If I die young,
Bury me in satin,
Lay me down on a bed of roses,
Sink me in the river at dawn,
Send me away with the words of a love song

---

It was supposed to be a normal day. Just another bright, sunny day in their lives. It wasn't supposed to be like this, it was never supposed to be like this... 

The same morbid thought sat in all of their minds as they watched the casket lower into the ground with teary eyes, while even though the evidence was painfully clear in front of them, none of them wanted to accept the reality that Taemin, their beloved maknae, was really gone. That his fragile, lifeless body was really inside that wooden crate.

No, he was at home, the home they all shared, smiling, practicing his dancing. Living.

There he was only the other day. In the living room with Minho, the man he loved, watching television with that careless grin plastered on his precious face, so full of happiness and love. He sat with his Hyung's, laughed with them. If only they knew. If only they knew how depressed Taemin had been... If they'd only payed attention...

And now only a day later that smile was taken, stolen from them by God's cruel hand.

Everyone's thoughts were interuppted when Kibum let out a choked sob, hands clasped over his mouth as he bawled in silent agony. Jongyun stepped closer to him, wrapping a comforting arm around his shoulder, whispering words of consolment. 

It did little to ease the pain.

But they couldn't blame him. They shared that pain. The heart clentching pain of loss, of guilt, of regret that they were no longer able to say the words they'd wanted. Kibum hid his face in Jonghyun's chest, tears soaking the elder's trench coat. Jonghyun held him tighter, his own tears trailing down his flushed face. It really was too soon. 

Jinki had his head bowed in a silent prayer. He stared at the ground with a crushed look on his face, and you could tell he was trying his absolute best to keep himself from losing it. 

Minho, however, he was angry. Angry that this had happened. Angry that God could be so cruel. Angry, that he could have done absolutely nothing to stop it... 

He cursed silently and held a fist to his face, trying to stay calm. But what could a man do, when the one he loved, treasured, was gone forever? There was nothing he could do. He couldn't turn back time and stop Taemin from tying the rope around his neck... Stop his depression from taking over him; if he could have just noticed how sad Taemin was, how he cried behind that bright smile he wore. But he didn't, he ignored Taemin's cries. And now it was too late.

Taemin was gone, and nothing, nothing could be done to bring him back. He was gone.

The ceremony ended with little vigar. A slight shower had begun, and the crushed friends and relatives left to return to their daily lives, while a small piece of their heart stayed behind with the dead boy.

Their driver had offered to take them back to their Dorm, but Jonghyun had politely declined said they would walk. They needed some fresh air to clear their thoughts. The man nodded in understanding, and drove off.

The four heartbroken idols then began their slow pace back home, each and every thought occupied by their late friend.

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother,
She'll know I'm safe with you,
When she stands under my colors,
Oh well, life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no,
Ain't even gray, but she burries her baby

After a while, the rain began to light up, but their sorrows remained. Kibum sniffed and held up a hand to wipe the tears from his sulken eyes, a shuddered breath escaping him. It kept replaying in his mind. This morning, he walked into Taemin's room to wake him up for breakfast, he expected to see Taemin; sleepily rubbing his eyes, smiling at him, "Good morning, Umma."

No. Instead, he finds Taemin's dead body. Hanging from a rope that was tied to the ceiling fan, suffocation draining all color from his beautiful face. His expression was peaceful in death but you could see the wet streaks that patterned his pale cheeks.

The man had let out a terrified shriek, falling to his knees and covering his eyes, unable to bare the ghastly sight. "Oh, God...! Taemin!"

The others had run in soon after, hearing the distraught Kibum's scream. The three had similar reactions, Jonghyun and Minho rushing over to Taemin, bringing him down from the deadly grip in hopes he were still alive.

Their hearts skipped a beat when they realized he had no pulse...

Now brought back to the present, Kibum stopped in his tracks when he thought he heard someone call his name.

