and gorgeous. Heungsoo quickly gathered his senses and shifted uncomfortably. Of course Namsoon’s body would have changed. Three years is a long time for the body to mature. But who knew the gawky lanky kid would turn out to look like that.
“Nothing bastard, you going to take your trousers off too?” Heungsoo asked sarcastically trying to hide his smile, picking at the corner of his cushion.
“Shut up”.
Still elated about what had transpired ,Heungsoo turned around to face the other way. He knew he wouldn’t be getting any sleep tonight.

August
Heungsoo lit up his cigarette and breathed in the toxic smoke into his lungs. He breathed out with a satisfied sigh. It was evening and him and Namsoon were loitering in the park. Namsoon looked at him disapprovingly. “Feeling better now bastard?” he asked sarcastically.
Heungsoo just smirked whilst kicking his foot on the gravel. It was starting to get chilly and the cold was making his leg ache. Heungsoo took another drag of his cigarette and blew the smoke in Namsoon’s face with challenging eyes. Before he could say anything Namsoon quickly grabbed the cigarette from Heungsoo’s lips and dropped it on the floor crushing it under his shoe. “ That can kill you, you should quit” Namsoon lectured.
Heungsoo let out a loud snort. “I vaguely remember you smoking 10 of those a day” he said.
The only reason Heungsoo carried on smoking those cigarettes three years ago after the accident was because the smell of the smoke eased his aching heart. The smell carried such a smell of nostalgia (added to the long list of scents that meant more to him that it should) and he couldn’t bring himself to stop. It took him back to who he was before things started getting hard. Back to when it was just him and Namsoon against the world, never leaving each others side.
Heungsoo looked at Namsoon. He seemed to be lost in his thoughts; remembering the old days too. He was here now. And he wasn’t leaving, Heungsoo needed to stop being so insecure. He reached into his pocket and took out the pack of cigarettes and threw them into the pile of bin bags.
“Come on, lets go home you can make me ramyun” Heungsoo said dragging his friends sleeve.
Namsoon smiled.

September
It was another one of those heavy nights, where Namsoon doesn’t want to move or talk. He sat slouched on his bed head leaning against the wall like it was too heavy for his body, his spine barely holding himself up. He stared lifelessly out the window. Heungsoo knows what brought this on, the same thing every time. Heungsoo’s leg had been aching more lately and Namsoon seemed to have noticed as much as Heungsoo tried to hide it.
“Namsoonah,” he says after five minutes of silence standing in Namsoon‘s doorway. Namsoon swallows and turns his head towards the wall, still not looking at Heungsoo.
“Go Namsoon, look at your hyung when he’s talking to you”, Heungsoo said playfully searching for something in Namsoon’s face. Anything.
Namsoon scoffed whilst turning to face Heungsoo, his lips turning up into a small smile. A tear escaped and ran down his face and Heungsoo hated it the most when Namsoon cried. The tears were like knives, piercing his heart.
Heungsoo walked over to the bed pulling Namsoon into his arms. Sometimes when the past becomes so heavy silence really was the only medicine.

October
After class Heungsoo found himself being dragged out to the roof by no other than Kang Joo.
“What are you doing?” he asked annoyed whilst straightening his blazer. This chick really is strong
“Let’s talk” Kang Joo replied staring up into Heungsoo’s face not breaking eye contact.
“About what?” Heungsoo asked impatiently.
“Namsoon.”
“What about him”
“You like him” she stated. Heungsoo choked. Silence fell between the two.
“What.. no.. I .. What are you talking about?” He finally spluttered in shock.
“Don’t worry I wont tell anyone” she said smiling. “But prez.. We all know he is as vigilant as a pear. If you don’t tell him he will never know”. She said then turned and walked off.

November
It was cold again. It was 9pm and Heungsoo was walking home with Namsoon. Namsoon blew onto his pink hands and rubbed them together.
“Aishhh you still don’t have a coat” Heungsoo said in annoyance. He took off one of his gloves and handed it to Nam Soon. “Here put this on.”
Nam Soon put on the glove. “My other hand is still cold” he stated. Heungsoo sighed and grabbed Namsoon’s gloveless right hand with his left. Namsoon looked at him in shock.
“It’s warmer this way” he mumbled as they walked home hand in hand. Nam Soon smiled. The gloveless hand holding tightly onto Namsoon’s felt around 5 times more warmer than the hand with the glove.
Heungsoo had no idea how someone can simultaneously make him feel so peaceful and calm yet drive him insane like a million butterflies were trying to escape his ribcage.

December
There was a few seconds left to the new year. This time they weren’t drunk. Heungsoo and Namsoon was standing on the school roof waiting for the new year to come around. “Only two minute left Heungsooah” Namsoon said. facing his best friend and gifting him with one of his spectacular smiles he only seemed to show Heungsoo. Namsoon’s eyes glistened under the starry night sky. How could anyone be so beautiful, so perfect Heungsoo thought to himself for the millionth time. He can’t keep holding himself back any longer. These past few months have been so difficult, every time Namsoon touches him or looks at him with those eyes. He can’t even ing breathe. Heungsoo was so in love. So head over heels infatuated with Namsoon, that he knew something had to be done.
Swallowing the painful thoughts of rejection that had been choking him for so long Heungsoo grabbed Namsoon’s shoulders and kissed those soft red lips ever so softly. Time seemed to slow down and Heungsoo felt like he was trapped between the seconds of his beating heart. Heungsoo hesitantly pulled away and looked to the ground waiting for the inevitable outcome of what he just did. There was silence.
“Finally bastard” Namsoon said softly Heungsoo glanced up at Namsoon in confusion.
Before Heungsoo could say anything Namsoon pulled him in for another kiss running his fingers through Heungsoo’s hair. This time Heungsoo kissed back harder, happiness running through his veins. His hands shakily ran down Namsoon’s back settling on his waist. When both boys needed to come up for air they hesitantly broke apart. Breathing heavily. Namsoon shyly looked at Heungsoo. Heungsoo felt his eyes starting to water. Is this real.
The loud sounds of fireworks going off in the background broke the bubble which the two boys were in.
“Aish why is my life such a cliché” He said smiling at Namsoon reaching out to take his hand. Namsoon laughed tightening his hold on Heungsoo and promising himself to never let ago.



Hello guys! It's Jem here. This is the first time I have ever written anything (or even posted anything for that matter) but after 4 months i'm still not over this pairing (dgjkbsjbg) Feel free to leave a comment especially if you are just as obsessed with the heungsoon couple like me ;)