Bliss isn’t a feeling Taeyeon often experiences. Stress over small things, anxiety and a million and one worries that could take her mind.

 

Bliss though, was a rare feeling. Repeating thoughts of a kiss in an empty night street, one that made Taeyeon feel as though she were flying.

 

“Ever since your date you’ve had that smug grin on your face.”

 

Even through Sunny’s comments.

 

“Is that bad?”

 

“On the contrary, it’s a nice change to have you smiling for once.” Sunny grins, Taeyeon poking her from across the desk.

 

“I smile.”

 

“Yeah and we don’t run a shop.”

 

Taeyeon knows she’s hardly ever outgoing happy, Sunny’s sarcasm always pulling atleast a laugh from her.

 

“Okay, well excuse me for being happy for once.”

 

“You’re excused.” Sunny giggles to herself, looking over at Taeyeon. “So.. you gonna tell me about her?”

 

“I’m not sure I want this ruined by Jessica and Tiffany just yet.” Taeyeon smirks, knowing she’d spill to them eventually anyway.

 

“Oh as if they won’t pry it out of you. C’mon, tell me about the adventures of you and the ever so mysterious Yuri.”

 

“When did she become mysterious?”

 

Rolling her eyes, Sunny lets out a sigh. “When you told me nothing about her. Come on, I’ve gotta get my dose of romance vicariously through you.”

 

“Sunny you’re not even gay.”

 

“And that’s supposed to stop me? Now spill, what’s been keeping you up in the clouds?”

 

Taeyeon almost considers keeping quiet, making Sunny burn up in her unknown though the thought of the more constant pestering pulls it out of her.

 

“We finished dinner and before she left we.. kissed.” Taeyeon sighs dreamily, trying to recall the feeling.

 

“Oh please tell me I didn’t bug you for an hour just to hear that? Was it good?! Come on, spill the details even Jessica and Tiffany don’t wanna hear.”

 

“Are you sure you want to ever know that much?”

 

“No you’re right, never tell me that much. At least you know.. Tell me something.”

 

“I don’t know what to tell I.. we talked, for hours we just talked and it was so effortless.” Taeyeon smiles, talking to Yuri was unlike any idea of a date she’d ever had. Where her nerves faded and they spoke like close friends. “She’s funny and really sweet and I swear she’s just so..” Taeyeon sighs, smiling dreamily. “I felt like my heart skipped beats when we kissed. I thought that feeling was something for movies not.. It was incredible.”

 

Taeyeon shuts her eyes, expecting more teasing out of Sunny.

 

“Wow.. that’s something.”

 

“What if that was it? I mean she hasn’t said anything after and..” Taeyeon starts, eyes bursting wide when Sunny shoves her hand over to silence her.

 

“Hey, none of that. You’re gonna see her again, she’s gonna call and you're gonna do that cheesy where your heart flutters, butterflies and all.”

 

“You’re telling Jessica and Tiffany none of this!” Taeyeon glares at Sunny, both bursting into laughter.

 

Sunny tells Jessica and Tiffany, what results in the two imagining up that Taeyeon was on the path to the greatest romance they could dream up.

 

“I thought we were gonna play Overwatch not talk about my love life.”

 

“Too bad, you’re stuck with us for as long as we can keep losing this game.” Jessica laughs, Tiffany going with her like a chorus

 

“You should know after all these years it’s so much more than just the games.”

 

Taeyeon can practically hear the grin from Tiffany, dropping her head against her desk.

 

“I swear there’s a reason somewhere in here why I spend so much time with all of you.”

 

“It’s cause we’re amazing and you know it.” Jessica giggles, followed by what Taeyeon can only assume is a high-five between the two.

 

“Are you gonna see her again? You should definitely call her.”

 

Feeling her uncertainty come back Taeyeon droops in her chair, letting her head fall back.

 

“It was only last night, I dunno if I should call her so soon and..” Taeyeon feels her mood sink, quickly shooting up in her chair at the sound of her phone ringing. “Oh god, , god, .” Taeyeon mumbles incomprehensibly, her phone practically being juggled in her clumsy hands, taking a deep breath before answering.

 

“Yuri uhm, hi.” she manages, relieved she doesn’t come off like a nervous wreck.

 

“Hey there. I was wondering,” Yuri drawls, almost flirtatious in her tone, making Taeyeon’s heart pound. “There’s this party for a fashion line launch and if you’re free, I thought you might like to be my date?”

