I need an example.

To love, to breathe, to talk, to live – it’s most important and I have no idea how to do any of those things properly.

Is this my example?

Seungho read the email that came from Sanghyun over and over again, his heart unable to find a steady beat. Comfort, praise, agreement – that’s all he found in the letter he received a day later, that’s all you needed for a happy end yet Seungho felt mortified as if he had stepped into a vast freeway. And cars like consequences ran past him threatening to hit the second he stepped forward. The words Sanghyun wrote to him were different. And thought Seungho couldn’t remember everything no matter how many times he read, he knew one thing – it was mutual and it started at the same time. He smiled as he read through the first part. Sanghyun was similar to him in a way, trying to find a point in the past and describing how it ended up where they were now. He felt the same amusement in their little conversations, the same need to go even deeper and he was glad Seungho understood him so well. He also mentioned the Halloween party and how Seungho’s head felt soft against his shoulder. And then his eyes, his lips, his.. Seungho blushed scrolling past the part every time he reread the letter. Sanghyun was attracted to him so it was natural to state it, right? It is a natural part of a relationship, one of the main things that contribute to love.

So where is it?

This is my example. This is the formula. Seungho forced himself to read the words again and searched his heart, searched for the words that would echo back. Sanghyun’s eyes, his lips, his hair, his built – his heart stayed silent. Wasn’t it ordinary? And just the tiniest bit dorky when he danced, long limbs failing to catch up to the beat. It was fun and cute and it worried him more than anything else because he couldn’t see. How come he missed this part?

“Hey, did you get my message?” Seungho jumped startled by the tone and his heart sank.

He felt the fear that entangled his heart from the moment he started it and it settled there with a light pang sending small waves of pressure through his body. Seungho’s mind screamed at that fear, shouted that it was illogical, giving him millions of examples how everything would turn out just fine if Seungho cut himself some slack and enjoy the moment. Seungho agreed, tugging the fear under the blanket and moving his fingers on the touch screen.

“Our friendship is important to me and I understand what you said about titles. They’ve lost meaning to me as well. I’d just like to see where this takes us, no matter what happens in the future” he sent the message and shut off his mind from further contemplations.

They went on a date. It was his first date but all he could feel was fear. Seungho’s heart jumped searching for familiar faces in every corner even though it was a late evening. He knew it was unlikely they would meet any of their friends at that part of town but Seungho saw his fear grinning from under the blanket. Why was he so afraid? They were just friends, no one would think otherwise yet Seungho relaxed only when they settled in a cozy corner of a coffee shop. Sanghyun sat across of him, smiling lightly as he ordered the coffee. Seungho wondered if it felt different for him as well. He could no longer feel at ease, every action, every twitch of his eye became a conscious decision, his mind working on hundreds of possible outcomes of every word and action displayed that night. The only easy thing was the words. They flew freely, making Seungho the lead of their conversation. He could talk about anything from cartoons to complexities of their souls, changing and adjusti