DISCLAIMER:

I AM NOT A CRITIC, I AM JUST A NORMAL READER WHO WILL HELP YOU WITH HOW A READER LIKES YOUR STORY

 

 

Picture: Oh I am so curious, yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh~~~

 

Description & Foreword:

The description really does makes you curious, yeahhhhhhhh~~~ (pardon me, can't stop singing :D) But at that line where you said that, "Every music video, korean drama..." there for some reason you lost the appeal. You could re-phrase that line. My suggestion would be: "Where will they start to look? Where would they find the clue? They must rely on everything they ever done, seen and read to rescue their maknae/ Taemin" what do you think?

The foreword, I really didn't think you needed that long of an author note in it. You tried to explain the characters. But I think your description did a sufficient job making people curious yeaaahh :D So cut off the repeatation. And you mentioned two different places for your poster. But you have only put on the poster from the latest person who made it. So you can delete the other information about the source of ur previous default and background.

 

Storyline:

Very interesting, I'd say. You don't see much of mystries in Aff. It is definitely a different taste to the same ol' Shinee. Your progression with the story is well. But somehow you are lacking at the suspense. Taemin went missing! That is a huge deal, but you are making it seem like only Shinee notices it, other's just bought their excuses that easily. Also you  need more imagery descriptions to make the reader feel like what was going on their minds. For some reason, the characters went sappy. They're sad for missing Taemin, but that doesn't mean they act like girls. Your characters needs to man up more. I'd suggest you talk to your guy friends or cousins, if not that, than just classmates to see how they behave. 

I really liked your 1st chapter. I hope your suspense builds up better.

This comment was based on first 6 chapter or your story.

 

So here it is~

If you can stop singing 

OH I AM CURIOUS YEAHHHHHH~~~

Or you think that 

"Soy Un Dorito"

Or Sherlock is your rolemodel

 

Then check out this awesome combination of

SHINee and Mystery

 

SHERLOCK

by 
KCMUSICFAN
 

 

 

UPVOTE IF YOU'RE SATISFIED WITH MY COMMENT!