 

“Party? Yeah that’s.. Yes, I’d.. like that.” Taeyeon stutters, wanting to smack herself as her nerves come back though Yuri laughs.

 

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow night? Around seven?”

 

“That sounds great. I’ll see you then.” Taeyeon sighs under her breath, almost disbelieving how Yuri thinks her nervous ticks to be any measure of cute.

 

“Bye Taeyeon.”

 

“Goodnight Yuri.”

 

Dropping her phone on her desk she’s surprised to hear her friends quiet for once.

 

“You can stop eavesdropping now!”

 

“She must be special, you hate parties.” Sunny raises, Taeyeon groaning.

 

“I can’t help that parties have so many people.”

 

“Hey! You’re gonna have fun and it’ll be great.” Tiffany ecstatically says, Taeyeon hardly with her enthusiasm.

 

“Tae it’s gonna be good. She called you, clearly she likes you.” Jessica chimes in, her rare piece of advice that isn’t misplaced. “And if worst comes to worst we’ll be here to talk relentless about her and get drunk.”

 

“As true friends do.” Taeyeon grins, placing her nerves aside as best she can.

 

With Yuri’s words of dress casual, Taeyeon wonders whether she’s going to have a breakdown over her wardrobe. Staring down t-shirts carrying characters of comics and film, references that few people would get and many more would ask only to be confused. Roughed jackets and her worn down jeans. Wishing she’d asked for Sunny and the miracles she’d been able to work seemingly out of thin air.

 

Eventually staring herself down in the mirror, a blank white blouse, black jacket and grey jeans.

 

“Well at least this works.” she nods, finally happy, turning around only to notice the dark red fade of an X-Wing on her jacket. “Oh come on!” she moves to find another, though when her phone buzzes with a text she grumbles, rushing to get downstairs.

 

A million and one worries going through her mind as she walks out onto the street, catching Yuri’s eye. Seeing her sat up against a motorcycle and a helmet in hand.

 

“Hey there.” Yuri smiles, stepping forward.

 

“You uhm.. Didn’t say you drove a motorcycle.”

 

“I.. yeah, have you ever ridden one?” Seeing Taeyeon nod no, Yuri grins. “Do you want to?”

 

“Is it scary?” Taeyeon asks, Yuri gigglig.

 

“It’s a little intimidating when you first get on. But after that I think anyone loves it.” Yuri reaches her hand out, Taeyeon thinking for a moment before taking hold of hers

 

“Okay, I’ll trust you.”

 

Settling on the back, Taeyeon fits the helmet on Yuri gives her, reaching for the handles though Yuri reaches back for her hand, letting Taeyeon hold around her waist.

 

“You ready?” she asks, Taeyeon nodding against her back. Gripping tight when she feels the initial rush of the engine as they pull away. When the engine comes to a more settled purr, the feeling of the wind against them and Taeyeon calms, her hard grip loosening and watching the lights of the street as they pass by

 

When they come to a stop, Yuri turning off the engine Taeyeon still feels the remnants of the rush as Yuri helps her to get down.

 

“So, was it alright?”

 

“That was really fun. Thank you.” Taeyeon smiles, Yuri reaching for her hand.

 

“I’m glad. Cause the girl comes with the bike.” Yuri grins, Taeyeon’s heart pounding at the subtle wink Yuri gives. “Now, I think we should go inside and have some fun.”

 

Reaching for Yuri’s outstretched hand, she moves to entwine their fingers, though with the sound of footsteps down the street she pulls back, trying hard not to think of the evident hurt in Yuri’s eyes, the fact she’s too scared to as much as hold hands with her if anyone saw.

 

Yuri doesn’t say anything about it. Coming inside to a studio apartment bustling inside, music playing at a low beat, sounds of conversations, Taeyeon focusing on Yuri as she leads her to the bar.

 

“Want anything to drink?” Yuri offers, Taeyeon scanning over the bar filled with liquor far too expensive she’d even consider it on a normal night out.

 

“I.. just a beer is alright.”

 

“Here you are.” Yuri hands her a drink, Taeyeon taking a nervous swig. “I’ll show you around.”

 

Walking around, Yuri shows Taeyeon a large print hung up on the wall. Taeyeon realizing a large image of Yuri is hung up on the wall.

 

“Oh you..”

 

“I did some work for the line yeah. There’s a couple more going out in magazines but this is my favourite.”

