Onew...

 

Give me, give me, please give me one more chance….

Just one more chance if I hurt you in some kind of way

I am sorry…..very sorry....

sigh...

What did I do to you…

 

I can’t keep having this feeling at all

This feeling of betrayal and lies

I will wait for him for now

I just want to see what is going on

I saw them together

He hasn’t been with me for one day for about a month now

He has been with him more and more

He has sat on his lap more

And he is sitting on his lap more

He laughs with him more too

And I swear I saw them kiss

But I won’t confront them

Because what happens if I was wrong?

More trouble

And I don’t want anything bad to happen since I do not know

----------------

Now I know everything we have been through was a lie

I say that because…

I heard moans in Taemin’s room

I heard Onew’s moans

I heard Taemin’s moans

I slammed the door open and next thing I knew

Tears were rolling down my face

I was more sad than I knew

There were so many clues

That he was cheating

 

And then I still believed I loved him

I believed he loved me back

I believed we could’ve stayed together

I believed we could have had a steady relationship

I believed…..

I believed…..

I believed Lee Jinki was the one for me….

 

I let him steal my heart

Steal my heart & then crush it

Smashed & cracked & broken into little pieces

Pieces that can never be put back together

 

The next few days after that

I just avoided everyone and everything

I just wanted to be alone

I felt stares when I turned my back

I heard whispers of concerns behind my back

But I pay no mind

-------------------------------

Leeteuk and Kangin

They asked me what’s wrong

I feel like I can trust them

So I told them….. I told them everything

I told them my feelings

I told them what I did

I told them about Onew and Taemin

I told them all my thoughts

I showed my true and realest emotions in front of them

I broke down in front of them

Leeteuk held me in his arms while I broke down

Kangin was just furious

 

“Taemin isn’t a part of this family anymore”

I didn’t do anything

Just silently agreed because I didn’t want to be near him anymore

I didn’t even want to confront him of anything

I didn’t even want to see his face at that moment

Or anytime soon

 

Not after what he did

He broke my heart

He isn’t my brother no more

 

Brothers would betray each other like he did

Brothers wouldn’t their lovers

Brothers would not come in between each other’s relationship

Brothers aren’t selfish

Brothers shouldn’t have the need to make each other jealous or heartbroken

Brothers help each other when needed

Brothers make each other smile

Brothers tell each other they love one another

Brothers let each other live their own life

Brothers care for each other

-----------------------------

Once Kim Kibum and Lee Taemin were brothers….

Now they aren’t

They both actually came up to me during practice

Apologized

And said they noticed I changed

I couldn’t take it

They were fake smiling

They were acting fake

They were thinking I will forgive them

I couldn’t forgive them after everything they did to me

I yelled at them

Crying

 

Everybody except Leeteuk and Kangin looked shocked

Onew and Taemin looked shocked because I said everything

I mentioned everything about the affair and about the cheating

I even told them about the secret dates I saw before Onew broke my heart

Before I found out my brother was betraying me

Before I knew they had a session after every time they left SM's dorms

They didn’t even realize that Leeteuk and Kangin was barely talking them either

I felt glad yelling at them

It helped me release everything that was built up

I left them….I ran out the room but before that I heard

I heard Leeteuk and Kangin say something

 

“You aren’t our child nor Key’s brother no more Taemin” Kangin…

 

“We cannot forgive you Taemin….You did this on yourself….” Leeteuk…

 

I felt tears run down my face while running because I was so happy hearing that

I knocked into a few idols running

I heard footsteps behind me

I ran faster

I didn’t want to talk to nobody after this

The person caught up to me

I was clearly shocked at who it was

It was somebody who also tried to make me smile in my time of need

He didn’t succeed at all

But at least he tried

 

Jonghyun...

 

What did he want with me?

I am useless to everyone

I cannot even keep a decent relationship

I am unwanted

The only one I truly loved cheated on me

What do you need Jonghyun?

 

I am unloved, unwanted, broken, and not useful to anyone

 

I cannot bring happiness

You tell me what’s on your mind

You love me?

Bwoh….?

That’s a lie!

You do not!

You don’t love me!

It’s all out of pity

Don’t do this to me Jjong!

Don’t hurt me!

And Jonghyun….

Don’t pretend to love me

Because I think in the end

You will only be hurting yourself

 

Day by day I see you trying to make an effort

Why are you trying so hard?

Just trying to receive my love?

I think it’s truly a waste of time

You need to stop now Jonghyun

You will only hurt yourself in the end

Please just stop for me

-----------------------

Kangin and Leeteuk

I need you

What can I do to make Jonghyun go away?

What can I do to make myself disappear from his life?

What can I do to make all of this just go away

 

“Maybe you should try and give him a chance” Leeteuk, why?

 

“He’s been asking me & Leeteuk things on how to impress you” really Kangin??

 

Are you lying…?

Jonghyun I may just give you a chance

 

The day where I was going to tell you something

My heart shatters yet again

Minho and you

You too are kissing…..

So you also lied to me right Jonghyun……..?

