I'm worse than SM when I promise updates...nah, that's  impossible. can't think of what i wanted to tell y'all because i'm falling asleep here but yeah a) i'd adore comments from you guys b) I HOPE THIS IS FUN AND FUNNY AND SUCH and c) i recently updated this longass fic i''m writing called Caught on Tape (hint: tapes) so maybe check it out if you're new around here!  d) thank you to everyone here, goddamn. i should be on my knees thanking you for deigning to read this.  thank youuuu

FIRST FINISHED FIC IN LIKE...2 YEARS?????????

______________________________

Donghae was nearly nodding off in his salon seat, lulled by the gentle tousling of his hair at Kahi’s fingers.  He wasn’t on for a while, so she had proposed that they use the time to try something new.  The trill of his cellphone was what jolted him back to reality, also leaving a tuft of freshly-sprayed hair sticking up to Kahi’s dismay.

“Can you maybe chill the out?” she teased. But Donghae was too grumpy to care.  His phone screen said he was getting a call from Seho -- his so-called manager, who hadn’t returned a single call of his since just after episode 2 aired.  And actually, at first it had been a text meant for his kid’s babysitter, so counting that was generous.  He swiped his finger across the screen.

“Who is this?” he said coldly, hoping Seho would get the hint.

“Donghae! What the hell is going on over there?”

“This may strike you as news, Seho, but I’m actually filming a show at MBC.  Does that ring any bells?”  Kahi was covering , overtaken with the giggles.  She’d been party to a fair bit of Donghae’s venting over the weeks.

Seho groaned.  “Spare me the drama, Donghae, and tell me what happened to our strategy.  What about the winery trip? The innocent jaunt to the ice cream parlor?”

Donghae’s indignance was put on pause in favor of confusion.  “Wait, what?  We had a strategy?  Since when are you my dating coach? You don’t even have time to be my manager!”

“You didn’t read the list that I sent you planning out your dates?  The one okayed by the show’s management?  That explains why you tried to take her fishing.”

“For your information, she said she liked being one with nature,” Donghae retorted, feeling defensive.  “And that was episode 2.  Maybe you should have said something when you congratulated me via a one-word text, and not after I’ve filmed multiple episodes.”

“. You’ve filmed another one?”

Donghae gasped.  “You didn’t even watch episode 2 until just now, did you? You haven’t even bothered to keep up with my life! Number 4 was out this week!”

“The agency has its priorities, okay?” Seho said, sounding a little sheepish.  “I’m very busy helping out with the rookie-- “

“Your priority might be obsessing over 20 year old girls, Seho, but President Im sent me a note herself congratulating me on a solid first season.  I’ll be sure to let her secretary know I’ll be needing new management ASAP.”  With another burst of rage, he hung up.

The sound of slow clapping reached his ears, and he turned to see Hyukjae and Kahi applauding.  He reddened.  “What?”

Kahi spoke first.  “That was beautiful.”

Hyukjae nodded in agreement.  “I have never seen you go off like that.  Not even at me.  Nice work.”  

Donghae was beginning to feel ashamed.  Seho was not a particularly malicious man, just lazy and selfish.  Still, he deserved better.

“Um...thanks.  I need a new manager now, though, and I hope they actually do have one to spare.”

“They would be stupid not to,” Hyukjae told him firmly.  Donghae began to smile in spite of himself, but Hyukjae continued.  “The fact that you’ve made it this far without ing up majorly is truly amazing.  You need management for everyone’s sake.”

Kahi screeched as Donghae hurled a powder puff Hyukjae’s way, more out of concern for her tools than anything else.  Hyukjae laughed as he darted out of the doorway, the puff fluttering harmlessly to the floor.  

_______________________

Away from the eyes of the camera, Donghae and Hyukjae were watching the night’s date unfold (contestant 4, episode 6).  Sipping on juice boxes that Hyukjae had snagged from the staff’s break room, they observed as Choi Siwon’s overzealous manager snapped at Jay, who was rolling his eyes.  The PD stepped in and informed the glowering agent that no, a night of dancing would not be a liability and make Ailee snap her ankle, since she’d been dancing since age 10 and was also a functional adult.  Donghae had decided not to bring up his semi-successful Zumba date with Ailee as evidence, since it might bring back attention to the fact that his twerking got a little out of control.  Siwon was hovering off-camera, looking humiliated and awkward as he followed his fuming control freak of a manager away.  Jay and Ailee stepped gracefully onto the ballroom floor, waiting for the music to cue up.  They were back to smiling tightly at each other, but as the beat warmed up, the tension began to fade.  In fact, they looked happy.  Donghae’s eyes grew wide.

