Ch1
Can A Photo Cut Deeper Than A Knife ?
This is wrong .. this is so wrong
Donghae holds his cellphone in his hands , the other hand clutching tightly to where the pain is now pounding into his chest
There on the screen the photo of his boyfriend .. His chest exposed for the whole world to see , with another women
How did this happen , when dis it happen how did things turn out to be this way .. They were happy , they were madly in love so how did this happpen ???!!
The dorm is quiet .. It was never quiet , specialy not when all the members are sitting together in one room , he knows they are waiting for him to scream to shout to cry to just lose control
But it hurts so bad he can't do any of those things It hurts like it never did before
A sound on his door and his attention is turned to the new comer
Donghae looks up at the door , his expressions cold and solomen
Hyukjae stands there panting heavily , hair tossed back and shirt crumbled Donghae can't help but have mental images of the other's possibly last activity in the damned photo
Hyukjae walks up to the statue-like man who is sitting on the edge of the bed , his phone clutched tightly in a fist with the photo clearly displayed on the screen
Hyukjae reaches out to touch the hand of the man he truly loves but Donghae moves it to his lab and tosses the phone aside on the mattress "please go .. Please just leave please "
Donghae's voice was steady and calm unlike when he should be raging with pain and hate , but he can't feel anything
" we need to talk about this .. Just let me explain " Hyukjae's voice on the other hand is low and unclear .. Chocked sobs escaping with his words
Hyukjae is scared of losing the only thing that has kept him living for the past years .. Donghae's heart .. Donghae's love
Donghae is being calm and stable which is unlike him .. Where is the shouting the hitting the rage the pain ? Why is he calm ? .. Hyukjae thinks maybe he missed that when he was still on his way here
He looks around him for some sort of sign that there was an outrage storm that hit the place .. But there is nothing
The place is clean and tidy as he remembers it to be
"Donghae please don't do this to me please .. Talk to me , hit me , kill me but please don't just don't sit like this " Hyukjae pleads for Donghae to just do something but there is no response
Instead he finds Donghae walking up to the door to hold the hand handle and looks back at Hyukjae with the same dead expression "leave Hyukjae " he says sternly
" I won't leave like this .. Why aren't you saying something , anything ? " Hyukjae stands up in front of the other trying his best to control his breathing
" there's nothing to talk about . What is done is what is done and .. I have nothing left to .. Please just leave Eunhyuk please "
Eunhyuk !.. He never called him that offstage ..
He knew he was going to have a fight with the other and it might even last for days but this is different .. Donghae is giving up way too easily and it's killing Hyukjae more than anything
" ok fine if you're not gonna say anything then I'll start the talking " Hyukjae yanks Donghae's arm in his hand and pulled him inside before slamming the door shut and locking it
Donghae didn't react at all .. He just kept quiet and looked at Hyukjae who was going back and forth nervously
When Hyukjae finally made up his mind about what he wants to say , tears of guilt and sadness were streaming down his face .. His chocked sobs were echoing through the room If it was in any other day Donghae would've ran up to him and wrapped him in his arms , Hyukjae's tears were Donghae's weakness But now things are different , it's not a normal day and Donghae couldn't feel anything right now
"Hae .. I never wan.."
Donghae cut him off coldly " I don't want to hear it .. Just get out of my room .. Now " his calm tempers caused Hyukjae to break down "Hae please "
Donghae didn't even listen he just simply moved to the door and unlocked it " I said .. Get out " his eyes piercing holes in Hyukjae's soul
He can't feel anything any more , he just feels numb .. He feels ..
" I'm sorry I Hurt you .. I'm so sorry baby please " Hyukjae tried to pet talk him by calling him baby .. Is he even allowed to call him that ?!