He turned around, now at the back of the group. His eyes furrowed in confusion when he saw nothing. The sun was coming out now, bringing a faint glow on the drenched surroundings. Sniffling again, Kibum began walking once more, believing it was just the wind playing tricks on his exhausted mind.

But then, he heard it again, clearer this time.

...

"Umma."

The sharp knife, of a short life,
Well,
I've had just enough time

Taking in a sharp breath, Kibum realized that the voice, or whatever it may have been, seemed to be coming from above him.

Turning around once more, he looked up into the sky, squinting at the brightness. Right above him, clear as day, was a full, beautiful rainbow. It's colors were transparent as the golden rays of light broke through them, and it was the most beautiful thing Kibum had seen all day. Unconciously, he let the faintest smile grace his features.

... "Umma." ...

Kibum's eyes widened and his smile vanished, a lone tear pricked his eye as his mind had finally recognized the voice. "T... T-Taemin...?"

As the boy's name left his lips, he could have sworn he saw a familiar smile appear in the colorful ribbon that sat in the sky. The tears began spilling again as a sudden, yet comforting warmth surrounded him, and he felt an invisble hand cup his face ever so gently, like a feather.

Kibum let out a sob at the touch he missed so dearly, "My baby..." 
 

And I'll be wearing white,
When I come into your kingdom,
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger, I've
Never known the loving of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand

There's a boy in here in town,
Say's he'll love me forever,
Who would've thought forever could be severed by,
The sharp knife, of a short life, Well,
I've had just enough time

 

Minho walked aimlessly with the other members, his hands shoved forlournly in his pockets. He kept his head bowed as he went on, his blank, flushed eyes staring absently at the ground. The cold atmosphere faded away to welcome a much needed beam of warmth as the sun drifted slowly overhead.

He didn't want to think, because he knew every thought would be consumed with Taemin. His kind, gentle Taemin...

He quickly wiped away a tear that threatened to leak before straighting his jacket, clearing his throat. The sound earned him a concered look from Jinki, but the younger shook it off and just kept walking.

It hurt, it hurt with all of his being that he could no longer see Taemin. Hold his hand, relishing the feeling of his soft skin, hold him when he was sad, tell him how much he loved him.... It really hurt.

But what hit him most of all, was the nagging thought in the back of his mind. Why had Taemin commited suicide?

He had heard stories of people with depression, how they always appeared happy even though they never were. Taemin fit this description, but what could he have had to be upset about? He had a life others would kill for. He was famous, he had everything he wanted. He had friends, family, no enemies. And without a doubt he had love. So why...?

You know, maybe that was it.

Minho sighed in thought, feet crunching over the Autumn leaves. Could it be, the fame had gotten to the point where Taemin became so stressed, that he had to end his own life? No, he wouldn't do such a thing because of stress. Everyone had their days, and if Taemin had been bothered by something so trivial he would have come to them and talked about it.

And that, Minho thought, was another thing. If there was something that bothered Taemin, tortured him up to this point, why had he never come to them? They loved him, Kibum, Jonghyun, they adored Taemin as their brother, their family. Did Taemin not trust them...?

No possible reason made sense to him. But, he wouldn't linger on it. There had been no suicide note, no warning, nothing left behind to stead as an explanation. No reason. There had been no reason. Taemin had taken that information to his grave and no self streneous thinking would reveal anything.

So put on your best, boys, and I'll wear my pearls,
What I never did is done,

A penny for my thoughts, Oh, no,
I'll sell them for a dollar,
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner,
And maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singing,
Funny when you're dead how people start listening...

Minho knew this would torture him for years to come, spending a liftime running a fool's race in an attempt to understand what hurt his lover so much. It would be hard, and would probably take years, but maybe eventually he would come to accept the fact that he had been blind to Taemin's needs, and hoped maybe, that Taemin would forgive him.

...

"Minho..."

