Fanservice? no.
You're not just fanservice
1
“You’re not just fanservice”
“Sungjong-ah, did I do something wrong?” Myungsoo continuously trailed behind Sungjong as if he was a koala not wanting to part from his favorite damn tree. They had been like that since early in the afternoon, when Sungjong--- out of the blue, for Myungsoo, at that---- just won’t talk to him all of a sudden after their fansigning. Of course, Myungsoo wouldn’t feel comfortable knowing that a certain member wasn’t talking to him for whatever the reason that person has. And the more important point is that Sungjong’s that person, which just gives him much more reason to feel bothered right to the core. Did he do something during the fansign that pissed the maknae off?
They had been okay before that.
They had been okay during that.
They hadn’t been okay after that.
He dug up every bit of his mind and memory for something that he might have possibly done to make Sungjong feel this way, feel so pissed off at him that he’s not even talking to him anymore?
But then, only a stolen banana milk on the refrigerator one monday morning registered to his helpless self. But that was like five days ago! Sungjong can’t possibly be pissed off at something that had already happened five days ago, right? He meant, they were okay after that incident. Yeah, Sungjong kinda lashed out his wrath and went around accusing all of the members for his nowhere-to-be-found-inside-their-ing-refrigerator precious drink, but Sungjong was already okay and back to his alter thoughtful and cheeky self after Hoya said that he’ll buy him another one on their way to the studio.
One day after the incident of the missing banana milk, Sungjong even went to his room, not even knocking and just forcing the door open like the boss that he is---- 7 o’clock, he had remembered the time vividly ---- and asked him for help on his math assignment due tomorrow. Myungsoo had already grown accustomed to Sungjong’s sudden barging inside his room (well, a shared room obviously). Sungjong came to him in his pajamas that one fateful night and bugged the hell out of him while he was typing away a very constructive comment (essay is the more appropriate word, actually) to a blog he had found on daum titled, ‘Why Kim Myungsoo is uncool’. He had no other choice then but to put his keyboard smashing to a stop and asked Sungjong to follow him to bed (because there’s only a single table inside his room with a single chair and he can’t really let Sungjong just stand up on his side while he was cracking the math equation up, sitting comfortably in front of his computer. And asking Sungjong to sit on his lap is not really the solution to the problem. Trust him! Moreover, he doesn’t want the irritating destruction brought about by the mindless and more probably unsocial human being that thinks he is uncool just because he wears black all the time. Him? Kim Myungsoo? Uncool? Impossible!) Sungjong and Myungsoo laid on their stomachs, legs swaying back and forth, both palms resting on either cheeks, head tilted to the side . Well, only Sungjong actually as he was biting the cap of Sungjong’s pen out of habit whenever he thinks very deeply.
“Hyung, why are you taking so long? You usually answer this in just a minute!” Sungjong exaggerated as he let himself lie more comfortably on the bed, eyes staring at the ceiling.
“Do I look like Einstein to you, Lee Sungjong?” Myungsoo glared. “Of course, I don’t! For heaven’s sake!” he proclaimed, practically answering his own question.
Sungjong glanced at him. “Well, your curly hair says otherwise, though” Sungjong immediately whispered an ‘Oops!’ and covered his mouth just at the same time when Myungsoo shouted ‘Yah! I’m not doing this!’
Sungjong’s face turned to him, making his long hair fall back to the side of his face, beautifying him more in the most impossible way. “Don’t worry hyung, you’re more handsome than him. Now finish my homework, you self-proclaimed-more-handsome than-Einstein man” Sungjong said as he patted Myungsoo’s hair affectionately, accompanied by his catfish smile (nickname courtesy of Lee Howon, of course).
Myungsoo stared in awe.
Who can say no to that ethereal face?
Myungsoo went back to biting while Sungjong was blankly staring at the ceiling, probably hoping for a unicorn to appear all of a suden (Sungjong had mouthed words of wanting to see it since their pre-debut years, evidence of his long-gone innocence).
“Hyung, if you weren’t a member of Infinite, what other group would you want to be a part of?” Sungjong asked out of the blue, which for the second time interrupted Myungsoo’s deep mathematical-intelligence thinking.
“TVXQ” Myungsoo said without hesitation.
Sungjong stared at him in disgrace, mouth curled up in annoyance, eyes leering him a ‘daeng!-you-gave-the-wrong-answer’ kind of look.
“Oh please hyung, Jaejoong-sunbaenim would have quitted the group then” Sungjong can’t help but laugh remembering how much Myungsoo admires the older idol. He would search news and articles about him on the internet if they’re on their break from a photoshoot or recording. Myungsoo even dragged him out one afternoon to watch Heaven’s Postman in the theatres with him, mouthing ‘I wanna buy non-black colored clothes, Sungjong-ah. You’re an expert in fashion. Help me!’ as an excuse.
But of course Sungjong knew he was lying.
Sungjong still went out with him, though.
“Are you here to ask me for help on your math or you just came to piss the hell out of me?” Myungsoo tried, but he didn’t sound angry.
