My name is Kim Jonghyun, and I'm 24 years old. I'm attending a great university. I'm Korean and was born in Seoul, South Korea. I have a beautiful girlfriend named Sekyung, and my last relationship was with.. you-know-who.

I recite that in my head, like it's lyrics I need to memorize. Somehow, the vision of your platinum blonde hair, flashes at me like a camera, and I start to feel funny. I feel thousands of butterflies flutter about in my stomach and I grip onto the counter for support. My sight is turning black and white as I hear your angelic, loud laugh I always loved, echo in my head.

I always adored the way you laugh ; It sounded so beautiful.

No, I tell myself.

I couldn't fall into that hole of regret. I wasn't going to trip again into your arms. It has been almost a year since we broke up, and I have moved on. I shake my hear roughly to recede all images of you from my mind.

"Jonghyun-ah?" Sekyung calls from down the hall. Her voice becomes clearer and softer as she enters the living room/kitchen. I smile as her floral dress bounces as she hugs me, and kisses me on the cheek.

You never kissed me like that.

"Jongie, I'm going to the spa," Sekyung says and peels her handbag from the chair. "Would you like to come?"

I chuckled, wrapping both arms around her waist, hugging her. "No thanks, you go ahead, sweetie."

Sekyung laughs, nodding, and kisses me before she walks out. The door slams, and I sigh, suddenly not knowing what to do.

You would always think of fun things to do.. Sekyung isn't like that - she's low-key about everything.

I finally decide to just watch tv, and I sit down on the couch, I feel something poke against my bottom. I reach under and pull out a stick of mascara, assuming it's Sekyung's.

You said you never needed makeup to look good. You always said, 'Beauty is in the inside, not the outside'. I smile crookedly.

You were always a good person.

Sekyung spends over hundreds of dollars on her appearance, and I love it.. but sometimes I wish she would have the self-confidence you had.

'We Are Married' starts its theme song, and I get excited. I always imagine Sekyung and me on that show.. and once I imagined you and I on it. I know, crazy, but you always acted like we were married, calling me 'yeobo' all the time.

It was really sweet and cute.

My stomach growls and grumbles loudly, and I walk to the kitchen. I then see the cupid-decorated chocolate box I gave Sekyung for our anniversary. The image of your cupid bow-shaped lips appear in my head, and I start to feel smitten, a giddy smile playing with my lips. The natural pinkness of them, the nonchalant pucker you always put on, and the memory of planting mine against them, made me shiver and smile.

Your lips were always so soft and pretty.

I shake my head, and open the fridge, and almost all of the shelves are empty. I frown, and start to rummage through the cabinets. Nothing.

It's not like we're poor.. we just don't shopping very often. Then, I remember how you would always drag me to the market downtown, and at first, I would hate it more than ever, but then I would wrap my arms around your waist while you leaned forward to pick out vegetables. You would always yell at me, warning me that other people would see us. But then I would kiss you, and you'd blush and giggle. We would go home afterwards and you'd cook for me.

 You were always an amazing cook, I would jump in my seat at work because I was so excited to eat your food.

Sekyung doesn't know how to cook; in fact, she's horrible at it. She never considered taking cooking classes. So we have to order take-out almost everyday, and it gets tasteless and gross every time. I sigh, put my coat on, and walk out of the apartment.

~

I decide to go to the café down the street. Even though it's snowing outside, I walk there. The ice crunches underneath my shoes, and I feel snow coating my hair, and wind whistles in my ear, like it's calling to me. I exhale as I run into the café, ruffling my hair with my hands to rid the snow. a waitress at the podium greets me then leads me to a small table by the window.

I sit down, and rub my hands together for warmth and observe the room. It's quite busy, but it's quiet. Waiters and waitresses pace around the room, carrying trays and plates.

Suddenly, a flash of bright, blonde hair catches my eye, and I furrow my eyebrows. I glance to my right, and I gasp quietly as I see.. you. Oh my.. I see you! Your beautifully structured face,  your platinum blonde hair, your lithe, curvy body. I feel like my life flashes before my eyes, I can feel my heartbeat race, and the familiar butterflies fly again.

You're waiting on a table of a large family, smiling sweetly Your straight, white teeth gleam, and my heart jumps.

Thumpthump.Thumpthump.

My heartbeat beats rapidly. Just that something about your smile lights my world up. Whenever you did smile, it was like the whole world stopped, and out, except for your beautiful face, and the radiant glow in your eyes and smile.

The family at your table says something I cannot make out, and you laugh ever-so-brightly; And that's when I break down. My heart feels like it's about to burst if its going to beat any faster. My legs are about to fall off from all the numbness. The things you do so simply, put such a huge impact on me.

"Sir, are you ready to order?"

I jump in my seat, smiling sheepishly, while the waitress giggles. I nod and order a coffee.

