Words, they cut like a knife
Cut into my life

Song Jieun just wanted to feel appreciated. She had always worked hard to achieve her goals, to fulfill her dreams, but it had always felt she wasn’t doing enough.

“Relax, Jieunie. You  need some rest, you know…”, her college friends would say. But Jieun wouldn’t listen. She wanted, more than anything, to be successful in her life.
She wanted one specific person to see she could do things by herself.

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“Congratulations, Miss Song.”, she was told while receiving the diploma, a smile never leaving her lips.

“Congratulations, Jieun. I’m so proud!”, her mother had cheered when she went back  to her hometown, to visit her parents and old friends.

“Hum… you took one year more than you were supposed to to graduate.”, a man nagged on the couch, not even turning his head to look at Jieun.

“It’s good to see you too, father.”, she replied and simply left.

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“Mom, I’m… I’m going to get married!”, Jieun called her mother in that very special day.
“God, I’m so happy for you, sweetheart.”, her mother had replied, making Jieun smile.
“Does he even have a job? Because I didn’t spend time and money with a daughter to marry a lazy .”, she heard a male voice in the background, her father.

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“Jieun… it’s your father. He is in the hospital.”, Mr. Song had called her daughter in a rainy Wednesday.

As soon as she could, Jieun took the first flight to her hometown.

“Father…”,”she entered the hospital room, a tissue in her hand.
“Jieun…”, the man laid in the bed whispered, his voice suffocated by the oxygen mask.

He was sick and it seemed like he hadn’t much time left, Jieun could feel.

She sit by his side and just stared at his hand. She wanted to squeeze it but she didn’t feel comfortable to do so, so she just kept on looking at it.

And then everything came into Jieun’s mind. The first time her father had made her write her name 100 times, saying her writing was awful, the time he had called her dumb for not succeeding a math test, the time he said she couldn’t do what she wanted to because she wouldn’t know how to do it…

Jieun had many memories of her and that man, and most of them were not happy. Her whole life she had wanted to prove she was more than she thought he believed she was. So many times she had cried for not having her father’s approval and, since she was young, Jieun had embraced her insecurities.

“I love you, my daughter…”, the man said at last, his voice was hard to hear and his strength was visibly gone.

Jieun felt her heart heavy, it was like her soul was poisoned. She couldn’t say anything, her voice had disappeared. There was nothing she could do and what hurt her the most was the fact she didn’t know if she could reply to what that man had just said with similar words.