As always, I didn't get any sleep. I was insomniac and even the sleeping pills are quite useless. It was that bad. I was lying in bed until it was dawn, where then I showered. I had put up a little foundation cream to cover the black circles under my eyes. I hated what I see in the mirror. Everyday I see fat. Fat, fat, fat. 

Fatass , I said to myself, holding my stomach and pinched the chubby areas. Then I grabbed some bracelets and put it neatly on my wrist, trying to cover up any marks or scratches. Even though I wore a long-sleeved shirt, I still needed them.

I made my way down to the driveway, but got stopped by my dad who volunteered to drive me to school. I simply got into the Mercedes and shut the door. I never really spoke to my dad. He didn't do the same either.

I was silent the whole journey, until he asked me " Why so many bracelets? Are those Hermes?"

"Fashion, why? They're in right?" I didn't lie. I had bought them online using their account, even though it cost alot. But would they care? No..

"Yeah, good sense. You're making a good effort. Though you should start wearing more..short-sleeves, maybe? Like other kids. But before that, you should uhm, lose some weight. Yeah. "

Well 'losing weight' meant looking anorexic and thin and having thigh gaps in my family. Welcome to my family. Here, I have parents that only care about labels and looking pretty. Me? I must be kidding to be thinking they would care about me.

I arrived at school as per normal, people staring at the precious car behind me, people staring at me. I didn't care. I just wanted to go. I avoided whoever that came along, despite just looking down most of the time. I avoided anyone's sight too. That is the case everyday. Just avoiding. 

I arrived at my locker. Jiyong wasn't here. I opened my locker discreetly. A piece of small, folded paper was nicely placed in the middle of my locker. So accurate, as if not passed through the locker vents. I opened the pice of paper, which stated, My parents are equivalent to . Wait, what? Curiosity bubbled as I put the paper back into my locker. I took out a random piece of paper and scribbled Cut myself yesterday. Sorry. Then I breathed in and prepared to face another round of battle in class.

Recess again. I didn't eat because 1) I wanted to be pretty 2) Didn't feel like it 3) No proper places to sit. But heck, I sat next to the vending machines and just watched everyone living the life I'm supposed to be living. I saw Jiyong being happy in the distance and I felt empty in my stomach. It's like happiness is flowing out of him, so beautiful yet so hypocritical. As I saw him turn around and catch my sight, I couldn't breathe for a while, and my heartbeat quickens. He waved at me before walking over to where I was. I could see his friends whispering behind his back and now I see how cruel backstabbing is.

"I saw your note." He said, while sitting next to me. " Show me your wrists. " he said that, but he pulled my arms gently and folded my sleeves up. " Aishhh, honestly..Dara. " he sighed.

Attempting to change the subject, I questioned him. " What does DDDI stand for? " 

" Dara, Don't Do It. " he said, smiling albeit warm-shyly. 

" So, what about your parents? What do you mean? "

" Hmmmm.. how do I phrase it? My mum, well.. she's a e. Crazy, I know. My dad is an abusive alcoholic. Sometimes, he beats the out of me for no reason. They both quarrel frequently, but I don't blame them, honestly. I just go out, and never really come back to my house anymore. They don't care at all, but I love them still. I think that's still okay, yknow? "

" That is clearly not okay, Jiyong. Why don't you speak to someone? "

" Well, I am now, aren't I? "

" Don't think too much about this okay? I want you to cheer up now, and put on a smile? Got it?" 

He looked at his watch before looking at me. " Okay, ma'am! " he smiled, but I saw through that. Outside he was, but inside, he's not. He stood up first, before helping me up. As if on cue, the bell rang, and we said goodbye as we both walked different ways to our different types of hell. 

Just two more periods, hang in there, breathe.

" Go on, have fun. Just leave me alone here. I'll be miserable, as always"

- Eeyore, Winnie The Pooh

guys did you know that if someone says 'house' instead of 'home',

they're actually unhappy about their condition back home?

so listen to the people who frequently say 'house'! they might

be unhappy. maybe even worse.