“What’s the point of him micromanaging now? It’s not like we don’t all know what’s going to happen,” Hyukjae said absentmindedly, eyes following the sway of Ailee’s hips and Jay’s hand sliding low on her back.  

“What do you mean?” Donghae asked, rousing Hyukjae’s attention.  He turned skeptical eyes to Hae’s curious face.  

“Don’t tell me you don’t know yet,” Hyukjae said, disbelieving.  “Seriously?  Everyone knows that the two finalists are going to be the super famous guy and the charming rookie underdog. So, Siwon and yourself.”

“But...what? What if Ailee doesn’t like us the best? She looks like she wants -- “

“She looks like she signed a contract.” Hyukjae shrugged.  

“It’s all rigged?” Donghae’s throat felt a little dry.  He didn’t even bother to ask Hyukjae whether he really thought he was a charming rookie underdog.  

“Well, I mean not exactly.  Between the two contestants that fit the bill, it really depends on the fan opinions, too, at least for our show. There’s even a poll on the website that we say is just for fun,” Hyukjae explained, polishing a spare mic stand all the while.  He tucked the rag into the back pocket of his tight jeans. “But yes, basically.  Remember, you’re pretty high in those polls.  Don’t you want to win?”  He was staring at Donghae now, eyes questioning.  

“But...it’s supposed to be romance! How can she just, just follow instructions for who she’s going to date? It should be how they feel about each other, that’s the point of all the dates and stuff.  It should be Jay, Hyukjae, you heard them --”

“Are you serious?” Hyukjae was more incredulous than ever.  “You don’t remember that fake- fight with Choi Siwon? Flipping coins for your movie date? Donghae, please. Get real.  You heard Jay say it himself -- he doesn’t stand a chance.”

Donghae was distraught.  This was so much worse than his date not liking Titanic or making eyes at some dancer. “I need to get real?!  I’m not the one that’s forcing marriages like it’s the 1500s!  I knew that stuff was exaggerated for the cameras, but not letting her have a choice just isn’t right.”

“You should know by now that the vast majority of people on these shows conveniently break up within the year, in time for a new season to obsess over,” Hyukjae noted as he packed up his things.  “Considering that you’re on one.”

“No, Hyukjae, I think she cares about him, Ailee seems too nice for this...maybe her manager didn’t explain it to her, either...” Bewildered, Donghae realized a second too late that Hyukjae wasn’t standing next to him anymore.  “Hyukjae?”

The other man didn’t even turn as he scoffed and walked away.  “You’re really, really lucky you’re cute.”

Cute?

With a sinking feeling somewhere around his stomach, Donghae realized he wasn’t exactly looking forward to tomorrow’s date anymore.  And he definitely didn’t want to count all the reasons why.  

___________________

“Change of plans, Donghae.  Dinner date’s off.”

Donghae felt a brief moment of happiness despite himself and then stiffened. “Wait, what’s going on?”  

“Don’t worry, you’re still filming.  One of the PDs decided that it would be good for you to have a shirtless scene, so you two are going to be in the hot tub today.  We’ll get you guys dinner after, promise.”

Donghae nodded, feeling kind of giddy about the chance to bask in the water and unwind.  But as he followed the set assistant down the hall to a room in wardrobe, a flicker of annoyance passed over him.  It would be good for him to have a shirtless scene? Really?

He absently pulled the offending garment off and inspected the red shorts left folded for him, with a neat little nametag on top.  Just how tight were these going to be?  Pulling them up was a little bit of a struggle, and he had to bend over just to check the inseam.  .  He was simultaneously grateful and peeved at the lack of a mirror in this room.  Wandering back to the main hub of wardrobe’s activity, he looked in vain for somebody that could let him have, at the least, a pair of sandals.

After a rushed encounter with a harried-looking Hwasa, Donghae was bustled out to a pretty little patio, one that he didn’t yet recognize.  He watched the water glisten pleasantly in the sweltering heat.  The effect was slightly ruined by the various fingers poking at his hair and spraying it over with something that smelled kind of noxious.  Just as he felt like losing his patience with the staff for the first time, Ailee appeared before he could snap at someone for treating him like a human doll.  She looked radiant, her red bikini top peeking through her knit cover-up enticingly and matching his shorts to a T.  But her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes.  

“Hi, Donghae-ssi!”  She sounded tired.  Swinging her legs over the edge, she perched atop the hot tub, dangling her feet into the bubbling water.

“Hwasa!” somebody hollered.  “Hwasa, we need someone from sound.” Both Donghae and Ailee looked up as Hwasa swore.

“.  Can’t they just have Hyukjae figure it out?”  She glanced at the two stars before heaving a sigh.  “Sorry. Just...wait here for a bit.”

Once Hwasa had made her hasty departure, Donghae approached Ailee cautiously.  “Are you okay?”

