It was one of those long, long and endless seeming nights in which Kikwang once again couldn't fall asleep. He hunched over the table in the living room, face buried in his hands and he just couldn't - wouldn't - want to fall asleep. His eyes were closed and he felt like falling asleep any moment, right there, right at the table but sitting was the only thing that kept him awake. He was too scared that sleep would overcome him suddenly and he'd fall out of the chair and onto the floor, he admitted that would hurt. Even the thought of that made him shiver a little. After a long debate with himself he eventually decided to go to bed. Schedules were waiting for him on the next day and he didn't want to make anyone worry if he looked like he hadn't slept in a few days, which he certainly actually hadn't. No sleep and only worries. He sighed and shuffled into the bedroom he shared with Yoseob by now.

Yoseob was already in bed, half lying on Kikwangs side and half on his own - sprawled over the sheets, with which he didn't want to cover himself because it was already hot enough this summer. Yoseob and him had asked Dongwoon to change rooms with the elder, so they could be together. They moved their single beds together so they could have a big double bed but by now Kikwang hat regretted even changing rooms.

He took off his pants and didn't bother with his wife beater as he crawled under the sheets, arms crossed behind his head and staring at the ceiling. Yoseob immediately shifted in his sleep to cuddle up to Kikwang, murmuring some nonsense under his breath. Kikwang took a glance at Yoseob, his bright red hair was shining in the moon light, as it was sticking out in all directions. Kikwangs lips pulled to a faint smile as he watched his lover and salty tears were pricking at the corners of his eyes, which he wiped away immediately.

Yoseob looked so angelic when he was sleeping. He looked so adorable, so beautiful and just so peaceful. Kikwang took a glace over to the nightstand at Yoseobs side, noticing a glass half filled with wine standing there. With a sigh, he closed his eyes and finally tried to sleep, turning over to Yoseob and pulled his boyfriend closer to himself.

"Good Morning Kikwang!" , Yoseob woke the younger up and pecked his lips. The mornings were all the same and days after days each one of them went through the same pattern. Kikwang opened his eyes lazily to look up at Yoseob and he smiled, pulling him closer, savouring the moment and the way Yoseob had been to him in the mornings.

Later that day after they were done with schedule, exhausted and tired, Yoseob immediately went into the kitchen, filling himself a glass of wine like he did for the past weeks and months and he took a sip. Something about wine was just appealing to him, it soothened his mood, made him less nervous after schedules and calmed him down and Kikwang just had watched him, wondering if he wasn't enough for the elder and why he had decided to drown himself in wine instead.

Yoseob spent the night drinking approximately three glasses a day or until he was so tired he fell asleep. Some nights didn't go as peaceful, some nights he would also drown in self-pity and self-consciousness when he couldn't fall asleep and he would sit on the bed and cry to himself and when Kikwang had attempted to comfort him, Yoseob had refused.

Yoseob didn't let anyone or anything else near to him again when he was drunk and not in quite a good mood and it made Kikwang more withdrawn, he felt more secluded and pushed away by the elder until he finally gave up as Yoseob accused Kikwang of things, leashing out on him whenever he needed to feel better.

Kikwang wondered if they still were in a relationship when Yoseob behaved like he was irked by any touch Kikwang attempted to make at nights and then he remembered Yoseob was his own self in the mornings again and at least he could pretend to be happy then.

But isn't it said that a drunken mind always speaks truth which the sober don't dare to tell?

Maybe Yoseob indeed felt just obligated to be in the relationship by now and this thought pulled at Kikwangs heart. He felt hurt and used and he didn't understand his Yoseob anymore. Or the addicted part of him which would just get drunk because of his own misery he could actually work out with Kikwang.

But actually - what did Kikwang feel by now? Was he still so in love as much as he used to be when he first fell quickly and hard for Yoseob?

Yoseob came into the living room as Kikwang was sitting on the couch, letting his brain be consumed by the ridiculous shows on TV. The former sat down next to him, his glass of wine in his hand and he leaned closer to Kikwang, kissing his cheek. But Kikwang didn't let him and pulled away, biting his lip. He knew it was already Yoseobs second glass tonight. Yoseob furrowed his brows as he was confused at Kikwangs reaction and asked him what’s wrong at which Kikwang just replied with a simple and cold "Nothing."

Now Yoseob frowned and stormed off, chugging the wine down in one go. He would get angry, he would overreact. Kikwang sighed and followed him quickly after pushing himself off of the couch. He grabbed Yoseob by his wrist and spun him around. "I'm sorry, okay?" he said apologetically and noticed tears running down Yoseobs cheeks. He was overreacting over such a little thing, definitely.

"You don't love me anymore!", Yoseob said and tried to hold back a sob, which threw Kikwang off-guard. "Wha-" Kikwang paused. He didn't have the urge to decline it but he didn't want to agree either. "Yoseob, I-" he didn't actually know what to say as he let go of Yoseob.

"See?!" Yoseob cried and pushed him away. "You're never there for me! We are not even that close anymore! You-...we just drifted apart and you just allowed it to happen! I hate you!"

Kikwang narrowed his eyes. Just more and more accusations, he was sick of them.

"Me?! It was not me! It was you! You and your stupid addiction!" he said and tore the glass out of Yoseobs hand, throwing it to the floor and breaking it into thousands of little pieces. Yoseob widened his eyes. "You swapped me for some stupid alcohol! It is all your fault and not mine! I couldn't even approach you in the countless nights while you were drunk and just preferred it that way!"

Now Kikwang stormed off into the kitchen and Yoseob just could hear glass shattering and he ran immediately into the kitchen to check. Kikwang had taken the bottles and broke them against the sink, letting the bloodred liquid run down the drain and Yoseob just stood there, watching as his body trembled, wanting to interfere, but in the back of his mind he knew it was better for him.