When Eunhyuk woke up the next time early in the morning they still lay in the same position with Donghae clinging to him like a koala. One leg and one arm were firmly placed around him to hug him closer while Donghae’s face was nestled in the crock of his neck. He stared up at the ceiling while he listened to Donghae’s calm snoring and felt how every breath gently tickled his skin. He wished they could stay like that for an eternity, cozily snuggling together under the blankets, sharing each other’s warmth. Unfortunately his alarm clock rang a short while later and Donghae began to stir next to him. He closed his eyes and began to pretend to wake up as well before sitting up and reaching over Donghae to turn off the alarm. Donghae grumped annoyed, half asleep, when his grip on Eunhyuk came lose as Eunhyuk sat up before reaching out to instead embrace his waist and put his head in his lap. Eunhyuk froze and look down at the extremely curled Donghae disbelievingly.

”Mmm... 5 minutes more Hyukjae... I’m so tired....” Donghae murmured in his sleep  and let his arms relax around Eunhyuk. 

Eunhyuk tried to breath normally again as he tried to push Donghae off him and was about to succeed when one of Donghae’s hands suddenly grabbed his thigh firmly to keep him from moving.

”Don’t go up yet. Then I have to go up as well... Please, can’t we snooze a little more?” Donghae murmured in a desperate tone as his hand began to caress Eunhyuk’s thigh fawningly. Eunhyuk felt how his ability to speak left him.

”Are you cold, Eunhyuk? Your skin is full of goosebumps...” Donghae murmured and let his index finger trace a pattern on the skin. Eunhyuk looked down on his thigh and saw that Donghae was right, his skin was prickly all over but he was quite certain that it didn’t have anything to do with him freezing, contrary he felt like the temperature in the room was at least a hundred degrees too hot. 

”Mm... I told you I would freeze yesterday if I didn’t sleep in my clothes.... What did you think anyway when you chose these tiny clothes? They barely cover anything!” he lied and looked down at Donghae again. He got a small shock when he saw the tiniest blush appear on Donghae’s cheeks before he answered him.

”Sorry, but it’s not that easy to see the clothes in the dark, you know...”

”Babo, you should have felt how small they were even if you didn’t see them.” Eunhyuk whispered teasingly. Donghae snorted and put the cloth of the shorts’ leg between his thumb and index finger and rubbed it lightly. 

”But the material is so soft... ” he said absentmindedly and rubbed his face against the leg. Eunhyuk couldn’t believe it and decided that that was his cue for standing up and leaving. However Donghae sat up immediately when Eunhyuk carefully pushed him off his lap to be able to rise and grabbed Eunhyuk wrist firmly, preventing him from rising from the bed. Eunhyuk saw countless drama scenes flash past in his mind in that moment.

”No... Stay in bed... I don’t want to go up yet, please....” Donghae said and pouted. 

”But we have to eat breakfast...” Eunhyuk whined back at him and pouted too.

Donghae sighed and then jerked Eunhyuk back onto the bed, on top of him. Eunhyuk landed face first on Donghae’s chest and winced in pain before he tried to push himself up again but Donghae held him in place and rocked them back and forth trying to calm him down. Countless dramas’ scenes flashed past his eyes again.

”Shh... Lets rest for a while!” Donghae whispered and kneaded one of Eunhyuk’s shoulders until he relaxed and gave up his struggle. Eunhyuk decided that he should just go with the flow and closed his eyes, enjoying the opportunity of being so close to Donghae that he could feel his smell. They lay quiet for a while and Eunhyuk was about to doze of again when Donghae suddenly whispered again. 

”Do you ever regret being an idol?”

His voice was so faint that Eunhyuk didn’t know if he had heard him correctly at first or if just was his imagination playing tricks on him. He lifted his face from Donghae’s chest to gaze up at him.

”What do you mean?” he said after a few moments.

”Do you ever get afraid that life will pass you by? Do you ever get afraid that you will wake up one day and regret not doing what you wanted because you had to think about your image? Do you ever get afraid that you will lose the thing that might be the most important thing in your life because of it?” Donghae explained to him.

Eunhyuk didn’t know what to say, he hadn’t expected him to say something like that... Well, ever.

”I sound crazy, right? Like I’m having my middle age crisis twenty years too early. Let’s pretend I didn’t say anything, okay?” Donghae said after a couple of minutes of silence and pushed Eunhyuk off him to walk out of the room. This time it was Eunhyuk who grabbed Donghae by the wrist to prevent him from leaving.

