Choi Junhong was only 11 the first time he fell in love. He was in his room with his friends, and someone started singing. He doesn’t quite remember who that friend was, probably someone from a grade over him that had followed him home after hanging at the skate park.

What he does remember is the words that boy awkwardly raps out, softly and not meant for Junhong to hear.

“Even if my heart hurt I wanted to definitively endure it. I didn’t want to fall in love again. I was hoping my feelings would dry. Even when meeting you I tried so hard. I tried to hide my heart, from then on my breathing stopped.”

He remembers listening and slowly repeating, tasting the words on his tongue. It felt good there, and he tried it again, slightly faster this time. Again and again, he repeated the words, higher and higher and adding a soft beat to it after a while. He rolled his tongue to make the words longer or shorter, cutting himself off or allowing his voice to slowly die out. When he looked up again, all of his friends were staring at him. He remembers blushing and wanting to die right there on the spot. What was he doing trying to rap when his friends were still there?

- “Do you like Blackout Hyungs too?” Is the first words that anyone utters, and they belong to the same boy who earlier said the lyrics. Junhong probably looked confused, because soon the small group of boys in his room had grabbed their skateboards and were all going across town to the only person they knew who had a computer. Stuffed inside the tiny computer room in Junhongs brothers girlfriends basement they had found a video of the song Junhong had rapped a part of earlier. They listened carefully and tried to memorize as much of it as possible, the deep words of love sinking deeper into Junhong than anyone.

- “I like Jepp Blackman Hyung the most. His voice is so dark and cool,” He remembers hearing someone say, and he knows which one of the rappers that the other mean. The younger Hyung, the one who they had found a picture of, with a huge gummy smile on his lips. Junhong liked him the most too. He liked him very much.

It didn’t take long for Junhong to convince his mom that he needed a computer so he could listen more to Jepp Blackman Hyung’s music, but it took longer to make her believe that he could actually rap and should be allowed to audition for companies in Seoul. He was almost 13 when he finally stood on the doorstep to a small company that had seen him dancing and wanted to see more of the boy. It took only two minutes before they showed him back to his mother with a straight no. Even though he fought with his mother about it, they continued until a march afternoon when Junhong, now 14, stood with his tired mother outside a big white building. TS Entertainment.

- “This is the last Junhong. No more of this now,” His mother said, and Junhong clenched his jaw. He was getting tired to. Even when he wanted to be a soccer player he didn’t have to try this hard to get through with his goals. He just knew that he was meant to be a rapper, why couldn’t these big companies see it?

His mother waited close by as Junhong went inside. There was no one else in the hallway, except for a young man who smiled at Junhong and laughed warmly.

- “Choi Junhong, I suppose?” He asked and Junhong nodded. “We have been waiting for you.”

The man ruffled Junhongs hair and led him inside a room further down the hall.

It was just like every other audition room he had been to. A camera facing him, a wall behind him with the company logo on it. If he was in, the tape would be saved and released sometime around debut, but secretly so that the fans had to find it themselves, and if he was out, the next auditioners performance would be recorded over his.

The only difference was how dark the other end of the room was. He could only see the shadows of the judges. 5 of them, leaned forward he could see. Was that a good thing?

Someone told him to begin, and he did. He danced, completely without music at first, just getting a feeling, and then someone the music he had told them to provide him with for the audition. He danced as good as he possibly could, knowing it was probably his last chance to live out his dream. Once done, he stopped and looked up at the judges, trying to hold their gaze even though he couldn’t see them.

He rapped the same song as always, the song he loved most of all songs.

Jepp Blackman’s Last One. He didn’t make it justice, he knew that. His voice was nowhere dark enough and he didn’t have the dept to make it as powerful as the original, but he was still good. Not as good as Jepp Blackman, but to Junhong, no one was.

He could hear someone in the dark laugh, but he didn’t care. This was his last chance and he needed to take it. He was done if this didn’t work out.

When his voice died out he just stood still and tried not to breath heavily.

- “Are you sure you don’t want to try another song?” Someone asked, laughter in the voice. Junhong shook his head harshly. If Jepp Blackman Hyungs song didn’t work, no song would.

The judges were silent for a while, and then a dark voice asked him another question.

- “Why?”

Junhong looked up in confusion even though he couldn’t see anything.

- “Why what, sir?” He asked.

- “Why don’t you want to change the song?”

The 15 year old boy bit his lip and blushed softly before straightening his back and telling the truth.

- “I believe in my own voice and rapp, and I most certainly believe in the rap that Jepp Blackman Hyung has written. No one writes a better rapp than Jepp Blackman Hyung.” He was silent for a while before softening his posture again and tilting his head, unknowing of how cute he was while doing that. “Except for maybe Eminem, but I don’t speak very well in english...”

Laughter came from the judges, and Junhong allowed himself to smile. He could hear a chair being pulled out, and some mumbling being done before the light suddenly . There were three men sitting at a long table in the other end of the big room. One who didn’t seem to be much older than Junhong but who seemed slightly muscular under his loose clothes. Another in a formal suit who must have been the oldest, but still not many days over forty from what Junhong could see, and another one, blonde and extremely good looking. Not Junhongs type though. He was, even though now slightly uncertain, sure he had seen four people earlier. It wasn’t until he heard someone clearing their throat in the corner that he looked at the man who had turned the light one.

