I leaned on the ledge and looked down at the “ants” running around in this busy city. I needed to get out of that stupid, cluttered, hectic office. So, I went to the rooftop. I don’t know why I went here. This place was no longer my safe haven. It just choked me with regret and sorrow.

“God dammit, Woo Jiho.” I rubbed my arms together to try and go against the cold weather.

Why am I blaming him? It’s all my fault… And I miss him. I can’t help but feel as my heart twist whenever I think of him. Whenever something just reminds me of him. Yet, I come to this rooftop. Why?… It boggled me.

The rooftop is where we met as children. So innocent and pure. We were just playing and never realized a single thing. The rooftop is where everything happened actually. I would come here to feel better, I would come here to feel refreshed, I would come here to play or just have some alone time. I didn’t expect to be sharing my safety with someone… Now I can’t even feel safe here…

I remember so clearly…

I rubbed my eyes and woke up to the sound of my phone ringing.

I answered,” Hello?”

“Hey! Lets go to the rooftop!” Jiho said excited.

“Don’t you have practice? Plus, I’m exhausted.” I sighed.

“I haven’t seen you in weeks, come on!” 

I laughed, knowing he would win,” Fine, fine. I’ll see you there.” And I hung up.

I really did miss him. He’s been so busy practicing and producing music. I’ve been busy with work. I just didn’t feel so good today. 

I climbed up the stairs and opened the door. I found the tall boy with dreadlocks leaning over the ledge, looking below.

He turned at the sound of the door shut,” You came!” He smiled cheerfully.

I couldn’t help but laugh and ignore his words,” OH GOD, YOUR HAIR.” I laughed and laughed until I was gasping for air and fell to the ground.

He lied beside me and slapped my arm,” Yah! It’s only for a little while. It hurts my scalp and damages my precious hair.” He hair flipped.

The hair flip didn’t help me at all, it just added on,” HAHAHAHAH OH GOD I CAN’T!” I was coughing because of how much I was laughing.

“Ugh, I hate you so much.” He laughed. 

I faced him,” You do not! You love me.” I stuck my tongue at him.

“You’re right, and do you love me?” He was smiling. It melted me.

Dismissing the feeling, I replied,”Of course! I love my best friend.” I did have feelings for Jiho, but he would never like me that way.

His smile faded, and he moved to his side. Using his arm to balance himself, and his hand on his head,” Is that it?”

I was sincerely confused,” What do you mean?”

“Am I just your friend?”

I laughed not looking at him,” My best friend.”

“You still like Kyung, huh?”

I was saddened by being reminded of my past feelings,” Nope!”

“Yah, idiot,” He snapped his fingers,” look at me.”

“Oh, look at that cloud! It looks like a dragon eating a bunny.” I didn’t want to look at him. I didn’t want to be captured in his gaze. I could feel his eyes trying to grab my attention.

“You can look at clouds later, look at me. Please.” 

I took a dare and looked at him. His face was serious, but seemingly satisfied by my actions.

“I love you.” He said bluntly.

My eyes widened and processed his words,” I love you too.”

“Will you be my girlfriend then?” His hand reached down to mine and filled the spaces between my fingers.

“Yes!” I was nearly yelling the word.

He went down and kissed my forehead,” Even when I’m at practice, when I’m busy in the studio, when I’m just busy in general. You won’t give up?”

“Yes.” I dug my face in his chest.

“I promise, I’ll be the best boyfriend you’ve ever had.”

And before I could say another word, he kissed me. It was my first kiss as well. I could remember every part of it. It wasn’t the kind of kiss of lust and where he shoves his tongue down my throat. It was a loving kiss. 

***

As I was boiling water for my ramen, I saw my phone light up.

“Jagiyah! Rooftop today!” I put the phone down, but then my phone lit up again.

“OH-OH, good morning, and I love you!” I laughed at the text and got ready.

I haven’t seen him in at least 2 months. He’s been so busy. Going on shows and performing. I was strong though and decided that this was what he wanted.

I got to the rooftop, seeing the blonde boy standing tall in his Nalina outfit.

He turned to me,” Better than the dreadlocks, right?” He pointed to his hair.

I laughed remembering that day,” Yes, much better.”

“I’ve missed you so much.” He hugged me tightly.

“I’ve missed you too.”

Missing his scent, his face, his presence. I really did miss this stupid kid. 

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” I got out of his embrace and pointed at his outfit.

He scratched the back of his neck,” Ah, indeed… But I wanted to see you.”

“You’ll get in trouble.” I rubbed my arms together. It was freezing out here, and I didn’t think about bringing a jacket or wearing layers. It looked sunny a few moments ago.”Don’t get in trouble because of me, okay? You go and be happy and successful.”

“I’m only happy when I’m with you. I’m only successful because of you.” He wrapped me in his jacket and held me close.

