A Casanova only loves himself.

That is what Kim Seyong believes in.

That is, until Joo Eunyoung came along.

<< >>

The cigarette hung loosely from between his lips, as the night’s cold air was filled with puffs of his filthy smoke. His gaze was thrown far across the city’s busy night life, thoughts somewhere far away when he heard light footsteps approaching him from the side.

He lazily threw a glance over the direction where the steps were coming from and true enough, even before his eyes met hers – he already knew she would come and find him here.

He couldn’t help the smirk which was creeping up his face, even though it may seem like he was mocking her (even though he could actually swore he wasn’t).

“I knew I’d find you here,” she spoke softly, sounding almost afraid to his ears. That’s good.

“And here I am,” he spread out his arms and grinned widely at nothing in particular – like his heart wasn’t racing a thousand times faster, like he wasn’t about to break the poor girl’s heart for the second time. Or the third. Fourth maybe. He had no idea. He lost count halfway.

“You’re not this person, Kim Seyong.” Her voice shook with much urgency and desperation that it actually almost made him retract his words from the other day. He couldn’t say he didn’t regret it, because he did. He absolutely did.

“You’re not this person,” she repeated in a louder voice when he didn’t say anything else. Taking a step closer, she reached out a hand to touch him, but he quickly pulled away as if her touch could burn him alive.

Seyong flicked away the cigarette he had previously smoked on and took out another one. She watched him carefully as he lit this one up, still waiting for an explanation as he calmly released another puff.

Knowing that she wasn’t about to leave him alone, at least not until she gets the answers to her never-ending questions, he looked over at her through hazy, drunken eyes and idly said, “Go, Eunyoung. What does it take to get it through that thick skull of yours that we’re over? Over, through, done – did I miss out a word?”

“You do not want this, just as much as I don’t. You’re just trying to push me away because you think you’re that incapable of loving someone else – that your heart is too small of a space to truly love another person other than yourself.”

Seyong snickered, despite himself and blew it out all over her face, much to her annoyance. Yet, she firmly stood her ground as she challenged him with an even stare of her own.

“Joo Eunyoung...” he slurred. “Let me tell you the first rule of a player – a Casanova only loves himself.”

“And what makes you think you’re one?”

He simply shrugged.

Eunyoung pursed her lips into one thin line as she crossed her arms across her chest. “Do you remember the first time we met? On this bridge, on this exact same spot we’re standing on right now.”

<< >>

Seyong has a weakness perhaps – for a damsel in distress. He saw her, hunching over the high bridge; hurling out everything that was probably consumed during the day and in the next second, before he knew it – he was rushing forward and quickly caught her in his arms just before she fell a hundred foot down into the deep, freezing water.

“Easy there,” he exhaled loudly in relief, as he reeled her back in to safety, where she instantly dropped to the ground by his feet. He squatted down next to her and kindly pushed away her auburn locks so that he could take a better look at her worn-out face.

Beautiful, was his first thought and she, is probably the only girl he had ever used the word on – considering the long list of women he had seen (and dated).

“Who made you like this?”

<< >>

“If you wanted to die, you shouldn’t have done it in front of me,” was all he said as he roughly pushed her aside, trying to get the image of her broken self out of his mind. He hates it. He hates it so much how easy it is for her to get into his head with just a snap of fingers.

“That doesn’t matter now, does it?” she shot back as she continued to follow him from behind. “You saved me and that wasn’t the end of our encounter.”

“I should’ve left it at that,” he said bitterly, squashing the second cigarette with his shoes.

“But you didn’t.”

<< >>

Rage came over him like a madman. He’s never felt so angry and pissed off like how he was feeling right there and then. The guy was already covered with bruises and blood was trickling down his mouth and the side of his face, yet Seyong wasn’t feeling satisfied yet – just because the former had made a deliberate move on Eunyoung and he didn’t quite like it.

No, he despised it.

And he knew why. Because it wasn’t rage.

It was jealousy.

<< >>

“The first and last time I had ever brought you to a club,” Seyong snorted at the memory. “He deserved it, if I must say so myself.”

“You were jealous,” she stated, her voice softening once again. “Jealousy is a form of love, Seyong.”

“I wasn’t,” he insisted as he started to pace away from her slowly. “He was just being plain rude and annoying to you.”

“Would you have done the same thing if it was another girl and not me?”

No.

“Go home, Eunyoung,” he said instead. “It’s getting late.”

“I’m not going to give up on us, Seyong. I’m not going to give up on you, just like how you didn’t give up on me when you had every reason to.”

<< >>

“I’m not really good at these things...” he laughed awkwardly, brushing a tear away from the corner of her eye. “And I don’t have any tissue with me so uh...will my sleeve do?”

He made her laugh despite her tears and she lightly hit him on the shoulder.

“God, Eunyoung you’re so emotional!”

“Well I’m sorry for having feelings!” she rebuked, sniffling back her sobs. “First love hurts more than anything else.”

“Really? How so?”

She smiled coyly at him. “You wouldn’t know, Casanova.”

<< >>

He was walking home, and she was still tailing him from behind. Seyong let out a resigned sigh. When will she get it?

When will she get it that he’s actually afraid of himself and his own feelings? When will she get it that he’s so damn afraid of falling in love because all that love has ever done to the people around him is burn and break.

When will she get it that he’s actually afraid of hurting her and also himself? That he’s only trying to protect her, the only thing and person that matters to him while he still can.

You might leave me some time later, so before you can do that – I’m leaving you first.

She would just call him a coward – that he was pretty sure of.

“Hey, Casanova?”

God, how much he have missed her calling him that; even though he hates it all the same that the word was coming from her.

“Yeah?” he called back, without turning around.

“I think you’re a coward.”

Now, how did she –

“You’re just afraid of owning up to your own feelings. That’s kinda pathetic, you know.”

Joo Eunyoung...seriously.

He scoffed. “What makes you so confident that I am in love with you for real?”

He could hear stopping in her tracks. Somehow, he did too. And this time, he turned around slowly to face her.

“Look into my eyes, and tell me that you don’t,” she whispered, closing in the gap between them, step by step.

He froze.

“Say it...tell me that you don’t love me – “

“I don’t.” Yet, he was stammering.

“Look into my eyes – “

“Eunyoung...”

“Do it, and I’m out of your life for good.”

“Eunyoung, I...” But words seem to fail him. They failed, because he couldn’t say the words he didn’t mean – at least not to her. And that, was all it took to make her smile as she brought up both hands to cup either side of his face.

“I thought so too,” she breathed, just before she gently pressed her lips against his, without a single restraint from him as he kissed her back just as passionately – like he doesn’t want to be separated from her ever again. It was no use fighting anymore and he was honestly tired of running away.

He really do love her.

“You bad guy,” she murmured as they pulled away briefly for air.

“You were the one who called me Casanova,” he teased, leaning in again for another kiss.

Perhaps, just maybe, this could work after all.

I must be high on drugs or something. I need to stop.