“both” Sungjong shrugged.
Silence.
‘Now back to cracking this damn Da Vinci code equation’ Myungsoo thought and went back to biting-----again.
“I’ll probably beg on my knees in front of our CEO” Sungjong voiced out after 30 seconds (not that Myungsoo had been counting the seconds of awkward silence instead of solving the problem, really).
“Huh?”
“I’ll probably beg in front of Jung Yeop hyung to let me be a part of Infinite” Sungjong said dreamily, smiling like it’s the only best thing he can do in life, which is not really because it only takes an expert to make Kim Myungsoo’s heart race like how it was beating right now.
Myungsoo realized then how much Sungjong treasured clumsy Dongwoo, humorous Hoya, choding Sungyeol, bad-guy Sunggyu, greasy Woohyun and uncool him. He realized how much Sungjong treasured Infinite. Even though their hyungs bully him from time to time, Sungjong still just laughed it off as if he wasn’t hurting, muffling his cry later inside the bathroom when he thought no one was listening.
“Says the self-proclaimed 4th member and visual of Orange Caramel”
Myungsoo giggled.
Sungjong blushed.
“I was kidding, you know”
“Huh?” It was Sungjong’s turn to ask and frown.
“Of course I only want to be in Infinite. It had been my world, my only solace. All of you are important to me that I’d rather not be an idol if I’m not with you guys” Myungsoo explained, rocking the pen from side to side like a pendulum, wanting to escape from the embarrassment of his words. “Even though I really like Jaejoong-sunbaenim very much, I would rather not get punched by Yunho-sunbaenim and get my faced ruined now, wouldn’t I?” He continued.
“Huh?” Sungjong frowned even more.
“Aish. Just let me get back to this, alright? Unless, you want your teacher to scold you for being homework-less”
After a few minutes of heavenly silence, Myungsoo finally figured out everything and wrote the answer at the back of the paper.
“Sungjong-ah, I wrote the equation at the back of the paper, just copy it before------“ Myungsoo went silent after seeing that Sungjong had already fallen asleep on his bed, knees curled up to his chest like a fetus.
“You little brat” Myungsoo whispered and stood up. He latched his one arm to the back of Sungjong and carefully lifted the maknae up not wanting for him to wake up, resting his head on the pillow, while his other hand pulled the blanket up to Sungjong’s chest.
“I guess Hoya wouldn’t mind a new roommate just for tonight”
Myungsoo stared at him for the last time.
Kissing Sungjong’s cheek, goodnight.
Sungjong pressed the keypad button one by one as he entered their apartment’s password lock. The door opened in a ‘click’ and he immediately went inside, followed by a pouting Myungsoo.
“What’s with them?” Sunggyu asked Hoya as he entered the apartment as well. He had already felt the awkwardness when they were still on their up inside the elevator. The myungsoo who usually talks a lot, telling funny stories of his conversations with one-of-a-kind fans, was miraculously quiet while stealing glances at Sungjong, who just stared up at the changing number on top of the ride indicating what floor they were already.
“Dunno. Ice-prince turned to pouting-prince after fansign” Hoya answered.
“Sungjong-ah. Sungjong-ah. Sungjong-ah” Koala Myungsoo repeated for the millionth time that day while following his favorite tree Lee Sungjong. Myungsoo couldn’t really comprehend the sudden bad mood of the maknae.
Earlier that day, Sungjong even greeted him good morning while he was lazily rubbing his eyes on his way to the kitchen, hoping for his hyungs to be thoughtful enough to leave him breakfast.
After breakfast and getting dressed up for the fansign, they both even watched the television together to kill time while they wait for everyone to finish their things up and get ready.
During the fansign, Myungsoo was hell sure more than anything else that they’re okay. If you don’t call whispering and tickling each other while waiting for fans to line up not okay, then he didn’t know what to call it anymore. Sungjong even pulled him to his side and attempted to strip him in front of their fans, while laughing cheekily from ear to ear.
Sungjong went immediately to the refrigerator and fisted out a glass of water, pouring it on his cow-designed cup.
“Sungjong-ah”
Sungjong still ignored him.
Myungsoo stared at the refrigerator and remembered something.
“Is it about the banana milk? I’m sorry. I didn’t really know it was yours. I’m sorry, Sungjong-ah”
Sungjong turned around at this after closing the refrigerator in a ‘blup’. He pointed a finger at Myungsoo’s face, causing the latter’s head to move backward.
Sungjong only sighed though and went out of the kitchen, not even saying a single word.
“Yah. What is wrong with you?” Myungsoo annoyingly asked again while watching Sungjong watch television in the living room.
“Stop being loud, hyung! I’m watching, oh my god, can’t you understand that?” Myungsoo was close to kneeling and praising the heavens above for Sungjong’s first words to him since the fansign was over.
