A month had always been far too long, but by this time, Youngbae had stopped caring. It always happened like this. He would be busy for a short amount of time, and then suddenly, as though time were not just a creation of humans who had been so needy for structure, it was a month or more later and he could feel that tell-tale physical ache. That ache that meant he had been away for an amount of time that was most definitely not proper. It was always a month though. Rarely was it any longer, and never was it any shorter. The ache didn’t appear until it had been a very solid 30 days, and the first few times it had happened, it had been impossible for Youngbae to resist the pull.

Because along with that physical ache came the need to move, the need to get back to whatever he had been away from for so long; and that ‘whatever’ was Teddy.

Teddy didn’t know it, or at least, Youngbae tried his hardest not to let on that the reason why Teddy could count on Youngbae showing up at his apartment or his office exactly thirty days from the last time that they had seen each other if Youngbae had been sufficiently busy was for any other reason than that he needed a break or something equally mundane. Youngbae had started to be able to track lengths of time by how desperately he ached, and he was starting to worry that that was a problem. Sometimes this whole business happened at the end of every month for a stretch of time that was both odd and intriguing; because to be quite honest, there really was no reason for him to be avoiding his colleague for such long stretches of time. While other times they saw each other most every day and it wasn’t for a couple of months that Youngbae found himself sitting in his room in the middle of the night with his hand pressed firmly against his chest, trying to convince himself that he could wait until morning to head to the studio. Youngbae couldn’t understand why this happened to him, but he could imagine why it was Teddy that he was drawn back to.

He had always admired Teddy; an older man with prestige and a nice kind of security behind his name, business, and character. Youngbae often wondered why the older man went by the somewhat childish “Teddy” instead of something with a bit more clout and prestige; though he couldn’t imagine ever calling the man “Theodore” or anything similar (he wasn’t even sure if that was Teddy’s real full name). But ever since they had started working together, Youngbae had felt himself slowly becoming much more than just simply an admiring fan.

The strange pull didn’t start until they had been very firmly established as friends. Teddy was an older colleague that he could count on to always have his back, and the older man truly understood him. Of course, Youngbae had other, arguably closer, friends…but he and Teddy were definitely very firmly ensconced in a friendly relationship when this whole nonsense started.

Youngbae could remember the first time very clearly; he could picture the seat he’d been lounging in and the miscellaneous items on the table in front of him. He could remember the look of concern painted across Jiyong’s face, and the sudden, horrible sensation of being utterly and completely without something vital to his very being. It had been so very confusing; so very awful, that Jiyong had helped him to the hospital and then, the very next day, on to a counselor. It didn’t subside, instead the pain grew, so much so that by the third day he could barely handle it…and that’s when the thought to visit Teddy had come up.

The first ache had come after a three month stretch in which he had only stopped by the office sporadically, and even then he had only maybe chanced a glimpse of his older friend or managed a slight wave or nod of acknowledgment before being whisked away again. It was exactly 30 days after the last brief glimpse of Teddy that Youngbae had felt that first ache. He remembered showing up outside Teddy’s apartment, his hand pressed firmly against his chest as he tried in vain to hold the ache at bay. He remembered how the ache had gradually lessened as he had ridden the elevator up to Teddy’s floor and how it had lessened some more as he debated ringing the doorbell. Once he rang the doorbell, with his left hand as his right was still pressed firmly against his chest, the ache dulled even more. He didn’t even think about the ache again until later that evening when he was back in his own apartment.

He had pressed his hand to his chest with a look of confusion plastered to his face, and Jiyong had laughed at him and asked what was wrong. “I don’t feel it anymore.” Was all he had replied with, and Jiyong was so excited that he decided to break their ‘no desserts’ rule and went out in search of something delicious and sweet for them to share.

Youngbae didn’t make the time connection for at least another year, during which the ache had occurred at least 5 more times. After making that connection, he went out of his way to avoid friends and close family members for 30 days at a time, this only served to infuriate or confuse them; it was the hardest to avoid Jiyong, but then, they lived together. Unfortunately for him, but most probably fortunately for his friends and family, he realized rather quickly that it was only Teddy that he was drawn back to after a 30 day absence.

He wasn’t okay with that. Youngbae was so far from okay with that realization that it hurt. It hurt in a different way from the physical pain of the ache; it hurt mentally and emotionally. He felt unstable and strange and the worst part was that now he realized that he needed to keep it to himself. He needed to keep the horrible aching pain to himself when it occurred and he needed to keep the reasons for his mysterious appearances at Teddy’s side every time he’d been gone for that stupid period of time.

A month was far too long, but Youngbae was used to it by now. He was used to the pain, the aching need to visit Teddy, and he was used to hiding how desperate he would get. But it didn’t change how much he hated it. He hated this feeling of being trapped by feelings that he couldn’t place. He had always admired Teddy, but he had never needed the older man’s presence, and in fact, unless that 30 day mark came up, he didn’t even think about the older man or the lack of presence. Well, maybe he thought about the older man a little, but no more than he thought about any of his other close friends, and no more intimately either. That was another reason why this whole business was so frustrating and confusing. He had no romantic feelings for the man, he couldn’t see himself in a romantic relationship with the guy at all; but he couldn’t stop his need to be around him.

