I met Hyoyeon almost three years ago, when we were both on the last semester of college. She was walking so prettily through the rain, a yellow umbrella in her hand. I had never seen her before that time, nor did I have any idea of who she was, but my eyes were fixated on her just like that; I was fallen, just like that.

Love at first sight was shallow, people said that. But what was I to do when I became enchanted, searching for her presence every single moment after that mere encounter. How should I fix it if I started to sit alone at the apartment lobby hoping to get a glimpse of her just one more time? What to do to avoid myself from feeling what had been growing so deeply inside?

What was I to do if I had fallen hard?

“Jongsuk!” a familiar voice was heard from behind me and I glanced to see Doojoon, walking with light steps toward me; a wide green on his face.

“Hey!” I smiled; not so heartily. I hadn’t seen her that day, so it was hard to feel bright at all. Doojoon didn’t seem to notice my lack of enthusiasm; his eyes sparkled when he announced.

“I've got a girlfriend.” he said proudly. I brought myself to smile at that announcement; not that it was hard to do. Doojoon had been keeping feeling to Gayoon for quite a long time so it was nice to see her returning his feelings.

“So she accepted?” I said, grinning.

“Of course.” Doojoon bragged. “She would be crazy if she rejected confession from someone like me.”

“I’ll remember to tell her that.” I raised an eyebrow wittily, and wasn’t disappointed. Doojoon swung his head towards me like a flash, his expression seemed genuinely scared.

“Don’t you dare.” was all he managed to say. I simply chuckled, throwing my eyes elsewhere to see if I got any luck and that girl would be there, walking into the lobby. And just then my heart almost stopped; she really was there. Shaking her head to make glistening drop of water fell from her hair. She didn’t bring her umbrella; I suddenly realized. It was drizzling all day.

I could tell that Doojoon was talking but I didn’t catch what he was saying. All my senses were focused on that girl; and the fact that she was walking even closer to where we stood.

“Oh, Hyoyeon!”

I swung my head really fast towards Doojoon until my neck felt hurt. His eyes were on the girl; and I watched in awe as she made light steps toward us.

“Hey!” she said with a soft voice and I was dazzled; I had never heard her voice before.

“Why don’t you use your infamous yellow umbrella?” Doojoon laughed. “You’ve never forgotten to bring it even if the sun shines so brightly.”

“I bring it.” Hyoyeon motioned to her bag. “It’s just there are times I want to walk through the rain.”

“How romantic.” Doojoon chuckled. He suddenly realized my presence there and tilted his head to me. “Oh, it’s Jongsuk; my friend. Jongsuk, she’s Hyoyeon. We are both in the senate.” he introduced us. It felt like my lips were glued, and it was a struggle to talk without embarrassing myself.

“Hey.” I barely managed to say. Hyoyeon nodded politely with a bright smile.

“Hello.” she said. It was quiet for a while, but Doojoon was never the type to leave the situation like that. No; he just made it worse.

“I got to go. Have a date with Gayoon.” he suddenly announced.

“Say hi to her for me.” Hyoyeon said, and in a moment he was already gone, leaving us in our awkward state.

“So.” my hand was itching to scratch my hair just to have something to do but I restrained myself. “Which building are your room at?”

“C.” she smiled. “And you?”

“Mine too. And so is Doojon's.” I added unnecessarily. Hyoyeon only nodded with a thin smile at my answer.

“I know.” she finally said. I didn’t catch her answer, nor did I have the ability to really process what she was saying while my mind was busy forming something to say next. There was another awkward silence and I counted in mind as the cue to begin another conversation, but Hyoyeon beat me to it.

“Well.” she casted her glance to the building C's entrance hesitantly. “Are you going to go in?”

“No.” I automatically shook my head. “You go ahead. I want to stay here for a bit.”

“Okay, then. See you.” She gave me yet another beautiful smile before turning around to walk towards the door. I watched her discreetly, watching as her wet hair shone slightly and her petite figure approaching the door; and not until she was out of sight did I sink onto the chair, heart beating fast.

See you.

I really hoped that those words would really come into reality.

_____

“Doojoon.” I began. We were sitting on his bed; him watching random shows on TV while me played with his laptop. One week passed since the last time I saw Hyoyeon and I hadn’t see her since. “Why haven’t I seen you with Hyoyeon before? I mean, both of you live in the same apartment.”

Doojoon casted a quick glance at me before turning his attention back to the screen.

“Hm?” he said unfocusedly.

“Why haven’t I seen you with Hyoyeon often?” I repeated with louder voice, annoyed.

“Because we don’t hang out together.” he replied ignorantly. “And she seems to be the type to stay at her room.”

“How would you know? You said you don’t hang out together.” I asked him again urgently.

