The bass boomed in my ears. Everything was blurred and seemed to be far away, except the music. I heard it clearly and it led my movements. It was like a dream, a trance, something indescribable.

Somebody bumped into me and brought me back to reality. Puzzled, I look around. I was surrounded by total strangers. Those crowed around me and took nearly every possibility to breathe from me. Hounded I looked for Taemin. Where was he? He had been coming with me here to dance and said he would stay close to me, but Taemin was gone. He was disappeared. I felt that someone laid his hand on my shoulder but I noticed immediately that it was not my friend so that I tried to get away through the mass of dancing people, away from whomever. I did not know the person and I did not want to get to know him. It seemed like I was walking on a treadmill. I walked on and on but just did not reach my aim. Over and over again I was pushed back into the crowd. It appeared like a wonder to that I finally made it and got out of it.

I tried to get an overview, but that was impossible. There was way to much people in this place. And I did not know anybody. At least I did not see anybody I knew.

Behind me I heard a male voice which was directed to me, but I definitely did not recognize it, so that I fled through the not-dancing mass and finally stood in front of a glass door to a little terrace. Without long-lasting thinking I opened the door and fresh air ran against me.

It was really nice to be here, outside. But I could not have my peace here, either.

“Hey sweety”, I just heard and tried to escape in the opposing direction, but the guy held tightly my wrist and would not let it go. I turned my wrist in his hand while he was pulling me closer. Panic arose in me.

“Leave her in peace”, I heard somebody next me to saying. A strong arm laid around my waist and a familiar flavor came to my nose. Minho. Thank God, I was not alone. The guy did not let me go immediately and but finally I was free. Minho’s arm was still around my waist and he pulled me with him to an unoccupied place at the wall, where he must had been standing before.

“You’re alright, dongsaeng?”, he asked me very silently in his deep voice as if he did not want anybody else to hear. His back was at the wall, his arms were still around me and he looked me deeply in the eyes, as if he hoped to find the answer to his question there. I nodded briefly, looked away embarrassed and over my dry lips.

“Did not we agree on that you must not walk around by yourself? I thought you know how the majority of the male party people react to you.” His worried look changed into a reproachful one and then changed again to a teasing one.

“You’re talking about my hair, aren’t you?”, I responded to that and justified myself immediately “Taemin left me alone on the dance floor and that’s why I went looking for one of you.”

Minho grinned and shook his head.

“What’s that, you can’t even rely on Taemin? Then it seems like I have to keep an eye on you now.”

His breath grazed my face and his eyes looked again into mine. I just could not get off of those incredible brown and expressive eyes.

A call sounded from somewhere; I should dump the beanpole and rather come to the one who called me. In reaction Minho’s face changed. He became serious, pulled me even closer and laid his second arm around me. It seemed like a jail.  He held me tight, pushed his arms to my body so that I could move barely and looked in my eyes again. The longer his eyes were fixed to mine the more the environment, the people and the noise around us disappeared. Finally just he was there, how he leaned forward slowly, and with his left hand, whose arm still held me and pushed me gently against him, he took the mass of my immense hair and shoved it over my right shoulder, ending with laying the head wry. I felt his breath on my mere skin. Carefully, as if I was made of glass, he ran his fingertips, which had been pushing my hair before, over my neck and left a hot prickling under my skin.

“Your skin is so soft”, he aspirated into my ear before his lips touched my neck and started to kiss and caress it. At first only tender, but he became more and more passionate. Suddenly I noticed that my hands had been crawled in his shirt when he tried to make them let go of it. I let go of it immediately and he laid my hands around his neck, before his arms clasped me again. As if they were moving by themselves my hands mined now his dark brown, nearly black hair and ruffled it. I did not know how many times I had dreamed of that. Of these soft hair between my fingers and of the captivating smell of his after-shave in my nose.

I felt that he had stopped kissing me. Instead he had turned to my hair. He mined his face in it and I heard him breathing in deeply as if he tried to absorb my smell. A silent laugh sounded.   

“Do you actually know that you are making me crazy?”, he asked me and looked at me wryly. His face came closer again. “Your captivating smell, your flowing hair, your luminous eyes. I can’t resent the others for chatting you up.” There was a little break when he quickly his lips. I definitely was not able to make a single sound. I just had to stare at him. “But I don’t like seeing you being molested.” Again a break. He pulled me even closer what I would have called impossible. He picked me just a little bit up so that my feet could not touch the ground anymore and then he turned around 180 degree with me in his arms and placed me back on the ground. He made me lean against the wall which was now at my back. “Key and Taemin were right. You’re a queen. The queen of the savanna. The most majestic creature on earth.” He leaned forward to my ear and his breath tickled. “You’re a lioness, Saja. Yeah, just as beautiful, just as strong und just as right.” Suddenly he pressed his lips on my and kissed me. Not that romantic and carefully as on this one evening. It was hot. My mind was totally lost. Not one tiny little thought had a place in my head. There was only him. I felt the tip of his tongue over my lips and I had to wince at it. A throaty and satisfied laugh sounded from Minho. He had stopped kissing me and instead gazed at my eyes.

“You’re just way too sweet, my little lioness, my Saja.” He kissed me passionate and then stopped the kiss. I felt that his lips where just millimeters away from mine. I kept my eyes closed. “I want you to be mine. You hear me? I want you to belong only to me.” He had put one hand up to my face and caressed it with his back of the hand. “Actually I’m just a little helpless man next to you.”

I opened my eyes and looked right into his. And what I was looking at, on the one hand let my heart beat faster than ever before, but on the other hand gave me the feeling as if someone had stabbed me. He loved me. Just as, maybe even more than on the day he had confessed his love to me. It was a wonderful and satisfied felling to know that there was somebody who desired you. But to know at the same time that it hurt him, was terrible. I hurt the person I loved. Because I rejected him. But what should I do instead?

Minho strengthened his embrace and at the same time pushed me towards the wall. There was no escape from this situation. I had to get out of here, but I could not, I did not want!

He laid his forehead on mine and looked deeply into my eyes.

“If I tell you: ‘I love you’, it’s just a little bit of what I really feel for you, Saja.” What he said was absolutely seriously meant. He was neither drunk –not at least a bit- nor joking.

“Minho”, I figured out to say. There was something flashing up in his eyes but turned immediately into sadness. I opened my mouth to continue speaking but he stopped me with a passionate kiss.

“Don’t say it. Don’t say it out loud. Yet I know it.”

It hurt him. I saw it directly and it hurt me even more. I was just not fighting against my feelings, trying to overcome this lovesickness, but also had to see how I hurt the beloved person. Because I acted the way I did.

I felt tears running down my cheeks and instantly an appalled and worried expression appeared on his face.

“Please, please, don’t cry, Saja. I can’t stand seeing you crying.”

He was so sweet. I loved him so much but still I hurt him with everything I did. When I reacted to his emotional release as well as when I rejected him. Sooner or later, everything hurt him.

He kissed my tears away from my cheeks and took his weight from the wall. But he still held me. His arms were tightly wrapped around my body so that I nestled against him and my face mined his chest while I tried to force back the tears that wanted to pour out of my eyes.

“I love you, Saja. No matter what’ll come. I still have to keep an eye on my little lioness. At last a queen needs her bodyguard.”

I could not stand it. It was all too late.

The tears were just flowing.