She laughed dryly.  “I’ve been getting that a lot.  Do me a favor and don’t ask me that on camera, okay?”

“I wouldn’t.  We should probably talk about the sultry summer weather, and exotic vacation destinations, and get kinda tipsy and flirt, right?”

Her teeth flashed as Donghae settled himself next to her on the edge.  “Hey, you’re finally catching on.”  She looked him straight in the eyes.  “Donghae, you’re a really nice guy.  It’s been fun having you around.”  

Donghae grinned.  “I appreciate that.  I know it took a while, but in my defense, I don’t really watch a lot of reality TV.  After watching the newest episode last night, I realized just how good they are at editing us together into adorable scenes instead of totally awkward ones. My manager roped me into this because I’m extremely cute and extremely single.  And also maybe a little gullible. But mostly cute.” It was so much easier to be relaxed with her when he had some idea of what was going through her head.  It felt like the pressure was off, in a way.

Ailee snorted.  “It sounds like Jonghyun is rubbing off on you.  Or maybe Jay, since you’re not here for the popularity.”  With that, her face fell again for a moment, and she studied their toes through the layers of water.

“Ailee,” Donghae started, unsure as to how he could bring this up.  “I...think I understand why you and Jay were fighting earlier this week, but only bits and pieces of it.  It’s not that I think it’s, uh, obvious, but you prefer him, right?  Do you...like him?”

“Not the way I used to.  Right now, I don’t like him at all. But I think at one point, I loved him.”

Donghae’s head snapped up in shock.  Ailee was still fiddling with her fingers, refusing to look up.

“We were together before debut,” she said, so quietly that Donghae had to lean close to understand her.  “But we broke up when he went to America to train for a while.  I thought -- I thought leaving Korea just to dance was stupid, and he thought I was being selfish, and I thought he was being selfish, and we never worked it out.  And then he thinks, years later, that he can show up now that he’s a celebrity and that four years of absolutely nothing between us –“ her cheeks were pink, and she looked up at Donghae, eyes bright.  Perhaps she saw the concern in Donghae’s eyes, because her faltering voice picked up again and she pressed on.  “It’s just hard, having him here.  I love it, and I hate it, because we’re jeopardizing the show, but I can’t help it--”  Donghae’s brain flashed back to the smear of lipstick along Jay’s mouth, and a burst of understanding came to him.  

“Donghae, I’m sorry.  This isn’t the you signed up for.”  Ailee laughed, hollow, and Donghae couldn’t keep himself from giving her a quick squeeze of the shoulders.  

“I can’t say I know what it’s like...wow.  You have my support and secrecy, Ailee, if you guys --”

“No,” she cut off him, but gently.  “I won’t put myself through it anymore.  I’m think I’m going to move on, somehow, whether it’s through this show or not.  But it’s not going to be easy.  That’s why I felt like I had to tell you and Siwon, because whoever wins this is going to be stuck with me around for quite a while.”  She sighed.  “Not a day goes by that I wish I hadn’t done this.  But my agency latched on to this opportunity in a hot second.”   

“Do you really think it’ll be down to me and him?” Donghae asked, still feeling that awful mix of flattery and regret over the whole thing.

“Yes,” Ailee replied firmly, splashing her feet in the water a bit.  “Whether we like it or not, sorry to say.”

“If you told Siwon...”  Donghae’s brow furrowed, considering how the handsome superstar could possibly take it.  

“Oh,” she giggled, suddenly giddy.  “He took it just fine.  He’s really a nice guy, you know.”  Donghae looked at her quizzically, wondering if they were talking about the same Choi Siwon.  He decided not to push it. 

“You certainly have a knack for getting close with all the contestants.”  She shot him a look.  “Not like that! It’s a good thing.”

“Almost everyone on the show is pretty nice, minus the more self-centered ones.  Only Jonghyun and his weird little dog really throw me off...but Donghae, I know you’re friends with plenty of the people here.  Please, just keep this between us for now.  I can’t risk anyone, especially on the crew, knowing.”

Just then, the camerawoman bustled over, followed by a grouchy looking Jay Park himself.

“Got some great shots of you two cozying up, thanks!”

Donghae opened his mouth and then closed it, not sure how he could defend himself without putting his foot in it.

“Yeah,” Jay spoke up, “I just couldn’t help but tip them off when I saw how close you two looked.”  He levelled his gaze at Ailee, who stared resolutely back until he turned and walked away.  She sighed as he reached the door.  

“Anyways, we’re ready to start!  Ailee, on the left side please.”

Donghe smiled at her encouragingly.  “Come on, let’s get wine-drunk and talk about vacationing in my seaside town, where I’ll take you to meet my mother.”