“I said ‘seems’. It means ‘maybe’.” he shrugged. I was still unsatisfied but decided to not say a word. But apparently, Doojoon noticed my weird attitude and decided to gaze at me, frowning.

“What? Are you interested in her?” he raised a brow.

“No!” I yelled in panic, a little too fast. A grin was instantly formed on Doojoon’s face and he turned his body to completely face me with full interest.

“What is this?” he grinned wittily. “Spill.”

“Nothing.” I replied him shortly, hoping that my cheeks weren’t tinted pink. “Can a person ask?”

Suddenly a voice came from the laptop telling me that the download I did was already finished; and I took that chance to focus my attention to the screen, pretending to not notice the knowing face Doojoon gave me all the while. It took him a whole minute examining my rigid face before occasionally gave up and watched the TV back.

My eyes were on the screen but my mind was flying somewhere else. To Hyoyeon and the rush of emotion in my heart every time he passed my mind; which meant almost all the time. And I wondered whether I would ever meet her again.

_____

A moment being away with each other would give people time to think, and that was what happening to me. Almost two weeks since the blessed day I talked to her, I spotted her again on the way out from the building to meet Doojoon at the apartment entrance. She was sitting on one of the chair; hair tied up into a ponytail. For a silly moment I hesitated whether to greet her or not until I realized where her gaze casted.

Doojoon was standing a little far away, giving his full attention to the phone on his hand. And to him Hyoyeon gave her eyes, looking at him longingly. It felt ridiculous how I never realized or thought of it before; but even on our short encounter, all the evidence pointed that way. How she let herself wet from the rain the day he was tied in a relationship to someone else. How she immediately said she knew when I told her where Doojoon lived, a thin, sad smile on her face.

I should have known, shouldn’t I?

A call seemed to come to Doojoon’s phone and he quickly picked it up with a bright smile. I didn’t hear him greeting the caller, nor did I pay attention to him. My gaze was on Hyoyeon, noticing how she quickly threw her gaze away from him as soon as he spoke on the phone; her expression fell with disappointment. I walked closer without realizing what I was doing. All I knew was that I was desperate to take a closer look, to confirm that what I saw were the truth and not a mere result of the distant fooling my sight.

But the closer I got, my hope kept getting down. The clearer I saw her, the more evident the sadness on her face; the more certain I could watch her eyes casted to Doojoon once in a while in pain. And my heart sank like that; I was heartbroken just like that.

I took a seat nearby, but Hyoyeon didn’t seem to notice my presence. Because him was all she saw. I wasn’t in her eyes, only a mere small fragment in her life. I was just a random guy who happened to be a friend of a guy he loved; who secretly had spent a pathetic one sided love for my best friend’s admirer.

Doojoon ended the call and I stood up, feeling slightly numb. Walking with a remnant strength I gathered, I gazed at her as I passed by; she didn’t look back. Her eyes had shifted back to Doojoon; oblivious that someone had caught her gaze. I tightened my jaw and walked straight; ignoring her, ignoring the pain. All I saw as I approached Doojoon and proceeded to leave with him was a view of her back, walking with a low spirit to the building. And I wondered how long it would last for us to be like that; to stare at each others’ back like that. Would she ever realize that all she had to do was look back; and I would be there, waiting for her?

Would there ever come a time that we would finally look at each other?

_____

First love didn’t always end well; that I realized. But what to say about the vain love which stayed even when it had crushed? What to do when I kept searching for her shadow despite my broken heart?

Hyoyeon never spoke with me again; but my gaze always followed her; wondering if there would come a time that our gaze met, but it didn’t happen. I would look at her and always pondered on what to do to make her look at me. If I dyed my hair really red, would she notice my presence? If I talked really loudly and acted silly, would she finally look at me?

If I told her that I love her, would she finally come to me?

Would she realize that I was desperately craving for just a tiny spot in her mind?

It was another Friday when I sat at the lobby like usual, waiting to see her. But what I saw that day was a different view. Doojoon and Hyoyeon were sitting together; him with a confused expression and her head hung low. I walked quietly and watched as he patted her shoulder and turned to leave, leaving her alone. Doojoon didn’t turn to look back, and I hesitantly approached her, noticing the tears on her eyes. She desperately tried to wipe the tears as he realized my presence and suddenly it clicked.

“Were you got rejected?” I blurted out without thinking. As soon as I uttered the words and seeing the flustered, embarrassed expression on her face, I immediately regretted saying it. Hyoyeon avoided my gaze; her hands were still busy wiping the tears from her cheeks, leaving her eyes red and swollen. And yet, I still couldn’t resist myself from saying what I wanted to say next.

“Then why don’t you go out with me instead?”