”No, you don’t sound crazy at all. I want to be an idol but there are many things I wish I had the courage to do and I’m constantly afraid that I will lose what’s most important to me because I’m such a coward. Yet I feel like the only thing I can do is to stand by idle on the sidelines and watch as time goes by, knowing that every day can be the day when that thing I cherish the most begins to slip away from me forever. Because if I do what I want to do everything can be destroyed and not only for me but for a lot of people I love as well. It’s a nagging fear that never leaves me alone and slowly drives me insane so I stop myself from thinking about it, I tell myself that I don’t care and I live my life as if nothing is wrong when in reality everything is wrong because I live a lie. I’m constantly afraid of myself and my own feelings even if I never even admits it to myself. I live happily and ignore what my heart’s telling me, talking, joking and laughing, only waiting for the day everything will breakdown...” Eunhyuk told him in a single breath and then turned quiet, shocked by his own rant. Donghae too seemed to be at lost for words after Eunhyuk’s revelation. Eunhyuk cursed at himself internally, where had all that come from? He let go of Donghae’s wrist realizing he had been squeezing it the entire time and looked down on the floor. Donghae immediately sat down next to him on the bed and he too looked down at the floor. Neither of them spoke for about five minutes.

”Haha, I guess it’s me who has an early middle age crisis.” Eunhyuk lamely joked and poked Donghae with his elbow to break the silence.

”No, you’re not. I feel the same way.... I never want to give up being an idol and a singer because it’s my dream, and it was my father’s too, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling exactly like what you just said.” he said before he rested his head on Eunhyuk’s shoulder and then they were quiet for a while again, both continuing to  stare down at the floor as the seconds ticked by. 

”Are you unhappily in love with someone, Hyukjae?” Donghae finally said barely above a whisper.

Eunhyuk felt how his heart missed a beat and he had to take a deep breath before he answered him quietly.

”Yeah... I am... A-Are you?”

”Yeah... Me too...”

”Oh... I see...”

Silence engulfed them again and Eunhyuk didn’t know what to say. He didn’t dare to ask Donghae who it was he loved because he was sure his heart would break when he said her name. Who could it be? Could it be his first love or perhaps even his latest ex-girlfriend? After all, Donghae had almost never been the one that had broken up with a girlfriend.

”Is she very pretty?” Donghae whispered meekly in the end.

”Yeah... The prettiest...” Eunhyuk whispered back as he turned his head towards Donghae to look down at the top of his head.

”The kind that makes you wanna hold on forever when you see them... ” he continued and watched how his own hand reached up and began to play with Donghae’s messy bed hair. 

”Does she has a nice personality too? Or did you just fall for her appearance?” Donghae asked him and Eunhyuk could feel every breath he took on his chest.

”No... The best personality too... The one I love is perfect, once you have gotten to know that person you can’t let go even if you wanted to because then it’s impossible to even imagine a life without that person in it...” Eunhyuk whispered and let his hand rest buried deep in Donghae’s messy hair. 

”Oh... I pity everyone else that loves you then, she must be impossible to beat...” Donghae whispered quietly.

”Yeah... That’s what scares me the most... I don’t think that I ever will get over this person... Even though we never will be together.”

Donghae sighed deeply then and got up from the bed murmuring something about that they had to go up now if they didn’t want to be late again.

”Wait, Donghae! The girl that you love... What about her? Is she pretty? Got a nice personality? Do you want to marry her?” Eunhyuk called after him and prepared himself for a heartbreak. Donghae didn’t turn around to face him when he answered. 

”Yeah, she is pure perfection... If I could marry her I would and I would never let go of her hand again... But I have come to realize that we never will be together because she loves someone else deeply, someone I never can compete against. So I have no choice but to remain by her side as only a friend, I will never confess and I will try to move on with my life even though I too don’t think I will ever get over her... I guess we’re both cursed to love someone unreachable, like in a bad movie...” Donghae whispered with a muffled voice. Eunhyuk felt a pang in his heart as he realized that Donghae was crying. He stared at Donghae’s slightly shaking back and wanted nothing more than to walk up to him and comfort him but his own broken heart prevented him from doing so.

”I don’t know what to say Donghae... I’m so sorry, she doesn’t know what she’s missing out on...” he said at last and was met by a loud snort from Donghae.

”Ha... You’re sorry? She doesn’t know what she’s missing out on? If you're only gonna say empty words like that to comfort me, please don’t say anything at all... Let’s never speak of this again, for the sake of the both of us.” Donghae said coldly and walked to the door.

”I’m gonna go and shower first, I see you at breakfast, okay?” Donghae said before he left the room without glancing back at Eunhyuk even once. Eunhyuk remained seated on the bed for a long time crying, for what he wasn’t sure, he hadn’t learned anything knew that he hadn’t known already about Donghae’s love life. 

//

Finally had time to write on this story!:) The last couple of weeks in school has been crazy, so much work to do! But now it's only about 2 weeks left until I'm free for the summer!:D I love to write and will have a lot of more time to do so on then!:)

Btw, if anyone has any wishes for this story write a comment and I will consider it!:) And if you have any requests for another story, if you would like to read a story about something else, another scenario or perhaps pairing, write a comment I will try to write it too!:) I can't promise it will be worth reading, but I'll gladly give it a try!:)  (Don't worry, I won't forget this story, this is my main story) Haha, feels really strange to write this, I don't think many people will read this or my story or care about it,  but I know that that this story has gotten some subscribers so I don't want to worry you! I know how horrible it is when a story never gets finished.  And THANK YOU SO MUCH for subscribing and commenting on my story! :)