Ailee mustered up a weak smile in return, and Donghae laid the charm on thick for the cameras.

________________

“Jesus Christ.”  

Donghae turned, smiling broadly when he realized that it was the apparently indignant man he hadn’t seen since yesterday.  “Hyukjae!”

“What are you... doing?”  Hyukjae looked him over, appearing calmer now, but Donghae was sure that his voice wavered as he turned to the side and rummaged through one of his big cardboard boxes.

“We’ve just had a hot tub ‘scene’,” Donghae said, rolling his eyes and placing air quotes with his fingers.  “You were right, this is all really... Hyukjae?”

He had meant to tell him about the interesting exchange he’d had with Ailee once the cameras weren’t around, but then he remembered Ailee’s plea for secrecy, not a moment too soon. What’s more, he could only see the tips of Hyukjae’s hair from behind a closet door on the other side of the room. Curious and a little offended at how often Hyukjae just walked away from him, he went over to find out what he was trying to do and was greeted with the sight of Hyukjae bending over, apparently pilfering things from various boxes and crates.  The stretch of his jeans and the sinking of his waistband were what caught Donghae’s eyes first, but before he could stare too long, Hyukjae straightened up and turned to something into his arms.

 “Here.”

“What?” Looking down,Donghae found a neat, fluffy towel lying folded in his arms, along with some kind of sweater... poncho... thing.

“They shouldn’t have you walking around all...wet,” he barked, eyes hovered somewhere around Donghae’s chest and then his ear.  “They’re going to put you out for a day of filming if you get a cold.”

“It’s like, 78 degrees out in the shade,” he replied bemusedly. But a slow grin started spreading over his face.

“Shut up.”

“Is this a Snuggie?”

“Oh, for the love of --”

“Thanks, Hyukkie.”

As he walked away, mind churning, he could’ve sworn that he heard Hyukjae splutter.  The sweater remained clutched in his damp palms, rendered useless by the flush of heat racing over his skin.  

__________________

In the confines of his own home, Donghae yanked off his t-shirt and studied himself in the mirror.  Since his last drama, he’d gotten more used to regular work-outs.  He enjoyed them, along with soccer and a morning run if he ever had time.  He shifted to the side, and smirked.  Yes, it definitely showed.  But then he sat down on his bed with a thump.

Hyukjae was gay.  Hyukjae thought he was cute.  Hyukjae thought he was the charming rookie underdog.  Hyukjae thought, apparently, that he shouldn’t be wet and shirtless, but didn’t actually seem able to keep himself from looking.

Hyukjae was also, objectively, really ing hot.

Donghae was perhaps more clueless than the next guy, but he wasn’t willfully ignorant.  He could pick up on a thing or two.  What he wasn’t sure of was how he felt about it.

But if he had to hazard a guess...he had to admit that he liked it.

As sweet as Ailee was, he couldn’t imagine himself blushing over a look from her, or even really worrying about what she thought of him.  That all seemed very far away right now, and maybe it had been even before the talk about Jay.  

Donghae felt the first tendrils of panic curling in his stomach.  He liked the idea of flirting with Hyukjae, but he was bad -- so bad -- at telling flirtation apart from the real deal.

He considered the facts, curling up on his bedspread.  Hyukjae was all of the things he’d thought, but he was also harsh, snappy, realistic, and crude.  He spent most of his time annoyed with Donghae, and much of the rest of it slightly pitying.  The only thing Donghae had going for himself, he realized, was that he was physically, maybe, Hyukjae’s type.  And friends with him.  Kind of.

So that was that.  Donghae nodded, proud of himself for being rational.  He would maybe bask in Hyukjae’s attention for a little longer, and then move on with their friendship.  

_______________

It turned out that he didn’t have a chance to bask in anything from Hyukjae, given that he barely saw him for the next three days.  Filming was really picking up speed as everyone was on the same page now...even if it had taken Donghae the longest to catch up.  Instead of directly eliminating contestants and wreaking havoc with contracts, less favored contestants simply got less screen time as Ailee now had to pick out her top three each episode and grant them the privilege of extra time with her.  Now he could joke around with the other suitors, go through the motions with Ailee and laugh it off, and change out his wardrobe obediently at only a look from Jessi.  But there were still surprises to be found on set.

“Donghae?”  Ailee was peering at him from the around the door’s threshold, catching Donghae in the act of stuffing his face with noodles.  “Can I talk to you?”

Donghae made to stand up, choke down his food, and nod at the same time, and it proved too much for him.  As he sputtered, Ailee strolled in and gently patted his back.

“I was hoping we could talk in here, so try not to throw up on the table.”  She nudged his plastic water cup in his direction and he seized it gratefully.  After regaining a bit of his composure, he coughed awkwardly.  “What’s going on?”  

