Author's Note 

O _____ O 
im sorry? 
 

um yea. //cries 

            So maybe everything was going perfectly right. But all good things come to an end right? At least that’s what Yongguk felt when the boy in his arms wiggled away. For a moment, he panics as the unseeing boy shifts around so that his back was facing the older male. “Junhong…” he whispers, involuntarily reaching out for the curled up body.

            “Just…hold me” Junhong whispers almost inaudibly, face burying itself automatically into the pillow out of sheer embarrassment.

            Yongguk lets out a quiet chuckle before surging forward and wrapping his arm around the younger’s torso, before burying his face into Junhong’s blonde locks. His heart tightens at the younger’s words as he only nods in response, fingers practically tingling beneath the boy’s warmth. He lets out a shaky breath, fanning over the expanse of the younger’s neck. The shiver that rocked Junhong’s body sent waves of confidence coursing through his veins.  

            So without giving another thought about it, Yongguk latches his lips onto the nape of the boy’s neck, kissing the skin gently, applying ever so little pressure.

            Junhong feels his body shudder as the elder places closed mouth kisses over the expanse of his neck. He lets out a quick moan, subconsciously sinking back into the heat. He hums quietly, head automatically nuzzling itself back into the elder’s embrace.

            “Junhong…” Yongguk coos again against the boy’s neck.

            “Hm?” the younger almost wiggles in response.

            Yongguk chuckles quietly, “nothing… I just like saying your name…”

“Oh” Junhong responds quietly, face flushed with embarrassment, as he sinks back into the duvet. Wishing that this exact moment would last forever. Because despite his constantly rapidly pumping heart and the too heavy flushes of embarrassment, he feels safe, he feels at home, and most importantly, he feels cared for, even loved or was it infatuation?

            The two are totally different.

            Maybe equally blushing causing, but nonetheless totally different.

            Love and Infatuation

            It’s like comparing heaven and hell. Well, maybe not that of polar opposites, but definitely more different than similar.

            Love was utter and sincere devotion, complete consideration for the object of affection.

            While infatuation was more of a temporary fixation, not saying that love was eternal, but infatuation, is certainly more likely to end.

            Junhong’s face flushes once again at just the thought of the word as the atmosphere suddenly thickens with uncertainty. He couldn’t help but wonder, was it really love?

            And Junhong is quite sure his heart would break if this comes to an end. Just the thought of such brought him to near tears. And as much as Junhong was unwilling to admit it, he has become attached, unbelievably so to the older male and that means, he has become unbelievably weak.

            “What are you thinking about?”

            “Nothing…” Junhong mumbles breathlessly, attempting to shake that awfully unpleasant and pessimistic thought from his mind.

            “Come on~ Tell hyung” Yongguk chimes almost saccharinely.

            Junhong gives a quick shake of the head before burrowing himself into the duvet, only to be chased by the elder male. “Tell me!” Yongguk presses, fingers wringing along the younger’s torso.

            “Ya-YAH!” Junhong practically shouts as a few uncontrollable chuckles left from his vocal chords.

            “Kekek, I knew this was going to come in handy,” Yongguk adds quickly before continuing his attack.

            “Ha- ah- stop!” Junhong manages to choke out through chuckles.

            “Tell me” Yongguk presses.

            “Okay okay!” Junhong whispers breathlessly.

            “So…?” Yongguk presses as he hears the younger’s breathing calm down.

            “I was just thinking… just thinking… about how… this couldn’t last” he manages to say; pretty sure he was already sporting a crimson blush.

             It was an answer Yongguk wasn’t prepared for. He was sure as hell glad that Junhong was thinking about him, but it bothered him, the negativity seemed to be rooted in the boy’s soul. It saddened him. It made him want to work harder, work out any sort of doubt in the boy’s mind. But that was a task easier said than done.

            And it was a task he would sure as hell give his all at.

             “We should celebrate” Yongguk says after a considerable amount of silence and consideration.

            “Oh for your acceptance as a trainee” the younger shifts in Yongguk’s arms, turning around so that he was face to face with the elder.

