Last.

001

In my dreams I see a boy…
It’s as if Death engulfs him, so I call him Death himself.
He stands across the bridge unwavering,
His hands signal me to come,
But I stop to think.

If I leave, how would my parents feel?
How many people would blame themselves because of me?
So I turn away from death, not wanting to inflict my pain on others,
But as I take a step away I feel a sudden chill down my spine.

I feel a cold airy breath whispering in my ear,
And as I turn around there’s nothing.
Only the bridge and Death standing on the other side.

004

Today I stood at the bridge again,
He still stood across the bridge,
Death was still signalling me to come over,
And just as I’m about to give in,
I felt a tug against my wrist.

I turn around to see nothing.
But that tug has given me hope.
That tug has given me a reason to live.
Someone wants me in this world.

One person in this world wants me here.

0011

I’ve been having these dreams less than usual.
Each dream I’m one step away from Death,
Each dream I feel happier in reality,
People have noticed it, that I’m smiling more.

But as I look back to see Death,
I can clearly see his saddened face,
I wonder why Death stands there,
I wonder why he doesn’t come over to this side.

013

My mother slapped me today.
I didn’t reach her expectations,
I tied first place in a piano competition,
I was still first,
But she wasn’t happy that I shared it with another being.

I have to become better,
So that she’ll love me.

-

I had the same dream again last night.
But it was fuzzy, everything was unclear,
I looked at the bridge to see Death smiling,
I wondered what he was smiling about.

So I took a step closer towards him.

015

I stood where I once started,
at the edge of the bridge.
I just stared at Death;
And Death just stared at me.

“Hi” I managed to say.
A crack formed on his lips,
And in my ear I head the same voice,
“Hello” he replied in his airy raspy breath.

I didn’t say a word nor did he.

016

“You’re back” I heard him say,
I jumped back at his sudden words.
“I-I am…” I replied.
I watched as he nodded from afar.

Curiosity got the better of me and so I asked,
“What do you do over there?”
I watched him, unmoving.
And as I about to give up on a reply he answered.
“Every day I hope for your unhappiness”

I didn’t reply.

017

Today I told my friend about the dreams I had,
He said they were more like nightmares,
I shrugged, they weren’t nightmares to me,
It was rather soothing.

-

“Before, you said you hoped for my unhappiness”
I watched him nod in agreement.
“Why do you hope that?” I asked.
He didn’t say anything for a while.

“I’d get to see you more”.

0019

“Death… Do you think you can cross over?” I asked.
He nodded no.
“What happens if I come across to you?”
He looked at me, his hazel eyes gleaming.

“You would be just as unhappy as I am”
I furrowed my eyebrows.
“But you’re already on the bridge”
He looked down and jumped back.

Silence engulfed us and then I spoke.
“Before, you signalled me to come over and then you hoped for me to be unhappy”
I watched him as his lips formed a small smile.
“I want you to be happier than I ever was now - so don't come over”.

025

We both decided to meet each other,
Both will leave our post and meet half way.
There was no harm on doing so,

I walked to the centre,
Watching as he walked over.
A smile crept on my lips.

He had jet black hair, dark hazel eyes,
And very pale skin.
He was how I imagined him.
 

029

Everyday we’d meet at the centre,
We’d sit on the edge of the bridge,
Dangling our feet down at the black water.

We’d speak for hours finding things out about each other.
Everyday we’d go closer towards my side of the bridge,
He didn’t seem to mind.

I found out his name was not Death,
He was 17 the same age as I was.
And that he enjoyed photography.
Although I found out Death was not his name,
He didn’t give me a name to call him but a single letter.
L.

039

Ten dreamless nights.
The number of nights I had stopped meeting him.
When I finally came back to my dream world I frowned.

I was not in the middle of the bridge,
I was so far from the bridge that I couldn’t even see him,
“L”? I whispered.
I spun around and repeated the name.

Running towards the bridge I saw him,
He was walking away from the bridge.
“L!” I called out.
He turned around and waved slightly.

“W-where are you going?” I said trying to run over to him.
As I took a step on the bridge chills ran down my spine.
“L!” I screamed continuing to run.
The bridge seemed unending,
I didn’t reach him.
 

045

Today on the train I bumped into a guy who looked like L.
I ran after him, but he disappeared.
I wish I could go back to my dream world and tell him about it.
I wish I could meet him again.

046

I caught the same train as before, in hopes to see the man again.
But I didn’t see him.
 

060

I tried forgetting about L.
But it became impossible.
He was someone that I looked forward in talking to.
He was someone that I trusted.

I never believed that he was a figment of my imagination,
Because he felt so real.
I know he’s real.
He’s out here somewhere.

I just know it.


065

I’m on a field trip today,
It’s a two night excursion,
We drove passed a bridge,
It reminded of L.

I was definitely going to go visit there.

-

I went there in my break;
I stood where I would have stood in my dream,
Closing my eyes, I played my dreams back.

“Just where are you?” I asked out loud.
And then I heard it.
A familiar raspy voice, that echoed in my ear.
“It’s nice to see you again”.

I opened my eyes, and spun around to see no one.
A tear trickled down my cheek.
“L…”

066

I visited the bridge again and I noticed something,
In the centre of the bridge was a block of cement, flowers covered it.
How could I have not noticed it before?

Reading the engraved writing tears ran down my face.
R.I.P Kim Myungsoo.
‘To the girl in my dreams who brought me happiness on this very bridge, I hope that we meet again” – L
“N-no…” I cried.

I felt a pat on my shoulder and looked back to see no one.
“I-I know you’re there!” I screamed.


067

I found out at the local library that a student, age 17 had recently committed suicide,
He ended his life by jumping off the bridge into the river.
I visited the family’s house to pay my respect.

“Mrs. Kim?” I questioned as she peeked through the door.
My eyes widened as I saw the similar looking face.
She really did look like L.
She swung the door open and ushered me in.

Her lips trembled as she wiped a tear away that formed in her eyes,
“You’re that girl aren’t you?” she cried as she pulled me into a tight embrace.
She ran upstairs and signalled me to follow her.

I followed silently; the house gave a sense of warmth,
Familiarity.
It felt like L.

She stopped at a door and looked at me.
“O-open this door” she sniffed.
I did as I was told, a waft of warmth blanketed me.
“I’m here…” I whispered as I stepped in.

The lady followed me and pulled out a black book from a near shelf,
“Look in here” she whispered, placing it in my hands and walking out.

I sat down on the bed,
Looking around at where L had once stepped and walked in,
“Was this why you stopped coming?” I asked out loud,
Opening the book I froze.

Flipping through the pages, tears formed in my eyes.
On the last two pages I sobbed hysterically.
The first image was of him with a saddening frown,
And then there was a sketched picture of me standing on one side of the bridge in happiness,
and beside the sketch of me was a sketch of himself with a smile.

“To the girl in my dreams who brought me happiness on this very bridge, I hope that we meet again”
He wrote on the bottom.

070

I had finally acknowledged L’s death.
But I know he’s alive,
Within me.

I thank him for bringing me happiness,
I thank him for saving me from my sorrows,
I thank him for not allowing me to walk across that bridge.
I just wished I had brought him to my side.

I wish I could have given him more happiness.
I wish I could have saved him.
I wish that I'd meet him again and this time give him bliss.

End.