Now it was her turn to look awkward, shifting her gaze down to her fiddling fingers.  “Do you remember how I said I was going to use this opportunity to move on?”

He couldn’t help but smirk.  Just because Jessi was forcing herself to turn a blind eye didn’t mean the others couldn’t see what was still brewing between Ailee and Jay.  The ice-skating date had confirmed what they were all thinking.  “I won’t say I told you so...”

“Shut up!”  He was relieved to see a smile erase the worry on her face.  “I really think it’s going to work out with us.  It’s kind of scary to let history repeat itself, but Donghae, I can’t help it.  We talked, I mean really talked, and he can be so...”  she trailed off, and he patted her hand kindly.  It really was adorable to see how enamored this classy, collected woman could get when she was simply being herself.  

“I’m happy for you, honestly.  Does anyone else know yet, or am I that special?”  

“Well...remember how I told you that Siwon was fine with it?”

“Yeah, and I’m still not sure I quite believe it.  Why?”

Ailee paused, watching him throw away his plastic cutlery before looking back at her.  “Well?”

“You’re not going to believe this, either.  We have a plan.”

She told him.

“Holy .”

“Donghae!” she chided, covering her lips delicately to hide that wide smile from him.  

They walked out of the designated break room together, Ailee clinging to his arm and whispering to him.  Donghae couldn’t quite wrap his mind around it, even still.  

“Please don’t tell anyone,” she said, still grinning despite the gravity of her words.  “We’d really be ed if anybody knew.”

Donghae hugged her tight for a moment.  “You don’t have to worry about me, I promise.  And good luck with Jay, but like you said...you’d best keep it all on the down low for now.”  

“I will, I will.  Now go to your meeting!”  Donghae checked his phone and yelped.  

_______________________________

“Hyukjae, hey!”  

“Hi.”

“Do you still want to show me that other bar you were talking about sometime this week?”  Donghae asked as he plunked down next to Hyukjae after Sooyoung’s meeting let out.  “It’s been a while.”

Hyukjae’s fingers were moving quickly over his cell phone, and he grunted noncommittally.   Donghae tried again.

“We could wait until the weekend to go this time, though, I know filming is crazy now that we’re getting down to the end.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Hyukjae said rudely.  Donghae was surprised to see actual irritation in his eyes when he looked up.  “Don’t keep forgetting that I work here while you get paid to play make-believe and flirt.”  

And that stung.  “I don’t forget -- what is with you, god!”

“Nothing’s with me, I just have actual work to do, and you need to get to hair and makeup so you can start filming.”

Donghae knew when he was being dismissed.  So that was it?  Back to square one?

He bit back a retort and shoved back from the table, and turned to walk away without looking back.  

Hwasa caught up with him halfway down the hall.  “Hey Donghae?  Jessi and Sooyoung want to talk with you when you have a moment.  Are you free right now?”

Donghae grimaced.  “Can’t it wait?  We literally just got out of the last one.”

Hwasa looked sympathetic.  “Not much.  It’s about the next episode, so tomorrow at latest.  But they want to talk to you specifically.”

He sighed, knowing that he didn’t need to take his annoyance out on Hwasa of all people.  “Okay, let’s go.”

They doubled back and found Jessi sniping at a wardrobe assistant while Sooyoung pored over something on her iPad screen.  She looked up, beaming as Donghae entered.  “Hi, Donghae!”

As bosses went, Sooyoung seemed pretty cool to Donghae.  Young but sharp, she was always dressed to the nines yet relaxed in the treatment of her staff.  But maybe it seemed that way in comparison to Jessi.  She looked over as well, still scowling as Donghae greeted them.  She softened a bit, as Donghae was on her good side.  Hwasa hovered near his elbow.

Sooyoung left her perch at the edge of the table to show Donghae what she had been looking at.  “You and Ailee are really hitting it off, aren’t you?”  High-def photos of them chatting outside the break room, hugging goodbye at the end of a long weekend of filming, and even the time when she’d escaped Jonghyun’s date and vented to him. (Somehow the production team had either lost control of Jonghyun, or given in to him completely.  Which was how Ailee ended up wearing Prada for an evening of fish cleaning after visiting a local seafood market.)

Donghae felt vaguely creeped out as he flicked through the columns of snapshots.  “I’d say we’re getting on well, Sooyoung-ssi.  She’s lovely company.  Whoever makes it through this will be a lucky guy.”

Jessi rolled her eyes as Sooyoung smiled patiently.  “See, we have a lot of faith in you Donghae.  We think you could easily be that guy if you just channeled a little bit more of this affection into filming.  Siwon’s gentleman approach is going to be a tough act to follow otherwise.”

