Live
Live
Dear Huang Zi Tao,
I know you get requests like this all the time, someone wants something from you, or they want you to sign something. I just want a wish, a last one really. I have cancer, stage four in my brain. And it's going to kill me in a very short while. I don't need you to feel sorry for me. I don't need your sympathy.
I just want a hug from you. I know, I know, it's strange, but you are someone I admire. You went after your dreams, achieved them and continue to this day. Your martial arts skills amaze me. I could never be that acrobatic. Your rapping amazes me. I never have enough breath to follow you.
Obviously you are very handsome, and I've had a crush on you for the longest, but you are also a very sweet guy. I understand if you are busy, I understand if even you do not want to. I hope this reaches you before it's too late.
Please have a good life.
"What is this?" Tao looked up to his manger, the stone face looking down at him with an unreadable expression. He folded the letter back up, quickly tucking the paper into his pocket before it could be taken.
"A girl wants you to hug her for her last wish. The family is willing to pay for the expenses." He recited the letter, nodding his head. "It would be a good PR for Exo-M."
Tao nodded his head slowly, agreeing with this...
But someone wanted to hug him? As a last wish? He was that important to her? That high on her list that it would go over everything? He still stood there when the manager told him he'd be flying there in a few weeks. He was thinking hard.
What...what was this girl like that favored him so much...? Did she watch his martial arts before the teasers? She followed along to his raps? He unfolded the letter again, reading it. What would it be like to know you were going to die? He couldn't imagine not having the next day, not being able to open his eyes.
He felt the sting of tears in his own, his heart pounding sickly in his chest.
There wasn't any way he could say no...
You couldn't breathe. Huang Zi Tao was standing in your room, looking right at you, his feet just a bit spread apart and his mouth slightly open. Your eyes grew wet, but you viciously fought them back, turning to look at your mother. She just smiled, pushing your chin to look at the boy you adored. He was fully staring now, as two people stepped into the room, both carrying a camera. He glanced at them, his dark eyes showing a hint of irritation.
He focused back on you, pressing his lips into a thin line, and when you hiccupped back a cry his right arm twitched. The photographer settled himself in off to the left side, and suddenly Tao was much closer in your vision. In fact, his arms were around you.
You gasped, and all you could do was wrap your arms around him just as tightly as he pressed the side of his head to yours. He held for a moment and then slowly pulled away to stand close to the bed. The photographer to the left had let out an indignant mutter at being robbed of his shot, but you were too dazed to care. Tao looked up nervously towards your mother, and his smooth voice cracked a bit with worry.
"Wait, is it only one hug?" He sounded a bit panicked, some of his practiced accent slipping. Your mother shook her head, telling him he could say as long as he liked, she would leave the room for you to talk. The photographers held up their cameras and pointed them at both of you. Do it again, was their chant.
So he did, hugging you tightly one more time, before the flash went off and he shooed them out of the room.
He turned back to you, swallowing hard before slowly walking closer to your bed, awkwardly sitting on the bed sheet. You had nothing to say, or rather, could say nothing. You didn't have an idea of what you should say. You never thought it would get this far. His earrings glinted in the strong light above your heads, and the hard planes of his face stood out. He slowly opened his mouth, then closed it again.
"Why me?" He whispered, looking down at his hands, folding them in front of him.
"Why am I so important to you...?"
For a few moments he sat there, waiting for her to answer.
...She looked sick. But...she was beautiful.
He had seen a picture of her before all of this had happened to her, before all the pain, but it was a different kind of beautiful now. She looked...weak, but strong. She had a fierceness in her eyes that made him want to tremble like a leaf. Her eyes were tired, but she was talking like she was wide awake.
You are amazing, she whispered softly. The way you focus on something, the tempered power you put into it. She was smiling...she was blinding him.
Your rapping is amazing! You're adorable... There was a blush on her cheeks. He wanted to hug her again. Why was she talking about him like this?
You're not afraid to be who you are, and you achieved your dreams at such a young age. Even if this wasn't happening now, I still don't think I would have.
She had dreams? It...it was obvious that she would, but it never honestly occurred to him. What were her dreams? Why did this have to happen...? His heart twisted painfully in his chest once more.
The way you cry when you need too, the way you sing with all your heart and strive to be better than you were the day before...That's what makes me like you.
She had melted into a soft smile and his heart was backing up in his throat... He wanted to look her in the eyes, but his were getting blurry; he couldn't look anymore. He could see the pain she had been trying so hard to hide, the dark circles under her eyes, the tenseness in her body.
He wanted to sweep her away, wanted to hold her until she was better, wanted to introduce her to everyone he knew. He wanted to curse everything in the world that was hurting her, and he'd just met her...
Sorry if this is weird... She whispered to him, hiding her face, and he couldn't help but reach out and pick it back up.
"No, it's not..."
They let him talk for an hour, until they eased open the door, and told him in a clipped tone they had to catch the next flight. It was disappointing, but you had the time of your life. He had rapped to you. His cute face when he messed up a bit had you 'awwing' at him, and his blush made you want to kiss him more.
He waved at you when he left, his face taking on this uneasy, haunted look, and when the door closed behind him you flopped back on the pillow. That...was thrilling. You would keep it for the rest of your life. Even if it might be short, this was the memory you would die with. Your mom smiled at you, brushing the hair away from your forehead when there was a clatter at the door.
It opened violently, and a disheveled Tao was standing in the door way, before it swung closed you could see his guards chasing after him. He stood there for a few seconds, in front of you, until he strode towards you. Wrapping his arms tightly around you once again, he started to whisper into your ear as his guards burst through the door.
"Get better. Please get better. You need to get better." His voice was cracking and you felt the cold wetness slide down your neck.
He was shaking.
"Please don't die." He almost crushed you in his arms, making you gasp sharply. "Don't die. Not someone like you. Let someone else take your place. Please."
You couldn't speak for a moment as he slowly let go, drawing away with his head hung down, tears dripping down his cheeks. His face was twisted with emotion and you couldn't help but reach out, your hands sliding over his smooth skin. You held his face, and tried to look him in the eyes, but failed, the tears now falling from your own.
"I...can't." You sobbed, "I'm going to die...soon." You heard your mother start to cry beside you, "I've only got a little time. I'm very...v-very glad I met you..." You nodded to his shaking head and he grabbed your hands on his face.
"No! You need to live..." You shook your head, you lower lip wobbling.
"I can't, Tao-yah...It's inoperable. I've tried for so long..."
"Live...for me please..."
A few weeks later, you were smiling, trying to ignore the building pain in the back of your head and your temples. Your mother had bought you a cheap little phone and Tao had taken to it, calling, texting, reaching you whenever he could. It was soothing to see something from him, whether it was the middle of the night, or just between a show. Indirectly you met the rest of the gang, their encouraging words shouted through the phone. He always sounded so embarrassed after them. But you knew he loved them.
He always ended the conversation with his own encouraging words, trying to get you to believe.
But the pain was building. The drugs weren't working much anymore. Many days you couldn't stand from the dizziness in your head. And the chemo was having less and less of an effect. It was starting to be painful to think...
But you kept talking to him, like nothing was wrong, like you didn't have a care in the world.
It was better to hear his easy voice trying to teach Chinese to you, than to focus on your hurt. You mother was wasting away beside you, looking thinner and thinner every day. Her eyes had a hallow look to them and her laughter had a stretched ring to it.
That...That was scaring you more than anything. What would she do without you?
How would she hold up?
So for both of their sakes you had to play the part...
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