The 30 days were up, and he was basically stalling the inevitable. Youngbae lets out a sigh, his hand rubbing absentmindedly over the pain in his chest as he finally forces himself to stand up. He had been doing so well with his writing. He’d known exactly what he wanted to do with the short composition he was leaving on the table. He had known exactly what he wanted from it, and exactly what he needed help on. But now, now he had to abandon it and leave it for who knew how long, and when he got back he probably wouldn’t even be able to pick up where he’d left off.

He makes it all the way to the hall leading to Teddy’s office before he just wants to turn around and leave. He really wasn’t in the mood to visit with Teddy, and the insistent nagging in the back of his mind was just making him want to rebel and walk away. If only he could understand why he needed to do this, why this was so important to his subconscious, then he would feel at peace.

Youngbae had stretched the 30 days into 34 days. He had managed to endure the pain and ignore the longing that had started to creep in for four whole days, and he felt ridiculously accomplished; and he was about to end the streak by walking up to Teddy’s door. He felt disgusted with himself for the briefest of moments, before he figured that he might as well get the visit over with. He had concocted a reason to visit while on his way over and now he just wanted to get it over and done with so that he could go back to his apartment and get on with what he was doing.

“Hey! Teddy!” He shouts instead of knocking as he pushes the door to the office open. Teddy looks up at him quickly, a look of confusion and surprise on his face before he tamps it down and it falls into a welcoming smile.

“Come in, come in.” He says, and Youngbae registers the fact that Teddy has, once again, failed to say ‘I wasn’t expecting you’ or anything even closely resembling it. Youngbae always notices that; that weird lack of normal social protocol. Teddy always says it to other people, Youngbae had witnessed it on multiple occasions. Hell, the older man even said it to him, but not after 30 days.

The usual panic sets in, that awful worry that Teddy somehow knows about his strange problem, even though he has never mentioned it and definitely never will. Instead of answering, he nods in acknowledgment and sits down in one of the many chairs littering the space.

“So what’s up?” Teddy starts after a rather uncomfortable pause. “Haven’t seen you in a while…” He adds, and Youngbae looks up at him, his face blank, drawn, and tired.

“A month, actually.” He says, and it surprises him that he actually said it, but now that it’s come out, he can’t stop himself. “And I’m really rather sick of this. I didn’t want to come. I was doing work. I was really on a roll, but no, I had to stop because it’s been four days since the pain started and I couldn’t ignore it anymore.” He feels himself starting to breathe heavily and looks down at the floor, hoping that his voice had stayed even and that he hadn’t sounded crazy.

Teddy is silent for a while, staring at him most likely, and Youngbae wants the older man to say something to dispel the sudden awkwardness permeating the room.

“Ahh… pain?” Teddy asks, his face settled into a confused frown before it opens into a look of comprehension. “Damn, Bae, why didn’t you say anything sooner?” He asks, before turning toward his desk to rummage through a couple of drawers.

“What are you looking for?” Youngbae asks, suddenly curious despite his anger.

“This!” Teddy says triumphantly, pulling out a tan folder and slapping it onto the nearest flat surface so that Youngbae can see.

Youngbae was severely unimpressed. It was just a folder, like something he used to keep assignments in when he was in school, and it wasn’t even an attractive folder, as it was a boring tan color that looked a little on the old and worn side. “A folder?” He asks, his face showing just exactly what he was thinking.

Teddy lets out a sigh and just barely manages not to roll his eyes. “Yes, a folder. But that’s not the point. The point is what is in the folder. The older man flips it open, and just as he had expected, there was a picture of Youngbae caught in a tear near the top of it.

Teddy pulls the photo loose and sets it on the table, and Youngbae almost immediately feels as though a weight was taken off of his shoulders. “What on earth…?” He mutters, reaching forward to grab the picture while keeping his eyes on the strange folder.

“It was a gift from a rather perplexing fan a while back.” Teddy says conversationally, rifling through the small number of pages in the folder as he speaks. “Said something about it making someone physically ache for your presence.” Teddy shrugs and closes the folder. “I shoved it into a drawer in my desk, and then forgot about it, I guess.” He gestures toward the picture in Youngbae’s hand. “Must have gotten thrown into the drawer and then jostled around.”

“Those types of things don’t actually work.” Youngbae says; his voice kind of defiant.  Teddy raises a brow and shrugs his shoulders.

“Whatever, if that wasn’t the cause, we’ll know in another month, huh?” Teddy smirks at the end of the sentence, which had been more of a challenge then a question or comment. Youngbae groans.

“God, you knew, all this time and you didn’t say anything?” He asks, feeling the need to hide himself in shame.

Teddy laughs good-naturedly. “I just figured you enjoyed my company, or needed to get away from Jiyong or the others after having spent a month outside of the office.” He says, and Youngbae nods, willing his cheeks to cool.

“Yeah, yeah. Alright.” He says, but now he’s smiling again and he feels better than he has in quite some time. “I have some stuff to finish working on. See you?” He asks, and Teddy nods.

“See ya when I see ya.” He says with a brief salute, before turning back to his work.

It wasn’t until a few month later that there was another month long stretch of time where Youngbae didn’t step foot inside the office building. It wasn’t until he walked in to drop off his work a good 42 days after last seeing Teddy that he registered that fact. He couldn’t stop himself from doing a happy dance in the lobby. He practically skipped up to Teddy’s office to tell him the good news.

“Well then…” Teddy says, smiling brightly at the younger man’s eager excitedness. “Now that we know that it works…what girls do you think I could get to come and visit me?”

Youngbae wasn’t sure that he agreed with Teddy’s new plan…