Nothing At All
It's Nothing
It isn't until he wakes up in the middle of the night, that he realizes it. The stench of cheap perfume and alcohol wafts into the room, suffocating his nasal cavity. He glances up- just a glance, between half-lidded eyes and the idea suddenly hits him for the first time.
But it can't be.
He's delirious, he realizes- completely and utterly crazed by the overbearing sleepiness flowing into his soul as if a faucet-tap had been ignored and left to overfill.
It's nothing- nothing at all.
It doesn't occur to him that something is wrong until the other forgot. He supposes that birthdays were something partners were supposed to keep in mind, as if it were some universal code. A bitterness encases his heart and tears sting in his eyes, but he bites them back, instead, drawing blood from his trembling bottom lip.
He's overthinking it.
His boyfriend couldn't have forgotten- no, he didn't. He was simply tired. He had work and bills and work and a lot of things on his mind and work and... The list is much longer, he just can't think straight at the moment. His boyfriend has a very busy schedule.
It's nothing- nothing, really.
He feels it when looking through some old highschool albums. The smiles, the arms around each other, the happiness, the love, everything. It's all so evident in the photos, and he begins to wonder why it isn't so evident in his eyes now. He feels a squeezing sensation in his chest and chokes on his air. It hurts.
What is this?
It was different back then, but his feelings hadn't changed. He knew damn well that he loved him with his whole being- he knew he would do anything for him- but it has changed. Tilting his head in confusion, he shakes it off and decides to save himself the headache. Instead, he draws forth the belated birthday card he received- 4 months late, marked with the scent of perfume.
It's nothing- probably nothing.
December comes around and he reaches an epiphany. Withstanding being stood up numerous times and all the ignored texts, his suspicions grow. He becomes weary of everything around him, wondering what is a lie and what isn't.
And then everything is confirmed.
They're together, hand in hand, mouth to mouth. He notes that she's pretty- long, dark hair and doe eyed with assets to fit- probably more of a looker than he is. His boyfriend probably likes her more too. At first, saline rivers flood in his eyes, but he holds them back to save face and opts for throwing a ring at the back of his head before speeding off into the city night lights. Suddenly, the dark seems frightening.
It wasn't nothing- it was everything.
Within months, everything changes. He's with someone else now- Jaeseop is the name. Jaeseop is intelligent, witty, strong, and exceptionally good-looking. He has a cat-like smile which he finds endearing in its entirety, and he can't help but return the smile very time its received. They spend months on end together- eating and sleeping, laughing and crying.
And then one day he sees him.
He's with Jaeseop, and that person from long ago happens to catch his wrist in the middle of the streets of Seoul. He looks flustered, disoriented to see him here, and he begins to wonder why that is so. He was the one who threw it away- he was the one who cheated- so why was he the one giving that kind of look. In a hoarse tone, he begs to have him back. He says he'll do anything, and he smiles.
It's a vengeful smile.
Kevin turns and looks Jaeseop in the eye. He snakes his arms around his neck and pulls himself closer- mouth pressed to mouth, in a passionate, private session. Eli lowers his head, looks to the ground so he doesn't have to see. A single teardrop leaves his eye, staining the obleak pattern of the gravel below.
It's nothing- nothing at all.
It's not really worthy of getting the big ol' 'M', but there's a reference in here and I know just how many 13 year olds are on this site, so yeah...
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