 

Taeyeon stares over the print, hardly believing the same woman stands next to her as the one printed up along the tall wall. Unlike most any experience she’d ever think to imagine.

 

“You’re very.. You’re very beautiful Yuri.” Taeyeon mumbles, though she looks only into Yuri’s eyes, seeing her burst into a wide smile that captivates her wholly.

 

“Yuri! Hey, there you are.” both of them turn around, a woman striding over to them, Taeyeon surprised when she’s taller than even Yuri.

 

“Sooyoung, hey.” Yuri reaches out to hug her, Yuri looking over Taeyeon. “Soo this is Taeyeon she’s.. A friend of mine.”

 

“Well, a friend of Yuri’s is a friend of mine. It’s nice to meet you Taeyeon.” Sooyoung smiles, giving Taeyeon a slight bow.

 

“Thank you, it’s nice to meet you Sooyoung.” Taeyeon greets, Sooyoung’s eyes going wide as she looks over her.

 

“Oh my god, I love that jacket. Who made that?” she rushes over, looking over Taeyeon’s jacket excitedly.

 

“Who? Uhm.. I’m not really sure.. It’s kinda old and..”

 

“Oh what’s this on the back?” Sooyoung asks, Taeyeon before she can think to say otherwise exclaiming.

 

“It’s an X-Wing.” Taeyeon blurts, turning red as Sooyoung looks on confused.

 

“Is that the brand? I’ll have to look into that.”

 

“I.. yeah, that’s it.” Taeyeon nods, Yuri watching the two, smiling to Taeyeon.

 

“Hey Yuri come here, you’ve gotta meet this designer.” Someone rushes over to Yuri’s side, practically pulling her away, giving a wave to Taeyeon before she goes off, leaving Taeyeon and Sooyoung alone.

 

“So Taeyeon, what do you do?”

 

“I own a.. Games shop.”

 

“Games?”

 

“Uh, yeah. Kinda like a hobby shop, we sell board games, cards. Things like that.” Taeyeon explains, Sooyoung staring blankly.

 

“Oh, that’s.. Interesting. Excuse me I think I need another drink.” Sooyoung strides off, Taeyeon left standing in the corner of the apartment

 

Watching the party, Taeyeon can only think of old memories. College parties where she’d be stuck like a wallflower. Praying to go unnoticed and go home. Of all the people and the anxiety that’d strike her to be stuck among crowds.

 

Trying to catch sight of Yuri, Taeyeon sees what looks only like a blur. When her heart begins to pound, a nervous shake ripping up her spine. When she tries to look around, finding no sight of her. Only one prevailing thought to get out and catch her breath.

 

Getting outside, Taeyeon takes a deep breath, slumping against a wall as she catches her breath. Trying to stop herself from tearing up.

 

Hearing footsteps though she tries to compose herself, Yuri coming to see her slumped against the wall.

 

“Taeyeon? What’s wrong?” Yuri kneels in front of her, Taeyeon dreading the thought that she’s ruined more than her own night. “Did someone say something? I will go in there and kick their if I have to.” Yuri manages to get a slight laugh out of Taeyeon, though she sees the troubled glimmer in her eyes.

 

“I’m.. I’m not really a party person.” Taeyeon admits, even if it’s only a half truth. When Yuri sees the trembling

 

“Wanna go somewhere?” Yuri asks, catching Taeyeon’s attention. “Somewhere quiet. I think it’ll be just us this time of night.” Yuri offers, reaching for Taeyeon’s hands.

 

“What about the party?”

 

“I can live without seeing some designers get drunk.” Entwining her fingers with Taeyeon’s “So wanna come with me?”

 

“Okay.”

 

It’s a quiet street, when Yuri’s motorcycle stops it’s not much save for the street lights and a street stand outside manned by a tired man and a group of chairs sat by the side of the road. If ever there was someplace quiet, Taeyeon couldn’t think of anywhere else.

 

“Take a seat, I’ll be right there.”

 

As Taeyeon settles in, the sound of a quiet city street is almost something in of itself. When Yuri sits beside her, handing her a beer and reaching her hand over, Taeyeon gripping Yuri’s without a second thought.

 

“I’m sorry, about this I didn’t think I’d..” Taeyeon starts, Yuri shushing her apology as she runs her hand under Taeyeon’s chin, gazing hard into her dark brown eyes.

 

“There’s nothing to be sorry for. But now I know, no parties.” seeing Taeyeon’s relief come just a little.

