“I really like you too ____-ah” Seungho said as he came closer to you every second. You felt your heartbeat pick up pace, going faster and faster until its rhythm was at such an unnatural speed you could hardly breathe. “You… You do?” you brought out hesitantly, feeling a bit lame for what you said. “Havn’t you noticed how I can’t keep my eyes of you? You’re like a goddess.” He replied, his plump lips brushing the surface of your neck. You softly moaned his name, knowing you wouldn’t be able to resist him much longer….not with how he was touching you…

******************************************************

Your eyes flew open the second you felt your weight shift on the mattress. Your heart was still racing at full speed while you tried to regain consciousness. A dream, it was only a dream. Instantly you sat up straight, staring into the darkness of your bedroom. This was bad, really bad. Upon thinking that, your eyes dropped to the figure next to you, spotting the of your boyfriend TaeJun. He seemed to be deeply asleep and unaware of the dream you just had….again. It wasn’t the first time you had dreamt about Seungho. Some dreams had been more explicit than this one, but it didn’t matter what kind of dream it was. You knew it was bad. You weren’t supposed to have dreams like that about your neighbor while having a boyfriend. Not to mention how pathetic you felt because of it. This man was nothing more than a friend you had met a few months ago because he lived in the same building as you. Granted, you two got along rather well and more than once you two went out for a drink or something. It was completely against TaeJun’s wishes, but for you it had been nothing more than a friendship. Until now…

Lately these dreams were making you more aware of Seungho’s presence. For some reason you now felt an electric current run down your spine every time he got closer to you. Whenever you saw him or even heard his voice in a song, you would remember moments of your dreams that made you feel weak in the knees. You had no idea how to react to all of this, so your best solution was to try and avoid him. You knew it was hard, but the dream you had this night only reminded you of the importance of sticking to it. It was too dangerous if you didn’t.  Because seeing him would only help increase how you felt.

Getting up, you quickly made your way over to your kitchen for a drink. It would help you to calm down again and think more straight. Leaning into the fridge, you reached for a soft drink and quickly downed it. But before you could enjoy the refreshing feeling of it, two loud knocks at your front door had you jump up and squeal. Who the hell would come here in the middle of the night?

Cautiously, you made your way over to your door, opened it a few centimeters and gasped for air. “Seungho-ssi?” you brought out, opening the door completely. “What are you doing here? What’s wrong?” you asked worriedly. He didn’t look so good in that moment. Actually, it looked like he could throw up any second now. “______-yaaaaaaaaaahh!.” He practically screamed while making the last part of it so lengthy and weirdly sounding you were convinced he was drunk.  “Have you been drinking?” you asked, narrowing your eyes at him. Seungho never was the type to drink so excessively that he lost control over himself. He always was so cool and collected, but now…

“I was whith friends! Twying gain some courage! Then I saw lights here and came up! ” His speech was slurred and a bit incoherent, but you got the general idea. “Shhht be quiet! Gain courage for what?” you asked curiously. What could be so difficult to do that he had to drink this much to get to it? Seungho had always seemed like a person who could do anything if he put his mind to it. To think he was this scared of something to go this far, was new to you.

“You.” He replied, suddenly sounding a whole more convinced of himself. “Uuuh?” you sounded. Now it was your turn to sound like an illiterate fool. Great. “Sawanghae ______-ah.” His voice was a whole lot softer than before. Just like in your dream, you heart started to go crazy in reaction to his words. Were you dreaming again? Would you wake up any second now? It just couldn’t be true… Your silence seemed to fuel him into trying harder to say more and talk more comprehensive. “I did since we met. Really. You’re awesome. I wanna be with you.” He admitted. Why weren’t you waking up?

“Seunghi-ssi..” you started, not knowing what to say or do. You emotions started to fly around inside of you, making it impossible to understand yourself. Let alone form a decent reply. The thought that TaeJun was right in the same apartment, cozily sleeping and unaware of all of it while you were talking to the very man you had been dreaming about, made you panic even more. You had absolutely no idea how you felt right now. To your own judgment you felt like you liked both of them, but how does one deal with that? Did you like one more than the other? “I… I don’t know what to say.” Was your lame response to the drunken Seungho before you. “You can’t deny we have something, ____-ah. The way we look at each other or behave when we’re together. I love you.”  Seungho said, coming closer and closer to you. You instantly backed away slightly, unsure of what he planned to do and confused. But you didn’t have the time to say anything else, as he suddenly tripped over his own feet and came stumbling your way.

Luckily for yourself your reflexes were great. It was less beneficial for him, since he slumped to the floor in a rather ungraceful way and was now resting on his knees in front of you. “Seungho-ssi!” you brought out, immediately reaching forward to try and help him up again. It wasn’t an easy task, given the difference in weight and height between the two of you. You pulled harder and harder, trying to make him get up. When suddenly, it was a bit too easy to pull him up. You looked to your side to meet the eyes of TaeJun, pulling the other arm of Seungho. “TaeJun…” you brought out weakly. How long had he been awake? Did he hear or witness everything? Oh god no…. He shot you a cold glance, not saying a word until Seungho was back onto his feet with his arm draped over your shoulder. “Bring him to his apartment, ______.” He said quietly. He had used only your name, not jagiya, not any sign of affection visible in his tone. It made your heart hurt. “TaeJun…” you started again. “No, don’t even bother trying to fool me. I’ve heard you said his name the past few weeks during your sleep _____.  So don’t. In fact, don’t even try to fool yourself anymore.” He said; his words making you feel like someone dropped a bucket of ice water over you. He knew.