Once he did he was about to pass out. Jepp Blackman.

He was so screwed.

The first time he was alone with his love, they had already known each other for a few months. Jongup, the muscular boy with the baggy clothes, was now Junhongs best friends, and he also enjoyed playing with the company's two newest recruits, Daehyun and Youngjae. They were older than him, and Youngjae was really smart, but still funny. He tried to learn how to skateboard but kept on falling, so Junhong kept on going to the skateparks with only Jongup. Himchan, the blonde, and Bang Yongguk, which was Jepp Blackmans real name and TS Ent stage name, kept more to themselves. Junhong still liked the older though. They had talked several times, and in real life Yongguk was even cooler than what he seemed from behind a screen. Junhong had been the one Yongguk invited to see him perform with Song Jie Eun, and Junhong had been behind the scenes when his hyung recorded the “I remember” MV. Even though mute and constantly blushing in the company of his great hyung, he enjoyed hearing Yongguk tell him things about himself. It was just that when the last person would leave the room, Junhong would follow, no matter how many times Yongguk called him back. Soon, Yongguk got used to it and took all time he could get. When no one was looking his hand would carefully slid down from Junhongs back to his soft and give it a rough squeeze. Sometimes even go as far as lean in and nibble the youngers earlobe, whispering sweet nothings. He knew he had fallen hard, but he didn’t mind all that much. Sure, the rapper was a kid, but he wouldn’t always be, and until then Yongguk was prepared to wait. He knew he wanted Junhong, and what Bang Yongguk wanted, he would always get. It was just the problem that Junhong might love him in the moment, but the older feared it might just be a puppy love that would go away as the kid got to know his star better.

On Junhongs part, the worry was his shy personality. He couldn’t see that his hyungs touches and words were signs of affection and was lost in not knowing what to say or what to do. He wanted nothing more than he wanted his hyung, but he couldn’t get just that. It was impossible to him that someone like Yongguk could even enjoy his company.

Sometime before his 16tht birthday the president told him that he and Yongguk would do a collaboration on a song. He gulped at the thought of having to be alone with his Hyung, but there was no way for him to get out of it. So, they ended up in the studio. It was fine at first, because there was always someone else there, but one day Junhong walked in and there was only Yongguk there. The others were doing other things and they would have all day he was told. He nodded softly, still not comfortable enough around his almost almighty hyung to have the courage to even speak a simple yes.

He stepped inside the recording booth and sat down in his chair, but it didn’t feel like all other days. He wanted to die right there, because otherwise he was sure he would embarrass himself in front of Yongguk.

- “Zelo?” Yongguk called the youngers stage name, and the now blonde boy looked up from his lap. “Can you come out again?”

He gulped and blushed madly as he stepped back out of the booth. He felt like an idiot, even though he didn’t do anything wrong. Yet.

Yongguk looked at him from up and down as he entered the room and stopped somewhere awkwardly in the middle. He wasn’t sure if he was allowed to sit down.

Yongguk smiled at him and shook his head before leaning back in his chair.

- “Why do you like my songs?” He asked, and Junhongs eyes opened up wide. He thought, really thought, that the older had forgotten about the embarrassment that was his audition, but clearly he was wrong.

- “I-- I...” He stuttered and looked everywhere but straight at the older boy. He couldn’t look at him.

- “Yes? Go on, tell me Zelo-ah...”

Junhong blushed even deeper, if possible, and threw a quick glance up Yongguks body. He shouldn’t have done that, as his eyes got caught on the very eminent bulge in his hyungs pants. He couldn’t help but whimper at what he saw, and quickly held a hand over his mouth as he realised the sound had actually slipped out.

Yongguk laughed at him and stood up.

- “Come on Junhongie...What is is?” He asked. He was so close, almost touching. It made Junhong’s breath get stuck in his throat, and he tried so hard not to lean in and kiss the older. When did lust capture him? When did the feeling of wanting to love evolve into the feeling of needing to touch and be touched?

- “Is it my dark, y voice?” Yongguk asked, almost teasingly, and now they really were touching, Chest to chest, Yongguks face nuzzled in somewhere in the taller boy’s neck. Junhong moaned and then almost cried because he did, but he couldn’t stop it. His arms wrapped around Yongguk without him telling them too, and he was rubbing himself against the older to get some much needed friction that only his own hand would give him as he listened to Yongguks rap on his mp3 in those rare times when he was all alone.

- “Or is it my sensual lyrics,” The hyung chuckled against Junhong’s milky white skin, nibbling on it to cure his curiosity on whether or not Junhong was awfully ticklish. Thankfully, the boy wasn’t.

When Yongguk finally took a step back, he left Junhong with his eyes closed and hands reaching out to touch a hyung that was no longer there.

- “Yongguk...” The boy mumbled without opening his eyes, and the older chuckled before stepping back inside the youngers embrace, a pleased sigh slipping from the tallers lips.

- “When You are eighteen..” Yongguk mumbled. “I hope you still like me like this... Because then I want to take advantage of that unconditional love of yours and bring you some pleasure....”

Junhong nodded, knowing that was the best he would get.

- “I will hurry to turn eighteen then, hyung. Balli Balli.”

THE END