            “That and for other things too” Yongguk could only smile at the younger’s innocent expression.

            “Like?” Junhong smiles, snuggling closer to the warmth that enveloped him,

            “For us” Yongguk answers bluntly, oddly in the mood of being straightforward.

            Junhong mutters some incoherent phrases before leaning forward, somehow finding the elder’s visage. And gently, he presses their foreheads together, feeling their breaths mingling together in each other’s presence.

            Taking the hint, Yongguk quickly presses his lips against the younger’s, lingering atop the lips that seemed to form a smile beneath his own.

            The kiss was chaste, quick and unbearably innocent, almost too short for Yongguk’s liking. But he lets it slide, deciding there was always time for more and right now, his empty stomach practically screamed for some food.

            “Urgh… what time is it?” Junhong groans quietly, rising from bed.

            “Like… 2 in the afternoon” Yongguk responds, stretching in his newly seated position.

            “Oh…” the younger male mutters beneath his breath, it was later than he anticipated. He blames his oversleeping based on the presence of the older male. It was as if Yongguk had a calming and soothing sense to him.

            “Come on~ Let’s grab something to eat”

            Junhong lets a chuckle before hushing the elder out of the bed. “Anywhere but that restaurant your friend works at”

            “What! Why?”

            “Do you want to be bombarded with ‘I told you so’s?” Junhong groans lightly before running a hand through his messy bed hair.

            “Oh… good thinking Junhong”

            “Now get out, I’m gonna change”

            Yongguk puts out a quick pout. His fail aeygo going unnoticed by the unseeing male. “Alright, I’ll be on the couch…”

            Junhong only hums in response. Making sure he hears a quiet ‘click’ before moving to strip himself of his pajamas. 

            Only a few minutes later, Junhong greets the elder in the living room. “I’m ready”

            “I’ve always wondered… how the hell do you get dressed and still look good…” Yongguk wondered out loud, cheeks flushing as soon as he realized what words had left his mouth.

            Junhong finds himself fiddling awkwardly with the hem of his shirt at the odd comment. “Well… I only keep solid colors… mostly black and white around… so it’s kind of hard not too look half decent when all you got is like black and white” the younger explains rather awkwardly.

            “Well… I can hardly get dressed with vision so… props to you.” Yongguk chuckles before finally forcing himself to stand up. “But actually, you never cease to amaze me” he says, ruffling a hand through the boy’s messy bleached ones.

            “You never cease to amaze me with your bull” Junhong groans, making his way near the door. “Old man let’s go, I can hear your stomach from here.”  He jokes lightly.

            “Damn” Yongguk chuckles, “you really open up after a while. You’re no where as innocent and shy as I thought”

            “Like it?”

            “I’ll like anything of yours.” He flashes a quick cocky grin before grabbing the younger male’s hand without giving him a chance to counter. “Where would you like to go?”

            “Where ever” Junhong mumbles quietly, flushing with embarrassment.

            “Okay then, I’ll keep it a surprise”

            “When isn’t it a surprise for me?” Junhong jabs gently.

            “Pft, you and your sense of humor…” “I like it” Yongguk adds quickly.

            The younger could only let out a loud chuckle before squeezing the hand around his teasingly. “So… can you rap for me now?” He casts an unseeing gaze and a smile toward the elder that seemed to shivers down Yongguk’s smile.

            After all, who can really deny an angel his wish?

            So Yongguk lets a chuckle and a cough to clear his voice. “Actually, I’ve been meaning to, I wrote something for ya~”

            Junhong mentally rolls his eyes at the elder’s faked voice and aegyo. “Hm, I’d love to hear it Yonggukkie~” And he swears he could almost gag at his saccharine voice.

            “Well then Junnnie~” The elder of the two stabs back gently, hooking their fingers together even tighter together.

            “Hurry up before I choke on your words”

            Yongguk lets out a chuckle, pulling the younger boy to cross an intersection. “Don’t make fun of me, or else I won’t rap for you again” he warns rather lightheartedly.