“Well, I don’t understand you! What the hell is wrong with you all of a sudden?! What did I do to make you so pissed off that you wouldn’t even talk to me, huh? I’m your hyung, look at me when I’m talking to you! Are you so moody like that that you suddenly turn pissed off when I didn’t even do anyth------“
“Shut up!!!!!” Sungjong shouted with all the voice left on his vocal cord, cutting Myungsoo off who was utterly shocked at the sudden violence.
“I’m not in the mood anymore! Go watch it on your own!” He shouted and harshly threw the pillow out of his arms to the startled Sunggyu on the couch which, fortunately, caught the poor yellow fluffy object.
Sungjong stormed out of the living room and banged his door close, enough for everyone in the apartment to hear.
Myungsoo sighed.
“You better calm him down or I will slash your throat with a kitchen knife if he starts ing around us tomorrow” Sunggyu threatened him while changing the tunnel. “You know how Sungjong is when he’s pissed off, right?” Sunggyu said with a calmer voice, this time.
“I will, hyung”
Myungsoo went to Sungjong’s room and knocked. He turned the knob and was thankful enough that Sungjong forgot to lock the door. He went inside and saw Sungjong lying on his bed, clutching tight to his teddy bear like the precious jewel that he is.
“Jongie-ya, I’m sorry” Myungsoo cooed, putting his faith on his given nickname to Sungjong that he will at least get moved by hearing his nickname, which myungsoo proclaimed only him can call Sungjong that. Myungsoo was happy to see Sungjong sit up from his lying position, still hugging his ‘sunggyu’.
“I’m sorry. I was…..I just lost it cos all of a sudden you were avoiding me….and I really can’t think of anything that I did wrong for you to be mad at me so...” Myungsoo searched for a tint of touchiness in Sungjong’s face, he found nothing.
“Hyung, stop confusing me” Sungjong whispered, his teddy bear not being able to muffle his voice. “Please?”
His last word came as a sincere command rather than a question and plead to Myungsoo’s ears.
“What?” was the only word that came out of Myungsoo’s mouth. Confused? Him? What was Sungjong talking about?
“It’s just……one thing, you were being too touchy-touchy with me and then next you were on your way to kissing Sungyeol hyung and then the next again you’re hugging Woohyun hyung. It’s just…….I really can’t help but-----“
“feel Jealous?” Myungsoo finished for him, obviously teasing.
Sungjong’s mouth went wide at that. “Of course not!” He denied. “I can’t help but think that you are just a skin-craving monster who has nothing to do but conjure up fake fanservice in front of our innocent Inspirits! If you’re going to do fanservice, then just do it with one single person, you flirt!”
“Hmp!” Sungjong hissed and covered his whole body with the blanket.
“So that’s what you’re pissed off about?” Myungsoo inquired. He went up the junk bed and sat on Sungjong side.
The blanket moved up and down, a ‘nod’.
“You are so cute”
“I’m not” Sungjong answered, still not moving the blanket away from his face.
“Yes, you are”
“No, I’m not”
“Yes, you are”
“I am not”
“Sungjong-ah” Myungsoo called.
“hmmm?” Sungjong answered back after a few seconds. Myungsoo sighed a relief. Finally, Sungjong sounded calm.
“You’re not fanservice”
“What?” Sungjong slowly removed the blanket out of his face this time.
“Just sleep, babe” Myungsoo instructed, not realizing that he had actually used ‘babe’.
He stayed there for a few more minutes until he finally made sure that Sungjong was already in his deep slumber, hoping for Sungjong to dream of him, even just for tonight. He removed the maknae’s hair out of his face and kissed his forehead.
“You know , Sungjong-ah. There’s a big difference between fanservice and listening to what your heart and mind wants you to do. You know that, right?” Myungsoo talked to him as if Sungjong was awake and ready to answer him any second now. He took a glance at the maknae and kissed his cheek this time.
Myungsoo leaned a little closer and positioned his face right in front of Sungjong’s ears.
“And I’m pretty much you’re not just fanservice, Sungjong-ah” He whispered.
But then, Myungsoo realized.
In front of the fans, in front of Inspirits, everything will forever be a fanservice. Whether with Sungjong, with Sungyeol, or even with Woohyun, everything will just be fanservice.
Myungsoo also remembered that one time.
“Hyung, if I was not in Infinite, I most probably would have been an Inspirit” Sungjong said first thing in the morning when he woke up in Myungsoo’s bed after asking him to do his math.
Myungsoo smiled.
Maybe one day, Sungjong can just stop being an Inspirit and start being an Infinite member instead.
Maybe then, he can finally notice how Myungsoo’s glance linger more to him compared to the other members.
Maybe then, he can finally contemplate on how much Myungsoo longed for them to not just be ‘co-members’.
Maybe then, he can finally realize how much Myungsoo wants him by his side for infinity and beyond.
Myungsoo just hoped for that fateful day to come sooner. Sooner because he can’t wait for infinity. Infinity meant him and Sungjong together, not him waiting for Sungjong.
Myungsoo tucked Sungjong’s blanket for the last time. He went out of Sungjong’s shared room and into his room, dreaming of slim fingers, fluffy and straight smooth hair, mole on the nose, and perfect S-line.
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