You always hated me drinking caffeine, saying it was unhealthy.

I quickly add decaf seconds after, and the waitress nods and walks away. I cannot help but turn my gaze back on you. You laugh with another guy, I assume another waiter, and slap him on the arm. Your nose scrunches, and your dimples appear. I grin at the simple beauty you have.

When you start to walk away, you see and recognize me, and your beautiful smile vanishes like dust. But I smile and wave. You don't do anything, just completely frozen in place. I can see the Adam's apple in your throat bob before you walk away, not even returning the friendly gesture.

I understand if you hate me and not want to see me ever again. And I'm sorry I made the worst decision, that ended up hurting you and probably scarring you. I'm sorry that I kissed her. I'm so sorry I lied about it. I'm sorry for everything I have ever did. I miss you.

Realization hits me, making me hear what I just said. I blink so much, it starts to hurt.

I regret everything.

No! I will not put myself down. Not again.

Take me back, I'm so sorry. I miss you so much.

It's been eleven damn months. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep missing you. I have Sekyung now, and I'm happy. Less stressed, and worried.

But maybe those bad times were good things.. Wha-

"Jagiya?" a familiar voice calls from behind me, and I turn around, expecting you, but I see Sekyung, smiling beautifully as always.

But her smile is nothing compared to yours.

"Sekyung," I smile tightly. "What're you doing here?"

She points to the window. "My girlfriend and I stopped to grab a bite.. What're you doing here?"

I widen my eyes, and stutter on my words for a second. "T-there was no food at home."

Sekyung's cheeks turn a tint of pink, her eyes widening. "Oops, sorry. We'll go shopping tomorrow, okay?"

I nod, and suddenly I see your face on Sekyung's. I furrow my eyebrows and shake my head.

Why do I keep seeing you everywhere?

"Jonghyun, are you okay?" Sekyung asks, her voice filled with worry, placing her hand on mine. I sigh then nod again, earning a relieved smile from her.

"Do you mind if Ga-In and I sit with you, jagiya?" she asks sweetly. I bite my bottom lip ; I kind of want to talk to you.

Then, I sigh again. "That's fine."

Sekyung grins and runs to the entrance, grabs Ga-In and drags her to the table. I recognize Ga-In's slanted eyes, and I greet her. She smiles in response, and sits next to my girlfriend. As they chat, I sit there awkwardly. Loud yelling catches my attention, and I glance over to see you talking to someone, assuming the manager, and you look mad. Like pissed mad.

All of a sudden, you start to strut over to my table with a mug in one hand, and I start to panic. Why are you coming over here? Why are you mad? Is my face red?

You reach my table, not even looking at me. You slam a mug full of coffee on the table, nearly burning my hand as the dark liqud splashes everywhere. I look up and Sekyung and Ga-In are raising their eyebrows.

"Enjoy your coffee, sir," you mumble with a tight smile. My mouth quivers for words.

"T-thank you." I reply finally, nervously. You roll your eyes and walk off. My heart takes a knife to it as I watch you just walk off like nothing happened.

Why can't you smile brightly for me like you did for the other customers.

Please forgive me.

"Ugh, what a grump." Ga-In scoffs, flipping her short, brown hair. Sekyung agrees, rolling her eyes. She averts her gaze to me, and her expression softens.

"Jonghyun, you don't have to tip them - it's really a choice."

I shake my head, maybe a little too quickly. "N-no, it's fine."

She just shrugs, and resumes to talking to Ga-On. I watch you as you stomp your foot as you hiss at the manager. I can feel my eyes turn glassy.

Are you angry because you had to wait on me?

You then flip your platinum, blonde hair, and rip your black apron off and run towards the back. I bit my lip, my entire body heating up. I take a sip of the coffee, and cringe. It's so bitter. At least it clears my mind a bit and calms my nerves.

I am so confused and tired. God, I miss you so much. Please forgive me. I want to see your sweet smile again. I want to hear your angelic laugh. I miss coming home and seeing your body sprawled out on the couch, your eyes closed, and sleeping peacefully.

I sip the coffee again, and nearly vomit. I stand up, rubbing my eyes tiredly.

"Sekyung," I yawn, stretching. "I'll see you at home, okay?"

Sekyung nods, but then her eyebrows pull to the middle. "Are you okay, Jongie?"

I nod also and tell her I have a headache - and I do from all the eager questions I have to ask you.

"Okay, well, feel better, jagiya," she says sweetly. "I'll pay for you, but this blondie isn't getting any tip."

She doesn't exactly know about us. What we had - true love. She wants to know, but I choose not to tell her. She would never understand how strong our chemistry was.

 I wave goodbye, and jog to the car. I sit in silence as I get in, thinking everything through. I start the car, and it roars to life as I drive to the Han River, where we first met.