 

“I’ve.. never been much of a people person.” Taeyeon sighs, Yuri looking around, nobody in sight save for the worker at the stand with his head buried in a magazine. Running her hand along Taeyeon’s back. “Crowds get.. I get anxious and I guess I thought I’d be fine but..”

 

“Hey, you don’t need to feel bad about that.”

 

“I’m not very good at these things and It’s just, you should know I’m like this and..” Taeyeon stops, Yuri brushing her hand against Taeyeon’s cheek, not a care for whatever Taeyeon thinks will scare her away.

 

“I don’t care about the party, Taeyeon I just wanted to see you. If you’re not good with crowds, or people it’s alright. It can just be us.”

 

“Like now?” Taeyeon grins leaning closer, hardly a breath from Yuri.

 

“Well there’s the guy working the stand.”

 

“And if I wanted us to be alone?”

 

“Well, the bike’s quick.

 

Getting back to Taeyeon’s apartment ignites a spark long since dormant. When the door comes shut, Yuri’s lips pressed against her, hands with each touch that sends a furious heat through her

 

Stumbling through her dark apartment like two fervently searching to quell the heat.

 

When they crash down on the bed and even through the heat Yuri loves her gently. Whether her neighbors know Taeyeon doesn’t care. Till it becomes too much and they both fall limp, Yuri’s gentle kisses like a lullaby as she falls asleep. Caught in the rarest feeling of bliss.

 

Waking, Taeyeon shields her eyes against the light of the morning, reaching her hand along the bed only to fall on sheets. The thought that Yuri would leave before she woke up leaving a tense feeling in Taeyeon’s chest. The sound of her bedroom door coming open though quickly takes away the feeling.

 

Yuri in a t-shirt several sizes too small and the scent of coffee coming from the two mugs she carries over.

 

“Morning.” placing the coffee on the nightstand Yuri slides onto the side of the bed, more than happy to wake Taeyeon up in a morning kiss.

 

“Morning. I See you like my wardrobe.” Taeyeon grins. Yuri in one of her shirts a sight she’d trade nothing for.

 

“Mmm, do you have it in my size?”

 

“I’ll have to ask about getting another one sent over.” Taeyeon grins, the shirt originally a gift from Jessica and Tiffany. “I didn’t take you for a fan of magic though.” Taeyeon traces her fingers along the faint black logo, Yuri staring down at the shirt and catching Taeyeon’s hand.

 

“It’s comfortable. But.. I can think of something better.” Yuri smirks, eyes bursting of the same lust that Taeyeon knows she mirrors.

 

“Oh, what’s that?” Taeyeon falls onto her back, Yuri hovering over her.

 

“Wouldn’t you like to know hmm.” Yuri whispers, pressing her lips against Taeyeon’s neck. Driven by the sound of Taeyeon letting out a breathy whimper. “Taeyeon you’re so so y. God, last night you drove me crazy. I thought I was gonna..” Yuri stops, interrupted by the sound of Taeyeon’s phone ringing.

 

“Ignore it.” Taeyeon groans, Yuri capturing Taeyeon’s lips. Drowning out the sound of ringing. How Yuri practically rips her breath out of her in the best possible way.

 

When the ringing continues though they break apart. Yuri reaching over to grab it for her, Taeyeon answering without taking a look.

 

“Hello this is Taeyeon.” she answers, Yuri kissing along her neck, Taeyeon trying to keep quiet. “Mom?!” she exclaims, Yuri quickly pulling back. “I’m fine, I’m just..here in my apartment.”

 

Watching Taeyeon, Yuri can see the nervous look in her almost terrified.

 

“Yeah I can pick her up it’s okay. Bye.” Taeyeon hangs up, propping her phone back down and staring up at the ceiling. “Sorry about that..”

 

“You don’t have to keep apologizing.” Yuri along her cheek, Taeyeon nodding. “Do you and your mother..” Yuri leaves open, Taeyeon sighing.

 

“None of my family knows about this..” she sighs, running her hands through Yuri’s hair. “I’m not brave.. I can’t even hold your hand if anyone could see.”

 

“Taeyeon, nobody said you have to do those things.”

 

“I want to though.” Taeyeon whispers, not noticing her tears till Yuri brushes them away.

 

“Just give it time. It’s alright.”

 

“I didn’t mean to ruin the mood like this.” Taeyeon sighs, Yuri resting their heads together.