Hyukjae moves toward the one he loves and tried to embrace him in his arms
SLAP
it was the first time ever in his life to actually slap someone .. And when he decided to finally do it , he slapped the one who owns his heart and soul
Hyukjae's cheek is red and sore , pain is throbbing through his left cheek .. No one ever dared to slap him like this before and to think that he was only going to hug the man who slapped him made his anger even twice the size
Hyukjae grabs the hem of Donghae's shirt , his fist is in the air ready to punch Donghae in the face
" yes Hyukjae hit me .. Hit me hard hurt me .. What are you waiting for hit me come on .. Punch me Hyukjae HURT ME " Donghae screams at him , no longer calm nor stable but angry and outraged
Hyukjae feels his heart being ripped apart .. His fist falls down next to his body going limp .. His tears are no more under control he just wants to kill himself for ever hurting the man he loves more than anyone else
Donghae feels the grip on his shirt loosening so he grips Hyukjae's shirt in return and leans forward .. " Hurt me Hyukjae .. Make feel hurt make feels pain .. I want you to hurt me Hyukjae .. Hurt me " He's still screaming at him to hurt him to punch him .. He doesn't care about anything now he just wants to feel pain .. Anything BUT the numb feeling in his body and soul .. He feels empty now .. He feels like there is no tomorrow .. That this is the end of him .. The end of his happiness the end of his life
How ironic it is that the same person who made him feel like nothing can make him sad ever again , is the same person who took every last drop of happiness out of his soul for ever
"I can never hurt you Donghae .. I would rather die before ever even thinking about hurting you .. Let me explain please please Hae please " he pleaded and pleaded but to no avail
Donghae's face becomes expressionless once again as his grip falls and he walks away from the one crying his heart out
"You're right .. You're right Hyukjae you didn't hurt me .. You didn't " As he speaks his eyes are still locked dead to Hyukjae's eyes " you didn't hurt me at all .. You just simply .. Killed me" as he spoke his last word , a single tear escapes his eye making Hyukjae fall down to his knees
His crying only got worse so the other members finally decided to interfere and break the due from their confrontation
Donghae seems to go numb again as he laid down on his bed and stared up at the ceiling , he feels fire and flames burning hard in his chest .. He never felt like this way before not even when his dad died
He closes his eyes as he can feel someone sitting next to him brushing his hair off his forehead before applying a gentle kiss there
The person walks out of the room and turned off the lights leaving Donghae alone in the dark .. His heart feels even darker than the room
His eyes closed but he can still see .. He can still see that photo .. That damned photo is still haunting him .. Taunting him and tearing his insides .. He opened his eyes only to see the same photo in the dark .. He can still see it even with his eyes open
He wants to cry , he wants to scream hard and shout and hit but nothing
There is nothing at all .. Nothing is coming out of him cause nothing is inside him
Nothing but flames and fire
There is no pain .. No hurt .. There is only one feeling and that is the flames eating his heart and soul burning every pice of his insides .. He wants to cry but those tears just won't come to him
The flames are now moving up in his throat .. He clutches his heart and the flames are raging even more and more .. This hurts more than pain
"Baby why are you crying ?"
"I hurt my ankle Hyukki .. *sob* it hurts"
"Come here .. Let me kiss away the pain "
"I don't want you to take away the pain .. I just .." He clutches harder on his heart and shuts his eyes " .. Make me feel the pain .. Make me feel anything but just don't kill me .. Don't kill me please .."
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Hyukjae's cries are loud and hard .. His breathing is coming out in chokes and sobs
Pain and pain and pain is all he can feel right now .. It hurts so badly he wants to die .. He just wants to die so badly now
He drops down on the entrance floor before even reaching his room , Kyuhyun is standing behind him angry and frustrated
"You deserve more than this .. You deserve to die and burn in hell .. He trusted you he ing trusted you .. Even Leeteuk hyung trusted you .. AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY THEM ??"
Kyuhyun shouts out and kicks Hyukjae hard on the gut not caring about his manners or his actions .. He just wants to Hurt him as badly as he hurt Donghae
Sungmin comes in and starts dragging Kyuhyun away from Hyukjae who is still crying hard and screaming in pain .. Not the pain caused because of Kyuhyun but the pain caused of his own actions
" Hyukki .. Do you know why I love you ?"
" Why baby ?"
" Because you make me the happiest person in the world "
" I promise I'll keep you happy until the last day of my life "
Why did you have to ruin everything Hyukjae why .. Why ?!!!!
And to think that he actually had e guts to rise his fist in Donghae's face when he himself is the one to blame in the beginning .. How could he do that to the one person he loves and cherishes more than life itself ?!
He needed Donghae to listen to him he needed to explain what exactly happened because it not his fault .. He didn't hurt Donghae he never would .. It wasn't his making .. The photo wasn't his fault .. and because he knows how much it hurts Donghae to see that despicable photo , he needs to tell him that it's not his fault .. And that he would never ever hurt Donghae .. He would rather die a million death before he even thinks about hurting him
He shuts his eyes close and starts screaming harder and crying harder .. He wants the pain to stop but it won't .. He want his beloved one but he knows he can't have him
His soul feels like its being shattered into millions of pieces .. He feels like there is an invisible hand his heart harshly preventing it from beating .. With every beat Hyukjae feels his insides tear apart painfully
"DONGHAEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
Hyukjae's scream echoed through the dorm stating just exactly how much pain he feels right now
"Please Hae please kill me .. " his voice is a whisper meant only for him to hear , soaked in tears and pained chocks of breath ".. Please make the pain go away .. I'm sorry .."
He never meant to hurt him .. He never did and he never will .. It wasn't his fault .. It wasn't his fault ..
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A/N: I wrote angst .. I never even read angst but I wrote angst
I won't let this happen I won't let it end like this I will have a happy ending for this so just wait for me until I have my old self back and I'll make things right
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