He didn’t think he’d been particularly affectionate, at least not romantically, but he nodded dutifully.  “I’ll try, ma’am.” Privately he thought that they’d be lucky to wring another quality date out of him at this point. He always had fun with Ailee, but frequent conversations like this were making him consider throwing the whole damn thing.  

Sooyoung grinned at him.  “Always such an easy contestant to work with.  We just wanted to let you know that you’ve really been holding back on trying to kiss her, and it’s going to have to happen by the end of the next episode so we can really build that momentum.”

“Kiss...her?”

“Oh, look, he’s shy!” Sooyoung chuckled.  “Isn’t that cute, Jessi?”  She went on as Jessi scoffed in disgust.  “Lee Sungmin’s already done it thrice, or at least tried.”  

“Anyways, we trust your judgment, but we think that a kiss just at sunset, over a bountiful picnic spread, will really spike those ratings before we proceed to the final two episodes.  I’m thinking red wine and a charcuterie plate from those artisanal butchers in Gangnam with the cute logo.  I know we’re kind of switching things up, but I think it’s a risk worth taking.  Don’t you?”

Donghae agreed faintly and then allowed himself to be dismissed, hustled back out of the room by Hwasa.  She left him with his thoughts.  

He had kissed plenty of girls, both on and off-camera.  Not in a while, but he was no amateur.  Kissing Ailee would not be particularly hard. In fact, it would be fine.  Great, even.    

“What are you moping about now?”  Donghae had never been less happy to hear Hyukjae’s voice, despite the initial zing of pleasure that came before he remembered how they’d last left off.

“Oh look, you’re back to being a again.  Color me surprised,” Donghae said dully.  The spark of excitement that used to flare up in Hyukjae’s presence had been considerably dampened in the past week.  Not that it was totally gone.   

Hyukjae narrowed his eyes, perhaps readying himself to spit something back, but Donghae wasn’t having it.  In fact, he was just getting started.

“Don’t look at me like that.  You’re the one that’s been switching between hating me and flirting with me, and just being generally confusing, and then ditching me when this show is going completely off the rails, even though you’re practically the only person I want to see here, and now I have to go around kissing people and I can’t imagine kissing her, I don’t know how I’m going to -- what?”

Hyukjae’s expression had changed completely, and he was considerably closer than before.  Donghae was paralyzed, gaze locked on equally curious eyes.  

Trancelike, Hyukjae slowly brought a hand to Donghae’s flushed cheek, ran a thumb over his parted lips.  “You don’t even want to kiss her?”

“I -- what, no. I just --”

-- and then he gasped as Hyukjae closed the distance between their mouths.

It was soft, and even hesitant.  Instinctively, Donghae’s hands came up to rest against Hyukjae’s chest.  To push him off?  Maybe that was what Donghae had meant to do, instead of clutching the fabric of his shirt like a lifeline.  Instead of running his tongue between Hyukjae’s lips and provoking his own gasp of surprise.  He felt warm hands tighten around his waist, and it was like a bomb going off inside his skull.  He froze, and felt Hyukjae go still with shock.

Slowly and hazily, Donghae pulled himself away from Hyukjae and eventually shook off his grasp.  He wished, fleetingly, that he could have been bold and decisive, and not unglued himself at the rate of quicksand.  Instead, he simply stared at him, waiting for some kind of explanation.

“Well,” Hyukjae muttered, looking somewhere in the vicinity of his shoulder. “That’s...that’s how you do it.”

Donghae gaped at him, trying to fit his words into a context that made sense.  His brain was still a little foggy.  “...excuse me?”

Hyukjae was biting his reddened lips now. “That’s how...you know...if you were worried about kissing her...you just have to...”

“Are you ing kidding me?!” Donghae exploded, not caring who could hear them.  “Teaching me how to kiss? That’s the most bull excuse in book! How dare you!”

“What do you mean?” Hyukjae said feebly. It was the first time Donghae had seen the other man so unsure of himself.  “You said that –“

“Don’t insult me.  I’m a little clueless, Hyukjae, but I’m not ally pure.  I don’t need you to use me, and condescend to me, and lie --”

Hyukjae raised up his hands in defeat, looking almost hurt as he backed away.  “Listen, if I freaked you out, I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry, Donghae. I’ve just been reading everything wrong, I should have stopped myself, and I’m not trying to --”

Donghae groaned, sounding pained.  “No, you don’t get it, Hyukjae.”  He took two swift steps towards the other man and cradled his cheeks, palms cupping the strong jawline that had been catching his eye for months now.  Hyukjae’s were wide. “You were right about this.”