 

“Oh I’m not that easy Taeyeon.” Yuri grins, both falling back to bed, laughing before falling into their rhythm as Yuri kisses her senseless.

 

“! Sorry I.. I have to pick up my sister.” Taeyeon groans, Yuri laughing as she falls against her.

 

“I’ll call you?” Yuri asks, watching Taeyeon as she gets up to get dressed.

 

“Definitely.” Taeyeon leans over, haphazardly tossing a tank top on before giving Yuri another kiss. “I.. like you Yuri.” Taeyeon pushes herself to say, Yuri’s smile ripping in the sweetest feeling through her chest.

 

“I like you too Taeyeon.”

 

“I’ll see you soon?”

 

“I’d love to.”

 

Taeyeon’s never found much for connecting with her little sister.Where Taeyeon grew up glued to comics, books and screens. Hayeon took more the image her parents imagined for Taeyeon.

 

Sitting in her car the silence is mostly the same as their usual. Hayeon staring out the window.

 

“You look happy.” Hayeon finally breaks the silence, Taeyeon surprised to hear as much as a willing word out of her. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

 

“What?! No.. definitely not..no, no way.”

 

“Oh, hmm.” Hayeon shrugs, going back to staring out the window. “Is it a friends with benefits thing then?” Hayeon asks, Taeyeon slamming on the brakes.

 

“Where do you learn stuff like that?!”

 

“I’m fourteen, I hear things.” Hayeon groans. Taeyeon knowing how at her age she’d learnt far more of crass terms than anyone should.

 

“No boyfriend and no friend with benefits.” Taeyeon hesitates, giving a little. “I.. there’s someone but we haven’t talked about that.”

 

“Oh! You’re not as hopeless as mom says.” Hayeon grins, Taeyeon glaring at her. “Is he handsome?”

 

Taeyeon thinks of Yuri. The image of her in the morning. In Taeyeon’s shirt that was far too small for her. A fierce beauty in her eyes.

 

“I don’t think handsome is the right word.”

 

“Taeng, if he’s ugly I understand, you don’t have to sugarcoat it.”

 

“She’s not ugly.” Taeyeon laughs, feeling her heart drop realizing her slip. “He’s.. he’s not ugly.”

 

“Oh.. are you gay? That’s cool.” Hayeon shrugs nonchalantly, Taeyeon caught more in the overwhelming nervous feeling.

 

“I’m not.. Wait you’re okay with it?”

 

“Yeah, I mean what’s wrong with it? As long as you’re happy.”

 

Taeyeon stares in disbelief, almost wanting to pinch herself out of a dream. “I am.. I’m really happy.”

 

“So.. is it Sunny? You two always seemed close.” Hayeon asks, Taeyeon laughing hard.

 

“Nooo. Me and Sunny have never even.. Thought about that, ugh. No, that’s weird. She’s straight as an arrow.”

 

“Okay who is it?”

 

“You don’t know her. But she’s.. She’s something else.”

 

“Is she like you?” Hayeon asks, looking over the Taeyeon with rolling eyes.

 

“You mean does she run a great games store? No, she’s a model.”

 

“Oh hey, big sister doing well for herself.” Hayeon holds her hand up, Taeyeon awkwardly hi-fiving her. “Can I meet her?”

 

“I.. maybe. I’ll ask her.” Taeyeon smiles,the widest grin she can before it shatters in a single thought. “Hayeon, you can’t tell anyone about this.”

 

“Yeah I figured that much.”

 

“Hayeon, I’m serious, nobody at all, this is just between us.”

 

“I can keep a secret geez. My lips are sealed.” Hayeon runs her fingers over her lips, like a zipper.

 

“Thank you Hayeon.. Really.” Taeyeon pats her shoulder, Hayeon rolling her eyes.

 

“Now you just have to show me your big gay world. What’re gay clubs like?”

 

“You know who you’re talking to right? No clubs.. Much less any gay ones.”

 

“Sorry, for a second I thought you were cool.” Hayeon laughs, Taeyeon for once feeling the tension between them go.

 

“Yeah, well I’m sorry your big sister is such a downer.”

 

“Mhmm, you’re good enough I guess.”

 

It’s not in anyway how Taeyeon imagines telling her sister. How she never even imagined telling Hayeon.

 

Never intentional, like a slip of bravery. The single step towards something that feels less terrifying at the thought of being seen. That humors being less afraid. Prideful.