~

We both met at the Han River when we were just teenagers, trying to run away from our problems. I remember you telling me some kids were bothering you, calling you nasty names. I was in a fight with my parents, over a girl I wanted to date, but they didn't approve.

That's when we became best friends. And we started dating soon after, and that lasted for a long time. Longer than I had expected. Then we broke up just 2 months after ; and I thought it would last forever.. I guess life isn't always fair. It's funny how life back then seemed so easy, even with the 'hugest' issues, but now it's even more difficult and confusing in reality. Being independent, and facing out troubles alone.

You were always there for me. And that made me happy.

I always felt like the isolated one, always thinking, Why aren't you here for me anymore?

I reach the river's parking space, and park the car. Now it's windy and snow is blowing like sand in the desert, everywhere. I grab the spare scarf in the trunk. The wind howls like a wolf in my ears, making them turn completely red and numb.

And there, on the bench, the familiar blonde hair blowing along with the wind. Your broad shoulders are covered by a bright red coat. I walk on over, and sit next to you. You seem shocked at first, then seconds later, you just relax, and let the wind blow into your feline, narrowed eyes.

I stare at the frozen, ice river, watching the ducks peck at the ice. I can hear car honks in the distance, and I can see the bridge's bright, yellow lights shine.

"How'd you know I'd be here?" you suddenly blurt, your voice firm, eyes still glued on the river. I swallow, not actually believing that you are talking to me.

"This place was always our escape from reality," I reply quietly, running my fingers over the old wooden bench. You chuckle, and I shiver - not sure from the cold or your voice.

"I remember when we ran into each other here, both of us having major problems," you chuckle, rubbing your eyes. I laugh too, not being able to hold in my excitement. We were finally talking after eleven months.. it was the best feeling ever.

"Do you remember when we got really drunk, started yelling from the bench, and got shooed away by the police?" I laugh so hard from the memory, my stomach actually aches soon after. You burst out laughing, and I recognize that laugh. It's the loud, angelic, laugh I love so damn much and been dying to hear after months and months.

I take a quick, good look at you, and you still look beautiful as ever. Your tilted, brown eyes, the pink bow-shaped lips, and high cheekbones. Your blonde hair separates, making you look extremely mature and even more handsome.

"What did you really come here for, Jonghyun?" you ask softly, looking down into your lap and play with your fingers. You shiver and rub your neck, blinking. I notice and wrap the spare scarf around your long, pale neck. You refuse at first, but I insist. Your lips curl up in a smile, and it affects me while I attempt to grin.

Soon, your gorgeous smile droops again.

"Answer my question, Jonghyun," you whisper, eyes turning glassy and round, and gulped. I gulp too, closing my eyes.

This is it. I'm finally going to express how I really feel about you.

"I-I can' stop thinking about you. I haven't been able to for awhile now."

You stare at with raised eyebrows, jaw dropped.

"I miss seeing you everyday," I exhale, and bite my bottom lip. "A-and seeing you at the café w-was like a life flasher for me."

Your cheeks turn a shade of pink, and I can see a small smile play with your lips.

"It was a big deal for me.. after not seeing you for so long." I breathe, smiling crookedly. You giggle, cheekbones higher than ever.

"What're you saying, Jonghyun?" you ask softly again, your chapped lips. They turn reddish pink.

Tears are threatening to shed out of my eyes. I then inhale sharply, and I see your eyebrows furrow.

"What I'm trying to say is," I choke out, my fists clenching. "I'm still in love with you, Kibum."

Your expression completely softens, and you looked more than shocked - almost terrified. But why would you be?

"I take back all the horrible things I've said to you. I'm sorry I betrayed you,"

That's when the tears fall rapidly down my cheeks, but I control my voice, to keep it from sounding like I'm dying.

"I-I miss you so much, Kim Kibum.. More than ever."

I can tell you're dumbfounded, with your mouth agape, your cheeks red, and your eyes have that strange twinkle.

"Jonghyun," you breathe, eyebrows still raised. I smile sheepishly, looking down. You shake your head side to side, eyes widening. I intertwine my hand with yours, which is freezing cold compared to mine.

"Let's make 'us' work again," I whisper, the wind so cold, I could see my breath. Your mouth quivers, and you close your eyes, not even noticing the snow as it falls on your jeans and melt. You finally open your eyes, and they're a bit red.

"What about.. that girl at your table?" you question, gulping. You say 'girl' like it really means a vile, disgusting, repulsive virus.

Dammit.

I have forgotten Sekyung those past few moments. I forget what she and I had, how long we've been dating.. and how she even looks like. All I can see, hear, and remember is you. All my memories aren't with Sekyung.. it's with you. All along, you're are the one I care about. I memorize everything we have been through. The beautiful moments, the depressing ones, and even the romantic ones.. everything. And I'm willing to make more memories together.