I sighed,” Do you think we can do this? I mean, I’m staying strong, but I don’t want to be the reason why your dreams in music are being stopped.”

He looked down at me,” Of course we can! I am the great Zico!”

I looked up at him,” I don’t want Zico. I want Jiho.”

“I know, I know.” He kissed me.

***

Another lonely night. I haven’t seen Jiho anywhere. Only on t.v., which was terrible, considering I don’t take interest in things like this. He didn’t seem all that busy either, but I shouldn’t say anything. 

I got my tub of ice cream and slumped on the couch, holding his Hello Kitty pillow. It still had a faint smell of his on it. It was about the only thing he left for me. The bonus that made me sadder, is that it’s our two year anniversary. 

“He didn’t forget, he never does.” I said quietly to myself and flipped through the tv channels.” Even if he did forget, he’s a busy man. I need to remember that.” 

Something caught my attention though. It was one of those gossip shows, I didn’t really want to watch, but it caught my attention.

“Block B’s leader, Zico, is caught holding hands with a woman! The woman is not verified, but if confirmed to be another idol. Is this true Zico?”

The camera turned to him,” Yes.” He looked happy. 

The show was even live,”So, who’s this woman?”

“I’m not suppose to say yet…” He was blushing.

That’s when I ended it. I turned off the t.v. and grabbed the pillow. I grabbed my bag and left. I went to the only place I knew that would help me, the rooftop.

I sat down with my legs crossed at the rooftop. I held the pillow tightly and cried into it. I didn’t know what to do. I lost track of time, but I don’t care. I don’t care anymore. I’ve never been with someone as long as I have been with Jiho. I’ve never loved someone so much. So it hurt me. How can someone do that? Be with you for such a long time and then crush you?

I lied back. I didn’t do anything, but continue to softly cry.

I jumped at the sound of the door open,” Jagiyah?” 

I looked up at the stars, not responding.

“You weren’t home, so I guessed you would be here. Sorry, I’ve been so busy lately. Happy anniversary!” He lied beside me and put a bag down next to me. 

Not caring what was in the bag and not looking at him I said,” How could you do that? Are you just that tired of me?”

He cocked his head,” What are you talking about?… Are you crying? What’s wrong? Oh, you still have my pillow!”

“Can you give me the house key? I lost mine.” I lied.

He still looked confused,” Sure.” He held it to me.

I snatched it out of his hand,” Here, have it back. Just have it all back.” I shoved the pillow into his arms.

“What’s going on?!”

I scoffed and wiped the last of my tears,” I hope you’re happy with her.”

He realized what was going on,” I thought you didn’t like those shows! It’s not what you think! You see-“

I interrupted him,” Am I talking to Jiho or Zico? Tell me when Jiho is home.”

I could hear him coming after me, but I just walked. I walked and walked and walked. Picking up the speed with every step. Until I was home…

…From beginning to end. I can remember every single detail. Every emotion I felt on that day. It all passes through me and drowns me. 

“Well, here’s a final goodbye. I’ll miss you, rooftop.” I took out Jiho’s old key. You can tell it was his. He painted a little Hello Kitty on it and wrote his name “Z-I-C-O” on it. I scratched in the metal ledge “Goodbye.” and threw the key down. It went straight into a garbage can that was down below.

I gave myself a high five and rubbed my arms together, taking in the silence. Until the cold finally got to me, I was ready to turn and walk away.

I could feel a jacket of familiar texture go around me,” You still have my key.”

I wasn’t ready to turn. I silently prayed that it wasn’t him.

“Look at me. This is no time to stare at the clouds again.”

I could feel my eyes tearing up and my insides were churning,” Not now, Zico. Go home.”

He ran to my side,” I’m sorry. Please, look at me.”

“Zico, leave.” 

He tried to reach for my hand, but I dodged him,” Jagiyah,” He paused thinking I would respond,” Jiho’s home.”

My eyes widened, that’s when it hit me hard on the head. I looked at him, and he put on a face as serious as the day we started here,” Even if Jiho is home. He knows what happened on that day.”

“I’m sorry. It was a mistake. I thought it would be good to grab some attention for the group. To fill in some spaces while I finished some songs. It’s not as you thought, and I miss you. I regret everything. You don’t have to take me back, just please. At least accept my apology.”

I looked down. Tears were flowing freely, and I could feel my hands shake,” You don’t know how much I’ve missed you. I’ve always loved you, and I accepted your apology a long time ago. Despite all that I’ve went through because of you, I still love you, and I can’t shake it off. Odd, huh?”

He went up to me and hugged me tightly,” Please, jagiyah, come back then. I love you so much.”

I accepted his hug and nodded my head in his chest,” Yes. I’m back home, and I’ve always been yours to take back home.” 

This rooftop made another mark in my life, and I will not forget any of the things that have happened here. From the beautiful beginning, the hardships inbetween and to the rewarding end.