--------------------------------

I knew I couldn’t trust NOBODY

 

I hate Taemin

I hate Onew

I hate Jonghyun

I hate Minho

Almost half of SM I hate

 

You actually tried to apologize to me the next day

 

Can I truly believe you anymore Jonghyun?

You lied!

You kissed Minho!

You don’t truly love me at all!

I cannot believe you love me

It was a lie

All a lie

You just wanted me to trust you so you can break me down even harder

Didn’t you!?

 

Onew and Taemin

You came into my face

One at a time

And laughed at me saying I once again got my heart broken

Leeteuk….

You protected Jonghyun

You said Minho came up to him and kissed him

You said Minho likes Jongyun and confessed to him yesterday

But he refused

You also said Taemin planned everything

You said Taemin was scheming

Taemin was acting like a wasn’t he?

Just because I told him off that one day?

Wow Taemin wow

---------------------------------

Minho came up to me and told me everything

He told me Onew and Taemin told him to do everything

He didn’t know why though

So he just did it

 

He was truly and sincerely sorry

So Jonghyun…

You weren’t lying to me at all……

 

You have no idea how this makes me feel at the moment

This makes me feel relieved

And sad at the same time

Because I didn’t believe you

I didn’t listen

I thought I lost you

 

Why don’t you just go to go to him…

Kim Kibum you can do it

Just go up to Jonghyun and tell him you love him

Tell him that you appreciate everything he has done for you

Tell him that you hope you two can have a steady relationship

Tell him everything!!!

 

Wait…

OnTae….

Why now……

What do you two want?

Why are you two there!!!

Are you trying to ruin this for me?

Do you want me to embarrass myself?

Do you really want me to be heartbroken?

Are you two that selfish?

Please just leave me alone

Please...

 

Jonghyun….

I love you

I am always happy near you

You made me believe that someone actually cared about me

You are there for me

I couldn’t help but smile every time I was with you

I just couldn’t stop my feelings

Please…

Love me back?

 

“You know I will Key…Don’t ever doubt yourself! I will forever love you….now lets become a way better couple than OnTae”

 

Thump…..Thump….Thump

Blushes*

Smiles*

 

You have no idea Jjong

You have no idea how happy you made me

You have no idea how I feel at the moment

You just have no idea at all Jjong

I really hope we will last

I hope we can stay together forever

I will pray that I and you will get through everything

 

“I am happy for you Key; I just hope Jonghyun won’t make the same mistake as Onew…” Kangin…

 

“Jongkey… Just too cute!!” Leeteuk…

 

This will be the start of a new life right?

I really hope so

Since Lee Taemin and Lee Jinki have their own personal life that doesn’t concern me

I should get on with my life

 

Park Jungsoo

Kangin

Amber

Kim Jonghyun

Me

------------------------

Ahh !

Amber!

I almost forgot….

She is a big part in this too

She has helped me where I had thoughts of suicide

Thoughts of killing Onew

Thoughts of killing Taemin

Thoughts of just not being in SM anymore

She was beside Jonghyun the entire time

Comforting me

Helping me

Carefully putting the pieces of my heart back together

 

She even disapproves of OnTae

She doesn’t approve of Taemin being a brother

She has seen the glares Taemin has gave me behind my back

She has seen everything

I didn’t even have to tell her what happened

Because Amber was right there

Right beside me

She never left me

I appreciate it so much

I love you Amber :D

 

Leeteuk

He also helped me with my troubles

He let me lay on his shoulder to cry

He let me sleep in bed with him when I needed too

He was one of the only people I wanted to go to for anything

I never tried to take advantage

He controlled the family’s anger toward each other

He succeeded in everything

He is a person who I envy

He is my mother of the group

Only mine and Amber’s

We are his children

I love him with all my heart

 

Kangin

He is my father

I also go to him for things

He is the one who would fight my battles when they get intense

He is the one who rules over the family

He is the one who tries to settle all the difficulties

He is the one who tries to clear weird aura in the area with umma

Kangin….

I love you so much Kangin…

He is the one who tries to keep our okaa-san really happy

He helps set umma’s mood for the day

---------------------------

Day after day I see Taemin and Onew together

But it doesn’t bother me like before

Maybe it’s because I have Jonghyun

I am not all that sure….

But in my mind there is a BIG thought saying

 

“Jonghyun is the one for you…He is way better than Jinki”

 

And I believe it

He hasn’t left me yet

He hasn’t once made me cry

He hasn’t once hit me or made my feelings hurt

He is the one who made me smile when I get yelled at

He helps me in singing and dancing

He takes me to the sweetest places for dates

 

He lets me sometime

It’s never gets too intense though

We just call each other Kitten & Puppy

Cute. Right?

------------------------

Everybody I care about is here for me

Amber, Leeteuk, Kangin

Even Amber has her own love….

Henry

I always thought he was a good person

Now I just hope Henry won’t do anything stupid to Amber

Or that Amber won’t do anything unbelievably stupid to Henry

---------------------------------

Now…. two years later

Jonghyun and I are getting married

It’s been 2 years since the relationship started

2 years since I claimed Taemin isn’t my brother

2 years since I have stopped loving Onew

2 years since my life has changed

2 years since my broken heart has been fixed