 This time Donghae kissed him, leaning in and letting his lips move against Hyukjae’s soft, pouting mouth until he relaxed against him and sighed, breathing out Donghae’s air again.  Long fingers reached up to through his hair, and Donghae reveled in the feeling of those strong hands exploring his body again, slow and conscious now.  He felt a quick smile form against his lips.

Then Hyukjae pulled back cautiously, looking him in the eye.  Before he could say anything, Donghae murmured, “You’re not off the hook yet, though.  Why have you been treating me like recently?”

Hyukjae groaned, burying his face in Donghae’s shoulder for a moment.  “God, this is so embarrassing.  I’ve never done anything but judge jealous people, and then when I saw you and Ailee getting so close...”

“Oh, come on!” Donghae said incredulously.  “You’re the one that pointed out that this whole thing is fake!  We’re friends, Hyukjae.”

“See, that’s the thing.  If there’s one thing I know about you, it’s that you can’t be fake, Hyukjae mused.  “So I just thought... I don’t know.  You know.  I thought I had a chance, but I gave up right around then.  I guess...nothing else felt like a good enough reason to hold back from you.  And I had to.”

“You didn’t have to --” Donghae chided, but Hyukjae cut him off.

“I did.  Yes, you can be annoying.”  Donghae scowled, and Hyukjae smiled cheekily before his expression softened.  “But you’re also so sweet and kind that I’d have to be an idiot not to notice it.  You’re so good to everybody and you’re always so sincere that it made me realize that my, uh, constant cynicism might not be so productive after all.  And even though I’m a sometimes…you’re still good to me.  You’re good for me. And I couldn’t handle liking someone like you.”  

Predictably, Donghae could practically feel his heart swelling up at Hyukjae’s words, but realized he would be pushing it if he told the other man just how hearing that made him feel. Hyukjae was already growing pink and muttering under his breath after seeing Donghae’s delighted smile spread wider and wider. “You need to calm down...I’m just saying...”

Donghae leaned in and pecked his lips softly again.  “And you said you think I’m cute, remember?”

 “Yeah, yeah, don’t go crazy now.”  Hyukjae rolled his eyes but then looked back at Donghae with a certain grim determination.

 “Listen, I really do like you.  And I don’t know how I’m going to be around you for the rest of filming and editing and everything without wanting to get you under me, especially after that hot tub bull.”  He dug his fingers into the flesh of Donghae’s and allowed himself a small smile when the other shuddered.  But his serious tone remained when he continued.  “But I can’t let you around with me when this whole Ailee thing is on the line.”

Donghae sighed, unsurprised by Hyukjae’s attempt to be noble.  “Hyuk, I can make my own decisions.  Do you think I’d really want Ailee over this? She’s great but besides-- “

Hyukjae huffed. “How can you still not get it?! This isn’t about being jealous of Ailee anymore, this is about your career, and your reputation.  If you just go on screen saying “sorry director, I’m pulling out after half of filming’s finished because I’ve realized I’m into your lowly crew member, who happens to be a dude”... you probably won’t be on any screens for a while, at least not for the right reasons.  You don’t have that kind of fame, Donghae, I’m sorry.  You can’t really mess up the dates, and you can’t date me and date her at the same time if you win.  You can’t lose this because of me.”

 “She won’t pick me, I can promise you that,” Donghae said, pulling Hyukjae a little tighter against him.  He just felt so good pressed up to his body.  “I had an interesting talk with her the other night and I feel like she’s getting tired of this reality too.  You see how she looks at Jay, don’t you?”

Hyukjae’s fingers tightened possessively over his arm.  “I only see how people look at you these days,” he admitted.  

Donghae smiled and bent his head until his lips brushed against Hyukjae’s.  “That’s what I like to hear,” he whispered, and then he claimed Hyukjae’s kiss, feeling a happiness that he wasn’t sure he’d ever known before.

__________________________

6 months later

“Lee Donghae! Is it true that you’re in a relationship with somebody you met on the set of The Bachelorette?”

Hyukjae watched with narrowed eyes as the reporter sidled up to Donghae on live tv, getting way too up close and personal for his liking.  Granted, it was no longer live as Hyukjae had been toiling on the set of Running Man: Mission Reunion all evening.  But now that he was off the set of the new season of The Bachelorette, he only watched next season’s premiere event out of a sense of loyalty to Donghae.  And, of course, out of love.

A loyalty that, apparently, Donghae did not share.  “No, of course not,” the on-screen version of his boyfriend laughed.  “It took me quite a while to get over losing Ailee, for starters.  But I’ve been keeping busy with a lot of new projects.”  Hyukjae waited to hear an allusion to their relationship, not expecting Donghae to mention the name of his designer and then trot down the red carpet.  

