People like to complain how sometimes it seems that life is toying with them. Well it likes to toy with Seungho a lot more.

“You will write an essay for a contest” Seungho’s teacher announced to him as he was forced to stay after class again. “The topic is freedom”

“No.. I can’t. I don’t know how to write essays and this topic..”

“You have no right to refuse because of your recent misbehavior.”

“I understand but does it have to be for a contest? I’m.. not confident..”

“Nonsense, besides you have quite a lot of time for it”

So that was last month. Seungho stared at the empty page under the name of the essay. He had tried writing about freedom a few years ago and failed miserably. Freedom was not something he could understand. All he wanted to do was complain about stupid people and how they live in their imaginary democracy while the government is ing them over. However, the point of freedom was not that. It was something else but it was hard for him to figure out what. For a whole month this inability to write was giving him headaches and he often couldn’t sleep properly because of all the frustration. He wouldn’t admit it to the teacher but this also had an impact to his motivation to do anything. He felt like he was paralyzed, just like in his dream, and he was standing in front of a big secret that would break him apart. He couldn’t do this.

“I don’t want to disappoint you” he came up to the teacher. “So please, find a substitute in case I don’t write anything worthy”

“You wouldn’t disappoint me Seungho”

“Is there really no one else who could write this? What about Sanghyun. He has a philosophical mind. Of course he is a bit lazy and has some problems with his style of writing but I’m sure you could fix it and he really has ideas that surpass mine. So can he participate as well?”

“You are unusually talkative today” the teacher laughed. “I have no problem if he’s willing to participate. However, you still have to write an essay.”

“Okay. Thank you” Seungho bowed and dashed out to the corridor.

He found Sanghyun on the second floor and luckily he was standing alone.

“Hey” Sanghyun smiled.

“Hey, I really need your help” Seungho said as he tried to catch his breath. “You know that essay about freedom? I really at this topic, it’s too difficult and I’m afraid I won’t write anything good so please, can you participate just in case? You’re a philosopher. I’m sure it would be interesting for you.”

“Hmm, I don’t know. It’s interesting but writing an essay is a bit..”

“Please, just do me a favor. Just this once, I don’t want to disappoint the teacher, okay?”

“Well okay” Sanghyun looked at him confused as it was a strange outbreak from his usually calm behavior.

Seungho sighed. The load on his shoulders became a bit lighter even though he still had no ideas for the essay. He also didn’t know what thick rope he had tied around his neck.

A week later he suddenly got a message from Sanghyun. The teacher was demanding for their drafts and it seemed like he had problems with writing it. Seungho on the other hand had figured out what he wanted to write about.

“Hm, in your opinion, does love free a person or does it restrict him?” Seungho looked at the text.

It was past midnight and he was tired.

“You’re asking the one who hadn’t been in love. It’s subjective, but I believe in freedom”

“You hadn’t been in love? Are you sure?”

Seungho smiled. He didn’t really know anymore. Looking back at all the love he felt it somehow seemed too unreal.

“My love is platonic. I guess I’m in love with love itself and project it on people who aren’t within my reach.”

It was true. Seungho had a lot of crushes on people he didn’t really know. One time he even felt like he was in love with the girl who stood behind him at the bus stop. It wasn’t because she was pretty but because her movement was really energetic and she was smiling as she looked at the crows flying around them. Seungho just loved humans without really loving them. Without any heartbreak those people were erased from his heart as soon as they disappeared from his eyesight. He could even say it was an ability every artist possessed. It was inspiration and love for beauty. However, now he was sure that love like that was very simplistic compared to the one felt for someone who is close. After that dream Seungho couldn’t deny it anymore. He was in love with Sanghyun. And it was hard because Sanghyun was close to him. His personality, his way of thinking, his care for Seungho was the reason Seungho fell for him and he knew it wouldn’t disappear as easily. Seungho couldn’t explain why, but it annoyed him so much.

“Some people’s existence is based on living in a prison of their soul. Changes bother them, especially love.”

“Then why would they create such a prison?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s a self-defense mechanism and everyone has it but theirs is an extreme version of it. ”

“Why? Are they more careful then? I usually do something before thinking about it.”

“Not only more careful. It goes to the point where you have to think about every word, every action, and every thought with all the consequences. It tires you so much that you j