I am manly, yet she calls me cute. I am honest, yet she tells me to stop lying. I love her, and she tells me not. I think of her as a woman, but to her I’m just her dongsaeng. I love her...yet I hurt her.


Standing by the sideline, I watch as other guys try taking an opportunity to seduce the goddess. But she politely denies with a soft smile, but they don’t see what I see. I see the sorrow and sadness that has fully infected her eyes and aura. She may be happy on the outside but her anger were always hiding in the inside. That’s why I couldn’t bring myself to say


“I’m sorry”

I took advantage of her fragile self, I swarm her in my filthy world. I indulge her into this hell. I rip her soul in half. How could she forgive me. I wasn’t able to stop myself after that one kiss, even after the stop and let go, my grip held on tighter as I forcefully push myself into her. I remember that cry the next morning, how she held onto the pillow tightly shielding herself away from me. My mind was going blank, why did I do it, why did I hurt the person I love the most.


“You...You hurt me, Myungsoo...” her voice softly cried out, “I told you to stop, but you continued” another stab into my heart. “I...I” I reach my hands out towards her but she step back, shaking her head “GET AWAY FROM ME!”


We made eye contact as she sent off another guy from her dressing room, she glare at me. Cold shivers sliding down my spine.

“Gyuri...” before I could finish my sentence she slam the door into my face. I stood there with my fist up and a dumbfounded face.


‘Don’t hate me’


Again I was by the sideline, watching the performers on stage. “Let’s welcome KARA!” a slight anxiety crushing my insides. I saw Nicole and Hara coming out, then Seungyeon and Jiyoung. They ready for positions. Then I scrunched my eyebrows, a moment of confusion.


“Where’s Gyuri?” I look back to the entryway of the dressing rooms.


“She’s not coming out I heard” I turn my head and look back at the man who stood boldly before me. His eyes telling me how much he hated me. “What did you do to her”


“Why should I tell you that, Eli”


Eli, a member of UKISS, the man that’s been trying to pick up Gyuri, my Gyuri. He smirk at the corner of his lips, lifting the upper lip just a couple centimeters. “Because I heard that Gyuri’s been having morning sickness and been vomiting the whole day. That pretty much explains both of you guys did something”


“Eh?”


My right eye twitch, it does every time I was nervous or confused. “You don’t mean...”


“I heard it from her members the other day...Gyuri’s pregnant”


My heart nearly drop, the iron microphone I held in my hands slip out of my palms like water. “What?” I mutter out again, my lips trembling. Is this why she avoided me even more? My whole body begin to burn up, my palms holding cold sweat. I stamp my lips closely together and clench my fist, before noticing, wind flew through my hair. I rush through people, my eyes only focusing what was ahead of me.


“Take care”


Her labelmate same year friend, Seung A, gently rub her temple with a cold wet towel. He put his hands against the wall pushing against his own weight to support himself, then he panted over and over. He watched as Seung A took gentle care of his goddess. Suddenly, Gyuri quickly put her hands over and head bobbed. Seung A quickly react and pulled a trash can next to them.


I ran to them and pat her gently on the back. My heart broke in half seeing her in pain like this. Seung A saw me put kept quiet, only focusing on moving Gyuri’s hair out of place.


“Thank you”


She lift her head, then she stop. “You...”


“What...what are you doing”


I move my hand forward to touch her face but she back away. “Don’t do things like this in front of others”


“Gyuri...listen to me, I didn’t mean for this...”


Tears. Painful tears begin to fall. “Why do you say that now...why do you think that now after what you did to me”


I ran in and hug her, “I’m sorry...I didn’t mean to hurt you!”


She grab onto my arms, squeezing it tightly and cuddle deeply into my chest. Her shoulders shaking up and down. I let my hands caress into her soft hair. How much she’s been suffering because of me being selfish.


~~~


“I’m going to marry her” I kneel before my CEO. He stay quiet, probably around a few minutes, but the thumping of my heart made me think it last a few hours.


“What about INFINITE?”


My head suddenly jerk up, I bit my lower lip. “I’ll be responsible and wait for the announcements until I disband from INFINITE”


“Disband? Announcements” he began to laugh, hysterically laughing. Horrible, it begin to scare me even more.


“What?”


“There’s no disbandment. No announcements. I give you permission to marry Gyuri. If kept in secret”


I breath in sharply, my nose burn. I swear, tears were going to come out. My arms spread wide and I grab the presidents body into mine.


~~~


I hug her tightly into an embrace. “What do you think of me now? Dongsaeng or Oppa?” Gyuri stare up at me, the moonlight shading her beautifully carved face.


Her lips touch mine, almost barely. “My husband and the father of my child”


My hand rest on her stomach, a giant bump under the blanket. “That’s right” I lean in, wanting more than that peck. My mouth engulf hers, entwining our warmths in our mouths. “I love you...” I whisper to her, she silently chuckled.


“Have mercy on me husband”

"Gyuri. You're my dream that I can finally find in reality"