It was hard. It was hard to carry all these responsibilities as the leader. It was hard to face your family when they had warned you so many times before. It was hard to make sure no one gets hurts. It was hard to face myself even.

 

But I was their leader.

 

I had to.

 

I looked into the mirror and stared at the boy looking back at it. Is that really me? Is that young boy so full of devestation... Is that me? I refused to accept it. The one in the reflection... That isn't Woo Jiho. That isn't Block B's leader, Woo Jiho.

 

I washed my face for god-knows-what time of that day as millions of thoughts ran throught my mind. Why us? What had we done wrong? We had been working so much. We were almost there - just so close. But this... This brought us back to square one. Or maybe even worse. 

 

"Jiho... Are you still in there?" I heard Jaehyo's voice. I sighed and unlocked the door. I tried to fake a smile and said, "Why? Need the toilet that urgently?"

 

I knew that Jaehyo could see through me but I did it anyway. It was much easier putting up a front to everyone.  I rarely talked to Jaehyo, usually it was just for teasing him. He barely talks anyway, except when he's with Taeil. God knows why he came and approached me. I watched as Jaehyo sighed and sat down on the bed. "Jiho, stop it,"

 

"Stop what?" I chuckled, a bit more lively this time. I walked over to the bed opposite his and sat down. "Hyung, relax, are you goin-"

 

"I liked your blonde hair, Jiho,"

 

I froze. Memories started flooding in and suddenly I felt like screaming. Screaming out of frustration. Anger. Hatred. Devastation. My hand reached upI tried to say something, anything. I was their leader, I can't let them get affected by my emotions. But I could only let out a strangled laugh. 

 

"Jiho..." I watched as he stood up. "Stop trying to be something you're not,"

 

"...What?" My voice cracked. What was he trying to do? He knew I hated talking about this. Why is he saying this now? I let out a soft inaudible laugh. "Why?"

 

"You're hurting someone,"

 

I immdeiately defended myself, "I'm perfectly fine Jaehyo." My barrier cracked. "I'm fine and I may not look like it but I am capable of handling this situation for our members. If it wasn't for my ing mistake, none of this would have happened. Shaving my head isn't a big deal Jaehyo. I am fine and no one is getting-"

 

I felt his arms around me and I stopped.

 

"You're hurting me, Jiho,"

 

It was hard, it was so hard to be responsible for everything. It was so hard but because I was the leader I had to do it. Even if I'm not the oldest, even if I'm not always sure of what to do. And this is exactly why I had brought my group down to this state.

 

Before I knew it I was crying.

 

Jaehyo held me the whole time. Not saying a word. He had never really been there for me. Most of the time, he was always just in the background. 

 

This time, he was the first one to break my barrier.

 

"Why... Why me?" I asked after a long silence. And I meant it. Why me? Of all members, why am I the leader? I'm not the oldest. I'm not the most mature. I'm not experienced in the idol industry. So... Why me?

 

"Because..." He stopped hugging and gripped both my shoulders.

 

"You're a dumb kid Woo Jiho. A dumb kid just like me,"

 

I laughed. A real one this time. I was dumb. Dumb to think that I should have bottle up all my emotions. Dumb to have blamed it only on me.

 

"We're all just dumb kids right now aren't we?"

 

He laughed and nodded.

 

"Dumb kids, controlled by our horrible parents,"

 

For the first time after the incident, I became Woo Jiho, the 19 year old boy.

 

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Oh god this is so badly written I tried to beautify it but I have no skills OTL BBCs forgive me I tried I tried so hard OTL Ugh I hate my writing so much goddammit ; A ; Hope you enjoy it somehow ; A ;

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