I remember the very small amount of flaws you have, and the large amount of perfections you own. You are the one I am focusing on - the one my world revolves around.

"I never loved her like I loved you." I finally admit after months of saying I did. I feel a lump form in my throat as I blink away the guilty tears. You sigh, and pull your hand away coldly.

"Jonghyun, I don't know," you whimper, tears now shedding. "After what you did, I don't know if I can ever trust you again."

That hurt like salt on a wound.

I flinch, and dry the upcoming tears. I grab your hand again, and grip it tighter this time.

"Kibum, I wish I can erase every bad thing that I did. Better yet, I wish I wouldn't have did what I did. But.. I can't,"

"I love you so much, and I have suffered eleven months trying to get over. But it's hard to rid your beautiful face, and to erase your perfect laugh, and your body."

Your eyes shift and turn, and I can tell you're trying to blink away the coming tears away. Your fingers wrap around my hand, and.. I feel complete for once. Once, in eleven months, I don't feel lonely or even lost anymore. I know what I want. I just want you to hold me, to protect me with your confidence and cae.

"It's so hard to not think of you," I chuckle, looking off into the distance of the frozen river. Two geese peck each other, like they're kissing, and take off, and fly away. I smile and watch them as they fly off.

"Kibum, if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, a-and if we can make this work again.. I will be able to breathe again."

When I finish my statement, you stare at me with such sad, intense eyes, it begins to overwhelm me. You sigh deeply, and your breathing is uneven. Your nose and cheeks are really red - it looks really cute.

"Will you at least promise me something, Kim Jonghyun?" you ask, voice slightly cracking. I nod and smile crookedly, which I know is the smile you love most.

"Please promise me that you will never hurt me like that again, and t-that you will commit to this.."

I smile in relief. "Kibum, you never have to worry about that again."

You your head cutely in confusion.

I breathe in. "These past few months, I realized that a lot of people don't notice they have someone or something really special until.. they lose it forever,"

You blush, your cheeks redder. I grin cheekily, rubbing my thumb over your fingers.

"And you're the special person I lost."

You nag about the lame line, but I know you have always loved my cheesy lines. We both laugh, hands still tightly intertwined. I then, slowly lean in and place a chaste peck on your cheek. When I pull away, I see your red cheeks and your smitten smile. That's the image I wanted to see after forever.

"So, Kibum," I sigh, giving him puppy eyes. "Do you think this will work out?"

You grin sweetly, the inner eye smile you hide from everyone, except me, shines.

"Jonghyun, almost after a year, I still loved you," you say, exhaling. "And that scared me."

"But," you giggle, winking. "I'm no longer scared because I knew you'd come back."

~

It's really hard telling Sekyung, because she was a really great girlfriend. She was always so forgiving, sometimes too nice.

"You're just not-"

"Not the right person you're looking for?" 

I raise my eyebrows in shock, and she chuckles, sinking into the couch.

"I've heard that from plenty of guys."

I sit next to her on the couch, and place my hand on hers.

"Sekyung, it took me eleven months to figure out who I wanted to be, and who I wanted to be with."

She nods, slanted eyes shining.

"You're a beautiful and smart woman, Sek," I say, smiling warmly, and she chuckles, looking down. "I wouldn't want you to be in a relationship where your boyfriend is always confused, stressed, and never happy."

Sekyung nods again, and I smile at how well she's taking it. She really is a good person.

"You know, Jonghyun, you were really immature and wild when we first met," Sekyung laughs, her cheekbones accentuating her smile. "But you have really changed into a better person.. for the good."

She and I share a good laugh.

"Kibum is a really lucky guy," she smiles sadly, but her eyes shined happiness for you and me - I could tell. And at that moment, I finally realize who I am:

A 24-year old man who went through an extremely rough time, and was confused with who he wanted to be with. And he fought with depression, and stress throughout the many months , before figuring out that his true love was there, right before his eyes.

I have changed because of you, Kim Kibum. And because of you, I finally understand the meaning of true love.

A/N- omg that was so sad to write. Well the last part, at least. Guys, this took me pretty damn to write. Do you see how long this was?

I'm sorry for any errors - I had to write the ending of this on my sister's computer. ai-yaa. /facepalm. Well, I really hope you guys liked this, because I did. Don't you guys think I improved? Because I think I have. ^^

I liked Sekyung in this, most people write her as the antagonist in the story. She's a good person too, guys! She's not some crazy, physco who wants to kill Key, LOL. 

& Jonghyun kissed Sekyung, for those of you who didn't understand when Jonghyun said, 'I'm sorry I kissed her.'

I loved Jonghyun's confession, how romantic right? (: In fact, I liked writing in Jonghyun's POV, it was fun. ^^

Thank you for reading, & please comment & subscribe! I worked really hard..

VisionOfPerfection