Blinking, Minho had been too enraptured in his thoughts to notice the change in the atmosphere. He felt a warm breeze caress his face, and let out a sigh at the touch. The others didn't notice a change in him, but Minho dared to show a smile, closing his eyes to take a deep breath.

The wind, it wasn't really wind at all. It was a presence, as if the earth itself were incased in a warm spirit. That presence, it felt so blessedly comforting, so peaceful and kind, so familiar...

It felt like Taemin.

If I die young,
Bury me in satin,
Lay me down on a bed of roses,
Sink me in the river, at dawn,
Send me away with the words of a love song
 

Minho opened his eyes and gasped lightly at what he saw.

There, standing in front of him in the white blouse and dress pants that he had been buried in, was Taemin. Or, at least, something that looked like Taemin. Minho had stopped walking, while the others had gone ahead. Couldn't they see it?

The figure had a light smile on his face, and you could see the bruises around his neck where the rope dug into his flawless skin. He stepped forward, and Minho stepped back. Taemin's smile faltered slightly at his reaction.

"Hyung..."

Before Minho really got a chance to decipher what was happening, the spirit had wrapped it's transparent arms around his neck. He was suddenly encased in such a warmth, although he could barely feel Taemin's touch, the sensation of love he felt was enough to convince him that this truly was Taemin.

The tears fell freely now. Minho did his best to return the hug, but it wasn't easy, seeing as how his hands went straight through Taemin's body. "Taemin..."

"Shh," Taemin whispered, "It's alright, Hyung. Everything's alright now."

"No, it isn't." Minho interjected, "Why, Taemin? Why did you do it? I love you! We all love you! How could you leave us like this?" He was crying now, falling to his knees in front of his dead lover. "Why..."

Taemin smiled again, placing a hand on Minho's back. "I love you too, Minho. I've always loved you, and I always will. Please, never forget that." The apparition kneeled down to place a kiss atop Minho's head lovingly.

"Goodbye, Minho."

Minho's head shot up at the sudden farwell, but before he could say anything...

Taemin was gone.

"Taemin? Taemin! Please, don't leave me...! Not again..." He sobbed, collapsing fully to the ground, supporting his weight on his elbows.

"Minho!" He heard Jonghyun's voice, and right after felt strong arms pulling him to his feet. But the tears just wouldn't stop coming. He heard Kibum's soothing words, and felt Jinki's comforting embrace, but they did nothing to heal his broken heart...

"Taemin..." 

Uh oh,
The ballad of a dove,
Go with peace and love,
Gather up your tears and keep them in your pocket
Save them for a time where you're really gonna need them, Oh

The sharp knife, of a short life,
Well,
I've had
... just enough time....
 

"Taemin."

He heard someone calling him, but he couldn't focus. He was screaming, trashing his arms and legs around. He was scared. Everywhere, it was black, dark, and cold.

"Taemin!"

He felt hands shaking him, and suddenly he felt dizzy. His throat was on fire, and he knew he was still screaming. He was frantically searching for the voice.

"Taemin, wake up!" 

Taemin shot up in his bed, shaking like a leaf from his nightmare. Immediately a strong arm wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him into an embrace. It was Minho.

"Taemin, are you alright? Were you having a bad dream? It's alright, I'm here now. Don't cry." He said, holding the maknae close.

Taemin lifted a hand to wipe the tears from his eyes, he hadn't realized he was crying. He looked at the clock and realized it was only four in the morning. Sniffling slightly, he turned to the elder. "M-Minho, could you stay with me?"

Minho smiled, "Of course, yeobo."

He crawled into bed with Taemin and held him in his arms, and soon enough the blonde was fast asleep once again. Minho thought silently as he ran a hand through Taemin's hair, what could he have drempt about that scared him so much?

Oh well, he supposed it didn't matter now. And not too long after, Minho drifted off as well, Taemin save and sound in his arms.

So put on your best, boys, and I'll wear my pearls...

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