Your vision became watery as you watched him walk off to your bedroom. You had no choice but to drag Seungho to the other side of the hallway to his dorm. You did so quietly, trying to think over what just happened. And once you had dropped off Seungho with his bandmates who seemed very worried and confused, you rushed back to your bed with the same thoughts. What were you going to do? TaeJun was still on the same side where you had left him; looking as if nothing had happened. But so much had changed in only 20 minutes. And you seemed awfully aware of that as you tried to fall asleep.

******************************************

To your own surprise you had managed to fall asleep, though it wasn’t for long. You realized that as you slowly opened your eyes and went back under the blankets to hide from the light. You groaned softly; thoughts of the night seeping back into your mind. What a mess. Automatically your hand moved to your boyfriend’s side…empty. You decided to defy the light by sitting up straight and looking around. What had firstly seemed very innocent now had its full blown impact on you. TaeJun was gone. And not the ‘I’m off to work, see you tonight, jagi’ – kind of gone. The cabinet you had provided for him to put some clothes in was hanging open and showing the disappearance of his clothing. You gasped for air, running to your living room in hopes of seeing him there… nothing. He had left you with his cabinets showing nothing but emptiness to you. What an awful metaphor for how you felt inside.

Feeling even more torn that before, you sank down in your couch. Whatever inner conflict you had about the two boys; seemed to be solved by TaeJun. He had made the decision for you. It made you both angry and sad, since you didn’t even get the chance to explain. But had he been right? Were you only fooling yourself the past few weeks when you tried to avoid Seungho in hopes of stopping the dreams? Had those dreams been some kind of sign from your subconscious, telling you where your feelings had went? Of course you felt something for Seungho, after last night it was impossible to ignore. But it seemed TaeJun was more than convinced your feelings for him had disappeared together with your upcoming feelings for the other. Though you knew that wasn’t true. Your heart was still aching for him, making your eyes teary as you thought about him. Before you knew it, you were bawling your eyes out.

*click. Bzzz..* The sound of someone opening your front door had you jump up again. Could it be? You raced towards the door, eager to see if he had really returned. “TaeJu- Seungho-ssi?” you stopped in your tracks as you realized it wasn’t the one you expected to walk into your place. Yet another slap in the face, making you see how dumb you had been to think he would come back. You didn’t even think about how Seungho had a key of your apartment. You simply started to cry again, feeling so much overwhelming emotions at once you couldn’t take it anymore. How was it possible you felt so completely broken by TaeJun’s disappearance, yet also felt immense joy at the thought of Seungho’s confession for you. His arms now covered you, pulling you to his chest while you cried your heart out.

“So…. He really left, did he?” He asked weakly, watching you as you nodded in response. He shook his head with a sigh and hugged you even closer. “He came by this morning to give me the key, saying I would need it more than him now. I…I had no idea what to do with it, I didn’t want to burst in, but when I walked by and heard you cry I just couldn’t help myself.” He said; answering an unspoken question you had inside your mind. It only confirmed how TaeJun was never coming back, not even to hear your explanation. Your sobs died out as you thought about how unfair that was. The least he could’ve done was waiting until you woke up and tell you in your face that he was going to leave. He could’ve heard you out and tried to understand how you saw this situation. He could’ve given you time to make this decision instead of doing it himself. It wasn’t fair.

Your silence seemed to confuse Seungho, making him put his long finger under your chin and pull up your face. The warm, sweet look in his eyes instantly warmed up your heart. “Are you okay?” he asked. Both of you knew it was a ridiculous question to ask in that moment. It was like asking someone if it hurt after they were stabbed with a knife. But together with that you knew he only wanted to be there for you. And the look in his eyes showed you he wanted to be there forever. “Not really…” you replied in honesty. If there was one thing you had learned from all of this; it was to be honest about how you felt. “Mianhae. I’m so sorry for what happened last night. I shouldn’t have…”

“Don’t.” you said, interrupting him that instant. You moved your hands up, slightly pulling away from his embrace. His eyes were shocked for a moment before he realized you only did so to take his face between your hands and smile at him. “Don’t be sorry for what you said to me, please don’t… Or it’ll only break my heart once again.” You said while trying to make sure you didn’t burst out in tears. He couldn’t take back what he had said, not after what had happened because of it. Not after you felt so happy because he also felt like you did. “Break your heart?” he brought out in surprise. He was putting the pieces together. ‘Do you mean you…” he almost whispered. And you could swear you saw tiny lights flicker in his eyes as you nodded in response. “I love you Yang SeungHo, I really do.” You added with a small smile. Automatically his facial expression shifted from surprise to pure joy, making him pull you closer and press his hot lips against yours. Maybe some dreams were just meant to come true.