Psy sat on the bedside, crushing out a cigarette on a nightstand ashtray while Hyuna lay behind him. His back was turned to her and although the room was darkened, she could see enough of him. He'd been quiet all evening, something she felt he'd regret in the morning.. and perhaps she would feel the same.

 

It hurt enough to know that he was leaving, let alone the pain of wondering when he'd come back to her. Sometimes his fame was all it took for her to second guess herself, to question whether he really was too old for her or if she could do better for herself.. But what was "better" than the love of her life having become an international superstar? He was in high demand and she was jealous. She wanted him more than the Americans ever could and felt she deserved him all to herself, especially considering the short time he'd been allowed to spend at home with her. She'd waited so long for him and suddenly, he was due to leave again. She stifled the thoughts in her mind as she extended an arm to touch his back, nearly begging for him to say something. As the last bits of cigarette smoke spiraled into nothing, he folded his hands in his lap.

 

"Don't do this," he said, "Don't make this harder than it already is. You know I can't stand it."

 

Hyuna felt a rush of hurt sweep over her, unable to decipher whether she wanted to suddenly cry or curse. Psy was talented in many ways, but ultimately gifted with the ability to quicken her pulse, whether it come from happiness, lust, or something undefined.. How could he be so stubborn? How could he keep his back turned to her, denying the pain she suffered through every time his fame took him away from her?

 

She sat up against the headboard, adjusting the thin strap of her nightshirt to better fit her shoulder. Was he already a million miles away? She felt angry and confused.. She wondered if now was the best time for her to end things, that she can move on to recover and not look back.. but she knew that letting Psy go was not in her heart. She chewed her lip and thought of how he'd always chuckle and tell her how cute she was when she pouted.. If only this were that simple.

 

"I hate you." 

 

Her words split through the dark like a shot from a handgun. Psy turned to look at her in enough light to see her expression.. she didn't mean it, though she felt it. It made sense to hate him. If he could leave her for other people, billions of them in another country, he had everything it took to be hated. If he could give himself to others for the sake of making them happy, she felt he should know how much she detested him..

 

But she couldn't uphold the act for too long. Once he'd touched her face with featherlight fingertips, the tears came to her eyes. He leaned in to kiss her and she wrapped herself around him, kissing him deeply, sobbing into his neck, her nails pressing into his back underneath the weight of her heart. As his lips kissed away the salty taste on her cheeks, her own would claim them again. Consumed by lust an anger, she was unsure if she wanted him to strip off her clothes and lose himself inside of her, or if she felt that dying beneath him was enough, already grieving for what she hadn't yet lost. She felt like hitting him, like making him hurt as much as she did, but he caught her wrists as her fists balled to strike him. She was nearly hysterical, her eyes squeezed shut while she cried aloud. Psy pinned her hands down to the pillow at both sides of her head.

 

"Listen to me," he said a bit firmly, only wanting her to calm herself so that he could be heard. "If you think that there's ever a moment where I'm standing without you, you're wrong. From the second I look away from you, I take you with me. If I didn't.. if I couldn't.. There'd be no way for me to make it through the first day in the wake of weeks that follow. I can't lay my head down without a knot in my throat because I swear I can still smell you in my clothes. No handshakes or hugs from foreign bodies can ever replace the feeling of yours when I pick you up to hold against my chest. My mouth stays dry until I can finally kiss you again. You're the only one who can make me melt into your palm and I think of how it feels to sift through your fingers in every waking moment." He cupped her face in his hands now, her cheeks with his thumbs. "How can you say you hate me when you know that I'd die if you ever meant it?"

 

Hyuna only cried softly. She did know that what he said was true.. just as she knew that no other man could ever stand behind the weight of truth he spoke of. She wanted Psy and no one else. She couldn't imagine herself with anyone younger, more desired by the other girls her age.. that wasn't what fulfilled her heart and she wasn't about to let him go for a silly opportunity to prove it. Just like all the other times he'd gone away from her for the purpose of fame, she knew she could wait a lifetime for him to come home.

 

He kissed her lightly as her crying eased. "Shhh.. there's no more time for tears.. from either of us. That can be saved for when I'm an ocean away." She wrapped her arms around him and again, he surrendered every inch of himself to the girl beneath him, the one he knew would always love him unconditionally for an eternity. It would've been wrong of him to make her wait any longer.