“I looked good, right?” The real Donghae popped his head into the living room, a bowl of kimchi fried rice in his hand.  “Hyukjae?”

He was speechless.  Quietly seething, he determinedly looked away from Donghae, which became difficult when his boyfriend padded over to straddle his lap.

Hyukjae shifted uncomfortably under Donghae’s gaze, which was quickly turning serious.  “I just maybe don’t like being your dirty little secret all the time,” he mumbled, ashamed of his own neediness.

Donghae put a hand on his cheek, finally abandoning his stir-fry, and said “Baby.  You didn’t really want me to tell everyone, did you?”  When Hyukjae didn’t reply, he carried on with a definite note of laughter in his voice.  But it was tender just the same.

“You’re the one who thought this was all too risky, remember?  But I can tell them.  I’ll tell everyone, if that’s what you want.”  He was looking at Hyukjae so earnestly, and ignoring the dinner he’d been waiting to devour after 16 hours of celebrity bull, and Hyukjae was forcibly reminded that he was so stupidly head over heels for Lee Donghae that he’d lost sight of his own priorities.

He leaned in and caught Donghae’s lower lip with his own, pulling him into a kiss so sweet that they were dazed by the end of it. But that happened a lot with them, after all.  Just like the first time.  

“It’s okay. I’m being...” Hyukjae laughed hoarsely.  “I still have to catch myself with all these weird embarrassing feelings you bring out in me.  Something about you is a horrible influence.”  

Donghae laughed too, turning around and settling on Hyukjae’s lap.  He’d learned long ago to take Hyukjae’s snark as the affection it really was.  “Hey, it’s Siwon! I didn’t even get a chance to see him there.  He was literally surrounded.”

Choi Siwon strutted down the red carpet, looking extraordinarily pleased with himself.  Hyukjae was pretty pleased with him too; he could still vividly remember the night of the season finale, when Donghae had confessed to knowing his plot with Ailee.  

“I don’t understand,” Hyukjae said when Donghae had tugged him off to another corner to explain.  “If he’s going to come out by the end of the year, what does he need a beard for right now?”  

“Because,” Donghae explained patiently, “this is basically his last contract with his current agency, which is awful if you haven’t noticed.  They thought that sending Siwon down the good Christian gentleman route would stamp out anything questionable with his uality, or at least make it too hard for him to make it clear.  I mean, he is good, and Christian, and a gentleman, but he also doesn’t think that should hold him back from being true to himself.”

“So he’s quitting the entertainment business after this?” Hyukjae asked, still kind of shellshocked at the revelation that Choi Siwon was pulling a fast one on his entire company, with the aid of a top-ten reality show, and nobody even knew it.  And then Ailee would be free, thanks to him, to date whoever she wanted without incurring the wrath of her agency.

Donghae shrugged.  “He’s loaded already, but he’s cashing in on this and planning on opening a line of LGBT-friendly clubs across Seoul and Hong Kong.  Go big or go home, I guess? It’s like one last “ you” to his management after they forced him to record an album of Christmas hymns.”

Hyukjae practically threw up his hands.  “Is anybody on this ing show straight?!”  In fairness, he and Donghae had caught Kahi and Hwasa making out only the night before in the hot tub.  

His boyfriend rolled his eyes at him.  “You’re one to talk, even if your days of making out at staff parties are over.”

At that, Hyukjae smiled wickedly.  “I don’t know, it’s tempting to only work on shows that you’re on so I can make that happen again…”

To their surprise, Siwon’s popularity had skyrocketed with the younger crowd, and the clubs were paying themselves off ten times over at this rate.  Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if Donghae came clean about them after all, Hyukjae thought, watching his boyfriend watch the red carpet with a fond smile on his face.  

“Arriving next is the gorgeous bachelorette of last season, Ailee! They say that she and Choi Siwon are over for good, but of course… wait a minute.  Who’s that with her?”

Ailee smiled wide as she helped a clean-cut Jay out of the limo, holding his hand firmly in hers.  Anyone watching could see his nervous swallow, and the way he smoothed a hand over his hair self-consciously, but they were happy.  The reporters were in an uproar, practically falling over themselves in their rush to swarm the couple.  

Donghae was pressing a hand over his mouth, apparently too happy to speak for a moment.  “They did it, Hyukjae! They actually did it!”  They were both grinning foolishly, at the TV, then at each other. 

Hyukjae leaned over to drop a kiss below Donghae’s ear, and he thought back, inexplicably, to the day that his boyfriend had mistaken him for a contestant amongst all the madness.

Maybe he hadn’t said it out loud just yet, Hyukjae realized, but he knew one thing for sure.  If anyone came out of this thing the winner, it was definitely him. 

______________________________

Thank you for reading and sorry I'm so cheesy <3