Six months, five days

That is how long it had been since I had essentially ran away from “home” and back to the states. Life had changed for me in an instant. My fiancé, Choi Seunghyun, had been killed in the line of duty saving a fellow solider. My world shattered when I found out, but was made it worse was that I had fallen in love with his friend, who happened to be my best friend. The feelings I realized I had for him scared me. So I ran. Running made sense. I packed up and left, not saying a word to anyone, except for a simple letter. I left behind my life, my friends, my music, and my acting career. I ran and tried to start over, attempting to convince myself that I was happy back with my family, but knowing that it wasn’t true.

The truth was as much as I wanted to stay away, I had to go back and I wanted to go back. My heart and soul was in Seoul. My career was there, my friends were there, and the man that I loved was there. My life was there and it was time to stop hiding from the reality that lived there. I couldn't hide from the sadness I felt over losing my fiance so suddenly. I hadn't hardly even faced that reality. I did my part as the fiance and said goodbye at his memorial, but I never really allowed myself to say a proper goodbye. I hadn’t talked to anyone much, only keeping in touch with Taeyang. Sure, Jiyong, tried all he could to keep in touch with me, but I was stubborn and I was far too lost in my own head to respond. The only one I felt I could talk to was Taeyang. I knew I could talk to him about anything and I trusted him. I appreciated him because he kept me up to date with everything. We’d text and talk on the phone often. He would let me know anything I wanted, like that BigBang was trying it with four members now, but it didn’t feel right. They wouldn’t replace Top and they found it hard to continue on without him. They were at a crossroads and wanted me back to be there for them. He let me know how everyone at YGE was doing and he kept me up to date on everything else going on in Seoul.

Taeyang would always do what he could to convince me to come back, he knew I wanted to be back there with them, but he also knew I’d never really admit it. Yet, he never gave up in his encouragement. He knew I would be truly happy there and I knew he was right. It was time to go home, face my reality, start over and push the refresh button.