            “Jeesh old man, start before I turn 40”

            “Fine fine fine, remember, don’t make fun of me”

            “Aish” Junhong groans quietly before moving to slap the elder’s arm playfully.

            You know there’s a point in your life

            Where you sit back and reflect

            On everything you’ve strived for

            Everything you’ve dreamed of

            Plaguing the mind, sitting on the negatives

            The neglect, mistakes, the regret of it all

            ‘Cause, there comes a time, the so-called turning point,

            Where you got one choice at progress or regression itself

            To give your all for the all

            Or to throw away your dreams

            For something more practical

            Seduction and security are enemies of the heart

            Dreams fall victim to weapons of the enemy

            Free falling on that path

            Into the abyss of loss

            Creativity comes second

            In this present time and culture

            I, too, fell, for this trap

            And just when I thought, all was lost

            Heaven sent an angel to guide me through

            And maybe that’s you, blind to positives

            Helping me through the toughest time of my life

            Perhaps you don’t know the power of your words

            Perhaps you can’t see your own worth

            And all I provide is a sense of solace and security

            For that’s all I can really offer in return

            For the vulnerable moments I’ll stand by your side

            Shout when you need and I’ll be there

            ‘Cause you believed when no one else did

            It’s only fair that I return the favor

            And for other reason I choose to stand by your side,

            Cuz you’re my pillar and I am your light

            Constantly reminding you of how precious you are.

            “So what do you say? To my offer?”

            And Junhong stays quiet. Too overwhelmed by the elder’s lyrics.  He feels it all, but he can’t move. The involuntarily movements of his beating heart and moving limbs are all he can manage at that very second. Everything is a rush of emotions, overwhelming is senses, besieging on the tingling nerve ends. And for second, he doesn’t register the elder’s work, Yongguk’s offer. Already experiencing sensory overload, the slightly squeezes of reassurance and the comforting inhales and exhales, nearly drives him wild.

            So Junhong doesn’t register the feeling of tears rolling down his cheeks. And it takes him time to reach up in utter shock.

            For the first time in Junhong’s life, he was crying tears of sadness, but rather tears of joy, or so that’s the only emotion he could pinpoint right now. “Do you… mean that?” he manages to utter out, through his small sobs.

            “Of course… of course I mean that” It comes out more nonchalant than he had intended. And for a split second, Yongguk is afraid. Afraid that he isn’t quite sincere enough scared that perhaps, he’s too cold, too distant.

            But the slight sniffs of breath, the hand that rested within his, the overall atmosphere told him otherwise. Yeah, Junhong was crying. And in any other situation, Yongguk would’ve absolutely flipped out. He would’ve asked whether the boy was okay even though the answer was already known.

            So this time, Yongguk’s confidence wins. He doesn’t send a glance towards the younger’s direction for he knows everything is fine. He chooses not to look because to be frank, he doesn’t quite trust his own actions. They were in public, furthermore, they were walking down a bust street, and it wasn’t like they could just ignore everything around them.

            A life had to be lived and a façade had to be faked. It was the brutal truth. And as much as Junhong pushed on the boundaries of social normality, some lines just can’t be broken. Walking hand in hand with a sobbing boy earned him more than his share of stares. Stopping in the middle of a street to whisper words of encouragement and gestures of affection was on another level.

            And it was something that his fragile trainee status could not exactly afford to do.

            And for now, the reassuring squeeze of the hand will have to do.

            “Do you… mean that?” Junhong attempts once again, now that his emotions have been combed through and sobs under control.

            “Yes, I mean that, and I’ll say it as many times as you need me to” And Yongguk tries a second time as well, forcing as much as heartfelt sincerity into the few words as possible.

            So Junhong up whatever slivers of insecurity that remain and sighs quietly, breathing out what seemed to be a life time of built up tension.

            “What do you say?” Yongguk inquires once again, finally coming to a stop in front of a rather large restaurant.

            “Well Yongguk hyung, I accept” 

 Um so song rec for the chapter 

San E (ft. Bee of rphabet)- Wish You To Be Unhappy 

it's really nice :D